My mind thinks in systems. It likes to organize and classify. And most of the time, it goes into overdrive. But I wouldn't have it any other way because as I get more and more aware of patterns and systems, I've developed cognitive abilities that have either preserved me, given me perspective or enabled me to recognize warnings and predict outcomes. But at a minimum, a cognitive awareness of events and variables in the landscape of my life's journeyings is in and of itself an extraordinary gift.
Young people just beginning to experience independence are especially within the parameters of walking into dangerous mind traps simply because of the nature of where they are in life. Especially still very much dominant in them is the feeling of immortality and invulnerability-- traits necessary for exploration and experimentation. But cognitive abilities or the ability to step back, be aware of dangerous patterns of behaviour, models of thought or even just sudden dangerous situations we may haplessly run into are all results of a deep awareness of the empirical....to be able to see clearly despite what our appetites, passions and arrogance seem to tell us. It's a feeling that lies deep within us that needs to rise above--a spiritual connection if you will, that must override our humanness. Simple cognitive errors can lead to disastrous consequences unless you know how to watch out for them. But how can one even be aware of these errors? Well, just KNOWING about them is the beginning.
WATCH FOR PATTERNS
There is great value in learning to see patterns and then gathering information deduced from seeing these patterns. But of even greater value is the ability to apply these new information to circumstances or experiences different from when the information was first presented. It's easy to see patterns of behaviour in others as we observe and relate to other people. But it's difficult to catch ourselves when we are trapped in a dangerous pattern of thought and behaviour. And even after we've caught ourselves and the patterns become perceivable, the biggest conundrum is the overwhelming realization that replacing a learned behaviour with a better one is even more complicated and challenging especially when our experiences don't provide us with a repertoire of choices.
Being a parent offers me a ring-side seat to seeing how patterns of habit and thought shape the personalities of my children. The younger they are, the easier it was to control their behaviour and environment. But as they got older, some patterns simply rose to the surface to make them who they are. And often, I can see how they use these patterns to their advantage..... and sometimes it is a frustrating, brutal experience to watch them use these patterns of thought and behaviour to their disadvantage. How do you warn yourself when what strengthens you becomes what weakens you?
It took me many years before I figured out a pattern of thought and behaviour that was destructive to my social life. Because of growing up in a severely dysfunctional home, I felt like the most misunderstood person in the world. But it wasn't until I was on an LDS mission that I was jarred to reflect and step back and "see". My companion told me that I was "the most selfish, arrogant person" she had ever met. It caused me to step back. She was right. As I began to 'step back' I caught myself caught in this deadly mind trap: thinking and focusing on the idea that I was unjustly misunderstood. The fact of the matter was, I was just too busy feeling sorry for myself that I had no time to 'see' other people. And what patterns of behaviour did I catch myself doing? Initially, I caught myself in conversations often talking about myself and making everything be about myself. I caught myself thinking that perhaps if I can relate myself to whatever it was everybody was talking about, I can be better appreciated. I was caught in a dangerous mindtrap. In trying to FOCUS on overcoming my insecurity, I was actually sabotaging my relationships with others. I caught myself using the words "I, me, my" in every sentence. I caught myself never saying 'thank you' when complimented because I was trying to be 'humble'. In seeing these patterns, I was able to step back and analyze WHY I was behaving in a way that was not to my advantage. Yes, I am a sensitive, tender person. That's one edge of the sword. But I was also too focused on me. That's the other edge of the sword.
Scott Showalter, a Mennonite dairy farmer was transferring manure from a small pit to a larger pit--a task he had done many times. When he realized that the pipes were clogged, he decided to climb down the pit to try and unclog it. Unfortunately, there was poor ventilation and a lot of deadly, odorless methane gas in the pit. Scott lost consciousness...but not before alerting his assistant who began shouting and alerting Scott's wife and two daughters, 9 and 11. First, his assistant Amous, tried to get in to pull him out but quickly succumbed. Then, Scott's wife got in. Then her two daughters. In the end, all five died and nothing could be done to help them.
Sometimes, we are oblivious to these types of domino-effect patterns--in for example, choosing our friends and associates or who we date or the relationships we choose. Sometimes, the results merely bash our egos. But often enough, the penalties can be stiff and far-reaching. How many more people do we need to watch fall into the pits of bad choices before we learn from their errors? And those of us who survive the pit, how much effort can we expend to warn others?
Seeing and watching for patterns is a cognitive function that we all need to hone constantly and vigilantly.
Perhaps the most important decision we will make in our young lives is the choosing of an eternal companion. Watching for patterns and then applying what you learn becomes critical. For example, the early stage of a relationship is marked by very intense attraction and infatuation. We feel something organic and chemical in our physical bodies. There are butterflies afluttering in our tummies and at times we find it difficult to sleep from the excitement of anticipation of what the next day would bring when you see your beloved again. This is the time when couples overestimate their similarities and affections. Scientists suggest that this period lasts from 9 months to a couple of years. It's all biochemical. The pleasure one feels from this period of attraction is similar to the unsustainable highs one can get from a cocaine snort. How can one step back from these natural perceptions when we are in the throes of making the most important decision of our lives?
Again, it's understanding the information one can get from patterns and then applying this knowledge to new environments in our life that empowers us. This very important stage of a relationship also is the reason why our expectations don't match up. We overestimate our partner's great qualities and want our romance to continue forever. But life's events cannot sustain the unsustainable and we are left to question our choices. BYU culture in this case tends to work against us because our fear of committing moral errors take precedence over the advantage of time, distance and even some healthy separation to tone down the intense infatuation and let life settle in....let the high come down. If we understand these patterns, we can begin to step back and analyze more carefully our situation and realize that there are choices that we never considered when fear and limitations of understanding clouded our vision.
What I want to underscore here is that when we finally seek for answers and desire to replace a learned behaviour with a better one, it is logical that the Spirit will inspire us to do something entirely foreign and sometimes even diametrically opposed to what we perceive our personality can even reach out and accomplish. We may find ourselves questioning the quiet but indubitable whisperings of the Spirit with responses ranging from "I can't do that!" or "I don't feel comfortable doing that" to "No way, I don't want to do that!". The irony of the matter is, if everything were to remain status quo and there is no need for change, the Spirit would have no need to give us instructions. But often, we do receive them in concert with our desire to conform, improve and become more like the Saviour.
What I want to underscore here is that when we finally seek for answers and desire to replace a learned behaviour with a better one, it is logical that the Spirit will inspire us to do something entirely foreign and sometimes even diametrically opposed to what we perceive our personality can even reach out and accomplish. We may find ourselves questioning the quiet but indubitable whisperings of the Spirit with responses ranging from "I can't do that!" or "I don't feel comfortable doing that" to "No way, I don't want to do that!". The irony of the matter is, if everything were to remain status quo and there is no need for change, the Spirit would have no need to give us instructions. But often, we do receive them in concert with our desire to conform, improve and become more like the Saviour.
SITUATIONAL BLINDNESS
On a trip to Wisconsin, Kurt and I had to rent a car to make a 30 mile drive to a resort in Lake Geneva. Between the two of us, we had 4 different GPS systems--our cell phones, our iPad and the Nuvi. Yet each system had different routes and platforms and I quickly decided that my own Droid cellphone offered the best of both. The drive was easy until we reached the last several miles. The GPS did not match what we were seeing and so we missed the turn. Not to be deterred, Kurt quickly made an assessment of where we were (which took about 2 seconds...), turned around, nixed the GPS and got us where we needed to go. It quickly dawned on me not just how helpless I would have been had I been alone and on the wheel but I also became aware of the panic that I would have felt feeling lost. That is a very good description of situational blindness---when reality does not match your own expectations of what's real to you. It's the failure to remain AWARE of your environment---when the error is perceptual.
Reality is very fluid and limited to one's own belief structure and experiences. "We see the world not as it is, but as we are." (Talmud) and all that line of thought has a lot of truth. And if we are to see the world as best as we can, we need to be the best we can be. And since we can only control ourselves; how we react to our environment and events, we need to always be vigilant...always asking questions. Always alert to subtle changes in the atmosphere of our spiritual domain. The better we are communing with the powers that provide us light and intelligence, the brighter and clearer our perceptions will be of ourselves and how we relate to the world around us.
My HS friend loves her GPS system and uses it constantly. But sometimes travelers can follow their own devices blindly and wind up getting lost because they fail to assess what's outside of themselves, relying solely on their own devices! It's more than just a pun. This situation is just a scale model of a larger environment which is everything--our lives! If we are faithful in desiring more light and knowledge through obedience and gratitude, we become teachable.
A grateful heart packs a huge arsenal of power and defense against the pride that blinds us. Pride is the primary cause of situational blindness and we need to guard against it by always being grateful--not just in our prayers but in the way we treat our family and loved ones. After all, we will be organized as families in the Celestial Kingdom. And families are again, the best scale model of what an exalted life is all about.
CALCULATE YOUR RISKS VERY WISELY
Five days before Christmas in 1987, tragedy struck when the MV Doña Paz, a ferry transporting passengers from Manila, Philippines to the island of Samar crashed into an oil tanker loaded with over 8,000 barrels of petroleum. The ferry sank within minutes giving the doomed passengers no time to even launch the lifeboats.
Painted on the ferry as one climbed aboard are the words: maximum capacity: 1500 people. If one were to line up to board the doomed boat, it would have been easy to calculate that there were easily double that number of people already on board. But Christmas was upon them and many passengers were anxious to get to their destinations. So they took a chance. It's possible that some people did not see those words. Nor could read at all. It's also very possible that for some people, this was just another trip as usual--taking on more people than the capacity--nothing ever happened before, why should anything happen now? But for those who can calculate---would you have continued to board the ferry knowing it was over capacity? Over 4,000 people did not make that calculation. Or perhaps did not care to do so because they were too focused on getting home. Or perhaps because they could not bear to even consider missing another day without their families. And finally, when circumstances become dire and we cannot get off the 'ferry', do we at least have our life jackets on like having the whole armour of God on us at all times? Or figure out an escape plan; place ourselves in strategic spots on the ferry that may allow for escape? Nevertheless, over 4,000 souls were lost within minutes five days before Christmas.
I wonder how many times our emotions have ruled over what we know such that we take such careless risks? Sometimes we are so focused on worrying about what could be---what we don't know---how we'll never know if we don't take a risk. But as I go through life, I realize that there are more and more things that I wanted to know but will never know. And I don't care because I'm happy. Sometimes we are afraid that if we don't pursue something, we may never know if that would have been better than what we know is ahead. Life is full of detours, delays and temptations that derail us. But what I've learned as I've aged and experienced life is that many times, we need to focus on what we know rather than what we don't know. There is so much about what we know that we don't know and appreciate-- we really don't have time to worry about what we don't know. To those who were about to board the ferry, what they knew and could already see--that the boat was already beyond filled to capacity was more important than what they didn't know---which is what would happen if they miss the ferry. But they did not realize that in time.
When we get the chance to go to the sacred grove, we wonder if this was really where it happened. Or whether that tomb in Jerusalem was really where Jesus lay for three days. Or which route did Lehi take to cross the ocean...or where Zarahemla really is. We don't know. But we know a lot....enough to become what God intends us to become. We know enough. So don't let your emotions tell you otherwise. Knowing is better than risking. To obey is better than to sacrifice. Do not risk losing what has been proven and tried for something that is fleeting.
KEEP YOUR FEET FIRMLY PLANTED ON THE GROUND!
I like Napa Valley and Dad and I stayed in a very nice Bed & Breakfast in a little town called Yountville. But in 2003, a very tragic accident happened there.
A 33-year-old Scotsman named Brian Stevenson was among a group of businessmen scheduled to take hot balloon rides. It was a very windy and foggy day so much of their hot balloon experience involved taking pictures from 100 feet in smaller balloons tethered to the ground. Later, a larger balloon was getting ready to give them a ride again, whilst tethered to the ground. But for some reason, perhaps to give the four crew members some assistance, Brian held on to the railing on the bottom of the basket as it was being raised 5 to 6 feet from the ground via hot air from burners. The balloon was NOT tethered to the ground...perhaps unbeknownst to Brian. Within seconds, the balloon lifted up first 50 feet. Then 100. Brian held on. People from the ground began yelling at the captain who was in the basket oblivious to Brian who was barely now hanging on to the bottom of the basket. The burners were just too loud for her to hear the commotion. At about 300 feet, Stevenson let go of the gondola. Or rather, the gondola released him to his death. It was instant.
I wonder what one would have been thinking when the balloon was at about 10-15 feet. "No big deal, I'll just wait until the balloon comes down coz it probably will come down...."? Or at 50 feet: "If I jump, I'd probably break both legs..."? And at 100 feet..."I'd probably break my back and become paralyzed..."? But at 300 feet and fingers already weakened, and at that instant when he knew he could no longer hold on, did he know there would be no other outcome? It's just deadly logic to think that when the balloon starts to go up that it will eventually come down and we can gamble on hanging on. Or when it gets overwhelming, we can just go into denial and let fate decide the outcome for us.
The runaway balloon is a scale model of miscalculated assessments of our risks and rewards. This is why experienced ballooners have a creed that they adhere to: KEEP BOTH FEET FIRMLY PLANTED ON THE GROUND.
When the last Czar of Russia was crowned, there was a great number of festivities and it was announced that a banquet was being prepared for the people of Moscow. On the eve of the banquet, nearly 5,000 people began to gather. First there was rumour that there would be extravagant gifts for everyone which caused much excitement and anticipation. Then, without explanation as to its cause or source, word began to spread that there would not be enough gifts for everybody--which is when panic set in and a stampede of completely irrational people rushing in frenzied anticipation trampled or suffocated to death over 1300 people. There were not even enough coffins in the great city of Moscow for all its dead. Did the reward merit these deaths? They had no idea that what they anticipated as priceless gifts would comprise of a roll of bread, a slice of gingerbread, a piece of sausage and a commemorative mug. Being in a crowd of people who have the same desires and expectations effect changes in us. There is a certain culture in a group; a set of dynamics that most of us don't even consider. And it is easy to be swayed and emboldened. We must be aware that this can be akin to a hot air balloon that can carry us to places we don't really want to go. So we need to keep both feet on the ground and hold on to what we know is right.
DRAW A LINE AND DO NOT CROSS IT
Most people ask me what I teach my children regarding modesty and morality. It's a sticky subject because no one can really articulate in detailed, unequivocal terms where the line is that should not be crossed. All I can do is educate them in frank terms and then let them draw that line for themselves and have faith that they will not cross it.
In May of 1996, Jon Krakauer, a journalist on assignment for Outside magazine, joined a group headed by Rob Hall, co-founder of an expedition guiding company called Adventure Consultants, to climb Mount Everest. In this particular expedition, Rob Hall was joined by two other guides who were to aid 8 climbers of varying experiences to the summit. Each of the 7 climbers paid Hall's company $65,000. Krakauer paid only part of the cost of the adventure in exchange for an ad and coverage in his magazine. With their group were 7 Sherpas, ethnic Nepalese famed for their endurance, cheerful dispositions and superior ability to survive the mountain's harsh conditions. Eight people would not complete the trek in tragic ways--4 of them from Hall's expedition including Hall himself, another guide and 2 of their clients. In fact, 1996 would become the deadliest single year in Everest's history when a total of 15 people would perish in vain attempts to reach the summit. The outcome was totally unnecessary.
There were several factors that contributed to this 'perfect storm'. One was indeed the freak weather that day when oxygen levels dropped to 14%. Another was the sheer number of climbers on this day causing 'traffic' to bottleneck at certain points of the climb. But the one HUGE factor that was easily controllable was the turn-around time. Hall knew and usually followed his own cardinal rule; his own redline: turn around and descend at 2:00pm. Despite the foreboding weather and the obvious delays, Hall made an exception. It would seem that the factors for this fatal exception were exploitative as reported by Krakauer himself. First, psychologically, Hall was competing with another expedition headed by a group called Mountain Madness whose guide, Scott Fischer also met his fatal end. Second, the presence of Krakauer himself added to the pressure to make the exception--the opportunity of a prominent story printed on a prestigious magazine was just too tempting to pass on. Third, the pressure from the clients themselves who had paid Hall a higher price for his expertise and reputation. All these factors pressured Hall to break his own rule, crossing his own redline. By the time the last client reached the summit, the weather had already begun to turn. The outcome was already set in place.
Crossing a line is a dangerous proposition. The biggest problem one encounters after crossing a line is the sheer magnitude of the landscape past the line--there are no more designated lines to warn us of danger and all that is left to do is to improvise. The risk of error is high. That is why going on a 'diet' is self-sabotaging because we keep on crossing lines. As soon as I put a cookie in my mouth, I get off the wagon and I don't know if I will have the will to even climb back on.
In the first chapter of James, we learn much about wavering and going to and fro.
But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord.A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways.
Once we KNOW what to do, we cannot waver because to do so is to cross the line into unknown territory: the territory of disobedience and pride. There is no light and understanding there....only confusion.
Simple cognitive errors can lead to disastrous consequences unless you know how to watch out for them. The ability to even stop and consider is a skill that requires us to slow down, step back and patiently assess, ponder and listen. And as we journey through life's road the Lord sometimes sends wise servants to traverse back on already traveled roads just to guide and warn those who have yet to travel through.
These thoughts have been on my mind for a very long time and it's about time that I made an attempt to articulate and share them with the hope and desire that my children can benefit from my thoughts and ponderings. I hope that we keep our feet firmly planted to the ground and that we don't allow the 'gondolas' and 'hot air balloons' of life to pull us away untethered to all things true. I hope that when we receive or see warning signs, we will not get on the 'ferry' carelessly assuming that 'nothing bad will happen because "we got away with it before". I hope that we set our sights on the real rewards--the visions we can see by the gift and power of the Holy Ghost--a vision of hope in the power of the atonement and what we can become. I hope that we never cross the lines we draw and that if we are ever compelled to make exceptions that we already have the whole armour of God on us. I hope that we don't succumb to the pit as we carelessly or even haplessly fail to take a moment to assess our situation; that we don't follow others just because we think nothing bad can happen to us--because our egos won't allow us clarity to see reality and not our own self-centered perceptions. Cognitive errors are all around us and the hope is that we limit the risk of making egregious mistakes that can complicate our lives or limit our choices by learning to take stock and stepping back to assess our lives, our thought patterns, our behaviour, our priorities and our relationships. This is my warning as well as my counsel as one who has, in varying stages, witnessed or experienced these errors.
We often hear endless rhetoric about following the Spirit and holding on to the rod. But my goal here is to articulate concepts and details that are ever so subtle and invisible to many young people; in fact to many people at large. These are things that are all too often not discussed in an organized, meaningful way. I feel that I have been blessed with a rich heritage and according to my patriarchal blessing, "a good mind" and the Lord expects many good things from me. If I can warn and counsel my children so that their lives may be improved, then I feel that that is a huge, good thing. Be aware and constantly vigilant. Always step back to assess your environment. And always, always-- use the power of the Atonement to fix and elevate your circumstances. That is why He died for us. That is why His love is perfect....and why it is this love that perfects us. Keep your spirit empowered and fueled by the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. And just to be real, keep your mind enlightened by knowledge and the brightness of hope. KNOW these things well. LEARN these things well. And SEE.
