left to right: me, papa and my sister during happier times.(Angat Dam, 1968)
My Papa came to visit me early this morning as I lay between wakefulness and sleep. He was knocking on the front door and I could see him through the glass. He looked through the glass pane shading his eyes with his hand but could not see anyone because I was in the kitchen. So I walked to the door and opened it. I did not realize it was him until he came in and sat on the couch. He was wearing a dark colored suit which was probably two sizes too big for him. He had on a white unbuttoned shirt and no tie. He looked like he had lost a lot weight. He seemed to be in a hurry although I could sense that he wanted to stay.
I asked him where he was staying. He was very cagey and uncomfortable answering my questions. I sat on the couch next to him. He held me hand which he never did before. I could tell he was in such great sorrow. He had been eluding the whole family but decided to come and visit. I asked him to stay with us and pointed to all the rooms in the house that are now empty. I even told him that he can have his own bathroom and that he will be comfortable here. He declined my offer. I asked him if he had eaten. He did not say but it seemed that he could not stay anyway. I really could feel what he was feeling. Perhaps I was just projecting what I was feeling. I don't know. But soon he said he needed to leave.
As he stood up to walk to the door, I pulled his hand to entreat him to stay and see his grandchildren. But then I remembered that they had all gone and I couldn't tell him how long it would be before everyone would be back in one roof. It was all so sad. I have no recollection of what happened after that but I did not remember that this happened until about an hour ago.
I was sitting in my study working on another scripture mastery video when suddenly, an overwhelming feeling swept over me and I remembered everything so vividly as if everything was replayed for me in my mind. I sit here now as I record it fearing I will forget.
The sorrow I feel is still lingering and I draw in some air in an attempt to stop the overwhelming need to weep for my father. I miss him. I miss him so much. I pray that wherever he is, he is happy. And I pray that someday, there will be a time when I will see him in my dreams when he will be happy.
I asked him where he was staying. He was very cagey and uncomfortable answering my questions. I sat on the couch next to him. He held me hand which he never did before. I could tell he was in such great sorrow. He had been eluding the whole family but decided to come and visit. I asked him to stay with us and pointed to all the rooms in the house that are now empty. I even told him that he can have his own bathroom and that he will be comfortable here. He declined my offer. I asked him if he had eaten. He did not say but it seemed that he could not stay anyway. I really could feel what he was feeling. Perhaps I was just projecting what I was feeling. I don't know. But soon he said he needed to leave.
As he stood up to walk to the door, I pulled his hand to entreat him to stay and see his grandchildren. But then I remembered that they had all gone and I couldn't tell him how long it would be before everyone would be back in one roof. It was all so sad. I have no recollection of what happened after that but I did not remember that this happened until about an hour ago.
I was sitting in my study working on another scripture mastery video when suddenly, an overwhelming feeling swept over me and I remembered everything so vividly as if everything was replayed for me in my mind. I sit here now as I record it fearing I will forget.
The sorrow I feel is still lingering and I draw in some air in an attempt to stop the overwhelming need to weep for my father. I miss him. I miss him so much. I pray that wherever he is, he is happy. And I pray that someday, there will be a time when I will see him in my dreams when he will be happy.
