A RELATIVELY GOOD DAY

I did have a good day today. I had a great class with so much participation, I had to call on every hand raised and 'line them up' so they can all get a chance to ask or to comment. I just LOVED it. I love it when my students ask intelligent questions and make great comments. ANY comment. Every one was engaged in the topic. (Acts 10-11) After class four students who had NEVER tried to pass off their scripture mastery did so and passed. Two of them passed off 6 or 7 of them. What a gratifying time! I just love my students.

The topic we discussed was specifically, how after thousands of years of the priesthood being exclusive only to the Levites and then, after the diaspora, to the house of Judah, Peter receives a vision and revelation to preach to the "uncircumcised" or the gentiles. Whoa. Can anyone imagine how the disciples must have felt? I mean, after THOUSANDS of years of exclusivity, they must now pass on the priesthood to the gentiles??? And how for thousands of years, the Jews didn't have any dealings with gentiles...let alone allow them to hold callings in the church? Mind boggling. Anyway, I loved that for every salient point, there was a scripture reference to back up the doctrine or principle. And every time my students 'discovered' them, they were also astonished and awed. And interested. Engaged. I live for days like this in seminary.

In other news, I went to the gym again today. Had another session with my trainer, Vanessa, who truly works me to DEATH. I mean, a good death. I made my friend Stacy come with me. She did fantastic and I love it that she encourages me to do better. I wish she would just join the club and work out with me coz it's so much more fun to work out with a buddy.

Got a nice text from Kristy Camp who just dropped off Nate at the MTC this morning. I feel for her. I remember so well every moment when we dropped off Leland at the MTC. I did not cry because I told myself I wouldn't. But as soon as I got back to the car for the drive home, I was sobbing all the way back. The worse part of the MTC experience was when we were led out one door and then all the missionaries went out another. And that was that. I am so glad that's over and done.

I am feeling the pain of not seeing Lucy and Jack. It's been a month since I've seen them and I am just about fit to be tied. I can't wait until the 21st when I get to see them.

I was navigating around the lds.org site and spotted a link for senior missionaries. Found a pdf file that stipulates what the missionary dress requirements are. The photo above tells it all. YIKES. DOUBLE YIKES. I'll be darned if I look like that. And then it occurred to me that there are actually senior missionaries YOUNGER than me who look that way. $(*%_&*@*)(*!!! Does this mean I no longer want to go on a mission??? (One other rule: no patterned stockings---what? I wear fishnets for Pete's sake!! And to seminary even!) What about my cute boots? My RED suede booties that I wear with black fishnets? My 3 inch Calvin Kleins?? I'll have to think about these things tomorrow because I can't bear to think about them right now. What a heathen!

Oh. And what about my red streaks on my hair? My purple eye shadow? False lashes that I wear EVERY day? Missionaryish?

Anyhoo, I better git.

GLOOMY SAD DAY

I was only too happy to substitute for the most beloved of seminary teachers one day last week. She was sick and I insisted that she stay home and that I will teach her class the next day.

The day came and I went into her classroom with much enthusiasm. After all, she had bragged that her class was a good one this year. It was 7am and the seats began to fill. There was the usual discomfort that comes when a class is presented with a strange teacher. I tried hard to bridge that by being upbeat. I asked a lot of questions to spark some thinking and involvement. In the end, I thought the class was a good one. I thought we all had a fabulous time.

The next day, Wednesday, was uneventful and that class got their teacher back. She had needed that free day to rest and everything went as usual. Or so I thought.

Thursday came and after my 6am class, I was confronted by this teacher who had a very concerned and troubled look on her face. She told me that her class told her that I had 'trashed' her and made some unflattering remarks about her to her class. She said that several of her students made the same observation. They told her that I had said things like: "Now I'll show give you a real lesson unlike what you get from your teacher" or something to that effect. I was mortified. Since she said that several students made that allegation, I was dumbfounded and began to search frantically in my brain to figure out what I could have said that could even remotely be spun to this dastardly level of arrogance on my part. I felt sick to my stomach. I began to doubt even what I thought happened. Perhaps I said those things. Perhaps I had some kind of black-out and said those things. I was insanely confused.

I reasoned with her that I could NOT have even remotely said those things because those thoughts never even occurred to me. I respected her far too much. She was the one I went to when I came upon challenges with teaching seminary. She was my adviser and friend. I was so confused.

She said she'd get to the bottom of it.

The next day, she called me to tell me that it was just ONE student who made those assertions in class when she came back. And the rest of the class played along with his lies. She became confused and stewed in those words of intrigue and hate to the point that she doubted me. That boy who started it had problems and his intention was to hurt her by using me. And some of the students, who still inhabit the world where everything revolved around them, colluded with him just because it was funny. After all, adults don't have feelings. They had managed to play a nice game where they hurt not just their teacher but also the substitute---me.

For some reason, this whole event really affected me. Still does. I don't really need this drama in my life right now and I hope that something is done and consequences are allowed to follow this dastardly, cowardly act. I know this boy comes from a very troubled and disfunctional family but he needs to apologize. Tomorrow, I am going to insist that he does.

This is not the reason that I want to quit seminary but it could well be the straw that will break the camel's back.

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Follow up to this story:

A couple of students talked to her and said none of those things happened and I never said those things. But then a couple of other students said that I implied those things. The boy in question insists that I had said outright things that 'trashed' the teacher and said he will not apologize. I am so confused.

But my focus is to teach and prepare my students to become missionaries, scripture savvy mothers and well-prepared teachers of the gospel. My goals for being a seminary teacher are:

1. To help students become familiar and comfortable with the 'language of the scriptures'. This means that I do make them get their scriptures, open them, read them and ask questions.

2. To help them acquire the skills needed to pick out doctrines and principles from the scriptures and make these relevant to their times.

3. To aid in helping them discover these truths for themselves by providing activities that will enable them to dig.

4. To bear testimony of Christ.

I just figured that if I do my job well and serve my students this way, I will just naturally develop love and caring for them. This I assume, takes time. And it doesn't happen until the middle of the school year or so before I really feel this way. But I KNOW it does happen. How can it not when you are serving? So I just trust that it will happen. And it does.

I've been contemplating quitting seminary for a while. LIke I said, all I need is an event like this to be the straw that will break the proverbial camel's back.

More update:

I don't really care anymore. I'll just do my job. There will always be students like this...but rarely. There are plenty more young people who are wonderful. I'll just focus on that.