Autumn Meanderings

I went out and shopped for Fall decorations so my house will look festive for Thanksgiving. (See my lame & banal attempt on left...) I feel like I am losing a lot of my creativity and my mind can only come up with tired ideas. I need a change of scenery.

Whenever the "ber" months sweep by, I am always beset by a certain melancholy. The dropping of the temperature probably does that. All of a sudden, I have a sudden yearning to sip a mug of smooth, hot chocolate with mini-marshmallows by the fireplace while I get cozy under a plump woolen blanket and watch a mindless movie on the telly. Next week, we turn our clocks back for daylight-savings time. I think it's stupid that we do this. This means that by 3:30pm, it'll be dusk and dreary. Egadz. Who thought of that? (It's 3 days later and I just found out that daylight saving time was instigated by....egadz....Benjamin Franklin!)
All things have seasons and cycles. I do find that truth absolutely amazing. If one would just sit down and think about it, (woops, I am thinking again!) inevitably, one would feel the presence of Deity. It is a perfect concept. There are an endless array of cycles in the world above, below and in us that beg observation and pondering.

Last week, we met with our financial planner. It was jarring to suddenly be faced with some realities that we know about but can't necessarily relate to: aging, mortality, death. The reality is, either Kurt or I will eventually experience losing the other. That eventually had to be addressed. In the back of my mind, I couldn't accept that this will happen. Not may happen---will happen. And yet, I see cycles happening all round me that prove this inevitability.

While having lunch yesterday with my best friend, we prattled about cosmetic procedures. Then she said that I shouldn't wait until I'm 60 to get it done. 60! That sounds so old and unreachable. But I'm 50 now and it sure went fast. Time to call the doctor.

I don't believe that the best opportunities happen only in youth---that our futures are made and set by the choices that we make in our youth. I believe that every season is full of a thousand opportunities. Age brings wisdom to those to seek it and opportunities for change and reinvention still do exist even at 50...and I anticipate the same at 100....or even at the moment that I take my last breath. This I know is true because with every breath we take, there is an opportunity for insight, understanding and clarity. Pure knowledge can happen in the twinkling of an eye... and that knowledge can be elusive in other seasons when, for instance, we get too busy grabbing life's gifts and experiences in our youth. There is much to look forward to.

The Greatest Gift

I get to have dinner with some donors and potential donors for Brigham Young University tonight. It's so bizarre to think that I get to be one of the few who get to sit down and dine with a university president and a dozen other people who are movers and shakers. There are lawyers, real estate developers, a judge magistrate, a private consultant....men and women who have built substantial careers and have made a name for themselves. It's been an interesting journey. I've known many of them at least for nearly 15 years or more. I've seen some of their struggles and challenges and how they've coped or overcome them. Some have had reversals of fortune and have had to build again. Some have had family or physical challenges. But there is a common constant among them---they've all stayed close to the church despite seeming difficulties. 

We've been on both sides of the fence of having and not having. Nevermind that I came from a "third world country" and know what it's like to---live without electricity or water. Kurt and I married when we were college students and had two small toddlers when we started law school. I've lined up for surplus cheese and received help from the WIC program: receiving free milk, bread...some basic items for free---a potentially humiliating prospect but I got over it. I learned to sew, shopped at second-hand stores, clipped coupons, baby-sat to get a few extra bucks. Yeah, I know what it's like to live from paycheck to paycheck. Or not have one. And I know what it's like to start a business without any capital....to stretch that hamburger for another meal. I can safely say that having is better. Much, much better.

Some people assert that money is evil. I can't really buy into that mode of thinking. It is simply fear and a lack of faith that makes one think that way. Assigning an object a measure of morality is insane. Money can't make men greedy. Money can't make us haughty or proud. Money can't push us to do evil. It's people---it's us! The responsibility lies with us---not an inanimate object.

At times we judge people harshly because they happen to achieve some measure of success financially. We'd like to think that perhaps they didn't deserve their 'luck'. Perhaps we'd like to think that they're really miserable people underneath all that success. We'd like to think that they're the type of people who seek riches and not God or lack spiritual direction. Sometimes, we'd like to focus on their imperfections, their families, their other failures. We like to think that people divorce because they have money---not realizing that those who have financial difficulties also get divorces or have problems with their teenagers. We like to criticize their children, their own achievements, failures or difficulties, then blame having money for their ills. Or, we criticize their parenting skills; basing their skills or lack thereof on how much they give to their children or how much they withhold. Moreover, we'd like to think that they've somehow 'changed' and we can't be their friends anymore. Or worse, we secretly wish they will just eventually fail so that God can teach them a lesson or two--not realizing that failures do not necessarily reflect evil or misdeeds but rather, just parts of life's journeys. The rain falls on both evil and good men and many times, what we deem as 'failures' may actually have enormous blessings behind them. Judging others thus becomes such a useless and counter-productive exercise that makes us either bitter or proud.

Then there are times when we judge people harshly because they seem to lack financially. We'd like to think that their lot is due to their laziness, lack of vision or confidence. Some even think that God is punishing them for whatever misdeed or evil that they committed not thinking that many wealthy people may have done the same evil and reap the appropriate consequences in ways that we perhaps don't see. We'd like to equate having wealth or the lack of it with goodness or evil. Neither schools of thought can offer peace nor understanding for others.

My opinion is that having or not having has nothing to do with good nor evil. It's again, us....people, who make choices, not wealth itself or the lack of it thereof. Evil men will still be evil with or without money. Unhappy people will still be unhappy wherever they are on that proverbial ladder of life. Guilt, bitterness, anger or cynicism can all exist in whatever station of life we are in and having money or lacking it don't necessarily aid in their cultivation or eviction.

All things come from a greater and higher power. And just as quickly as blessings are given, they can also be taken away. I know the power of the widow's mite. There will always be someone wealthier, prettier or more talented. And conversely, there will also be someone less wealthy, less attractive or whose talents are not as shiny. The challenge is to love one another no matter where we are in life---up, down, comfortable or challenged; to see the good in all of us; to support and comfort each other; to feel each other's pain or joy; to find each other's strengths; just to love. It is the greatest of all gifts. It is what we all need to achieve. It is the great equalizer.

Cause and Effect

THE MORAL LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT

I just found out in conversation with my mom, that when I was going to college in Hawaii, a Filipino student, who probably loved to drink the juice of sour grapes, wrote a letter to my parents to tell them about my scandalous behaviour and misdeeds as a student. Apparently, the letter alluded to my being a "loose woman" and how I went out with "many men." She also insinuated that my sister and I left a lot of stinkin' garbage on campus. I began to laugh out loud. I said: It's NOT gossip! I DID date many men! Yeah baby! She can only wish she had my life. Such ugliness and bitterness... no wonder I didn't hang out with her.

Ahh---the boundaries of culture! My college years in Hawaii were the most enjoyable years of my life! And I thought high school was fun....college in Hawaii was...life in overdrive! Ahh yes. What a great time it was. And I never regretted a single moment because everything helped me to become me. And I like me.

Gossip is such a pest. I get this all the time. If it's not about my old college "scandalous" past, it's about my arrogance or my lack of mothering skills. Some of my husband's family members made it a pastime to talk amongst themselves---murmuring about me and probably wishing I could be "put in my place". Then there's those other Filipinos who loved to speculate about my private life: does she or doesn't she? (I think they wished they could live my life! Hahahaha!) It's just so banal.

Why I make a good topic of conversation is beyond me. While I was always busy feasting on life's buffet of experiences, risks and opportunities, I really had no time to contemplate what others thought of me. I was just too busy having the time of my life. In retrospect, I'm glad I didn't have the time nor the inclination to invest in those people whose lives must be so boring, they actually take the time to speculate and even act upon their bitterness and negativity. . . as if writing a letter to my parents would ease their nastiness, or make their lives better. It doesn't make any sense.

Gossip's intentions are always to try and make someone appear bad. It is so malevolent. They circumvent facts and wring their truths out of the fabric of reality. Being the constant fodder for ruthless gossip, I fail to see how speaking ill of others can be a source of satisfaction. Next time I see this person, who now works for BYU-Hawaii, I will ask her if she obtained her desired results from writing this letter to my parents, who, thankfully, were simply amused.

I am a firm believer in the universal concept that we will reap what we sow. Some refer to this law as karma which maintains that every act done, no matter how insignificant, will eventually return to the doer with equal impact. Good will be returned with good, and evil, with evil. It's the moral law of cause and effect. Having lived half a century on earth, I have thankfully been able to see first hand how people who seem to 'get away with it" actually swallow their own bitterness, in the end...or at least, eventually. Sometimes, it takes a generation but always, always, there is payback.