I've been thinking A LOT about what our grandchilden will call us. Kurt, I guess, will be called "grandpa". But for me, I am in such a quandary. I have to think very carefully about this. "Grandma" doesn't hold anything special for me simply because I did not call my grandmother 'grandma'. I called my maternal grandmother "inang'---pronounced 'ee-nahng" with the 'ng' sound I can only describe as saying the work "sing" with two syllables: seh and nggg. If you hold the 'ng' sound for a second or two, that would be about as close as you can get to the 'ng' sound. So, 'eee-nahnggg', accent on the 2nd syllable. I doubt my poor American grandchild can handle this and sound authentic since she will have absolutely NO one to model the correct pronunciation for her aside from me.
I called my paternal grandmother "lola" which is the correct term in Tagalog for 'grandmother'. But using the correct, authentic pronunciation, it would sound more like: loh-lah as opposed to the American way of saying it which would be "low-la"....accent on the first syllable. In that case, it would sound too much like "Lola" of Copacabana. And I do not want to be called that simply because living in America, my grandchildren will sound American and "Lola" simply will not sound nor "feel" the same....and I am not from Copacabana.
Someone suggested to me the names "nana' or "nanny". That doesn't sound good to me either. For one, I am NOT the nanny and secondly, I can picture me carrying my 1/4 Filipino grandchild---blonde and blue-eyed....and I WILL most probably look like her nanny rather then her grandmother! (Albeit a glamorous nanny.... but still a nanny.) I just cannot tolerate this misconception. I would just die. DIE!
But last night, I had an epiphany. I can invent any name I want and get away with it! They can just call me "Christie"---that would suit me just fine. Or "Tita" or "auntie" if I can dare it. Or any variation of my first and middle names: Chris, Tina, Eva, Eve, Lyn, Lini, Kiss-tee....an endless array of possibilities.
OR, how about a variation of "mother" in Tagalog? And I had a very good reaction to the name: 'ina' which means 'mother'. Though the correct pronunciation is "ee-NUH" with the accent on the 2nd syllable, I know my grandchildren will never be able to pronounce this authentically---plus considering the cadence and tone of the American accent, the Filipino pronunciation sounds very 'hard' and harsh. How would they say this in "American"? Ah---yes, "EE-nuh"---accent on the FIRST syllable. That, I can live with. And it sounds so sweet!
But then, I thought, I can also find a variation of "grandmother" that I can live with. How about 'Dam-mah'? (Ha!) Dan-ma. Danna? Donna? Hmmmm.....no. And here's a couple of names that I love: Momi or Mimi. Aha. I like these two.
I am trying to come up with an invention to bridge the gap between my Filipino-ness and being American. In due time, I will just be 'that great-great-grandmother from the Philippines'.....as the new generations of 'de Ramas' and 'Veloiras' emerge from a new race, in a new country. It only strengthens my reserve to continue writing my history to preserve and memorialize my heritage for the coming generations to come who, in all probability and in due time, will look less and less like me and more and more like Caucasians. I MUST keep ME 'alive' even long after my days on earth are past.
So, Ina, Momi or Mimi?
I guess I'll figure it out when I see Lucy for the first time. She'll tell. It will sound right when it happens.
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