My Hawaii

The week after I turned 19, I flew in a jetplane for the first time in my life. I was going to Honolulu, Hawaii to attend the Brigham Young University-Hawaii Campus on the North shore of Oahu. I left in the middle of my fourth semester of college at the University of the Philippines, certain that my iconoclastic academic experience was over and bitter that I had to attend a small liberal arts college miles away from the city.

I knew several Filipinos who were attending the college from church but not enough to feel confident that they would help me out. Most of all, I was afraid of every contingency that my imagination could conjure up. 

I will never forget the feeling I had after the plane landed in Honolulu. And that smell. It was clean, crisp and wonderful. There was a cool January breeze. Though I felt so alone and lost, I suddenly felt the excitement of adventure. That was the winter of 1975. I left Hawaii permanently in December of 1982.

One thing I can state for sure: I feel that Hawaii is my "home" because it was there that I became "me". I think it was because I had no recourse but to completely immerse myself in the culture of Polynesia. Those opportunities came in the form of being part of the university's performing group, Showcase Hawaii, the Polynesian Dance Ensemble and working at the Polynesian Cultural Center as a guide. I was the only Filipino who worked as a guide during my first year there but that opened up that possibility for others. Another discovery I made is that while I had a handful of Filipino friends, they were not the only ones I hung around with. In fact, I couldn't relate to most of them and conversely, most of them couldn't relate to me at all. So, I found kindred spirits---most of whom came from many countries of the world. Later, I set my sights towards joining the Hui Alii Club---the Hawaiian club. No Philippine-born student had ever joined it before. During those days, it was just more exclusive. I accomplished that after my first year. The highlight of that was the sublime opportunity to get asked to join the group that would perform an ancient Hawaiian hula at the Rainbow bowl during a half-time game between the U of Hawaii and BYU. THat's when I felt totally immersed--and totally 'local'---thanks to some wonderful Hawaiian friends who accepted me with so much aloha.

There are other 'successes' that I'm proud to have made. But the biggest success was not that the locals accepted me, it was an unexpected one: I totally fell inlove with everything Hawaiian----and I truly began to feel a deep reverence and appreciation for their culture, history and art. And that love spilled into other Polynesian cultures. So, my friends may come and go, and my knees can no longer bend as easily and fluidly doing the uwehe or the tamure, but my love for the islands can never be taken away because it is deep, genuine and sincere. I discovered that for all intents and purposes, I did not change the world around me at all. I changed me. I become the me that I like. I became a new creature. It was only in my heart that changes can be made....and the rest will simply fall into its rightful, peaceful place.

And I can use this same principle anywhere. This was my discovery. My clarity. Last week, I went back to spend 5 days with some friends. It was sheer joy. Everytime I go back, I feel invigorated....and 'found'. There is a calmness that comes to me when I am there that I do not feel anywhere else...not even in my own country of birth. I feel like I belong there and I do not know why. I get to go back at the end of October, this time, with my Kurt. So I am happily looking forward---


PHOTO ABOVE: I am seated in between a Hawaiian village guide and Mom Mahelona--- a wonderful, loving, generous woman of Hawaiian heritage whose son served a mission in the Philippines. This was taken a year after I arrived in Hawaii.