Try A Little Tenderness

It occurred to me that I must be one of those people who are overly sentimental and emotional. I find that it's a huge handicap for me because more and more, I find myself caught in uncomfortable breaches of my own doing...though haplessly.


Many times, when I am in the company of friends, I get an overwhelming feeling of tenderness and awe towards them and all I want to do is express how much I appreciate them. But then, when I do, their reaction breaks that sentiment and it startles me....and I get a huge wave of "uh-oh, you are being sentimental again and you're the only one who feels this way...." And then I get utterly discombabulated. Oftentimes, I assume that people around me feel the same way...but they don't. Or they are simply unaccustomed to feeling some tenderness that their response becomes a defensive action to mask their discomfort.


I am accustomed to saying endearments like "I sure love you a lot" or "I really appreciate your friendship" or "I am going to miss you a lot!" or "let me give you a hug." And I like to express how I feel.


Tenderness makes one so vulnerable and it can be a scary affair. Many times, we hold it back fearing that we could be misinterpreted. To my detriment, a lot of times, I get a bit fearless.


I think that the pace and the manner of the times we live in today invariably buries many wonderful expressions of tenderness. We live in an interesting time.


For instance, hand-written notes are now a thing of the past. Or a rarity.


I am a bit disappointed that my daughters will probably never get a collection of exquisitely written love letters---handwritten on beautiful paper. What a delight it was for me in my younger days to get a letter in the mail and then to carefully cut the envelope, anxiously pull out several pages of handwritten sentiments and with shaking hands, read the words written by a boy obviously beset by deep emotions. I remember one occasion when the beautiful words penetrated deep in my heart and tears began to stream down my cheeks, my hands began to shake and I felt a warm, wonderful feeling inside that I had to sit down to complete reading his letter because my knees got weak. Though I did not return the boy's sentiments, the letter did soften my heart and I felt a tenderness that I will never forget. Obviously, I still remember the boy and the moment. He made a lifelong impression. Today, texting on cellphones seem to have replaced this tender expression. "i luv u" or "wassup" just doesn't cut it for me.


The best date I ever had was when one of my beaux, with the aid of my roommates, drove to my apartment very early in the morning while still dark, pulled me out of bed and drove me to our favorite spot on the beach and then waited for the sunrise to express his tender feelings for me, sealed it with a kiss and then ended the short excursion with a little "picnic" breakfast before he drove me back so I could get ready for my first class. Now granted, I lived in Hawaii and just across the beach--- but still, it took a lot of thinking and preparation....and tenderness to come up with that idea. Yeah. Tenderness. That's the ticket.


I love it when I can hug my close friends and tell them how much I love and appreciate them. I love it when I can put my arms around them and it's understood that we feel a lot of tenderness for each other. I have a very close cadre of friends from high school and when we visit with each other, I sometimes try to slow time down and bask in the wonderful atmosphere of friendship and mutual respect. I am so proud of their accomplishments and how they have raised great kids. My friend Corsee, for example, came from a small village in a rural area of southeastern Luzon and pursued excellence throughout her life. It paid off. I think she has surpassed even her wildest expectations of herself. My friend Chat has maintained her indefatigable personality and manages to pull everyone of us together in a close and tight circle. She is the tie that binds all of us. I can go on and on but the point is, when I look at them, I always feel tender. And I always want to express it. And they let me.


Most of all, it has always been my mantra to not hold back my tender feelings towards my family. My husband and my children are the most important people in the world to me and if I can't be tender to them, then nothing else matters. Last night, my daughter telephoned me from her busy college schedule just to tell me she got asked out on a date twice that night. We had a short, "girly" conversation and I wanted to give her the world. I felt tenderness again and again until it overflowed. I love this feeling.


Tenderness is a wonderful thing. If it is suppressed, then we get calloused and hard. Expressing tenderness is a risky proposition and so it takes great courage and self-assurance to do so. The trick is, to want to express it so much that it doesn't matter how it is taken because expressing tenderness trumps our fear of being rejected...or ignored. And it takes practice. Yes, practice. Even when alone, I can close my eyes and feel deep tender feelings towards those people who mean so much to me...my dearest, closest friends, my beautiful family... that I can be moved to tears. And that happens often. Very often.


Now if I can only write with a plume better than I can jiggle my mouse...

Another Dumb Business

Looks like our law firm will be involved in pursuing another scam operation. I can't believe these people who steal money---I mean, what could they be thinking? Did they think they could get away with it?

Read about it: Click here for the link

This article was posted today in the Las Vegas Review Journal. The photo shows a letter that we posted outside the door of the establishment in a futile and last-ditch attempt to reach the owners of the "missing"business.

Distorting Good

Had an interesting conversation with my husband last night. A man who owned his own business called him for advise regarding a year-old outstanding bill owed him by a customer who also happens to be a friend. It was not a small amount either and totalled in the thousands. He will have a difficult time collecting, if ever, on this debt...and bridges may have to be burned. The overlying reason is most frustrating -- the terms of agreement are VERBAL. Nothing is written. The whole transaction was sealed with a mere handshake.

Now, in a perfect world, a handshake or simply one's word, should be a bond worthy of complete trust. But even when there is that, no two visions are alike. A contract is a tool that can aid in articulating the desired results and also provides the needed parameters to conduct business in a professional and judicious manner. It is not a question of honesty or integrity. There is no morality involved here. The objective is CLARITY for both parties. Where at least two people are involved, an agreement sealed only verbally is a broken bond waiting to happen, at the very least, and a misfortune about to combust, at the very worst. Either way, it will just be a matter of time before this method of doing business will bite where it hurts.

I don't know if it's culture or simply naivete but many people do business this way especially in small communities. People like this person are seen as "good men" who do business the "good way". But morality or goodness is not an issue here. Savvy and intelligence are obviously the items lacking in this picture. I am especially perturbed by the warped sense of "what is good" seen through the eyes of this poor man. Let me elucidate.

First of all, he states that he has never had a problem before doing business without a written contract. Well, he does now. Like I said, it was just waiting to happen. This is how everyone else perished during the flood but not Noah and his family. I am sure a lot of "it never flooded before" poured out of many mouths both during Noah's time and even in New Orleans before the dikes and levees broke. A bad business practice is simply that---bad.

Secondly, he is adverse to issuing written contracts not just because he never needed to in the past but also because he sees written contracts as a sign of distrust. He just wants to be a "good guy". What he is is a foolish businessman and this warped sense of "good" precludes that issuing written contracts is "bad" which is totally untrue. A written contract assures that BOTH parties are protected. It stipulates exactly what job needs to be done, the cost, the time of completion and whatever expectations that can be anticipated. Just because one's word is his bond doesn't mean that their expectations are exactly on the same plane...or that the other party will always be honest. In fact, honesty can be such a gray area in business transactions because each party can have their own interpretation of what was agreed upon. A written contract is legal and binding and all parties need to adhere to the terms of the contract. Even entering a Mormon temple requires a written recommend and you can't enter with just your 'word of honor'. A recommend is indeed a 'contract' that one is worthy to enter the temple and is well aware of the repercussions of their disobedience. But no one is going to question that once you have your recommend. But without it, your word is not good unless you can find the appropriate leaders to vouch for you.

Third, doing business in this reckless manner renders one vulnerable to broken friendships, loss of business, dishonest clients and associates and yes, even family feuds. This is why having a trust and a will is just utterly important and anyone who thinks that they don't need a will because they don't have any 'money' indeed either has tunnel vision or simply don't know enough to appreciate its importance. Ignorance does not excuse one from the "floods" and unforeseen catastrophes that life simply has in abundance. Let me just say that a written contract between good friends you love and especially family members you adore is even more crucial when doing business with them. It is just plain insane not to have one. Many relationships have combusted simply because there were no clear and written parameters for all parties concerned. A written contract saves relationships. I cannot even emphasize this enough.

Finally, it is irresponsible to conduct business recklessly when you have a fiduciary duty to provide for your family. This privilege should not be taken lightly and must be fulfilled wisely. My husband has a family picture prominently displayed in his office to remind him where his duty lies. It reminds him to conduct his business wisely, with integrity and with the appropriate zeal to achieve success---to stretch himself, continue improving and hopefully garner more wisdom from his experiences. It also provides him the needed push when he feels frustrated or at times, daunted by the many risks that he may need to take to grow---and the faith in a God who is always willing to help. The distortion between what is "good" and what is "wise" in this case is blaring. Good and sound principles are necessary for success in life. We must know what these good principles are and then govern our lives accordingly.

French Laundry Adventure

The adventure actually started TWO months before our reservation date when our own Tenacious "C", our persistent and ever clever friend Chat began to call the French Laundry's reservation number ten minutes before the lines opened at 10 in the morning, using two telephones lines. She hit the jackpot and got through. In reality, if you don't get through by 10:20, you don't have a shot at a reservation. Also, what makes it complicated is the fact reservations have to be made EXACTLY two months into the future---not one day sooner or later than your desired date. There is a $25.00 non-refundable fee PER PERSON and you will be charged the full price of the pre-fixe meal if you don't show up. With our reservation secured at 12:30 pm on Saturday, January 27, 2007, we felt like we hit the lottery.

The French Laundry is located in Yountville in the Napa Valley area of California. It's world-renowned chef is Thomas Keller whose list of accolades and awards run ridiculously long. The French Laundry was voted TWICE into the #1 position of the 50 best restaurants IN THE WORLD. The restaurant is a member of Relais & Chateaux: Relais Gourmands and Traditions & Qualité, two distinguished French associations recognized for their dedication in creating and maintaining the highest international standards for hospitality and culinary excellence. As far as I'm concerned, it ridiculously exceeded my expectations even at my most cynical and glum mood. Above is a photo of the French cottage where the restaurant is housed.

We started our day at 9:45 when a long stretch limo picked us up from our hotel in San Ramon. Chat and Butch got picked up first and then they swung by our hotel and we were off to San Francisco to pick up Corsee and Marty. After that, it was off to Yountville!

The ride was great but I got carsick because we were sitting facing the side and well...I began to feel sick to my stomach. It hit me so unexpectedly and I thought I was going to hurl. I think what saved me was the fact that I had nil by mouth. Marty was kind enough to trade seats with me and as soon as I turned on the A/C and had the vent blow cold air on my face and a few sips of Pepsi, I felt so much better.

We arrived at the restaurant exactly on time and when I saw the famous blue door, I knew my adventure was about to begin. We were shown our table located by a cozy fireplace. The napkins and tablecloth were made of the finest Egyptian cotton. And yes, they were white Frette linen of high quality thread count! There was the signature clothespin that held the pleated napkin together on the table. The servingware was made of hollow silver, Spiegelau and Richelieu crystals were used and the white china especially designed by Limoges. I wanted to wash my hands first and when I inquired about the ladies room, I was escorted upstairs and my escort opened the door to a fabulous washroom with classic country French decor and fresh flowers. When I returned to my seat, the napkin that I had placed on my chair was replaced with a fresh one on the table and a waiter pulled the chair and seated me. I felt like a princess! After studying the menu, we all decided on the 8 course chef' tasting menu. ($240 per person) The only other choice we had was the vegetarian tasting menu for the same price.

After we made our choices including the wines that would accompany the various courses for our wine drinkers, our waiter brought us what looked like six tiny baked pâte à choux or puff pastry balls. I popped one in my mouth and a very delicate cheese burst out of the puffs---c'est magnifique! WOW. In a few minutes, six mini "ice cream cones" were brought out: they looked so whimsical. They were actually long and delicate wafers speckled with black sesame seeds. The finest creme fraiche was piped into the cones culminating with a ball of salmon tartare on top that formed the "ice cream" which was sprinkled with tiny pieces of chives. The flavors mixing in my mouth---the delicate crunch of the wafer, the slippery feel of the finely chopped salmon and the rich, velvety cream all combusted in my mouth in a wonderful whirl. C'est bon! I wanted to speak French but remembered that I don't speak the language. Que barbaridad.

There were apparently about 40 chefs and apprentices in the kitchen creating these fantastic concoctions. The servers worked in teams in what seemed like a proportion of two guests per server. Dishes were brought to the table with flair--beginning with the ladies...three servers brought our dishes, placing them on the table in concert, then brought to the men in the same fashion. There I am above feeling very important and royal because of how we were treated.


The first course was the cauliflower "panna cotta" with Beau Soleil Oyster glaze and sterling white sturgeon caviar. Now I've had caviar before...the first time when I lived in Spain and then a couple of other times after when the quality was supposedly much better. And I hated it. Caviar to me, tasted like extremely salty fish-smelling little dots. So, I was very leery. The dish consisted of a tiny oval mound of black caviar on top of a white, custard-like sauce with dots of brown glaze. I took a tiny bite. Mama mia---I was transformed. Now I know why one would pay hundreds of dollars for a can of premium sturgeon caviar. It was just fantastic! Next I had the moulard duck "foie gras en terrine with Hayden mango relish, pickled pearl onions, mizuna and mint "aigre-doux". There was a $30 supplement for this dish on top of the $240. On the side, I was served toast en pointe. Shiver me timbers! I placed a tiny slab of the foie gras mousse on the toast, topped it with a pearl onion, some of the relish and sauce, placed that in my mouth and just savored the melding of the flavors. It was just grand. I had barely finished eating half of my toast and was about to grab the other half when the server beat me to it. I mean, he took the toast and replaced it with a whole toast. Why? Because the toast was no longer warm and so out it went and he replaced it with a warm slice. For the next course, Kurt chose the roasted fillet of Pacifc Kahala with navel orange, piuillo peppers, green garlic and Nicoise olive oil. The dish is shown below.


I, on the other hand, chose the Japanese sea urchin brule with French laundry garden bok choy, red radishes, sweet pea shoots and "Yuzu Coulis". The photo below does not do justice to the dish. Note that only the middle part of the sweet peas were presented---the sweetest portion. All the herbs and produce that they use come from their own garden across the street and were picked just before preparation. You can tell the difference. Every morsel was sweet and prime. The sea urchins melted in your mouth. It was amazing how food can make one feel so wonderful. By this time, I had already decided that Chef was definitely serving us sexy food. Voila!For the next course, we all were served Maine lobster tail "cuite sous vide" with glazed Tokyo Turnips, toasted macona almonds, watercress leaves and "rose" champagne emulsion. See photo below. I think if we had ended here, it would have been all worth it. The lobster was perfectly cooked. The irony here is that the lobster was exquisite probably because of how it was killed as much as how it was cooked. There is a science here...a culinary secret. I left nothing on my plate. Every crumb was eaten. By about this time, the servers presented us with the most luscious breads. Here was where I made a mistake that few will resist making...I ate a lot of the breads. We were presented with two different butters. I loved them both and proceeded to slap a lot of it on my breads. Note that I wrote breads. Be forewarned that eating the bread will, in the end, really give you that "too full, I ate too much" feeling. Not that anyone can do anything about it. Pass on the wonderful breads? Are you crazy?For the next course, we were again given two choices. I chose the slow-braised Devil's Gulch Ranch "Epaule de Lapin" with wilted arrowleaf spinach, Royal Blenheim apricot, Jacobsen's Fram sunchokes and honey and foie gras mignonette. They did not disappoint. This dish, actually the shouder of a rabbit, was robust and savory and partnered with the apricot, the marriage of sweet and savory takes its true meaning that few will ever realize. It was just amazing. Take a look at the photo below:

The other choice, which Kurt picked, is the "rouelle" of Four Story Hills Farm "poussin' with buttered savoy cabbage, salsify "rissole" and Perigord Truffles which is pictured below. He was kind enough (of course, because he loves me!) to let me taste a morsel or two. It was as good as my rabbit and I wished we didn't have to choose one over the other. And now for the coup de grâce...bouillon-poached rib eye of Elysian Fields Farm lamb with globe artichokes, herb-scented "panisse', San Marzano Tomato compote and Coriander seed-infused tea. This artichoke is a singular treat. I like artichokes but never had I ever tasted this variety...that I know of anyway. The lamb melted in my mouth. It was like eating cotton. The flavor was rich and savory. Lamb is my favorite red meat and it was a most apropo ending to main courses.

By this time, I asked for some hot camomile tea and I was served a cup of the most delicious hot herb infusion that I passed on the sugar that I normally would mix into my herb teas. That was totally unexpected. We were then served a plate of Gros Michel Banana sorbet with a side of 'boule de neige" Muscovado cake and caramelized banana coulis. I didn't get enough! But it was a welcome prelude to the grand dessert to follow.

The photo above shows a small dish of creme brulee---best I've ever had. Interestingly, the ladies were served the brulee and the men were served custards flavored with lemongrass in the pots to the right of the brulee. How I wish I could have had both! I just could not decide which one I liked the best. Thanks to my wonderful husband for letting me gulp a couple of teaspoons of his custard. These wonderful concoctions were served after the dessert. We did not expect them. On the side, they also gave us papillons--flaky buttered pastries baked with caramel sugar.

Shown above are parts of the grand dessert: Calice de chocolat a la noisette with white chocolate "granite", toasted hazelnut 'sable' and praline 'semifreddo'. We were so eager to dive in that when we remembered to take a picture, we had already eaten most of it! It was a wonderful, fitting ending to a king's feast. By this time, we were already euphoric from the magnificent culinary experience of a lifetime.The grand total for this feast was well over $330 per person and totally worth every penny. While we waited for our cards to process, they handed us a silver pot of treats: caramels, assorted truffles and confections. And to our delight, the servers handed each couple a white bag filled with goodies: more truffles and butter biscuits. The revelers above, my wonderful friends, Marty and Corsee, Chat and Butch---they were actually what made the whole event even sweeter and magnificent. I couldn't have asked for a better day! For naysayers, keep in mind that the value one can derive from this experience is more than just the exquisite gastronomic experience---the total experience is one that I am grateful to have.

In the end, we posed in front of the famous blue door outside the restaurant. There is a beautiful garden around it where one can walk around and smell the herbs and vegetables growing therein. We decided that we will have to duplicate this experience every year or two. Can't hardly wait.