HAPPINESS IS A CHOICEIn 100 A.D. Epictetus, a Greek philosopher said: what disturbs people's minds is not events but their judgments on events. It is interesting to note that though two or more people can share the exact same events, their perception of that same event can be so dissimilar that each would think the other was describing an event that happened at the same time but on parallel universes; never intersecting but always flowing along the same timeline.
Perceptions are colored by one's experiences and emotions regarding those experiences. And we carry these perceptions to various points in our lives like baggage. Often, the baggage we carry is not even needed where we aim to arrive but we hold on to it simply because we don't know that we can lose it or don't realize that we carry it at all. And many times, the baggage we carry is so heavy that it encumbers our journey and our interactions with people along the way. . . thus missing out on many potentially meaningful and deep relationships.
Life’s experiences can either be a boon or bane---and this depends completely on our willingness to be taught. From them, we can draw strength and determination. Many times, our experiences hone our abilities and sensitivities to variables that others can’t see; giving us great advantages. Yet at times, our life’s experiences can also cause us to be bitter, angry and discouraged---precipitated by our own inability to see things clearly. Immaturity, pride, selfishness, ignorance, a lack of vision, are a few of the factors that cause this myopia. When this happens, the baggage we carry haplessly seeps into our perceptions of the many events and relationships that we encounter in our lives, causing our reactions that will determine our place in the world we live in. It then becomes a matter of choices.
The choices that we make determine our place in the universe. Choice and accountability are interesting concepts and instinctively, I believe that we all know what they mean. But very few can actually connect the dots. My belief is that the more experiences and relationships we have, the more limited our choices become---that is, either our choices become clearer or they simply become more elusive. If this postulate has some bearing, then it would stand to reason that we can “collect” a brighter, more meaningful array of choices if we can control the quality of our experiences and relationships. Yes, other peoples’ choices may limit ours. And the quality of our life’s experiences can limit our ability to make wise choices. Can we do it? Can we control how our experiences shape us? Can we control how other people can affect our choice-making abilities?
I propose that the key to eliminating bad choices and leaving us with many viable and meaningful options is governed by the principle that, in a free society, while we may be able to control our physical environment, we cannot control other peoples’ behaviour. Thus, we are left with the all too powerful principle that the only sure person we can control is ourselves. We determine how the world around us will be by our ability to control our own behaviour.
Which brings me back to my blog subject: that happiness is a choice. Maybe I should even define the kind of happiness that I aspire to have: happiness that combines harmony and peace with the people I love. It’s the kind of happiness that does not destroy but rather, build. It’s happiness that elevates and enriches my spiritual being---the kind that matters to me. While others may define their happiness solely based on their own ego-driven desires: to be loved, to be admired, to be valued, to be validated and/or to be desired, note that this definition requires that we receive something from others or from someone. It enslaves us to the choices others make to mollify our requirements. We therefore actually give up control. And our happiness along with it.
If we determine that we cannot control other people’s behaviours and choices, then this definition of happiness is simply NOT a viable option for me. The happiness I refer to is one that is fueled by the desire and need to give; that is, to be able to love better, to forgive quickly, to be at peace, to achieve calmness. This is the kind of happiness that is not incumbent upon another person. After all, when all is said and done, in the end, we are responsible for our own happiness. Choice therefore HAS to be in harmony with the one true constant: that there is a God in heaven who has given us the calibrations for right and wrong. There ARE right and wrong choices. And the choices we make have to align with the powers that give us life....or we fall into disharmony, emptiness and darkness. Happiness is determined by how we live our lives and the choices that we make. And if we are miserable and unhappy, it would be disingenuous to blame others for our misery. The choice to be happy then begins in us.
To that effect, I’ve compiled another list of wise suggestions on how to expand our minds and hearts and allow ourselves to hone the ability to clear us of unnecessary baggage, develop a clear perspective in order to have perceptions that are truer to reality and correct principles, and to determine how our reactions can be more proactive, healing and helpful not just to us but to others.
Here are my top ten:
1. Seek wisdom not just from the people you associate with, but also from great minds in textual form. I mean, align yourselves with happy, progressive people---the ones who inspire you...and read good books that elevate, enhance your thinking process and encourage clarity of thought. Note that I don't like to buy my books at Deseret Bookstore necessarily. I like to expand my mind. I choose books not just for their content: let the art of literary writing be the top criteria in choosing good books because the ability to articulate thoughts in beautifully written prose is a lost art in and of itself! Reading well-written books is 50% of the joy. Content makes the other 50%.
2. Do not fear change: Where there is fear, there is opportunity. Always ask yourself this question---what wisdom can I draw from this experience? Remember that faith must be exercised.
3. Visualize your goals: Take a piece of paper and map out your future. (A goal that’s not written is only a wish...) If you don’t have a vision of what you hope for, if you can’t touch it, can’t see it, can’t feel it, you are living on fear. To hope is not merely a dream or a notion. Hope is to see a vision of that thing which you most desire coupled with the belief that you can achieve it. Once you see it, you will be more willing to pay the price. It's the yin and yang. I cannot underscore enough the importance of paying the price for the vision. So it's #1: VISION and #2: ACTION. One cannot exist without the other.
4. Quit blaming others: Your parents are not responsible for your bad choices and the devil did not make you do it. Assigning blame is a sure sign of fear and weakness. And a waste of time. If you have time to do this, you have no vision.
5. Make a decision to be happy: This decision starts every morning. Every day. It will determine how your day will be.
6. Be aware of patterns in your life: If you keep on making the same mistakes, you MUST change your strategy.
7. Replace bad habits with good ones. The only reason why we continue our bad habits is because we simply don’t know what to replace them with. Then we resist the better way because ‘it’s not me’. Well, duh. It’s “not me” because it still isn’t. Make it. That’s the idea.
8. Be aware that there is a higher power: We will ALL be accountable. We will all be held responsible for our actions and omissions. If it weren’t so, there is no point.
9. Anticipate joy: Men are that they might have joy! If you don’t anticipate it, you are merely existing. We are not here to suffer. Challenges and adversity are built into the fabric of life. But were it not for them, we would not experience joy.
10. Remember that everybody wants to be happy: Yeah. You’re not the only one. Novel thought?
Perceptions are colored by one's experiences and emotions regarding those experiences. And we carry these perceptions to various points in our lives like baggage. Often, the baggage we carry is not even needed where we aim to arrive but we hold on to it simply because we don't know that we can lose it or don't realize that we carry it at all. And many times, the baggage we carry is so heavy that it encumbers our journey and our interactions with people along the way. . . thus missing out on many potentially meaningful and deep relationships.
Life’s experiences can either be a boon or bane---and this depends completely on our willingness to be taught. From them, we can draw strength and determination. Many times, our experiences hone our abilities and sensitivities to variables that others can’t see; giving us great advantages. Yet at times, our life’s experiences can also cause us to be bitter, angry and discouraged---precipitated by our own inability to see things clearly. Immaturity, pride, selfishness, ignorance, a lack of vision, are a few of the factors that cause this myopia. When this happens, the baggage we carry haplessly seeps into our perceptions of the many events and relationships that we encounter in our lives, causing our reactions that will determine our place in the world we live in. It then becomes a matter of choices.
The choices that we make determine our place in the universe. Choice and accountability are interesting concepts and instinctively, I believe that we all know what they mean. But very few can actually connect the dots. My belief is that the more experiences and relationships we have, the more limited our choices become---that is, either our choices become clearer or they simply become more elusive. If this postulate has some bearing, then it would stand to reason that we can “collect” a brighter, more meaningful array of choices if we can control the quality of our experiences and relationships. Yes, other peoples’ choices may limit ours. And the quality of our life’s experiences can limit our ability to make wise choices. Can we do it? Can we control how our experiences shape us? Can we control how other people can affect our choice-making abilities?
I propose that the key to eliminating bad choices and leaving us with many viable and meaningful options is governed by the principle that, in a free society, while we may be able to control our physical environment, we cannot control other peoples’ behaviour. Thus, we are left with the all too powerful principle that the only sure person we can control is ourselves. We determine how the world around us will be by our ability to control our own behaviour.
Which brings me back to my blog subject: that happiness is a choice. Maybe I should even define the kind of happiness that I aspire to have: happiness that combines harmony and peace with the people I love. It’s the kind of happiness that does not destroy but rather, build. It’s happiness that elevates and enriches my spiritual being---the kind that matters to me. While others may define their happiness solely based on their own ego-driven desires: to be loved, to be admired, to be valued, to be validated and/or to be desired, note that this definition requires that we receive something from others or from someone. It enslaves us to the choices others make to mollify our requirements. We therefore actually give up control. And our happiness along with it.
If we determine that we cannot control other people’s behaviours and choices, then this definition of happiness is simply NOT a viable option for me. The happiness I refer to is one that is fueled by the desire and need to give; that is, to be able to love better, to forgive quickly, to be at peace, to achieve calmness. This is the kind of happiness that is not incumbent upon another person. After all, when all is said and done, in the end, we are responsible for our own happiness. Choice therefore HAS to be in harmony with the one true constant: that there is a God in heaven who has given us the calibrations for right and wrong. There ARE right and wrong choices. And the choices we make have to align with the powers that give us life....or we fall into disharmony, emptiness and darkness. Happiness is determined by how we live our lives and the choices that we make. And if we are miserable and unhappy, it would be disingenuous to blame others for our misery. The choice to be happy then begins in us.
To that effect, I’ve compiled another list of wise suggestions on how to expand our minds and hearts and allow ourselves to hone the ability to clear us of unnecessary baggage, develop a clear perspective in order to have perceptions that are truer to reality and correct principles, and to determine how our reactions can be more proactive, healing and helpful not just to us but to others.
Here are my top ten:
1. Seek wisdom not just from the people you associate with, but also from great minds in textual form. I mean, align yourselves with happy, progressive people---the ones who inspire you...and read good books that elevate, enhance your thinking process and encourage clarity of thought. Note that I don't like to buy my books at Deseret Bookstore necessarily. I like to expand my mind. I choose books not just for their content: let the art of literary writing be the top criteria in choosing good books because the ability to articulate thoughts in beautifully written prose is a lost art in and of itself! Reading well-written books is 50% of the joy. Content makes the other 50%.
2. Do not fear change: Where there is fear, there is opportunity. Always ask yourself this question---what wisdom can I draw from this experience? Remember that faith must be exercised.
3. Visualize your goals: Take a piece of paper and map out your future. (A goal that’s not written is only a wish...) If you don’t have a vision of what you hope for, if you can’t touch it, can’t see it, can’t feel it, you are living on fear. To hope is not merely a dream or a notion. Hope is to see a vision of that thing which you most desire coupled with the belief that you can achieve it. Once you see it, you will be more willing to pay the price. It's the yin and yang. I cannot underscore enough the importance of paying the price for the vision. So it's #1: VISION and #2: ACTION. One cannot exist without the other.
4. Quit blaming others: Your parents are not responsible for your bad choices and the devil did not make you do it. Assigning blame is a sure sign of fear and weakness. And a waste of time. If you have time to do this, you have no vision.
5. Make a decision to be happy: This decision starts every morning. Every day. It will determine how your day will be.
6. Be aware of patterns in your life: If you keep on making the same mistakes, you MUST change your strategy.
7. Replace bad habits with good ones. The only reason why we continue our bad habits is because we simply don’t know what to replace them with. Then we resist the better way because ‘it’s not me’. Well, duh. It’s “not me” because it still isn’t. Make it. That’s the idea.
8. Be aware that there is a higher power: We will ALL be accountable. We will all be held responsible for our actions and omissions. If it weren’t so, there is no point.
9. Anticipate joy: Men are that they might have joy! If you don’t anticipate it, you are merely existing. We are not here to suffer. Challenges and adversity are built into the fabric of life. But were it not for them, we would not experience joy.
10. Remember that everybody wants to be happy: Yeah. You’re not the only one. Novel thought?
