Opening New Doors
My son Jordan, is on his way back to Washington DC to finish up another year of law school at George Washington U. They are in Denver right now to spend the night and will catch their connecting flight in the morning. It will be cold there.
My son Leland is back in Provo and in law school at BYU. My two little sweet grandchildren will be safe and warm in the comfortable condo that we are fortunate to have for their use - both under the sweet, loving care of their mother who is so many times more patient and loving than I ever was.
My beautiful Natascha will spread her sunshine back in very cold BYU. I am sorely missing her and her bright countenance. I noticed how much more beautiful she is suddenly and how it seems that she is just now blossoming. I think she will be ready for fresh, new adventures and I'm excited for her. I hope that the door she will kick open will lead her to sweet and deeper relationships and that the winds will give her the propulsion she needs to grab many new and amazing experiences.
I took the above photo of Hannah and Nate last night. I took a bunch of them with his brand new camera. They all turned out nice but this one captures the joy and exuberance that they both have when they are together. It's all very sweet. Tonight is their last night together before Hannah goes back to college and Nate will remain here to prepare to embark on his mission to Scotland Edinburgh. He has 6 short weeks to do that. I am going to fly Hannah back for his farewell on January 25 and after that, they won't see each other for 24 months. For some reason, 24 months seems shorter than two years.
I was thinking last night about what Nate and Hannah are about to face head-on and suddenly, it occurred to me that what they are going through seems like a metaphor for a larger scenario. It reminded me of the song "Till He Comes Again". Both of them are going to have to keep their memories of their times together so that they will have something to draw from when they feel drained or insecure. This is why taking those pictures made so much sense.
I do think that they have a very good chance of making it through their time apart. I am reminded of a single event when Hannah was still in junior high. She announced to me that she was going to be valedictorian when she graduates from high school. I tried to explain to her that it's not important that she does that but it would certainly be nice. I remember how determined and focused she was. Six years later or so, she graduates valedictorian. There are many other events when she did this same thing. When she was just a wee little toddler, she came to me and announced (and I do mean ANNOUNCED...) that she was now going to stop sucking her thumb. I never once pressured her to stop doing so, so I was surprised at her resolve. She never again sucked her thumb. Another instance, she again announced that she was no longer sleeping in my bed. (All our children slept on our bed when they were little---or would start off sleeping on our bed and then Kurt would carry them to their beds...) I enjoyed feeling their little bodies close to mine so I was really rattled when, at about 2 years old, Hannah again made the firm, indisputable announcement that she was now going to sleep in her own bed. I will never forget that night because that was the end of my happy cuddlings with my babies. Or how about that time when she also announced that she will no longer wear diapers? Yes, that happened too. And she did it. So now she made another nodal decision: she is going to wait for Nate. So, I know that she will. I only hope Nate doesn't come home from his mission all squirrelly and weird. I don't know him well enough but I do know Hannah and I know she will not make the determination if he weren't worth it. I hope my hunch is right that he is a young man who will serve an honorable mission and will return the same wonderful young man but better. He is opening a new door that opens to new adventures. And so will my Hannah. It will be tough at first but she will sail with the north wind.
Anyway, I can't seem to stop crying right now. I noticed that I still have a Christmas tree and all my decorations. They don't mean anything. No matter how much I add tinsel here or another glass ornament there, nothing seems to carry the same sweetness or even brightness. My children are not here and everything seems empty. Though I look forward to being with my dear, sweet Kurt and can have him all to myself, I do miss the noise and commotion that comes with having a full house. Everybody tells me that I'll get used to it eventually. But I don't think I want to get used to it. I have so many thoughts. But one thing I do know is that this new year will bring me many new and exciting adventures. I hope to invest more time with my little cadre of PSHS friends.
And do I dare speak about the pounds I need to lose?
Nah!
My son Leland is back in Provo and in law school at BYU. My two little sweet grandchildren will be safe and warm in the comfortable condo that we are fortunate to have for their use - both under the sweet, loving care of their mother who is so many times more patient and loving than I ever was.
My beautiful Natascha will spread her sunshine back in very cold BYU. I am sorely missing her and her bright countenance. I noticed how much more beautiful she is suddenly and how it seems that she is just now blossoming. I think she will be ready for fresh, new adventures and I'm excited for her. I hope that the door she will kick open will lead her to sweet and deeper relationships and that the winds will give her the propulsion she needs to grab many new and amazing experiences.
I took the above photo of Hannah and Nate last night. I took a bunch of them with his brand new camera. They all turned out nice but this one captures the joy and exuberance that they both have when they are together. It's all very sweet. Tonight is their last night together before Hannah goes back to college and Nate will remain here to prepare to embark on his mission to Scotland Edinburgh. He has 6 short weeks to do that. I am going to fly Hannah back for his farewell on January 25 and after that, they won't see each other for 24 months. For some reason, 24 months seems shorter than two years.
I was thinking last night about what Nate and Hannah are about to face head-on and suddenly, it occurred to me that what they are going through seems like a metaphor for a larger scenario. It reminded me of the song "Till He Comes Again". Both of them are going to have to keep their memories of their times together so that they will have something to draw from when they feel drained or insecure. This is why taking those pictures made so much sense.
I do think that they have a very good chance of making it through their time apart. I am reminded of a single event when Hannah was still in junior high. She announced to me that she was going to be valedictorian when she graduates from high school. I tried to explain to her that it's not important that she does that but it would certainly be nice. I remember how determined and focused she was. Six years later or so, she graduates valedictorian. There are many other events when she did this same thing. When she was just a wee little toddler, she came to me and announced (and I do mean ANNOUNCED...) that she was now going to stop sucking her thumb. I never once pressured her to stop doing so, so I was surprised at her resolve. She never again sucked her thumb. Another instance, she again announced that she was no longer sleeping in my bed. (All our children slept on our bed when they were little---or would start off sleeping on our bed and then Kurt would carry them to their beds...) I enjoyed feeling their little bodies close to mine so I was really rattled when, at about 2 years old, Hannah again made the firm, indisputable announcement that she was now going to sleep in her own bed. I will never forget that night because that was the end of my happy cuddlings with my babies. Or how about that time when she also announced that she will no longer wear diapers? Yes, that happened too. And she did it. So now she made another nodal decision: she is going to wait for Nate. So, I know that she will. I only hope Nate doesn't come home from his mission all squirrelly and weird. I don't know him well enough but I do know Hannah and I know she will not make the determination if he weren't worth it. I hope my hunch is right that he is a young man who will serve an honorable mission and will return the same wonderful young man but better. He is opening a new door that opens to new adventures. And so will my Hannah. It will be tough at first but she will sail with the north wind.
Anyway, I can't seem to stop crying right now. I noticed that I still have a Christmas tree and all my decorations. They don't mean anything. No matter how much I add tinsel here or another glass ornament there, nothing seems to carry the same sweetness or even brightness. My children are not here and everything seems empty. Though I look forward to being with my dear, sweet Kurt and can have him all to myself, I do miss the noise and commotion that comes with having a full house. Everybody tells me that I'll get used to it eventually. But I don't think I want to get used to it. I have so many thoughts. But one thing I do know is that this new year will bring me many new and exciting adventures. I hope to invest more time with my little cadre of PSHS friends.
And do I dare speak about the pounds I need to lose?
Nah!
