KENNY RANKIN...Yeah!

Kenny Rankin playing around...hang in there. He plays "Haven't We Met". Very fast but very fun.

WHERE ARE MY KIDS?
My light stream of consciousness banter

Jordan left for Glasgow this morning by himself. He left a day later than the rest of his group because he wanted to spend as much time as possible with Amy, his girlfriend. I hope this separation brings them the needed reassurance to cement the feeling that they can't be apart. I just love her! She is so smart and beautiful and those two go well together. Anyway, Hannah, Kurt and I get to fly to London for a few days to meet up with him before we fly to Barcelona to spend another few days. It will be SO much fun. Anyway, he is still enroute as of this posting. When he arrives in Glasgow, he will have to find the rest of the group. Apparently they are meeting in a hotel walking distance from the airport. I'm curious to hear how his Aer Lingus flight goes. We get to fly to London via Virgin Atlantic which is supposed to be the best airline to use for this route. I have no idea what I want to do in London other than my usual museum and theatre kick. Art moves me. I can feel so much just looking at a painting or any kind of art. I think that music and art are indispensable as food. If I can just spend time in a museum during the days and watch a good play at night, I'll be happy. And of course, it would be utterly insane...INSANE if we don't watch a Shakespeare play whilst in London!

This will be Hannah's last summer with us before she embarks on her college life at BYU. I have been really emotional about her leaving but like my other three who went before her, I get to the point where I actually get excited FOR them because it is just such a natural transition that to NOT go would be insane and as their mother, I feel great joy when they progress. I do want her summer to be exciting. Other than London and Barcelona, I would like to go somewhere just the two of us. I am seriously thinking about going to Manila with her to go shopping but July is notorious for typhoons and intolerable sultry weather so I seriously stop myself from getting too invested in that great idea. I am thinking Montreal, Canada or just simply take a quick trip to Hawaii. We'll see. But for sure, I want to go somewhere. Maybe I'll check out another Tauck Tour...perhaps Egypt and Morocco?

Tascha will be leaving for Jerusalem at the same time we leave for London. She will be there for seven weeks studying at the BYU Jerusalem Center. It'll be exciting and enriching. I do want the kids to see as much of the world as possible so that their minds are open to everything different. There's nothing I can't stand more than a small mind---or limited perspective. So I am happy that we can provide them with these great opportunities for enrichment and enlarging of the soul.

I posted new photos of Lucy and she is just adorable. I don't think there's a baby in the world cuter than her. Leland and Catherine are just wonderful parents. I do hope that Lee takes advantage of the summer and take the LSAT courses. It will be a huge help. They will be moving into our condo at the end of summer. That should help them out.

Hannah is in Reno right now for a Jazz Clinic at the university. She is having a great time. She feels very empowered. I can't wait for her to come back to tell me how things went. For now, I am just grateful for all the opportunities that have come our way. Tomorrow, I have a lunch meeting with some people regarding business. I hope it works well for all parties. I can't believe I passed up an opportunity to go shopping at Neiman Marcus tonight. I was just so tired. Kurt and I went to dinner at Claim Jumper. I don't think I want to go back there for a while. It's so full of people...

I haven't had harp lessons for three weeks now and I am feeling rusty. I picked up my guitar again. It's been decades. Literally. It's frustrating how I've forgotten so much but my touch is still there. I need to do more of that too. Now if I can just find someone who will do laundry for me, I'll be SO happy.

I spent most of the day creating. Wrote a lot. Worked on my projects. Played music. I discovered an album recorded in Copenhagen in 1991 by the legendary saxophonist, Stan Getz and jazz pianist, Kenny Barron. Brought tears to my eyes. I played the music full blast and sat next to the woofers, closed my eyes and imagined I was in Copenhagen actually listening to Stan Getz. It was unbelievable. I was transported by his music. And greatly moved. Jazz is just unbelievably... fulfilling. It is a gift from God.

WHAT'S TOP ON MY iPOD LIST TODAY?

1. Rio de Maio------------Jane Monheit and Ivin Lins

Wow. A wonderful piece worth listening to when you want to unwind. I've been listening to this over and over and I just feel warm all over. A winner.

2. The Reason------------Hoobastank

I love the lyrics of this song but most of all, I love the catchy melody and rhythm.

3. Sewn--------------------The Feeling

Ok. So the lead singer is cute. But this song is so good!

4. Grace Kelly------------Mika

Pretty much every song in this freshman album chockful of Euro-"poppy" tunes is amazing. I don't have to say that Mika sounds so much like Freddy Mercury...ok, I just did but it's just uncanny. I memorized this song so quickly coz it's so fun to sing.

5. We Might As Well Be Strangers---Keane

I LOVE KEANE. 'Nuff said.

6. FIrst Song (For Ruth)------Stan Getz and Kenny Barron

Barron and Getz were made for each other. This piece is from the album "People Time" which was recorded in Copenhagen in 1991. For all you jazz aficionados, THIS is a MUST-HAVE. Their interpretation of "Night and Day" is a definitive example of perfect fusion between two instruments...nevermind that no one can ever recapture this performance. I'm only glad it's immortalized in this album. Oh my gosh. Can you say: devastatingly beautiful? This is it!

7. She Will Be Loved----------------Maroon 5

Smooth. I like this band.

8. They Are Night Zombies!! --------Sufjan Stevens

Pretty much every song in their album called "ILLINOISE" is a masterpiece. Buy it!!

9. The Luckiest--------Ben Folds

I'm just a sentimental kinda person and this song gives me what I need. Velvet smooth voice.

10. How To Save A Life---------The Fray

So it's so....old....so what? I like it. A pleasure to add to my top ten list for this time.

And how was your week?

Passing Through Gethsemane

Passing Through Gethsemane

 t's been a very difficult month emotionally. My beautiful Hannah just experienced her first break-up. It is agonizing for me to watch her as she takes on each day bravely, with enough resolve not to be bitter, angry or negative as she transcends those painful emotions germane to the ending of a relationship. She is barely 18 and has never before had a meaningful friendship with a boy though their dealings are, in my books, woefully insignificant. Both she and the boy are extremely focused on their schoolwork. Both are on the valedictorian track. Both are busy with their music, he being the star saxophonist in jazz band, she, the keyboardist. Both have hectic extra-curricular and church-related activities. Their so-called "relationship" is actually limited to quick late night phone calls usually commencing after a grueling load of homework and Friday or Saturday night get-togethers with a gaggle of close friends usually in someone's home where parents are present. But the emotions she feels are still deep, tender and most of all, real. Emotions are the same no matter what the age. Little children sometimes fear the dark or looking under their beds and that fear is just as real as the fear I have of snakes. And I was not about to dismiss what she was going through.

I feel her loneliness and melancholy. I feel the pain that she so exquisitely feels as she longs for that warm security of belonging to someone who matters to her. I feel the emptiness she feels not knowing what to replace that hole in her heart with when someone you love is no longer present and that hole gets wider and deeper. I feel her restlessness when the hour approaches when her cell phone is supposed to ring and she can hear his voice wishing her sweet dreams, whispering to her how beautiful she looked that day or simply his "good nights". I sense her fear, that gnawing feeling that rises as she anticipates him being with another girl who will enjoy his smell, his warmth, his voice. And being her mother, I wrestle with the feeling of helplessness because I do not have a magic wand that can take away her longing and her pain and replace them with clarity and assurance. I feel her pain. Ten times more. I feel her pain.

But I am not without my wits about me. I will give her power. I am obviously not an 18 year old. I am her mother and I have passed through this Gethsemane many times. I recognize all those feelings. I see things that she cannot see. I have not lived my live as fully as I have without collecting a menagerie of tools and nuggets of wisdom to help empower her. I will endow her with knowledge and perspective. I will teach her that she has the power to change the world around her by just rewiring the way she perceives it. I will carefully show her how simple human behaviour is...to think outside her pain...to reconnoiter her surroundings to find all the tools and devices to break the paralyzing effects of hurt and disappointment.

I have been with her throughout this experience and by her side. I listen to her talk about her feelings, the events of the day, her plans. I take her shopping, to our favorite restaurants and talk about our planned summer trips to England and Spain. We run to Neiman Marcus to get her the most exquisite prom gown we can find. She will be a revelation on that night. A most beautiful vision. I let her talk about him and I listen with interest, putting myself in her shoes. I help her strategize her days, her inevitable encounters with him at school, his own misgivings. I help her understand his concerns, why he continues to care for her, texting her every night. We wade through these confusing communiques. Then I entertain her with tales of my experiences. Sometimes they are hilarious when told in retrospect. Sometimes, they become fresh again when recollected. She asks me many questions, I offer her perspective. We talk long into the night and sometimes until early morning. My love for her is immense.

I warn her that break-ups are a necessary part of everyone's search for the best life partner--and in our case, an eternal companion. I tell her that she may have at least one or two more break-ups before she finds her true mate. And that they don't get easy. They will still be intense. But her ability to cope should be enhanced depending on her ability to glean wisdom and direction as she discovers her true self. It is not adversity that strengthens us but our ability to dig inside ourselves for that power that God himself has endowed us with to help us pass through our Gethsemanes.
Yesterday, the dam that held her tears broke and I held her close to me. I could feel her warmth and smell her sweet smell as her shoulders trembled as she cried. I told her I loved her. Over and over. My love for her is so deep and so strong. She is my daughter and the best I have to offer the world. She amazes me.

When the tears finally ended, a sweetness came upon us. It was clarity. The clouds had passed. And all of a sudden, she knew. The mist of darkness that had blinded her from seeing her strengths, her gifts and her powers dissipated. She saw herself again and she felt empowered. She had passed through her Gethsemane.

This morning, my wise and beautiful daughter regained most of her confidence and self-assurance. The pain is still fresh but her wounds are on the mend. It has been a month since the break-up occurred and she can now see around her and past the pain. It was as if the rains had stopped.

She has left Gethsemane.