Happiness Is A Choice

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

In 100 A.D. Epictetus, a Greek philosopher said: what disturbs people's minds is not events but their judgments on events. It is interesting to note that though two or more people can share the exact same events, their perception of that same event can be so dissimilar that each would think the other was describing an event that happened at the same time but on parallel universes; never intersecting but always flowing along the same timeline.

Perceptions are colored by one's experiences and emotions regarding those experiences. And we carry these perceptions to various points in our lives like baggage. Often, the baggage we carry is not even needed where we aim to arrive but we hold on to it simply because we don't know that we can lose it or don't realize that we carry it at all. And many times, the baggage we carry is so heavy that it encumbers our journey and our interactions with people along the way. . . thus missing out on many potentially meaningful and deep relationships.

Life’s experiences can either be a boon or bane---and this depends completely on our willingness to be taught. From them, we can draw strength and determination. Many times, our experiences hone our abilities and sensitivities to variables that others can’t see; giving us great advantages. Yet at times, our life’s experiences can also cause us to be bitter, angry and discouraged---precipitated by our own inability to see things clearly. Immaturity, pride, selfishness, ignorance, a lack of vision, are a few of the factors that cause this myopia. When this happens, the baggage we carry haplessly seeps into our perceptions of the many events and relationships that we encounter in our lives, causing our reactions that will determine our place in the world we live in. It then becomes a matter of choices.

The choices that we make determine our place in the universe. Choice and accountability are interesting concepts and instinctively, I believe that we all know what they mean. But very few can actually connect the dots. My belief is that the more experiences and relationships we have, the more limited our choices become---that is, either our choices become clearer or they simply become more elusive. If this postulate has some bearing, then it would stand to reason that we can “collect” a brighter, more meaningful array of choices if we can control the quality of our experiences and relationships. Yes, other peoples’ choices may limit ours. And the quality of our life’s experiences can limit our ability to make wise choices. Can we do it? Can we control how our experiences shape us? Can we control how other people can affect our choice-making abilities?

I propose that the key to eliminating bad choices and leaving us with many viable and meaningful options is governed by the principle that, in a free society, while we may be able to control our physical environment, we cannot control other peoples’ behaviour. Thus, we are left with the all too powerful principle that the only sure person we can control is ourselves. We determine how the world around us will be by our ability to control our own behaviour.

Which brings me back to my blog subject: that happiness is a choice. Maybe I should even define the kind of happiness that I aspire to have: happiness that combines harmony and peace with the people I love. It’s the kind of happiness that does not destroy but rather, build. It’s happiness that elevates and enriches my spiritual being---the kind that matters to me. While others may define their happiness solely based on their own ego-driven desires: to be loved, to be admired, to be valued, to be validated and/or to be desired, note that this definition requires that we receive something from others or from someone. It enslaves us to the choices others make to mollify our requirements. We therefore actually give up control. And our happiness along with it.

If we determine that we cannot control other people’s behaviours and choices, then this definition of happiness is simply NOT a viable option for me. The happiness I refer to is one that is fueled by the desire and need to give; that is, to be able to love better, to forgive quickly, to be at peace, to achieve calmness. This is the kind of happiness that is not incumbent upon another person. After all, when all is said and done, in the end, we are responsible for our own happiness. Choice therefore HAS to be in harmony with the one true constant: that there is a God in heaven who has given us the calibrations for right and wrong. There ARE right and wrong choices. And the choices we make have to align with the powers that give us life....or we fall into disharmony, emptiness and darkness. Happiness is determined by how we live our lives and the choices that we make. And if we are miserable and unhappy, it would be disingenuous to blame others for our misery. The choice to be happy then begins in us.

To that effect, I’ve compiled another list of wise suggestions on how to expand our minds and hearts and allow ourselves to hone the ability to clear us of unnecessary baggage, develop a clear perspective in order to have perceptions that are truer to reality and correct principles, and to determine how our reactions can be more proactive, healing and helpful not just to us but to others.

Here are my top ten:

1. Seek wisdom not just from the people you associate with, but also from great minds in textual form. I mean, align yourselves with happy, progressive people---the ones who inspire you...and read good books that elevate, enhance your thinking process and encourage clarity of thought. Note that I don't like to buy my books at Deseret Bookstore necessarily. I like to expand my mind. I choose books not just for their content: let the art of literary writing be the top criteria in choosing good books because the ability to articulate thoughts in beautifully written prose is a lost art in and of itself! Reading well-written books is 50% of the joy. Content makes the other 50%.

2. Do not fear change: Where there is fear, there is opportunity. Always ask yourself this question---what wisdom can I draw from this experience? Remember that faith must be exercised.

3. Visualize your goals: Take a piece of paper and map out your future. (A goal that’s not written is only a wish...) If you don’t have a vision of what you hope for, if you can’t touch it, can’t see it, can’t feel it, you are living on fear. To hope is not merely a dream or a notion. Hope is to see a vision of that thing which you most desire coupled with the belief that you can achieve it. Once you see it, you will be more willing to pay the price. It's the yin and yang. I cannot underscore enough the importance of paying the price for the vision. So it's #1: VISION and #2: ACTION. One cannot exist without the other.

4. Quit blaming others: Your parents are not responsible for your bad choices and the devil did not make you do it. Assigning blame is a sure sign of fear and weakness. And a waste of time. If you have time to do this, you have no vision.

5. Make a decision to be happy: This decision starts every morning. Every day. It will determine how your day will be.

6. Be aware of patterns in your life: If you keep on making the same mistakes, you MUST change your strategy.

7. Replace bad habits with good ones. The only reason why we continue our bad habits is because we simply don’t know what to replace them with. Then we resist the better way because ‘it’s not me’. Well, duh. It’s “not me” because it still isn’t. Make it. That’s the idea.

8. Be aware that there is a higher power: We will ALL be accountable. We will all be held responsible for our actions and omissions. If it weren’t so, there is no point.

9. Anticipate joy: Men are that they might have joy! If you don’t anticipate it, you are merely existing. We are not here to suffer. Challenges and adversity are built into the fabric of life. But were it not for them, we would not experience joy.

10. Remember that everybody wants to be happy: Yeah. You’re not the only one. Novel thought?

My Special Cadre

MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS

For the past couple of years, my friends have been celebrating each other's 50th birthdays---making and grabbing every opportunity to get together and express our love and appreciation for each other. We decided that NO one is allowed to deviate from being 50 until the last person turns golden. After that, we will remain ageless.

Friendships are so vital as we age, grow and experience all that life has to offer: highs, lows, joys and sorrows, health and sickness, pain and resilience..... We seek comfort in each other's journeys. The friends that I have---the ones who have known me before I became "me"---are gifts from heaven.

Now, I don't know how I managed to have them...but I relish having them around. They are singular and spectacular people.

Here's why:

1. They revel in each other's successes. They seem to not have the time nor the inclination to measure themselves against each other. When one achieves, they vicariously seem to experience those peaks and zeniths themselves. I think that's the secret: they actually feel that one's success is also their success. I love that.

2. They commiserate with you when you are at your lows. They don't abandon you---they lift you up and encourage you. They help prop you up when you feel like sinking. They don't judge your failures....they can separate failure from the person as if failure were just a mote in your eye. All you have to do is flick it off...or they'll do it for you.

3. They never allow you to be hard on yourself. They are quick to point out your strengths when your weaknesses seem to get the best of you.

4. They forgive easily....and quickly. And moreover, they forget the offense and let you begin where you stopped.

5. They are generous and kind. They WANT to share the spoils of their success with you....as if you contributed and invested in them.

6. They won't let you get away with your shenanigans. They'll call you on the carpet----but you can't help but feel that they do it because they really care about you. I really hope that 50 IS the new 40 because well.....there's so much celebrating to do. And from henceforth, every day is simply a gift.

My Hawaii

The week after I turned 19, I flew in a jetplane for the first time in my life. I was going to Honolulu, Hawaii to attend the Brigham Young University-Hawaii Campus on the North shore of Oahu. I left in the middle of my fourth semester of college at the University of the Philippines, certain that my iconoclastic academic experience was over and bitter that I had to attend a small liberal arts college miles away from the city.

I knew several Filipinos who were attending the college from church but not enough to feel confident that they would help me out. Most of all, I was afraid of every contingency that my imagination could conjure up. 

I will never forget the feeling I had after the plane landed in Honolulu. And that smell. It was clean, crisp and wonderful. There was a cool January breeze. Though I felt so alone and lost, I suddenly felt the excitement of adventure. That was the winter of 1975. I left Hawaii permanently in December of 1982.

One thing I can state for sure: I feel that Hawaii is my "home" because it was there that I became "me". I think it was because I had no recourse but to completely immerse myself in the culture of Polynesia. Those opportunities came in the form of being part of the university's performing group, Showcase Hawaii, the Polynesian Dance Ensemble and working at the Polynesian Cultural Center as a guide. I was the only Filipino who worked as a guide during my first year there but that opened up that possibility for others. Another discovery I made is that while I had a handful of Filipino friends, they were not the only ones I hung around with. In fact, I couldn't relate to most of them and conversely, most of them couldn't relate to me at all. So, I found kindred spirits---most of whom came from many countries of the world. Later, I set my sights towards joining the Hui Alii Club---the Hawaiian club. No Philippine-born student had ever joined it before. During those days, it was just more exclusive. I accomplished that after my first year. The highlight of that was the sublime opportunity to get asked to join the group that would perform an ancient Hawaiian hula at the Rainbow bowl during a half-time game between the U of Hawaii and BYU. THat's when I felt totally immersed--and totally 'local'---thanks to some wonderful Hawaiian friends who accepted me with so much aloha.

There are other 'successes' that I'm proud to have made. But the biggest success was not that the locals accepted me, it was an unexpected one: I totally fell inlove with everything Hawaiian----and I truly began to feel a deep reverence and appreciation for their culture, history and art. And that love spilled into other Polynesian cultures. So, my friends may come and go, and my knees can no longer bend as easily and fluidly doing the uwehe or the tamure, but my love for the islands can never be taken away because it is deep, genuine and sincere. I discovered that for all intents and purposes, I did not change the world around me at all. I changed me. I become the me that I like. I became a new creature. It was only in my heart that changes can be made....and the rest will simply fall into its rightful, peaceful place.

And I can use this same principle anywhere. This was my discovery. My clarity. Last week, I went back to spend 5 days with some friends. It was sheer joy. Everytime I go back, I feel invigorated....and 'found'. There is a calmness that comes to me when I am there that I do not feel anywhere else...not even in my own country of birth. I feel like I belong there and I do not know why. I get to go back at the end of October, this time, with my Kurt. So I am happily looking forward---


PHOTO ABOVE: I am seated in between a Hawaiian village guide and Mom Mahelona--- a wonderful, loving, generous woman of Hawaiian heritage whose son served a mission in the Philippines. This was taken a year after I arrived in Hawaii.

Do Parents Have Favourites?

Lately, I've been thinking about this question: Do parents have favorites? The Bible is replete with stories of parents with favorites. Jacob (Israel) favored Joseph. Isaac favored Jacob over Esau. Even God favored Abel over Cain. Does God play favorites? I think he loves us all the same. With others, he may be disappointed because of the choices that they make. But I am not talking about children who misbehave. I am merely musing about parents who favor a certain child regardless.

Growing up, I never felt that my parents played favorites. I guess it never mattered to me one way or the other. Or perhaps because they simply treated us the same. I'd like to think that they loved us equally...and fairly. Then again, I DO have a favourite child. Well, my favourite child is the one who doesn't give me much trouble and is always kind and loving to me--the one who offers me no challenges....at the moment. That changes. But then again, the child who has my attention is the one I worry about the most--the one who is having challenges. So it would also stand to reason that that child would be the favourite right? Whoever gets the most attention and stress? The one I worry about day and night? What the heck does a favourite child look like anyway? 

I am not questioning whether parents love one child more than the other. I am merely thinking that perhaps some parents SHOW their affection easily with some more than others. One thing I do know, a child always needs to feel that they are loved.

I can honestly say that I don't have a favorite child. Sure, there are a couple of children who seem to be more like me. And others communicate better than others. Others are my opposite but complement me so that I feel safe and assured with them. Each one is an individual and each one needs something different at any given time. Some are more sensitive than others. Some demand more attention than others. The safe explanation is that I love them ALL the same but treat each one of them differently. Of course, each one is a different individual. And as a parent, I have to be mindful that sometimes, those who seem distant are the ones who really need me. Here are some common sense rules that I've discovered that MUST be followed to achieve harmony among the children---

1, Never speak ill of any child. NEVER EVER EVER. It is a destructive force when parents make thoughtless comments about one sibling for another sibling to hear. It spawns divisiveness. It destroys. It sabotages.

2. NEVER compare a child over another. This is just common sense. Conversely, be very careful when you thoughtlessly gush about one of your children to another. While it is a good thing to talk about how wonderful things are going with your child's sibling, it is paramount to your child to give him/her the blessing of YOUR time together---be interested in his/her life. When you are talking to one of your children one on one, he/she needs to be the center of your attention----he or she needs to be the most important child during his/her time with you. It just doesn't make sense when for instance, one of your children call you and you prattle continuously about how wonderful his/her other siblings are and then you've completely forgotten to ask how he/she is doing or taken an interest in her/his life. That just sucks. Be interested in ALL your children especially the one you're with. Ask them about their life, their week, their work.....

3. NEVER entertain gossip. Do not let a sibling speak ill about another. Gossip creates chasms. ANd it is a bad habit that becomes an entertaining sport among family members. It sometimes becomes a pastime---a common bond between family members---when they sit together and gripe, gossip, complain and find fault among each other. In due time, no one will know how to have a conversation without these elements. And then feuds begin...where no one will ever remember how they started.

4. NEVER EVER gossip or speak ill about an in-law. It reeks. It is rank. It is just pure evil.

5. Encourage each other to help one another. Encourage kindness, gentleness, support by using words and phrases that convey appreciation. Here are words that build and show love: Thank you. Please. Tell me about it. I'm interested in what you have to say. What do you think about...? I am so proud of you. Sit with me and tell me about your week..

6. Always have healthy, frank discussions about your concerns and learn to convey these in a way that is not critical, demeaning or adversarial.

7. Apologize quickly when you've said a boo-boo. You'll know it. You'll feel it when you've said something in a thoughtless, insensitive manner. Apologize as quickly as possible.

8. NEVER EVER demean, criticize or discredit an in-law. To do so would be severing the ties that bind you to your children. LOVE them as you would your own children. Unconditionally. They may be imperfect but your child chose them...loves them. Never underestimate that.

9. And here's the most important rule of all: remember that you cannot control other peoples' behavior. You can only control YOUR behavior. You alone can affect how others treat you by the way you behave. There is great POWER in this concept.

10. Trust in your children's ability to govern themselves wisely, While there may be extenuating circumstances that will require some intervention, if you've done your part, you just need to watch them make their own decisions and make sure that they know they have YOUR support.

It's past midnight again and my thinking is a bit muddy. I must get some sleep....

Finding My Place In Limbo

I hate summers. The temperature here in Las Vegas can reach a scorching 115 degrees Fahrenheit with 13% humidity. Nevada is sucking my youth away right before my very eyes as I am mummified by the arid heat of the desert. I absolutely hate it. But I don't know any other place that I can call home. In fact, while I do have a "home" in the sense that my family is my "home", in the deepest, most secret places of my heart, I don't know where my home is. I mean, I'm not an American.

I wasn't born nor raised in the USA. I don't sound "American" though I would consider myself not just fluent in the language but quite articulate. And I would consider myself well entrenched in all things American--humor, music, politics or pop culture. And officially, I am an American citizen because I believe in participating in the great democracy and freedom that this great nation gifts its citizens. And yet, I don't feel American. America doesn't feel home to me.

On the other hand, I was born and raised in the Philippines. I love my culture. I speak the language. I eat like one. I swear like one. And yet, I feel like a stranger when I am there. I long for the Philippines of my youth from the 60s to the mid-70s.

I long for those days when you could still hear the frogs croaking at dusk as I took my afternoon walks on the street and when there were few vehicles on the road to even worry about smog or dust. I long for the clear brooks and streams of the Bulacan of my youth when one can see shrimp and fishes in rainbow colors right from the banks...or when we can climb a santol or chico tree and eat their succulent flesh without worrying about the filth.

I want to hear the man yelling "puto! kutchinta!" thus heralding the sunrise...or the old lady in a tapis and a huge clay pot (palayok) on a circular base (dikin) yelling "guinataan!" How about the old Chinese man who yells "taho!" or the young boy selling "balut!" "penoy!"--all signaling the start of merienda, the afternoon snack.

I loved those many afternoons and evenings when friends would just drop by unannounced to eat and talk or make music with their guitars, harmonicas and while my father played the piano. So many wonderful moments all gone. The last time I went home in 2000, I felt lost in the unbelievable traffic, dust, soot and smog of the streets of Manila. And that's just the beginning.

My Manila, my neighorhood, my beautiful Bulacan....they're gone now. And I find myself a complete stranger in a strange land that I no longer know or recognize.

So I am now a Nevadan. Nearly 20 years. A desert suburbanite. I lock my doors at all times. I have a security system. I live in a gated community. My house is temperature controlled at 77 degrees F. My visitors have to be buzzed in. I don't remember ever having a friend just "drop by" to have a snack and to pass away the afternoon. . .or to even nap on the chair next to me just to gain enough rest to still be around for dinner. I "lunch" with friends now. Two hours tops and it's over for another week or month. I have cold cereal for breakfast. And I have no maids or chauffeurs and worst of all, no laundry lady. Egads. All those roles are mine now.

I speak English 24/7. My husband is a Caucasian who does not speak my language. One of my two sons married a beautiful Caucasian girl. My first grandchild carries only a quarter of my race. Her eyes may be blue.... No one will recognize her as a Filipino. My blood will have been diluted a fourth of its power. None of my four children speak Tagalog. But I speak American perfectly. I have to confess that there are times when I NEED to speak the mother tongue to someone who is close to me. I sometimes wish that my husband can use Tagalog endearments to show his affection. But even if he does, it will not sound genuine because he will NEVER speak it the way I speak his language. That disparity sometimes annoys me. And sometimes, it saddens me.

One day, I was jarred ever so strongly by the realization that on my deathbed, I will speak another language that is not my own....if I want the people who matter to me to understand my dying words. Such a travesty. And so I find myself in between worlds...neither fitting here nor there. And though no one will know this because on the surface, I integrate very well, deep inside there is a definite longing for a country that exists only in my memories.

An Exercise In Control

I am an artist. I cannot imagine my life devoid of the opportunity to employ various mechanisms and vehicles to express myself. I am also temperamental. At times, I can be insufferable. For sure, I am opinionated. To make matters worse, I am seemingly confident. And that's my double-edged sword. At times, I'm not sure if my seeming confidence is actually Fear trying to protect myself from perceived dangers---a residual reaction of a honed instinct perfected from years of trying to protect the helpless child in me that suffered from predators and abusers. At times, I think that that confidence really IS confidence; the result of my quest to find enlightenment and wisdom in the darkness and desperation of a childhood full of strife and challenges. Nevertheless, its that perceived confidence that has confused, misunderstood and misguided many into forming an accurate idea and impression of who I really am. When others finally figure me out, it's always a revelation---an unexpected discovery that I am, after all, simple and easy to figure out. Not only that. People actually are surprised that I am a nice person. 


Sometimes, I am an easy fodder for those who perceive me as a confident, resourceful person. For them, it is easier to hate me than to accept me. For years, I wanted acceptance and love from people. I thought I found that when I got married and began a new life in a new place and setting. But that was not to be. Instead, for years, I have been one of two favorite targets for gossip and back-stabbing. One of the members of the "let's-put-her-in-her-place" club once told me, after nearly 10 years of "leadership" in the quest to make me look bad and therefore "unlovable", that all she wanted to do was "put one over me" because she was jealous of how everybody in the family loved me. That was her perception when she first met me. And she was determined to change that. 


After nearly two decades, I can definitely state that her quest to subvert and taint my standing in my new family has been very successful. Her efforts made for interesting holiday get-togethers---the kind where you walk in and you know you've been the topic of conversation while you were gone---and usually ended where, on the drive home, you suddenly realize that you've been put-down several times but didn't quite make the connection until miles later. Her methodology is insidious because of her subtlety...and because it took years of chipping and erosion through "gossip" and innuendos. Her loud and attention-demanding personality seemed to charm everybody and in due time, she was won everybody over. Before long, members of the family began to see and interpret the way I behave in ways that are so diametrically opposed to my motivations...yet strangely believable, thanks to her consistency. Consequently, for many of those years, I began to unravel to the point where I felt depressed, unappreciated and misunderstood. I used to have panic attacks whenever the prospect of having to be with them came up. I was a mess. My saving grace was being married to the most wonderful man in the world. In the end, it became apparent that the best move for us was distance. I no longer felt the need to try to belong. 


But then, about five years ago, I made a connection. The reason for my challenges was simple: I was desperate because I wanted people I loved to love me back... and I felt powerless because I could not control the forces (or people) whose habit and pastime was to make me look bad by gossip, intrigue and one-sided competition. Control is such an under-appreciated force. We want to make sure others comport themselves in ways that we expect. We want our husbands to be more loving. We want our children to be more ambitious.. . or we want them to love each other. We want our teachers to make us their teacher's pet. We want our boss to appreciate and complement us---perhaps pay us more. We want the world to move and turn in the direction that will give us the best advantage. Sometimes, we want to save others. And often, we just want others to like us...and like us VERY much. So we live our lives often with the intent to improve our husbands so they can become the men they're supposed to be. Or we live our lives solely to make sure no one will hate us or that others will like us. We just want to change the world around us to suit our needs and wants. Therein lies the hook. 


The reality is, we have absolutely NO control over the things around us. Sure, we can manipulate people, gossip about others so that we can control how others feel about the people who threaten us. Or we can threaten or cajole others to do what we want them to do. But in doing so, we pay a hefty price and set ourselves up to fail or to a life of disappointment and/or unhappiness. The truth is, the only person we can control is ourselves. And if we want the world around us to change, we need only change ourselves. Having realized this, I began to connect the dots. Everyday has been an experiment in control. Last week, I decided to control the way I see others. My goal: to be a cheerful, happy person. My methodology: to smile at three strangers, to strike a friendly conversation with three strangers and to compliment three people. What a revelation! I won't go into the wonderful details of my experiment but I will say that the results were astounding! Now, a week later, I am more sensitive to the world around me and what I can contribute to the 'force' of the day with my attitude, my decisions and my goals. The trick is, make your goals specific and simple enough to invite success. My experiment is still in the infant stage and the changes I aim to make are mere baby-steps but I am beginning to feel a difference.

Is This A Utah Thing?

My neighbor got tp'ed for the nth time. Dozens of rolls of toilet paper hanging from their trees and shrubs. It was everywhere! It was awful. They get TP'ed a lot. The first time I saw it, I was enraged. I thought: what idiot would do this to my nice neighbors? But what perplexed me more was the mixed reaction to this awful deed. While the mom of the house was just sick about it, the husband took it all in stride. With a shrug of his shoulders, he was out in the hot triple digit desert sun trying to clean up his yard. And over and over, he does this. His patience and lack of indignation puzzled me. So I asked my husband about it. He said it was a common practice where he grew up to tp someone's house when you like them. 

Whoa. What? Okay. I know I am a foreigner in these here lands but for Pete's sake--HOW does anyone get flattered by being tp'ed? I mean, those things are not easy to clean up. The paper gets wet and turns to mush. Heaven forbid it happens at night and your sprinklers come on---and in the morning, you get papier mache stuck to your trees, your shrubs, your house, your gate....and you have to scrape them off!! It is easy to throw the rolls to the tops of the trees so they unravel and hang everywhere but try removing them from the tall trees! It's not an easy task.

My husband also told me that sometimes, they 'fork' your yard. This is when they put hundreds of plastic forks all over your lawn thus destroying your landscape. This is also a sign that they like you. Worst even, some use eggs to "egg" your house effectively ruining the exterior paints and clean up is impossible. The damages are monstrous. But apparently, this is supposed to be flattering. HAVE THESE PERPETRATORS GONE BONKERS? And if they are really nice people, why don't they come and help my poor neighbors, who by the way, are just the nicest people, to clean up?

Yesterday, I saw their cute 16 year old cleaning up the yard and I asked her if she knew who did it. She did. It was a boy who has a huge crush on her. I am surmising that this is how he shows his affections for her. I told her that he needs to get his butt in so he can clean the mess up! Well, she just smiled demurely and said it's almost cleaned up anyway. Super nice girl and I thought: hmmm......this does not compute, why is SHE the one cleaning it up and not the nice boy who did it and for some reason, I can't seem to find anything good about it. What was the boy trying to prove here? I mean, as he was doing it, was he thinking: hmmm...tall trees...let me just throw this roll higher so it's harder to remove. Was this in his head? And if this thought did run across his head, what did he want to accomplish or prove? I was getting a headache so I stopped thinking.

Being a foreigner and obviously therefore, a non-Utahn, I am mortified by this 'tradition'. NO ONE better do this to me because I am going to get militant about it and call the police for vandalism. Try as I may, I just can't compute this tradition to 'showing affection' or showing that you like someone. It's tantamount to showing someone you love them by breaking their face. I can see it now. A Hallmark moment: SHOW SOMEONE YOU CARE: Get a crowbar and break all the windows in their car...or get an ice pick and punch their tires. Or, buy a hundred rolls of toilet paper and tp their house. Make sure you add some eggs just to emphasize the point. And then a slow-mo shot of a girl coming out of her house with her hair flowing in the air, and then a smile on her face as she sees her car and yard vandalized. "Oh my gosh! Jim loves me so much!", she gushes as she touches her car-full of eggs and toilet paper and dreamily floats along her trees all covered with strips of toilet paper. Yeah, that computes.

I was researching this confusing tradition on the 'net and every blog, forum and news article comfirms to me that this is done when you DON'T like someone or as a vendetta against, for instance, a bad teacher or the coach of an opposing football team. So I am now of the opinion that this dastardly act of tp'ing a house to show affection or appreciation is intrinsic only to Utah....and Utahns alone. And then, mostly in Utah county---the Provo, Orem, Pleasant Grove, American Fork...etc....area. This further proves to me that perhaps, some in-breeding HAS occurred in those parts. I mean, come on...it's warped logic at the very least and INSANE at the most realistic!

Again, as a foreigner, I have to assimilate well. I've even bought boxes and boxes of full-sized Snickers, Mars, Twix, KitKat and Baby Ruth bars to give away on Halloween---the most confusing American tradition to me. (Aw come on! What the hell does it mean when kids knock on your door saying "Trick or Treat?" I mean, one time, a group of them came and yelled those very words, I just stood at the door and said: OK...Trick! And nothing happened. I mean, those poor kids just looked at me perplexed. So, I had to give them candy and off they went. And what do we celebrate anyway? Ghosts? Goblins? Witches? I mean, WHAT'S THE SIGNIFICANCE? What does Halloween teach? Nothing. Just another perplexing tradition when we send our children to knock on strangers' doors to ask for candy after 364 days of reminding them not to talk to strangers at any time. Yeah! Just another mindless tradition culled from the darkness of Paganism and probably, a little of the dark religions.... yeah...While other countries have religious festivities honoring God, in the US, we honor witches, vampires, the macabre....Think about it!) I've accepted Halloween like a good naturalized American and happily give out chocolate and candies to children whose parents will tell them when they get home that they can't eat the treats anyway because their teeth will rot. Great exercise in confusion and irony, I guess. But I accept it. I participate. Most of the time, even happily.

But the point is, while Halloween doesn't require me to get out and scrub off dried up toilet paper, TP'ing someone's house to show affection cannot fly with me. I just cannot accept this warped reasoning. And I don't care if it's a Utah tradition or an LDS tradition. It just plain sucks.

Postscript:

I just found out that tp'ing someone's house to show them that you like them is also done "a lot" in southern California. Interesting. There is a lot of this culture that I don't understand.

New POSTSCRIPT:

I find it fascinating that since I've written this blog, I've heard from a few LDS people DEFENDING this act as truly a way to show that you like someone. WOW. I am so shocked. In fact, a couple of them were very defensive about this.

Try as I might, I still can't see how this is going to make me feel like I am liked or appreciated. Am I just insane?

Of Wetwipes And Bidets

I am addicted to my bathroom. (see photo on right---no, just the commode...) Everytime we go anywhere, I am always longing for my commode. Here's why: I love my bidet. It makes so much sense. I hate to talk about something that's so eeky as personal toilet hygiene but I am going to. It just boggles my mind.

A couple of days ago, we bought a new contraption for my brand new grandbaby: a wet-wipe warmer. It's an ingeniously simple doohickey that warms and moistens wet wipes so that the baby does not get a bum shock everytime you wipe her bottom during a diaper change. I wish I had one when I had my babies. In winter, those wet wipes can be super cold and I used to always get the shivers everytime I pulled a cold one during diaper changes. It also occurred to me that if we are smart enough to use wet wipes for every diaper change, what genius decided that as soon as we are out of our diapers, we no longer have to wipe our bottoms clean with a wet wiper? So, out of diapers and suddenly, we are now mature enough for dry, scratchy toilet paper. We no longer have to wipe, we can now SMEAR. YUCK. It's disgusting. No one wants to discuss it or say anything but it, but it isn't unusual to see stains and streaking when washing underwear. I hated that. How anyone can just walk around knowing that there's a chance of that happening is a horrifying, paralyzing thought to me. So I ask, what makes our bottoms less important to wash and keep THOROUGHLY clean after we are out of diapers? It's an untold truth. And no one wants to address it. But I will.

In the Philippines, we always had the ubiquitous 'tabo' to clean ourselves. And of late, most toilets have a hand-held spray for the same purpose. This is common in many countries in Asia and the Middle East. In Europe, there's the wonderful bidet. While vacationing in Spain, it was a wonderful amenity in our hotels so that I did not have to pine for my bathroom. Here in the US, there is no such thing. It's dry, dry DRY toilet paper. WHY??? I don't understand it and it boggles my mind. I find it most annoying....and disturbing.

My husband finally gave me the bidet of my dreams: a Toto washlet/seat. Push a button and a wand extends to provide a gentle stream of aerated water with adjustable temperature and pressure for safe and effective cleaning. There are two wands: one for ladies personal hygiene. The second wand is designed to wash the rectal area---again with adjustable temperature and pressure. Another push of a button and the air dryer is activated eliminating the use of harsh, dry toilet paper. The seat has adjustable heating so no more "yikes" in the middle of the night when you sit on icy, cold toilet seats. The wands clean themselves before they return to their slots. It's an amazing piece of doohickey! And the best part is how clean you feel. Even my husband is now convinced that there is a HUGE difference between our washlet and plain old TP. Again, like cell phones and other electronic devices, the US is decades lagging behind. In the case of toilet hygiene, we are a couple of centuries still in the dark.

To see a video of how this contraption works, click here on "The Washlet Jasmin" which has a really good animated demo of how the washlet system works although the Chloe is the model that we have.

Anyway, this just came to mind this very moment. Now I must pause for a loo break.

hehehehehe

Addicted To Lucy

Kurt picked up his spanking new 2007 Lexus ES350 Ultra Edition silver sedan today. He called me from the car and was excited to tell me about its features. I simply could not get excited about it though. My is somewhere else. It's with Lucy. 

We get to go back up to Provo, Utah tomorrow and my mind is spinning about Lucy. I keep a list of things that I need to get for her and for Lee and Catherine that will make their new lives a little easier. Things to do: make a big pan of my famous lasagna, get some new sheets, mattress pads, groceries...hmmm....get them a Costco card, bring the Dyson, wash some baby blankets.... I just can't wait. I think I'm DEFINITELY addicted to Lucy.

ADDENDUM:

I just came back from a nice dinner at Todd's here in Green Valley. I had their gazpacho and I don't know why I keep on ordering this at fine restaurants expecting that it'll taste the same as the gazpacho I used to eat when I lived in Spain....then I get utterly disappointed. This gazpacho tasted like it either had some soda water....or it was just on the brink of fermentation. Yuck. I had the Ahi Tuna. It was ok. We took Jordan to dinner because tomorrow, he goes back to Provo to finish up his last year of college. I am going to miss him SORELY. It is sooo nice to have him. He is SO handy. But most of all, he is just nice to have around because he's just Jordan. I just love him so.

Things are going back to the usual here next week when 3 out of 4 of my kids are in BYU. I somehow was looking forward to it but then Lucy came and I just can't get her out of my mind and I just wonder about her and Lee and Catherine and how they are faring. I am sure they are doing very well---better than I did when I had my first baby. Then I start thinking about the rest of my kids....all day long. It's been hard to concentrate on my projects.

Anyway, I am very tired and I am using Kurt's PC with a yucky keyboard so it's not fun blogging. Hannah is using my Mac to do homework. Tomorrow, we drive up to Provo to drop off Jordan and then a quick turn around......can't wait to see Lucy.

I AM INLOVE!

I AM INLOVE!

Early yesterday morning, Leland called to tell us that Catherine was having contractions 2-3 minutes apart and that he was in fact, running from his office on campus back to their apartment. That was at about 8:15am Cal/Nev time. We were all still asleep having had a very eventful Sunday---what with Natascha leaving to go back to Provo to continue with her college studies. I rallied everybody and told them we were all making the 6 hour trip to Provo, Utah! Kurt, unfortunately, had already left earlier for a trial that would last two days. So, Jordan, Hannah and I loaded the car and hurried to Utah. Lucy Diane Faux was born that evening just a couple of hours after we arrived. She weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces and is 19.5 inches long. She is BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT in every way. I completely lost it when I looked at her just an hour old, in my arms with her eyes wide open already observing the world with obvious curiosity. A GENIUS! A BEAUTY! A GORGEOUS PERFECT CREATURE! I don't know, I think I am gushing. We just arrived a few hours ago and we will be making the trip back up in 2 days. Hannah starts her senior year of high school tomorrow morning. I am exhausted and haven't slept a wink---my mind running wildly all night. Catherine looked RADIANT---a beautiful new mother. She will be fantastic. Leland is just so cute and to have all my children around rallying and supporting each other is a joyous occasion. I am posting some photos of beautiful Lucy Diane Faux and a few video clips before I go to bed. It's nearly 11pm and Lucy will be 2 days old tomorrow. Can't wait to see her again. I am a grandmother for the first time. And all is right with the world!!

My Gifted Children

MY GIFTED CHILDREN

Natascha just left this morning. She just called half an hour ago to tell me that she just spend 40 minutes trying to check-in her luggage and is now on her way to security. I just hope she makes her flight. She has 45 minutes to make it through security AND take the shuttle to the boarding area. It's going to be close.....wait,

She just called and she's at the gate with 35 minutes to spare. Menos mal. College for her this time will be even more fun. She will be staying at an off-campus apartment with 5 other girls and rooming with a good friend. She is now seriously considering options for her major: nursing, math, engineering, among other things. And.....she has a HUGE, suitcase full of new clothes, shoes and accessories!!

Catherine and Leland have an appointment with the ob/gyn tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning so I expect a phone call from them sometime after to tell us the status of their wait. Her due date is tomorrow and her 21st birthday is the next day. She is hoping that the doctor will induce labor but there are of course, factors that need to be considered. She is still carrying the baby high and so, it would seem that the baby has not dropped to any "station" as of yet.

I am hoping we can make the trip to Provo tomorrow.

Jordan took the LSAT (Law School Admission Test) a few weeks ago and scored in the 99% rank (a 172 score) which pretty much opens the door wide, wide open for him. He wants to apply to NYU, U of Chicago and Northwestern. BYU Law School is also a consideration and though its law school is in the TOP tier ranking (which would include Harvard of course....) it would be economically advantageous for him to attend law school there, in my opinion. But then, he wants to broaden his university experience. We will have to weight these options very carefully. Of course, we are assuming that BYU or the other law schools will accept him....and as we all know, nothing is for sure.

Hannah also took the ACT exam (American College Test) and also scored in the 99%, a 32, which means....FREE TUITION at BYU!!! Yipppeeee!!! That is, if she decides to attend college there,,,and assuming that BYU will accept her. (BYU has already invited her to Y weekend which is a recruiting program for students who score a 29 or higher in their ACTs and to encourage them to consider the Honors Program).

Leland is doing very well finishing up his Economics degree and will have to work for a year after he graduates as a requisite towards an MBA/JD joint program. BYU won't even consider him in the MBA program until he has this one year under his belt. This will 'set him back' one year in attaining this goal. Catherine is taking this semester off. (Geezz...of course!) but will graduate in April with a degree in English. She is also doing fantastically well and with good humor. She is such a fine, fine young lady.

I wish I had my children's gumptions and talents when I was their age.

For now, I am just happy for them. And I can gloat for a while....at least until laundry day.

Bangkok Scenery

Last night, we took the kids out to dinner at Bangkok Orchid. We had the usual: Pad Thai, Pineapple-Shrimp Curry, Barbecued Chicken, Strawberry Chicken and Hot Spicy Soup. A bit too much indulgence. Especially on my part.

While we were waiting for the food, I was mesmerized by the scene across the table. A woman was yelling at her son who was probably around 5 or 6 years old. I heard a lot of "don't do that" and " stop it". At first, she was trying to speak softly but she was quite obviously irritated. Then she pulled a cellphone from her purse and proceeded to make a phonecall. This time, her son began to touch the cellphone as if to taunt her and in turn, she responded with "stop it!"

My kids could see that I was distracted by the unfolding scene and so I said to them: watch; that little boy's behavior is going to worsen.



I could see that the young boy was quite enjoying the attention and the more she responded, the more he made himself annoying but this time, he began to mimic her. Mother responded by increasing the volume of her voice until her pleas began to sound like exasperated yells. "You're really getting on my nerves" and "you're being such a bad boy!". Then she began to make the usual threats. "You're gonna get it" and "wait til we get home" and "I'll give you a spanking if you don't stop". And every time, the boy's behavior got worse until the mother decided to leave.



I've seen this scene a thousand times played out in the grocery stores, at the malls, restaurants, streets, in church....When some of my nephews were this particular age and younger, everybody in the family thought it was cute and funny every time they misbehaved. For example, it would not be unusual to see siblings yell at each other, hit each other or call each other names and everybody in the family would simply laugh and think their little antics were cute. Well, that may be so. But now that they're older and they STILL annoy each other and call each other names, it's no longer cute or funny. It's become a habit now and siblings don't know how to behave with each other anymore. It's as if they've learned the steps to a dance and can't seem to dance any other way----or as if someone had written them a script on how to behave with each other and now they can't improvise because they've memorized their part too efficiently and it would be too 'weird' or foreign to act any other way. Each child now has a part and they react to each other according to the only 'script' that they've known.



Parents often wonder how their children suddenly 'became a problem'. There is no 'suddenly' about it. Their behavior is a learned behavior. They've just gotten 'better' at it and they're no longer cute.



As the woman exited the restaurant, I suddenly felt a sadness, a melancholy. If she only knew that the solution were so simple. If she only knew that children love attention---good or bad---it doesn't matter. If she only knew that it is possible to ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. And that the little things that seem insignificant can mean the difference: the 'please's' and 'thank you's'. The "mister's" and "ma'am"s. The "excuse me's" and "may I's"---that there are magic words that can build character. If she only knew that there are also words that will surely create havoc in its time: the "shut-up's", "you're so stupid", the "get me this" and "get out of here!". The "no, you can't's" and the "stop doing that's". There are words that build, reassure and provide safety. And there are words that destroy, devalue and decay the spirit. Politeness DOES count. So does gratitude. And above all, our examples can either foreshadow or give light.



I am now eating my red bean ice cream and we've had a wonderful time again. And as my children now grown, prepare to leave their homes one more time to attend college too far away from me, I am reminded again that that hole in my heart that healed itself all summer is about to burst wide open again. I am feeling very, very vulnerable. And introspective.



In the morning, or to be accurate, this morning, I paid dearly for indulging in Thai food. Tascha leaves in 36 hours. Tonight, my mind is racing.



I may need to swallow a pill to calm my oozing heart.

Of Cellphone and Crude Oil

OF CELLPHONES AND CRUDE OIL

Six years ago, I had the good fortune to travel to Singapore, Malaysia and the Philippines after over a decade long absence from Asia. One of the things that impressed me was ubiquitous usage of cellphones. Even the lowly flower lei merchants running from car to car in the busy, crowded and crawling traffic queues in the highways of Manila, had cellphones. I'd see them in their sweaty, dingy T-shirts and shorts, rubber slippers, wet kerchief knotted around their heads, sitting on the pavement speedy fingers skillfully texting. In Singapore and Manila, there are cellphone booths with flashing lights of many colors peddling every cellphone accessory known to mankind....and even wares that millions of Americans don't even know exist. And even if a portion of these accessories made it to America, the mark-up would be ridiculously exponential. I also discovered that in Asia, you can purchase a unlimited array of brands and styles of cellphone your heart and pocket can afford and then simply buy a 'simm card'---a chip that you insert in the cellphone to make it function. When your minutes are gone, you simply go to any of the kiosks that dot the city and purchase another. I was told that you can buy these cards anywhere----supermarkets, gas stations, malls, everywhere. Later, I learned that the same holds true in Europe. Maybe even in Africa. Hey, maybe even all over the world! Except in America.

Here in the US, you must sign up with the looming corporate telephone giants--Cingular, Verizon, Sprint.....before you can get cellphone service. They provide you with the cellphones and your choices are limited to their stock, which is unfortunately, very limited in styles and choices. And you pay...and man, do you pay for minutes. Texting can be very expensive. There are stories of teenagers racking up hundreds and hundreds of fees for texting. In Manila, the texting capital of the world, texting is the only way to go. It is affordable...even cheap. Everyone texts. All the time. And the fee is so very rock bottom. And this is why even the lowliest squatter-dwelling city people can afford a cellphone. In America, only the privileged few can text....or own a cellphone. The equivalent of a dirt poor, third world Manila street peddler who uses a cellphone to text his friend around the corner who sells cold water from an old cooler on wheels does not exist in America.

I often think about this. The stupidity of all. In America, cellphone technology is limited and controlled by various agencies and corporations who have stringent regulations. And these regulations ensure that the telephone giants, Verizon, Cingular, etc... make gazillions of dollars. What drives these regulations? MONEY. Of course. Let's have middle America pay through their noses so these big corporations and their CEOs can be billionaires and fund their lobbyists who can fund their politicians.

My biggest gripe right now is not cellphones anymore. It's fuel. And I'm not just talking about oil. Sure, we often ask ourselves, why do we have to be dependent on Middle East oil; those entities and nations who fund the terrorists who want to vaporize every American and for that matter, every non-Muslim? We are in denial. We want to believe that, say, Syria and Saudi Arabia are our 'friends'. Not. We used to be friends with Iran when they fought against Iraq. Now we are Irag's 'liberators'. Beirut used to be one of our favorite tourist destinations. Now we are bombing that beautiful city and further widening the gap between the Lebanese people and our people. And we all used to be 'friends'. It's a phenomenal joke. And it's all politics.The big picture that politics cannot see is that our 'politics' actually give birth to new generations of America-haters. It quickly becomes "cultural". Hatred for America now becomes ingrained in these people's psyche and culture and our only solution is to annihilate the generations being raised to hate us and hopefully, create new generations who, we hope, will love us. It's a joke.

Don't we have oil in North America? Many of us are not even aware that we have vast, VAST oil resources. So what's the problem? Money of course ...and the physical properties of crude oil. Middle East crude oil comes already in what is called "liquid gold" form. That cuts refinerary costs substantially. Most of our (Canada, Mexico....American continent....) oil don't come already in viscous liquid form. Most are 'solid'---large, humongous amounts of oil meshed with solids...quite like grainy mud. (see photo above...) And to separate the liquid gold crude oil from the sediments requires heavy processing which is very costly per barrel. Which makes Middle East oil 'cheap'. I don't profess to be an expert in the economics of the oil industry...or just simply economics for that matter, but it just seems so simple. Find a way to refine our oil resources. Damn the birds and bears of Alaska and just drill. Surely there's a way to drill for oil in places like Alaska and STILL preserve its beauty. Okay, so we've preserved that Alaskan bucolic scenery. But our sons, fathers, mothers, daughters are all fighting in the middle east. And dying.

Which brings me to my gripe; where are the electric cars? And why are hybrid cars so expensive? Electric cars died because they don't use up much gas. And oil companies don't like that. Hybrid cars still use gas to power them but if you are a city driver, you can cut your gas use substantially by using a hybrid car. But the cost is paralyzing for most of us. The biggest hindrance of all is simply this: information. Our powerful media can destroy the office of the president, his image, his intentions. Media can influence morality, culture, fashion---the way we think. But it doesn't have time to disperse valuable information about hybrid cars let alone the value of using our resources wisely and judiciously.

I could go on and on about this but I'm not going to. Besides, I have a mountain of laundry to "refine" and "repackage". But one thing is for sure, I'm eventually getting a hybrid car and let's see how militant I can be about cellphones next time I buy more crystals to add bling to it.

America In The Dark Ages Of Technology?

Last month, I opened my Nevada Power bill and sustained an injury. Yes, I am thinking about suing Nevada Power because as soon as I saw the amount of money that they wanted me to pay them, my blood pressure shot up, my heart began pounding and I nearly fell off my rocker. $620 clams for the month of July. And we still have the hot summer months of August and September to go. I keep my air-conditioner running 24/7. You have to if you want to survive the paralyzing summers of southern Nevada where 115 degrees Fahrenheit is just another day in the desert. I don't know how others do it. My house is a modest 3400 square feet in size. And most of my friends live in similar or even larger homes. Why am I the only one complaining. And why am I the only one nearly reaching militant indignation about this? Are we in some sort of social denial about what's going on? Nevada Power hikes its rates two or three times a year and no one does a thing about it. Everybody wants to discuss Bush's incompetence, the war in Iraq, the puzzle of Hillary Clinton or whether Tom Cruise really ate his baby's umbilical chord and placenta. But nobody seems to care about the farce of Nevada Power. Are we just a nation of doormats?

Here's an even bigger rub: Germany, Spain, and Finland---FINLAND(!) of all places---are going solar. Yep. They happen to be leading the world in the use of solar power to generate electricity. AND they use American technology and know-how to install these wondrous systems. Solar companies build their components in factories located in the Philippines and Spain but their main clientele remain countries in Europe and Asia.

Photovoltaic enery is gaining more and more popularity---but not here in America. Why not? Because it's so expensive. For a house like mine, it will most probably cost me between $45,000 to $65,000 to install a system. But once it's installed, I will no longer be dependent or beholden to Nevada Power. My meter can actually run backward. And I can sell my excess electricity to Nevada Power---should they need it----another reason why utilities won't want people to know about it. Again, it's the all powerful money grubbing corporations. What really galls me is the fact that we live in southern Nevada where the sun does shine. Germany uses more photovoltaic energy than we do. And how much sun do they get? And how about Finland? Come on. Just look at the photo above this blog---a house with solar cells on its roof. What a sight to behold! One I'd love to see on my roof.

If the state of Nevada were smart they would subsidize or at the very least, provide financial incentives for people who want to invest in this technology. Have we gone nuts? Where are the tree huggers? Where are the fur lovers who parade on the streets naked as the day they were born to protest the killing of cute, little minks? These people need to march in front of the state capitol building and demand that photovoltaic systems be installed in ALL public buildings including schools and even parks AND demand very encouraging incentives to homeowners who want to make the switch! It just angers me that we hear so much vitriolics against oil and gas prices, and energy consumption and waste and yet no one has even mentioned the possibility of photovoltaic energy.

We need to get out of the dark ages and get with it. First of all, more information has to be broadcasted about this technology. Secondly, we need to get smart and demand it. Third, we need to just DO IT.

Waiting For Lucy

My daughter snapped this photo before dinner today while we were talking about my son and daughter-in-law who are expecting their first child any time now. We were hoping that our first grandchild would be born this week but it's Sunday and nothing is happening ....yet. Catherine sounded ripe when I spoke with her yesterday...and tired. I feel for her and am excited for her. I just feel so much love for her! She is so PERFECT for my son. And she will make a fabulously sweet and loving mother. We are just sitting on our suitcases anxious to make the trip to Provo, Utah to welcome our new grandbaby. It WILL happen---we just need to be patient.

I've been thinking A LOT about what our grandchilden will call us. Kurt, I guess, will be called "grandpa". But for me, I am in such a quandary. I have to think very carefully about this. "Grandma" doesn't hold anything special for me simply because I did not call my grandmother 'grandma'. I called my maternal grandmother "inang'---pronounced 'ee-nahng" with the 'ng' sound I can only describe as saying the work "sing" with two syllables: seh and nggg. If you hold the 'ng' sound for a second or two, that would be about as close as you can get to the 'ng' sound. So, 'eee-nahnggg', accent on the 2nd syllable. I doubt my poor American grandchild can handle this and sound authentic since she will have absolutely NO one to model the correct pronunciation for her aside from me.



I called my paternal grandmother "lola" which is the correct term in Tagalog for 'grandmother'. But using the correct, authentic pronunciation, it would sound more like: loh-lah as opposed to the American way of saying it which would be "low-la"....accent on the first syllable. In that case, it would sound too much like "Lola" of Copacabana. And I do not want to be called that simply because living in America, my grandchildren will sound American and "Lola" simply will not sound nor "feel" the same....and I am not from Copacabana.

Someone suggested to me the names "nana' or "nanny". That doesn't sound good to me either. For one, I am NOT the nanny and secondly, I can picture me carrying my 1/4 Filipino grandchild---blonde and blue-eyed....and I WILL most probably look like her nanny rather then her grandmother! (Albeit a glamorous nanny.... but still a nanny.) I just cannot tolerate this misconception. I would just die. DIE!



But last night, I had an epiphany. I can invent any name I want and get away with it! They can just call me "Christie"---that would suit me just fine. Or "Tita" or "auntie" if I can dare it. Or any variation of my first and middle names: Chris, Tina, Eva, Eve, Lyn, Lini, Kiss-tee....an endless array of possibilities.



OR, how about a variation of "mother" in Tagalog? And I had a very good reaction to the name: 'ina' which means 'mother'. Though the correct pronunciation is "ee-NUH" with the accent on the 2nd syllable, I know my grandchildren will never be able to pronounce this authentically---plus considering the cadence and tone of the American accent, the Filipino pronunciation sounds very 'hard' and harsh. How would they say this in "American"? Ah---yes, "EE-nuh"---accent on the FIRST syllable. That, I can live with. And it sounds so sweet!



But then, I thought, I can also find a variation of "grandmother" that I can live with. How about 'Dam-mah'? (Ha!) Dan-ma. Danna? Donna? Hmmmm.....no. And here's a couple of names that I love: Momi or Mimi. Aha. I like these two.



I am trying to come up with an invention to bridge the gap between my Filipino-ness and being American. In due time, I will just be 'that great-great-grandmother from the Philippines'.....as the new generations of 'de Ramas' and 'Veloiras' emerge from a new race, in a new country. It only strengthens my reserve to continue writing my history to preserve and memorialize my heritage for the coming generations to come who, in all probability and in due time, will look less and less like me and more and more like Caucasians. I MUST keep ME 'alive' even long after my days on earth are past.



So, Ina, Momi or Mimi?



I guess I'll figure it out when I see Lucy for the first time. She'll tell. It will sound right when it happens.

Movie Recommendations

DVD RECOMMENDATIONS

There are so many movies cropping up here and there----mostly commercially viable movies for mainstream viewers. My list is very unique because I think these are movies most people will pass on because of the following reasons:

1. It's a foreign film and sub-titled. So it takes too much effort to read. (What? Reading is hard?)
2. They are movies that didn't make the theaters for one reason or another. (Read: $$$)
3. They do not have 'stars' with name power.

So, let me list this months top picks:

1. Duma: A wonderful film! No, it's not "Jungle Book". And it is not a story about a cheetah either---even if there's one involved. It is a beautiful story about family and a young boy's determination.
2. Swimming Upstream: Little seen Aussie gem. Inspiring. Especially because it's a true story. Beautifully acted. Watch the scene when mother and son bid each other farewell.
3. Il Mare: The original. Though Keanu and Sandra made an Americanized version (The Lakeplace), this original version is a lot more tight and tidy. Korean.
4. Downfall: Hitler's last days in the bunker. Excellent fast-paced story-telling. (German)
5. Everything is Illuminated: a well-crafted piece about a young Jewish man who goes on a search for the gentile woman who saved his grandfather. Quirky characters.
6. Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter....Spring: Another Korean masterpiece. Very zen. If a poem can be interpreted as a movie, this is a masterpiece. It attempts, and beautifully at that, to show the meaning of life, it's sorrows and wisdom...in a Buddhist mindset. Don't expect this movie to move along. To enjoy it, you must calm yourself and let the movie take you where it must.
7. Little Manhattan: First love set against the beautiful backdrop of....Manhattan! You will have a longing for all things pure and honest after this experience.
8. Zelary: a wondrous film about the clash between two different worlds...and two different people...and love. You will fall inlove with Joza. (in Czech and German)
9. Der Tweeling (Twin Sisters): A moving tale about twin sisters orphaned and then separated. A tragic and thought-provoking cautionary tale. Just when you think you know where this movie is going, you don't. Every time. (in Dutch and German)
10. Les Choristes (The Chorus): This movie will put a smile on your face. Guaranteed. I just can't seem to leave this one out though I've had this title on my other lists.

My Top Ten iPod Picks for the Month

My Top Ten iPod Picks for the Month:

1. Singing Softly To Me -----Kings of Convenience
2. Loneliness Finds Her Own Way ---Clem Snide
3. Love's A Game ------The Magic Numbers
4. Only Molly Knows ------Travis
5. John Wayne Gacy, Jr -----Sufjan Stevens (so sad this song...)
6. Love Will Tear Us Apart -----Nouvelle Vague
7. Wake Me Up When September Ends ----Green Day
8. 1989 ------Clem Snide
9. The Riddle ----Five For Fighting
10. This Never Happened Before ------Paul McCartney

And for all you sentimental people like me, here's my sentimental pick of the month:
Ne Me Quitte Pas-----Django Reinhardt & Stephane Grappella

My album pick for the month is
TWO LIGHTS by John Ondrasik of Five for Fighting
EVERY song is a wonderful discovery----a dozen piano-driven songs with thoughtful lyrics all melded in delicious melodies powerfully executed by John Ondrasik's dulcet tenor voice.

Thanks to Jordan for keeping me in the loop with songs that crop up from the vast universe of talent out there.

So. there I am today.

The Question I Am Often Asked

THE QUESTION I AM OFTEN ASKED

I am often asked how my children turned out to be so kind and self-assured. I've thought about this question and though it is so frequently asked of me, I seldom give straight answers. The reasons are perhaps that I do not hold myself up as an expert on parenting or simply that my thoughts regarding this are so simple that even if I share them, no one will take them seriously. Thus, I decided that the best way to articulate my ideas is to write about them. However, if I were to sum up my thoughts about the answer to this question, I would list three of my best 'discoveries' which I think are merely simple principles.

1. The best way to parent a child is to love your spouse above all things...and make SURE they are aware that you do.

2. Never pay attention to negative behavior. This is easier said than done because our tendency is to hurry and finish whatever task we need to complete WHILE the children are behaving. Thus, we lose a myriad of opportunities to 'catch them being good'. It takes imagination, creativity, effort and a sharp focus to pay MEANINGFUL attention to good behavior.

3. Speak with a kindly toned voice. I found that speaking in hushed tones with firmness and with eyes focused into their eyes and therefore, the spirits of your children is the most effective way to provide them with what I call "parameters of safety".

About Tauck Tours

ABOUT TAUCK TOURS:

After a careful and exhaustive research, I decided to use Tauck Tours to effectively use 10 days of vacation time that we wanted to spend in Spain. Tauck is very pricey but our experience with them well exceeded our expectations. Tauck took the stress out of EVERYTHING. We never had to handle our baggage or worry about pilot strikes. Our hotels were always superlative (Meridien Hotel in Barcelona, The Palace Hotel in Madrid (!), a beautiful parador in Ronda.....) complete with bidet (except Madrid which was surprising...) and crisp Italian linens. (again, except in Madrid which is a Westin hotel that uses American high thread count sheets....), and beautifully appointed rooms and lounges. Magnificent buffet breakfasts were always included and we never had to worry about tipping bellhops, waiters, etc bec Tauck took care of all of that. Judging from the way we were treated, I would guess that they tipped them all very generously.
While in Barcelona, Iberia Airlines’ pilots went on strike and cancelled our flight to Granada. Our tour guide, Matt Curran, somehow arranged so that we were able to take an earlier flight out which was an amazing feat considering that most flights were cancelled and many tourists were stranded to find other ways to complete their itineraries. There were also wonderful surprises along the way like a horse and carriage ride through Granada, our very own Flamenco show in Sevilla and a group of troubadors (very charming young men but man....they sang so badly...) called La Tuna in Madrid who serenaded us whilst we completed our desserts. We were also the first in line at the Prado museum which made the tour so pleasant. Every contingency was anticipated. Our train ride from Sevilla to Madrid was via business class complete with movie and lunch with wide and roomy seats. (Though the movie was a French movie dubbed in Spanish, L’Enfant, I totally enjoyed it even if it was a sad one.) Another feature that I cannot even express enough relief about, is the fact that there were no hidden charges or extra charges tacked on. I mean, I didn't have to worry about making any more decisions if I wanted to tack on another "optional tour". I hate that. It just feels soooo tacky. (Trafalgar Tours is notorious for this one....) For a memorable, stress-free vacation full of unexpected charm and the little touches that make such a HUGE impact, Tauck Tours clearly, excels. This is a classy, well-run enterprise. Whoever is in charge deserves the cover of some business magazine! Tauck Tours has more than won my loyalty and my next vacation will be another Tauck Tour, I am sure of it!