It occurred to me that I must be one of those people who are overly sentimental and emotional. I find that it's a huge handicap for me because more and more, I find myself caught in uncomfortable breaches of my own doing...though haplessly.
Many times, when I am in the company of friends, I get an overwhelming feeling of tenderness and awe towards them and all I want to do is express how much I appreciate them. But then, when I do, their reaction breaks that sentiment and it startles me....and I get a huge wave of "uh-oh, you are being sentimental again and you're the only one who feels this way...." And then I get utterly discombabulated. Oftentimes, I assume that people around me feel the same way...but they don't. Or they are simply unaccustomed to feeling some tenderness that their response becomes a defensive action to mask their discomfort.
I am accustomed to saying endearments like "I sure love you a lot" or "I really appreciate your friendship" or "I am going to miss you a lot!" or "let me give you a hug." And I like to express how I feel.
Tenderness makes one so vulnerable and it can be a scary affair. Many times, we hold it back fearing that we could be misinterpreted. To my detriment, a lot of times, I get a bit fearless.
I think that the pace and the manner of the times we live in today invariably buries many wonderful expressions of tenderness. We live in an interesting time.
For instance, hand-written notes are now a thing of the past. Or a rarity.
I am a bit disappointed that my daughters will probably never get a collection of exquisitely written love letters---handwritten on beautiful paper. What a delight it was for me in my younger days to get a letter in the mail and then to carefully cut the envelope, anxiously pull out several pages of handwritten sentiments and with shaking hands, read the words written by a boy obviously beset by deep emotions. I remember one occasion when the beautiful words penetrated deep in my heart and tears began to stream down my cheeks, my hands began to shake and I felt a warm, wonderful feeling inside that I had to sit down to complete reading his letter because my knees got weak. Though I did not return the boy's sentiments, the letter did soften my heart and I felt a tenderness that I will never forget. Obviously, I still remember the boy and the moment. He made a lifelong impression. Today, texting on cellphones seem to have replaced this tender expression. "i luv u" or "wassup" just doesn't cut it for me.
The best date I ever had was when one of my beaux, with the aid of my roommates, drove to my apartment very early in the morning while still dark, pulled me out of bed and drove me to our favorite spot on the beach and then waited for the sunrise to express his tender feelings for me, sealed it with a kiss and then ended the short excursion with a little "picnic" breakfast before he drove me back so I could get ready for my first class. Now granted, I lived in Hawaii and just across the beach--- but still, it took a lot of thinking and preparation....and tenderness to come up with that idea. Yeah. Tenderness. That's the ticket.
I love it when I can hug my close friends and tell them how much I love and appreciate them. I love it when I can put my arms around them and it's understood that we feel a lot of tenderness for each other. I have a very close cadre of friends from high school and when we visit with each other, I sometimes try to slow time down and bask in the wonderful atmosphere of friendship and mutual respect. I am so proud of their accomplishments and how they have raised great kids. My friend Corsee, for example, came from a small village in a rural area of southeastern Luzon and pursued excellence throughout her life. It paid off. I think she has surpassed even her wildest expectations of herself. My friend Chat has maintained her indefatigable personality and manages to pull everyone of us together in a close and tight circle. She is the tie that binds all of us. I can go on and on but the point is, when I look at them, I always feel tender. And I always want to express it. And they let me.
Most of all, it has always been my mantra to not hold back my tender feelings towards my family. My husband and my children are the most important people in the world to me and if I can't be tender to them, then nothing else matters. Last night, my daughter telephoned me from her busy college schedule just to tell me she got asked out on a date twice that night. We had a short, "girly" conversation and I wanted to give her the world. I felt tenderness again and again until it overflowed. I love this feeling.
Tenderness is a wonderful thing. If it is suppressed, then we get calloused and hard. Expressing tenderness is a risky proposition and so it takes great courage and self-assurance to do so. The trick is, to want to express it so much that it doesn't matter how it is taken because expressing tenderness trumps our fear of being rejected...or ignored. And it takes practice. Yes, practice. Even when alone, I can close my eyes and feel deep tender feelings towards those people who mean so much to me...my dearest, closest friends, my beautiful family... that I can be moved to tears. And that happens often. Very often.
Now if I can only write with a plume better than I can jiggle my mouse...
Many times, when I am in the company of friends, I get an overwhelming feeling of tenderness and awe towards them and all I want to do is express how much I appreciate them. But then, when I do, their reaction breaks that sentiment and it startles me....and I get a huge wave of "uh-oh, you are being sentimental again and you're the only one who feels this way...." And then I get utterly discombabulated. Oftentimes, I assume that people around me feel the same way...but they don't. Or they are simply unaccustomed to feeling some tenderness that their response becomes a defensive action to mask their discomfort.
I am accustomed to saying endearments like "I sure love you a lot" or "I really appreciate your friendship" or "I am going to miss you a lot!" or "let me give you a hug." And I like to express how I feel.
Tenderness makes one so vulnerable and it can be a scary affair. Many times, we hold it back fearing that we could be misinterpreted. To my detriment, a lot of times, I get a bit fearless.
I think that the pace and the manner of the times we live in today invariably buries many wonderful expressions of tenderness. We live in an interesting time.
For instance, hand-written notes are now a thing of the past. Or a rarity.
I am a bit disappointed that my daughters will probably never get a collection of exquisitely written love letters---handwritten on beautiful paper. What a delight it was for me in my younger days to get a letter in the mail and then to carefully cut the envelope, anxiously pull out several pages of handwritten sentiments and with shaking hands, read the words written by a boy obviously beset by deep emotions. I remember one occasion when the beautiful words penetrated deep in my heart and tears began to stream down my cheeks, my hands began to shake and I felt a warm, wonderful feeling inside that I had to sit down to complete reading his letter because my knees got weak. Though I did not return the boy's sentiments, the letter did soften my heart and I felt a tenderness that I will never forget. Obviously, I still remember the boy and the moment. He made a lifelong impression. Today, texting on cellphones seem to have replaced this tender expression. "i luv u" or "wassup" just doesn't cut it for me.
The best date I ever had was when one of my beaux, with the aid of my roommates, drove to my apartment very early in the morning while still dark, pulled me out of bed and drove me to our favorite spot on the beach and then waited for the sunrise to express his tender feelings for me, sealed it with a kiss and then ended the short excursion with a little "picnic" breakfast before he drove me back so I could get ready for my first class. Now granted, I lived in Hawaii and just across the beach--- but still, it took a lot of thinking and preparation....and tenderness to come up with that idea. Yeah. Tenderness. That's the ticket.
I love it when I can hug my close friends and tell them how much I love and appreciate them. I love it when I can put my arms around them and it's understood that we feel a lot of tenderness for each other. I have a very close cadre of friends from high school and when we visit with each other, I sometimes try to slow time down and bask in the wonderful atmosphere of friendship and mutual respect. I am so proud of their accomplishments and how they have raised great kids. My friend Corsee, for example, came from a small village in a rural area of southeastern Luzon and pursued excellence throughout her life. It paid off. I think she has surpassed even her wildest expectations of herself. My friend Chat has maintained her indefatigable personality and manages to pull everyone of us together in a close and tight circle. She is the tie that binds all of us. I can go on and on but the point is, when I look at them, I always feel tender. And I always want to express it. And they let me.
Most of all, it has always been my mantra to not hold back my tender feelings towards my family. My husband and my children are the most important people in the world to me and if I can't be tender to them, then nothing else matters. Last night, my daughter telephoned me from her busy college schedule just to tell me she got asked out on a date twice that night. We had a short, "girly" conversation and I wanted to give her the world. I felt tenderness again and again until it overflowed. I love this feeling.
Tenderness is a wonderful thing. If it is suppressed, then we get calloused and hard. Expressing tenderness is a risky proposition and so it takes great courage and self-assurance to do so. The trick is, to want to express it so much that it doesn't matter how it is taken because expressing tenderness trumps our fear of being rejected...or ignored. And it takes practice. Yes, practice. Even when alone, I can close my eyes and feel deep tender feelings towards those people who mean so much to me...my dearest, closest friends, my beautiful family... that I can be moved to tears. And that happens often. Very often.
Now if I can only write with a plume better than I can jiggle my mouse...
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