The Miracles We Don't See

Nate was supposed to take Hannah to the airport last Monday so she can catch a very early flight back to Utah. He wanted to do it. It would be the last time he would see her before he leaves for his mission. He would have to get here at 5:30am so Hannah can make it to her flight.

5:35 came and no sign of Nate. We texted him. We rang his cell phone to no avail. So at 5:50, 110 minutes before her flight, we got in our car to take her. As Hannah broke down and cried in the back seat, I was trying so hard not to get disappointed at Nate. I had asked him 3 times if he was sure he could make it and every time, he reassured me he would make it. He slept through his alarm clock. And all those phone calls. I knew he would feel TERRIBLE when he wakes and realizes what just happened.

Hannah, thinking that she would have one more short moment with Nate before she leaves was crushed. And Nate, after he awoke, was beside himself. He was so flustered that he got his text messages mixed up. Oh how he must have felt.

Frustrated, disappointed and a sick feeling welling in my stomach, I was groping for words to say or something to hold on to before I called Nate and assisted in helping him feel worse about himself. Suddenly these words came to my head independent of everything that I was feeling: you will never know the miracles that were wrought upon your loved ones today. I began to calm down. Words came to me...in fact, they were not really words anymore but concepts that were flowing into my head. I do not believe in coincidences. All moments have meaning. The sweetest miracles are those that we don't see--miracles that are composed of things that didn't happen. There are miracles that are invisible because they are the direct results of things that didn't happen.

I pondered the thought and while I did so, an overwhelming feeling came upon me. It was the love of a Heavenly Father who knows us all by name and who takes control over all things--especially the things we don't see.

This realization made me tender and want to love others more. God's miracles often times are just very soft and tender whisperings that he loves us. And because he does, calm is restored and trust, love, reassurance and an overwhelming feeling of completeness takes over.

Indeed, many miracles may have been wrought this cold, blustery morning. The days when Nate and Hannah were together were beautiful days---perfect temperatures, beautiful days and nights. On this morning, as their paths separated, the day seemed to commiserate as if Nature herself knew the sadness that they felt about being separated for a time. And yet, as I drove home from the airport, a sense of peace came upon me and a growing sense of gratitude filled my longing heart. We will never know the miracles that happened this morning because the miracles were simply composed of things that did not happen. And the biggest miracle of all is that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the things that did not happen were wrought by a loving Heavenly Father whose tender mercies held us all in one whisper soft embrace.

And all I wanted to do was bow my head and with all that I have give thanks to God for allowing Nate to sleep through his alarm clock and remain where he is safe; having that perfect assurance that the beautiful young woman he loves will continue to love and support him---and allowing Hannah to safely return to BYU with many wonderful memories of her special time with the young man she loves--memories that will fill her waiting heart.

Nate's Farewell

I stole the above photo from Nate's Facebook. I love the expressions on their faces.

Nate's Farewell

Tomorrow is Nate's 'farewell'. They are going full production with it complete with flyer style invitations and an open house. Nate picked up Hannah last night to have dinner with his family, some of whom traveled near and far to celebrate this wonderful event. I was a bit concerned because I did not want Hannah to feel 'out of place' but the Camps have been so wonderful to her. For that, I am very, very grateful and appreciative.

Tomorrow will be the last time that Hannah will see Nate for 24 months. He leaves for the Scotland Edinburgh (Scottish Gaelic: Dùn Èideann) mission two weeks later. We are all anxious to hear him speak tomorrow. I flew Hannah home just for this occasion because when you realize how much they both feel for one another, the rest is simply elementary.

Nate and Hannah picked me up from the airport today. I was in New York City and had a wonderful day there before I had to fly back. I took them to lunch and we had a fabulous time together. It was heartwarming to see the two look radiantly happy to be together. Everything seems to be clicking marvelously for them.

I'll keep this blog unfinished for now until the farewell and if I have any thoughts, I'll post them here.

*******

It's Sunday afternoon but it seems like early evening here. That's disturbing.

We indeed went to Nate's farewell. There were 4 speakers. I have to say that I enjoyed Nate's talk the best simply because it was earnest, sincere and heartfelt. No pontificating. No showing off. No preaching. I truly enjoyed it. The second speaker did mention that Scotland has no idea of the blessings that are about to arrive in their midst with Elder Nathan Camp. I tried hard not to cry when he said that but cry I did. It's because it's true.

I changed Hannah's flight back twice. In the beginning, I knew she NEEDED to go back on Monday but she insisted on going back Sunday afternoon. Well, all it needed was Nate's magic and poof---Hannah is leaving, as I envisioned in my head, on Monday early morning. EXACTLY the way I see it in my head. That's scary that I can do that but on the other hand, if people would just listen to me, it would prevent a whole lot of trouble and plus, one can make good use of the time by planning ahead.

There's an open house tonight at the Camps and I would like to go and share the evening with them---see and experience their joy and exuberance over Nate's decision to serve a mission. In any case, I almost wish he were already gone so things can move forward. The waiting for the wait to begin is simply...unnecessary at this point.

That's all I have to say about this....for now.

********************************

Feb 2, Monday

Nate came to say good-bye tonight. He brought us a book written by his BOM teacher at BYU that he enjoyed reading and we really appreciated it very much. He leaves on Monday for their cabin and then the next day for SLC to spend time with his grandmother LaRue (who I just love) and then will get dropped off at the MTC on Wed, Feb 11 at 11:30. It was such a pleasure to have him visit even if it was to say good-bye. We just told him that we will see him around this time in 2 years. Suddenly, two years seemed a long time...only because we have enjoyed having him around.

Hannah and Nate seemed to glow together. They are, in a big way, inseparable but both looked happy and eager to look forward to the times ahead. I know things will work out for them but this separation certainly will try and refine whatever it is that they have that seems to keep them solidly together.

I was suddenly hit by a certain sadness and foreboding that I couldn't really define.

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Oh. And I received another email from David Scow. His family has been wonderfully generous to forward his emails from his mission. This time, the email came with another picture of him and a local family. He looked so different from all of them...and a bit lost. My heart got sad too that he was so far away and yet he is about to reach his 7th month and whoa...that was fassssst.

That's all I'm going to say about that for now.

I love that these wonderful young men are on their missions. But I sure do miss having them around.

Wendy Anae, coach of BYU Women's Basketball and sister to Robert Anae, defensive coach of BYU Football, Hina Hunkin, my favorite French-Tahitian and moi.

*********************

I have been besieged lately by crazy comments and questions about looking younger than my age which is so annoying because I'm discovering more and more little wrinkles and sagging than I care to even mention. This is so comical to me because well, first of all, I'm Asian. You should see my friend Nori. She is about to kiss 50 but she looks like a 20 year old! Anyway, to Caucasians, we seem to age very, very slowly. But we Asians on the other hand, can see very well how we age because we see ourselves differently. It's a paradox.

But in thinking about it, I began to consider WHO were making these comments and in considering that, I've come up with pretty clever observations.

First, most of the women who ask what I'm doing have themselves 'given up'. I mean, just because we are in our 50s doesn't mean that we have to dress or look dowdy. What I've noticed is that most of them don't use make-up to even out their complexion. As Caucasians age, their skin seems to get ruddy and the colours uneven. That ages them. It would be easy to just take time and find the right type of foundation--cream, liquid, powder or mineral--whatever works for their skin type. That doesn't require much and they SHOULD take the time. Secondly, I think they need to learn how to apply or better yet, blend concealers under their eyes and under their brows. This takes some experimentation and practice because the skin around our eyes can be very thin and so applying highlighters/concealers can actually make it look worse if not mastered correctly. This is not hard to do. All you need is a good mirror and realistic eyes. I think when we age, we lose our playfulness and the joy of experimentation and it shows in the way we dress and present ourselves. That's when we begin to look shabby. So experiment, practice and search for the right foundation and concealers.

Next, I think that as we age, our lips lose their definition. What's the problem with wearing lipstick? I mean, if moms in their 40s and 50s go to church with red lipstick, does that mean that they're 'looking'? Sheeezzz, sometimes I think Mormons have such dirty minds. Yeah---red lipstick can do wonders! There's also a way to use lipstick so that the pigment doesn't run through the vertical wrinkles around the lips. Again, this takes experimentation.

Speaking of lips, here's another biggee: your teeth. It's easy to purchase one of those whitening strips for your teeth but it takes effort to actually do it. Well---do it. Yellow teeth simply add 10 years to one's face. And if you're in your 50s, yellow, uncared for teeth make you look ancient and decrepit---so add 20 years! Invest in your smile. It's the easiest way to remove years from your face!

So then, how about getting a good haircut? I think its a worthy investment. Hair is your crown and yeah-- get a good haircut! And for Pete's sake---do they have to wear their gray like a badge of honor? Crap. There's nothing good about gray hair unless you get a professional colourist to do it for you WITH a good haircut. Dull hair is a crime. I've invested in some wonderful wigs that I wear when I have a bad hair day or when I just feel like it. I look at it like....wearing a nice hat. Wigs are now made so unbelievably well at affordable prices. Again, experiment. Everytime I go to my favorite wig store I try on at least a dozen before I find one that makes me look good!

How about your shoes? Do they have to be eeekily banal? ANd is eekily a word? Nevermind. Shoes! I love shoes! Wearing high heels is an ability one has to acquire. If you give up that ability, you will forever be cast into the dowdy shoe outer darkness. Comfort is NOT an excuse. Work into it again! I used to be able to run wearing 3 inch stiletto heels. Not anymore. First of all, I have more weight to pack. Secondly, I gave up the ability. Now I am working up to it. I can be comfortable with 2.5 inch kitten heels. I'm working my way up. Just because I'm 53 doesn't mean I can't wear those sexy high heels! Oh my gosh---look at Tina Turner.

And lastly, check out the latest magazines for good fashion sense. True, there are certain styles I'd never consider that women in their 20s or even 30s can get away with. But why would I want to wear a tunic with lace leggings? But consider this: women in their 50s don't have to limit their palette to black or neutral colours. And we don't have to wear suits to look believable. We can wear sexy jeans. We can wear yellow. We can punch that dark suit with a red scarf or...hey even wear purple tights with those boots! And fishnet stockings. Yeah. I wear those. Why the hell not?

While I haven't had botox in over two years, I would have no compunction whatsoever about doing it. I've just been lazy because my doctor moved west side and I'm too lazy to find another to do the deed. But I'll do it as soon as I can. Oh and a couple of syringes of Restylane to smooth out my furrows and the naso-labial creases. Yeah. Painful. Oh so painful but after the deed, I will look like I went on a long vacation to Paris and came back totally renewed and serene. I'd do that again too. It's been three years since that first experience but I'd totally do it again.

Oh, and let's not forget that I've started going to the gym again. I haven't lost an ounce yet but I can see the difference already just in that extra spring in my step. And giving up sugar and white flour really does change your countenance...though I do cheat on more than one occasion. After all, I'm 53 and I can do whatever the hell I want.

And here's a postscript: I don't let being overweight paralyze me into thinking that I can only wear black to make me look smaller. Who would I be kidding? Matter occupies space and the space my matter occupies cannot be camouflaged. So that's that.

So I stumbled home just a few minutes ago from a 70 minute work-out session with my new trainer, Vanessa. She worked me to death even if my numbers were just at beginner's level. She knew exactly how much to push me at every station or machine we were using...except for the sit-ups. She definitely pushed me past my limit there. And the squats. She underestimated how bad I was.

I cannot believe that I have a weight problem. And I cannot believe that I let myself get so out of shape. I wish that I could get addicted to exercise the same way I am addicted to food, glorious food!

Anyway, I posted the picture above because I feel like those Hawaiians who were pushed off the edge of the cliff of Pali.

Definitely.

Seeing Lola Again

Top (l-r) Pedro and Dolores de Rama
Bottom: L-R My great-grandparents Francisca and Felix de Rama with my father,
Enrique on Felix's lap

**************

I fell asleep on the nice red leather couch yesterday after teaching 6am seminary and had a dream. It was one of those dreams where you were aware of and can hold on to what's real but strangely accept the inconsistencies and the bizarre that you see in a dream.

I was in a strangely familiar house full of mismatched old furniture. It was my paternal grandmother's though it existed only in the dream. I seem to recognize some of the furniture and believed that they once belonged to various members of the family. I called my grandmother "Lola' which is the Tagalog endearment for grandmother. Lola had covered most of the couches and chairs with old fabric of many muted colours dulled with age and it felt to me like they were dusty and musty though I knew in my dream that that was only my impression and so may or may not be true. I sat on a green and white striped cushion while I watched Lola mill about in the rooms.

The room I was in was long and there was a doorway that opened into what seemed like a parlour in the middle of the room. I proceeded to enter and saw Lola busy in front of an old sewing machine working on another project. I suddenly felt tender inside and wanted my Lola to feel my love. Somehow I also knew that my Lolo (Grandpa) was not with her. And strangely, I was aware that in a previous dream that I had of her, she was living in a smaller, darker and dank house. This was now an upgrade.

I tried to form a question in my mind that I wanted to ask her and as I attempted to ask that question, I suddenly woke up. The question was: What is the most important lesson that you learned in your life? I was still in between sleep and wakefulness and I screamed in my head: Go back! Go back! But it was futile. I was now wide awake.

I miss my Lola. And I was glad to see her.

THINGS I DREAM ABOUT THAT WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE

1. An unexpected afternoon visit from a friend who just wants to talk.

2. An unexpected package of treats that comes via snail mail.

3. An unexpected bouquet of flowers just to cheer me on.

4. An unexpected door bell from a friend who just wants to give me a hug to thank me for something I did

5. An unexpected text message in the morning that says: Good morning! Just thinkin'about you!

6. An unexpected beam of smile from someone I don't know.

7. An unexpected touch on my back that tells me that I mean a lot to someone.

8. An unexpected breakfast made warm and toasty just for me.

9. An unexpected day of pure indulgence arranged so I can just curl up and read a book.

10. An unexpected handwritten letter that tells me I am appreciated.

Moving On

Theme for this year: GET ORGANIZED. I really need to work on the house and finish restyling 2 bedrooms plus my home office AND I need to duplicate my home office in the office building. I need to have two of each electronic doohikey that I have...or get improved versions for the office. These things will take time and being seminary teacher is actually not helping. I can't believe that its been almost a year since I started painting and crowning the bedroom and I haven't done anything since then. All of a sudden, Jordan's wedding came up and a few other things. Whoa. Time FLIES. It just flies SO FAST it's craaaaaaazy! 'Tis time.

It's been a real stuggle again getting used to being alone. Oh well.

I still have to get the Christmas decorations put away. The Christmas tree is going to be a monster feat. I have literally about 200 ornaments on that poor old thing. And every year that I tell myself that I am NOT going to buy anymore ornaments, I do. What's up with that?

Anyway, I have a few ideas swimming in my head that I need to implement so I better git.

Opening New Doors

Opening New Doors

My son Jordan, is on his way back to Washington DC to finish up another year of law school at George Washington U. They are in Denver right now to spend the night and will catch their connecting flight in the morning. It will be cold there.

My son Leland is back in Provo and in law school at BYU. My two little sweet grandchildren will be safe and warm in the comfortable condo that we are fortunate to have for their use - both under the sweet, loving care of their mother who is so many times more patient and loving than I ever was.

My beautiful Natascha will spread her sunshine back in very cold BYU. I am sorely missing her and her bright countenance. I noticed how much more beautiful she is suddenly and how it seems that she is just now blossoming. I think she will be ready for fresh, new adventures and I'm excited for her. I hope that the door she will kick open will lead her to sweet and deeper relationships and that the winds will give her the propulsion she needs to grab many new and amazing experiences.

I took the above photo of Hannah and Nate last night. I took a bunch of them with his brand new camera. They all turned out nice but this one captures the joy and exuberance that they both have when they are together. It's all very sweet. Tonight is their last night together before Hannah goes back to college and Nate will remain here to prepare to embark on his mission to Scotland Edinburgh. He has 6 short weeks to do that. I am going to fly Hannah back for his farewell on January 25 and after that, they won't see each other for 24 months. For some reason, 24 months seems shorter than two years.

I was thinking last night about what Nate and Hannah are about to face head-on and suddenly, it occurred to me that what they are going through seems like a metaphor for a larger scenario. It reminded me of the song "Till He Comes Again". Both of them are going to have to keep their memories of their times together so that they will have something to draw from when they feel drained or insecure. This is why taking those pictures made so much sense.

I do think that they have a very good chance of making it through their time apart. I am reminded of a single event when Hannah was still in junior high. She announced to me that she was going to be valedictorian when she graduates from high school. I tried to explain to her that it's not important that she does that but it would certainly be nice. I remember how determined and focused she was. Six years later or so, she graduates valedictorian. There are many other events when she did this same thing. When she was just a wee little toddler, she came to me and announced (and I do mean ANNOUNCED...) that she was now going to stop sucking her thumb. I never once pressured her to stop doing so, so I was surprised at her resolve. She never again sucked her thumb. Another instance, she again announced that she was no longer sleeping in my bed. (All our children slept on our bed when they were little---or would start off sleeping on our bed and then Kurt would carry them to their beds...) I enjoyed feeling their little bodies close to mine so I was really rattled when, at about 2 years old, Hannah again made the firm, indisputable announcement that she was now going to sleep in her own bed. I will never forget that night because that was the end of my happy cuddlings with my babies. Or how about that time when she also announced that she will no longer wear diapers? Yes, that happened too. And she did it. So now she made another nodal decision: she is going to wait for Nate. So, I know that she will. I only hope Nate doesn't come home from his mission all squirrelly and weird. I don't know him well enough but I do know Hannah and I know she will not make the determination if he weren't worth it. I hope my hunch is right that he is a young man who will serve an honorable mission and will return the same wonderful young man but better. He is opening a new door that opens to new adventures. And so will my Hannah. It will be tough at first but she will sail with the north wind.

Anyway, I can't seem to stop crying right now. I noticed that I still have a Christmas tree and all my decorations. They don't mean anything. No matter how much I add tinsel here or another glass ornament there, nothing seems to carry the same sweetness or even brightness. My children are not here and everything seems empty. Though I look forward to being with my dear, sweet Kurt and can have him all to myself, I do miss the noise and commotion that comes with having a full house. Everybody tells me that I'll get used to it eventually. But I don't think I want to get used to it. I have so many thoughts. But one thing I do know is that this new year will bring me many new and exciting adventures. I hope to invest more time with my little cadre of PSHS friends.

And do I dare speak about the pounds I need to lose?

Nah!

 

Nate Plays Pictionary And...

...we had a hilarious, gut guffawing night playing "Win Lose Or Draw" and Pictionary. Actually we played a few times as a family and every time, we just laughed like crazy!

Here's the updated video of the Faux Ice Skating Night.
(A larger version can be seen at this YouTube site.)

If you listen carefully, you'll hear Jack say "hello?" It's SO funny because he used the voice-changer for a telephone. Jack is all of 9 months old. And pure smart. HE'S A GENIUS!!!

The White Stuff On The Ground

Yes, it's now day 4 since it snowed here in Henderson, Nevada and there's STILL snow on my front yard. This never happened before. While in the past it did snow, the snow on the ground melted by the end of the day. So this is a first by my 21 years of living here in the dessert. Note that our driveway still has snow. That's because no one in the neighborhood owns a snow shovel. Everybody else's snow has melted but not ours because we don't get much sun from this side. We are enjoying it immensely. But now we want our normal nice desert winter--sunny and pleasant.

HELL FROZE OVER!!

I've lived in Henderson, Nevada for 21 years now. I've seen it snow here a couple of times. I even posted a video clip on YouTube about it that got over 56,000 views. (What? "Lost" wasn't on the telly?) But nothing compares to what happened today. It snowed for well over an hour and there's STILL a carpet of snow all over my little enclave. Watch it below. Why didn't this happen when my kids were still around and could have played in the snow? Made snowmen? Throw snowballs at each other? Anyway, it is SO cold today. For a while, I thought I was still in Utah. I was going to have an instant migraine as I entertained that thought for a brief nanosecond. I shooed it away because I was in a good mood. Weather like this is so....biblical. So watch and enjoy the music!

And while you're at it, please go ahead and click HERE for some laughter therapy. I GUARANTEE you loads and loads of belly laughs that will release all those healing hormones that will help you feel like you can conquer all the stress of Christmas and all the work that goes into making that happen. You can thank me later.

HILARIOUS!!

My Little Christmas Tree

I decided that this year is the absolute, definite last Christmas for this poor tree before it finally goes to Christmas tree heaven. It's poor branches are bent and broken and I've had to use many pieces of wire to fix them. I need a healthy, whole tree!

It's taken me a whole week just to finish decorating this tree. I think I have a couple of hundred ornaments hanging on it and I dread having to dismantle everything in three weeks. Such a chore. And always a sad one because it means that my children will be off to college and their lives again. But I'm not going to think about that right now.

Today, I taught THREE seminary classes--a noble feat but nevertheless, I was so very happy that I got to do it. Every class has a different feel and I do enjoy the students very much. However, I do LOVE my 6am class the best because its MY class and I know my students much better. They are the absolute best.

There's a bunch of Christmas riff raff that I am not using this year so I am going to put them all in a big box for my kids to dive in so they can decorate their student apartments and for my married sons, their sweet, new homes that they are building with their wives and children. It's fun to watch them create their own sweet traditions that they meld together as brand new families. My sons are wonderful husbands and make sweet fathers. Makes me very happy. I have two unbelievably accomplished and rare gems of daughters who will, in the future become wives and mothers too. I am excited for their time.....though not in a real hurry because they are still very young. I enjoy them IMMENSELY.

So I am again exhausted tonight from lack of sleep. It's finally Friday so I can sleep in tomorrow and get all refreshed for the next week. My children will be home by week's end. Can't hardly wait.

I must make sure I have fresh sheets and towels. And stock up on food.

Yay. Sigh. I am suddenly feeling very tired.

TIME WAITS FOR NO ONE

Christmas is just around the corner and I am STILL putting the 1,000th ornament on the tree. Haven't even touched the mantle yet nor hung any stocking. My list of Christmas to-do's has now been shortened but I haven't abandoned all hope yet that I can do all the fun little details that make Christmas at home memorable.

I wish I had more time. I wish I didn't have to teach seminary right now although every time I do, I feel happy.

Disconnect may have to happen soon.

Lovin' and Likin'

Is it possible for two people to fall desperately in love with each other and completely not 'get' or like each other? All the time. But it doesn't have to happen because in reality, that situation is the product of many choices.

Now that I am old, I am starting to REALLY see how things work and appreciate the delicate tickings of the machinery of close interpersonal relationships. The scriptures have given me the best insights about male-female relationships. There are so many intricate workings but here are the big, broad strokes--keeping in mind that I am focusing only on male and female relationships that stem from a mutual understanding and realization that each have very deep feelings for one another and are now embarking on a relationship with each other whether it be that they are now dating exclusively or are already married:

1. Male and female NEED a partner to complete each other. There's no exception. A man simply needs a woman and vice-versa. Choosing a life partner is the single most important decision a person will make in this earthly life. It will mean the difference between grace and darkness.

2. Physical attraction is the initial chemistry needed to attract the two 'species'. After that initial response which may be instant, the rest is simply made up of nothing but CHOICES.

3. The more we make good choices, the better we get at making them. This includes how we respond to the consequences of poor choices that we make when we do not have all the necessary tools and devices to help us or to those challenges that come packaged with life itself These choices create 'experiences' from which we may gain wisdom line upon line and precept upon precept.

4. The more effort and time we dedicate to invest in the relationships we have chosen, the more wisdom and light we accumulate. Because we cannot control other people's choices, we are behooved to concentrate only on our own choices. BUT our choices can affect and influence the choices that others make. This principle is where you can separate the goats from the sheep.

5. After we make the choice to love someone, we need to concentrate on HOW we love them....not how they love us. When we choose to concentrate on the other's lacks, we become oblivious and blind to their way of SHOWING their affection because every person shows their affections in many different ways--even ways that we are blind to. The more we show our love, the more the other person WANTS to show his/her feelings in ways that we can better understand and feel. Most of the time, we feel under-appreciated because we are concentrating too much on measuring the other's lack and thus we become miserable. The rule of the game is 'to give love' not 'take' because there is no need to 'take'....love is always freely given. "Taking" in this manner is merely subtle abuse. If EACH one concentrates on giving, all will fall into place because loving others is Heaven's rule. Demanding that love be shown to us ONLY in the context of our expectations breaks this rule. Each must adhere to this rule. Once this rule is broken, many unfavorable consequences follow that slowly result in discontent...even cruelty for one another. Guilt, malcontent, immature behaviour and a general feeling of dissatisfaction ensue and are entertained until those feelings rise to the surface: first slowly, then frequently....and then later only those feelings remain and couples 'suddenly' find themselves caught with these feelings with no real and concrete event to attach them to. Should you find yourself in this unpleasant and disturbing situation here's my advise: QUICK! Get over it and start working on showing more love. Results will follow slowly and then BAM! you get HIT with huge splashes of tender love.

What are the signs that we are NOT showing love? When relationships become 'tit for tat'. That is, we start to measure what we give against what we receive. When we are in this condition, we fail to see our own lack and become blind to the other person's efforts because we only want to see what we expect and become blind to the language of the other's affections and efforts. We begin to withhold affection. Grudges begin to form. Questions begin to pop where there wasn't any just moments before. And then we unjustly minimize our partner's love---even when in reality, his/her love never faltered. We want to punish. And oh at times, even retribution. This is a sign that we are immature----when giving becomes a 'sacrifice' or an effort rather than a privilege. This is nail #1 on the coffin of relationships. Showing someone you love her/him should be a happy event devoid of expectations because those expectations live in faith and security because our eyes can SEE the other person's efforts too.

When both concentrate on loving the other, both can see each other's beautiful spirits. We all have spirits that can recognize the image of our Creator in each other. That kind of love is a gift of the Spirit. We can ask for it. When we love another person, that is what we ask for---pray for. Then all will fall into place. Can two people fall in love with each other and not 'like' each other? Ya. It's possible. But only if each one chooses it. It is a choice. It is easy to like another person when you remember what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Then the wet clay falls from your eyes and you can see again. Crystal. Each MUST cultivate a culture of demonstrating love and affection for one another because we all know that love is an action word.

6. Choose your imperfections wisely. That is, when you love someone, you must decide if his/her imperfections are 'perfect' for you. This is a choice. This is a choice.

7. Blame is a useless burden. Remove that from your baggage. Solve the problem instead. Imperfections are attached to each human being. Problems that arise between two people who love each other are merely situational and can be solved together. Discuss the problem as if it were a third person that is between you---like someone who is standing in front of the television and you can't see the show--ya, that way. Then find a solution to rid your relationship of this intruder. Together, you can choose to make those changes that will shoo that intruder away and then you can stand closer to each other and see one another better.

8. Be fearless. Love without a safety net. Sometimes, thinking too much is the intruder.

9. Be creative in showing affection. And shower the other with such.

10. Pray that the Spirit will gift you with clarity to see things through your partner's eyes. Give the other the benefit of the doubt. Envelope yourself with the faith and assurance of his/her love for you. And if you have the great blessing of time invested in each other, nurture the other with an avalanche of conviction and faith in his/her love. There is nothing that buoys your partner more than this display of faith in the other. If you complain or lament about his/her lack or fault, it is like a hot knife through a soft heart. It stings. It hurts.

Liking each other is easy after you've already established that there is a physical connection. Did I say it is a choice after that initial realization? Oh ya. I would venture to say that that initial 'recognition' and that continued longing for the other is a spiritual connection too---sort of a 'remembrance' or a recognition of something intangible and sometimes, undefinable notion of belonging. That unique connection is electricity. And now the choice is how to harness that magic into a real and powerful force that will complete male and female into one complete whole. And that choice is one that you will make every day.

I am SO thankful that I have a husband who lives this principle. I came into our relationship with a truckload of heavy baggage. I was an immature wounded NEEDY young woman who demanded much. I cannot even fathom what my fate would have been had my wonderful husband not loved me so completely and so utterly patiently. Even when it seemed so one-sided, he still showed me love despite my severe lack of perspective and maturity---or rather, despite my constant demands for more evidence of his love. It was always there constantly. I just didn't recognize them because I was too busy measuring. But he saw something in me that even I still can't see and it didn't stop there. He was TRUE to what he saw and still he loves me. He even forgives so quickly my inability to SEE his demonstrations while I was busy looking for my expectations. He is my example and all I ask is that God will give us more time so I can be better at loving him. Remember that rule---heaven's rule---to show love, to give love first and all will fall into place. Choose to live this way. Choose to love this way.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I DON'T WANT TO QUIT TEACHING SEMINARY

1. It's the Book of Mormon year.
2. Hmmm..... Book of Mormon
3. Well.....
4.

I guess, I'll teach seminary again next year.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Want To Quit Teaching Seminary

1. Harp Lessons
2. More piano lessons
3. Write and arrange more music that I hear in my head ALL the time
4. Write more.
5. Need more time to remodel our bedroom from scratch
6. More quickie trips
7. More time to read and study.
8. Tackle my digital projects for my posterity
9. More time to take care of myself and only me for once.
10. Need time to invest in my friendships

HE WAS ALWAYS THERE

I've had a love-hate relationship with seminary especially these past few weeks now. I am always exhilarated after class and then by around 4pm, I am simply stressed-out about the next day's lesson and having to top the one I just gave that morning. I think I am such an obsessive person about whatever task I decide I am going to dedicate my attention to that I simply don't have the gene instruction that tells me when I can stop. I obsess about everything and if there's 24 hours in a day to prepare, I'll use ALL those hours until I am exhausted and I STILL don't think I did enough. Yes, I am a compulsive, obsessive, addicted personality. I wish I could just say: Ya. That's all I need to do to prepare for that lesson. But that's so half-assed that I just can NOT do it. (Do I sound like a seminary teacher?) I need a pill to make me chill.

Today, the lesson was on Luke 19:29+ which talks about Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem on what was to be the beginning of his last week on earth as a mortal being. I had a great idea: to meld 2 different video experiences. The first video showed 6 minutes of the Saviour Series which was made by a non-denominational group called "The Genesis Project" which the CES used years ago. It's very well made but the VHS images were very degraded. So I took just that part and then melded it with another video that I made. I took some scenes from an obscure movie called "King of Kings" of the exact same event, edited it (lots of extraneous non-Bible stuff going on there...) and then added some more clips to show that Christ was all along always there to make us "whole"--from the beginning when he was known as "Jehovah" maker of heaven and earth, to the beginning of his last week, then his resurrection and appearance in the latter days to the young Joseph Smith. What I wanted to show is that he is the same person from thousands of years past, to the times of his mortal ministry...until this present day, he was just always there to heal us and make us whole. And yet again, he is STILL here with us. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. And we can always count on Him.

Here's the second half of that video that I put together. There was definitely a very sweet Spirit in class today and many eyes were wet as we watched together and remembered him.

Dead Tired

I was SO exhausted on Thanksgiving week. Everyday. The day before, I could barely muster enough energy to make breakfast let alone prepare the meal for the next day.

Thanksgiving Day: I was on my feet most of the day cooking and cleaning.

Sunday: I could barely walk. I think I managed to develop plantar faciitis. My right heel was so painful I couldn't walk. I need to rest it. When I went through security at SLC airport, I automatically gave the man my ATM card. He looked at it and asked if I had a picture ID. I looked at him confused. He showed me my card and said, "...unless you want to buy me dinner..." Then I realized what I had done and sheepishly gave him my driver's license. (It just dawned on me that this must stem from the now unnumbered times I had to satisfy the demands of my ATM card use during the past two weeks... so every time someone puts a hand in front of me, I just automatically give up my ATM card...) He asks me if I am alright. I tell him I am just exhausted. He tells me to 'take care'. That was nice. I hobble to my gate.

Monday: Today, I applied ice and heat to my heel. Took the maximum allowable dosage of Advil. It feels much better but I am worried about tomorrow. I really need to get some sleep. I don't think I am going to last Christmas break if I don't get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. The weeks before Thanksgiving, I averaged 3 hours of sleep a night. I am really feeling it. I am beginning to not like seminary. I have yet to put my tree up. Not to mention decorations. I feel like I am 80 years old. I need sleep. It's nearly 7pm and I have yet to read my seminary lesson. Did I say I am exhausted?

Talking American

Talking American

Perhaps I'm just feeling a bit mortified by all the hoopla going on in California about Proposition 8 and all the angry people who are now protesting outside LDS Temples and chapels---people taunting, yelling, threatening and belittling LDS and some Catholic organizations. I usually don't verbalize my feelings about politics or religion but since I'm feeling this way, I thought I'd just vent.

Nearly 200 years ago, an angry mob killed Joseph and Hyrum Smith in Missouri and everywhere the LDS congregations went, mobs terrorized, tortured and murdered innocent followers of the LDS church which precipitated the mass exodus of the "Mormons" from Nauvoo to a stale and harsh desert which, after years of hard labour, they made to bloom like a rose. Throughout the history of the LDS church, there have been no recorded conduct of masses of LDS people protesting with such vile hatred against any group of people. Now we are being threatened with our lives and livelihood simply because of our beliefs. Once again, it is happening. And as the scriptures prophesy, many more events like this will occur before the great and terrible day of the Lord.

All Christians believe that this day will come--when Christ will come again--this time, in all His glory and all will know that Jesus, who walked the earth over 2,000 years ago, is the Messiah. But not before evil overcomes the earth and not before the earth itself groans and responds--which in our blindness we cannot even recognize.

No matter what is said, the basis and foundation of the American constitution and way of life has always been the belief that there is a God, that there is right and wrong. The framers of the Constitution, imperfect and flawed as they may be, had a moral compass. Laws are based on morality whether we care to admit it or not. And right or wrong simply cannot exist without a divine mandate: a higher power that imbues each person with a sense of right or wrong. It is choice and accountability that are divine gifts and when we choose to numb ourselves from doing what's morally correct, that part of our nature becomes callous and hard and thus, it becomes easier to walk far from the Divine.

In the coming days, when angry mobs decry and persecute those whose beliefs differ from theirs, I hope and pray that calmness and clarity will again return and we will all see that there are more things that unite us than divide us. "Mormons" as a whole, do not hate homosexuals. Our belief is that God loves ALL men and that our responsibility is to love all people. But we also have a responsibility to protect what we deem are important to us just as others have that right and duty. And while I have strong opinions about the laws and choosing the leaders who will uphold our beliefs, so do the others who differ. But rancor, threats, the movements to destroy the safety and well being of others simply because through the exercise of democracy, our desires have prevailed, are simply NOT products of civility.

I did not vote for Barack Obama. But now that he is president-elect, I respect him and am filled with hope that our nation will rise above such divisiveness. I see his strengths and am excited that he has the zeal to make changes and I pray that they will work. I have always been impressed by his comportment and his closeness to his family, his awesome accomplishments against all odds, his eloquence though there are many issues in his platform that concern me.

So off we go on another adventure and if the American people will just make wise choices individually---live within their means, raise responsible children, remain vigilant and most of all, pay more attention to their civic DUTIES than focusing so much on their 'rights', we may just witness a new light in the horizon.

It is so pathetic that most of us will not speak up for fear that we will offend or hurt others. That is what ills us. I mean, must we turn the other cheek all the time? Does being meek and humble involve only being quiet and letting others have their thunder while we wait and quietly let the world persecute those who believe in God? Is there a point where letting others have a go on our every 'cheek' becomes simply laziness and stupid ignorance?

It is so sad that Christians on the whole are not "cool"or hip. Why is the same 'code of conduct' not applicable to believers? While we quietly wait for them to hit the other cheek, why can others be militant and aggressive? Why can they be hate mongers and be "hip"? And if another pundit brings up the Inquisition, I am going to scream.

The fundamental obligations of government and the laws are to protect public health, provide safely and advance general welfare--pre-eminently to protect a person's fundamental rights and liberties. It must not usurp family or individual authority. What the constitution must protect are those things which are "self-evident"; the powers of humanness: our ability to reason, our basic freedoms, intelligent inquiry, aesthetic appreciation...etc. With what is going on outside our temples and chapels, we must adhere to the fundamental belief that civic order is based on the moral compass that is divinely given to each individual by a higher power. And if we negate this, we again go down the path of those who scoff at the 'stupidity' of those who believe in a right and a wrong, those who believe in good and evil. And my friends, there IS evil. And it really does exist. Those who believe in God also believe in Satan. Both are real though we all know who has the greater power.

LDS people cannot drink from the cooler that contains the kool-aid of moral relativism all the time. We must honor the truth and not underestimate people. Truth is luminous and powerful. We must have faith in that. As Christians, we do not make the argument OFTEN enough....or even worse, we do not make our arguments WELL enough. We are often stumped by statements that sound so absolute but are deceptively untrue. "Love makes a family" for example, sounds so good but is deceptively untrue. "We all have rights!" is a cry that is deceptively untrue---dropping the second part which states that with every right we have, we also have duties. Our rights are only valid if we also honor our duties. Such absolute statements that leave out part of the truth is, well, untrue.

Ok, I think I've vented enough. I believe in God. I believe in good and evil. I believe that Christ will come again. I want to be part of that great army that will, in the end, proclaim him Lord and King. And disciples of Christ cannot be complacent. I believe we can make our arguments be known without vileness or anger but with kindness and civility and hopefully, with firmness, vim and vigor. I hope that those angry mobs outside our Holy Temples will not deface what we believe is the House of the Lord. I hope they will not try to arm themselves with hatred and vileness against those who peacefully live their lives. I hope that they will embrace civility as they make their arguments...as so it should be.

REFERENCE, PLEASE!

Often, during lesson discussions or talks, I hear members of the church quoting what supposedly, are the Saviour's comforting words whenever one is beset by trials and adversity: I never said it would be easy...I only said it would be worth it. Many times, there would be tears and an accompanying heartfelt testimony. Consequently, I never had the zeal to challenge them to find me the book, chapter and verse because I didn't have the heart to see the blank look on their faces, the stuttering of their words or their embarrassment or mortification when it finally dawns on them that those words simply do not exist in any scripture that we accept as the standard works of the church. But the frequency with which I find myself in this deliciously high octane moment is so high and I am now convinced that studying the scriptures and essential gospel principles are not as popular as I expected it to be.

I want to list some of the common Mormon rhetoric that seems to make sense on first blush and yet, if we wake up from the catatonia of complacency, becomes a conundrum of triteness and befuddlement.

"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it" negates the very words of Christ as quoted in the New Testament:

Come unto me all ye that labour and are heavy laden for I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Clearly, the abundant life that follows the teachings of the Saviour is one that is free from the shackles and devastation of sin. Life indeed does come packaged with strife, challenges and hardship---that is a given. But the blessings and untold treasures that come from availing of the gifts of the Atonement through faith, repentance, baptism and the right to the companionship of the Holy Ghost brings us the balm of Gilead. Indeed, Christ never told us it would be 'difficult' but rather, the opposite. He provides us the easy way where our burdens can be made light.

I fear that my head will explode if I hear this common false and to a degree, dangerous rhetoric that is haplessly being propagated. I wish to curtail it's proliferation and replace it with truth.

Mormon Royalty

What is Mormon Royalty? One who is born into the covenant and is related to someone important in the church and/or whose ancestors crossed the plains.

Oh---and of course, they act like royalty.

HOME BY ANOTHER WAY

I was preparing for a seminary class the other day and upon reading the first 12 verses of Matthew 2, I was suddenly seized by what I would call a massive jolt of perception.

Matthew begins his writings by telling the story of certain wise men from the east who were inquiring among the townspeople about the Messiah, or the 'king of the jews' who was born according to ancient prophesies. Now, at this time, they all had seen a star in the heavens and were now anxious to worship him. Herod encourages them to find this child and then to return to him to give him more information regarding his location under the premise that he too, would worship him. Of course, Herod's intentions are more vile because what he wanted to do was kill the child who threatened his position.

The wise men then follow the star and find the Messiah bringing him treasures of gold, frankincense and myrrh. After their brief visit, they were warned in a dream about Herod's evil plot. To protect the Christ-child, they all decided to go home by 'another way'.

A great many pictures thus breezed through my mind after reading these short dozen verses. I remembered a moment that happened 33 years ago when I was sitting on a window seat in an airplane that was to fly me back to Oahu, Hawaii to return to BYU after serving a mission in Spain. I had just spent a few weeks in my home in the Philippines and those weeks were marred by so much confusion, sorrow and dread. The morning I was to leave, my father, as usual, began yelling at me and throwing accusations and horrible labels at me. I do not even remember the impetus of this rage focused entirely on me but I do remember that on my 2nd night home, he opened my bedroom door as I was on my knees in prayer. Minutes later, he began to levy every kind of curse word on me--supremely enraged that I would have the audacity to display my piety and self-righteous behaviour on him. I was so confused and all I wanted to do was throw up. That would be the theme of his rage and abuse towards me all the time I was home. Though there were times when he was his 'nice' and fun self, he could become this terrifying alter ego on a dime's turn.

After my last morning of rancor, verbal abuse and terror and when I finally found myself in that jet plane, I remember feeling numb until the plane began to move forward. As it did, a huge flock of birds appeared outside my window flying the opposite direction. I felt a surge of relief. I was free! And then I knew. I just knew that home would be another place. I knew that the next time I came 'home', I would not be the same and that I will find myself a new 'home' somewhere. I did not know the hows nor the wheres but I did know that from henceforth, the way home would be another way.

The second picture that I saw in my head happened just about 3 years ago. My son was home for a few days and it was his last evening with us before he flew back to Provo, Utah where he was attending college. He was also returning to make preparations to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He was in the dark, in the kitchen, softly crying. I asked him what was wrong and he could not tell me. After a few minutes, he told me that he was just seized by a feeling that this was going to be the last time he would feel that this was his home but that that didn't make any sense. I felt a sudden tug in my heart and yet, I KNEW what he was trying so hard to articulate. I proceeded to tell him about my experience in that jet plane. And I told him that unlike my experience, this home---his family, will always be his family, his home. The only difference is that he is going to make himself his very own home, with his very own wife and children to be. And also, I explained that when he comes back, he will still feel all the love there is. It will be different, but better. He was in essence, simply closing the door on an old life and opening a new one that to him, at that time, was still to be experienced and therefore, still daunting to think about. He will have new experiences, new responsibilities, new goals---a new direction--- a new way. The next time he comes home, it will be by another way. Just like the wise men he will come home by another way.

Then, my mind also wandered to a time one night a few weeks ago. I was talking to a couple who was having difficulties with their daughter. I knew their daughter well and though I can believe all the complaints levied against her by her parents, I also see her beautiful suffering spirit---and how delicate and sweet it is buried under feelings of confusion, guilt, self-hatred and quiet desperation. I knew that she needed so badly for her parents to just put their arms around her and reassure her that she is loved and loved deeply and that no matter how much she errs and slips, that love will never wane. I asked them if this is possible. Adamantly, they both rolled their eyes and expressed to me how difficult that would be for them to do because they simply do not like her. Her father made a comment that he only sees her for 10 minutes every day, in the mornings and that's not even enough time to tell her how disappointed he is about what she did the night before. If you can only see someone you love for 10 minutes, do you really want those 10 minutes to be spent letting her know how disappointed you are in her? That is a no-brainer! I challenged him to indeed just forego his need to reprimand her and just find something that is positive about her even if its just that she did her hair nicely and then put his arm around her and just tell her that he loves her. He said that that would indeed be nearly impossible to do because of how he feels about her EVEN if he knows that that is the right thing to do. I told him that the Spirit often compels us to do something that is INDEED hard to do and oftentimes against what we believe is our nature--but isn't this how it works? He agreed but said he can't do it. I felt bad. He wanted to stay on the same course even if it takes him to the same place where nothing changes. It was time for him to 'go home by another way'. But he couldn't. I hope that he finds his way 'home by another way'. Putting our arms around someone may not solve everything right away but gee whiz---it's time.

Herod, himself a Jew, represents Satan well. Truly, he who would be so willing to slay innocent children---not just male but both male and female innocents-- is not to be trusted. He, like Satan, would fleece all wise men of their gold, frankincense and myrrh. He, like Satan, would viciously and surreptitiously deceive us so we can be complicit in destroying the "Christ-child" or more clearly, anything god-like that is engendered in us. He, like Satan, lies in wait to sabotage our goals and steal from us all things that we are entitled to as children of our Heavely Father. So just like the wise men, do we have the gumption, the wherewithal, the strength of character to boldly 'go home by another way?" I sure hope so.

Reading these verses also reminded me of a song I heard only once, a long time ago sung by James Taylor. I tried to find the title of the song on the internet and it wasn't until I had the bright idea of looking on iTunes that I found the song. It is a little known tune and hardly ever got air time but the lyrics are so earnest. And dead on.

I am going to post below the lyrics to that song. And then below it, the video that I put together today. It was a full day's work but so worth it. I gave up shopping at Anthropologie to do this. There's always Monday to go shopping anyway.

Here goes:

Those magic men, the Magi, some people call them wise
Or Oriental, even kings; well, anyway, those guys—
They visited with Jesus. They sure enjoyed their stay.
Then warned in a dream of King Herod’s scheme, they went home by another way.

Yes, they went home by another way; home by another way.
Maybe me and you can be wise guys too and go home by another way.
We can make it another way, safe home as they used to say.
Keep a weathered eye to the chart on high and go home by another way.

Steer clear of royal welcomes; avoid the big to-do.
A king who would slaughter the innocents will not cut a deal for you.
He really, really wants those presents; he’ll comb your camel’s fur.
Until his boys announce they’ve found trace amounts of your frankincense, gold and myrrh.

Time to go home by another way; home by another way.
You have to figure the gods saying play the odds and go home by another way.
We can make it another way; safe home as they used to say.
Keep a weathered eye to the chart on high and go home by another way.

Home is where they want you now.
You can more or less assume that you’ll be welcome in the end.
Mustn't let King Herod haunt you so
Or fantasize his features when you’re looking at a friend.

Well it pleasures me to be here and to sing this song tonight.
They tell me that life is a miracle, and I figure that they’re right.
But Herod’s always out there; he’s got your cards on file.
It’s a lead pipe cinch, if we give an inch old Herod likes to take a mile.

It’s best to go home by another way; home by another way.
We got this far to our lucky star, but tomorrow is another day.
We can make it another way; safe home as they used to say.
Keep a weathered eye to the chart on high and go home by another way.

HOME BY ANOTHER WAY

ALONE IN THE DARK

Teaching 6am seminary isn't as bad as I thought it would be---although the first morning that I drove into the parking lot, I was suddenly aware of how vulnerable I was. First of all, it was still dark...and it will get even darker as summer comes to an end. Secondly, I was all alone there. Today when I pulled in at 5:30am, there was a jeep parked behind where I usually park and I could see there was a shadow of a man on the driver's side. I didn't know what to do. Should I stay in my car until someone else arrives? Should I call someone? I knew I still had to set up and sharpen some red markers for my students and that imperative made me shrug my shoulders, open my car door, grab all my stuff and then confidently stride over to unlock the door. I did not walk fast nor hurry. I actually took my time, looking behind at the jeep with an annoyed look on my face. I knew the driver could see me because there was a lamp post by the doors. I just made sure he knew I was annoyed.

Luckily, my husband decided to follow me this morning to make sure I was safe and was a minute behind. As soon as I called him on my cell, he was literally driving into the parking lot. Turns out the man was a substitute for one of the teachers who decided to come early to prepare for his lesson. But it made me think that I really should carry a big gun to seminary. After all, my trigger finger is steady, my aim is astonishingly accurate and I wouldn't hesitate when threatened.

Nevetheless, the point is, should a lone woman really be alone in the dark at the church building?

BEST ROMANTIC SCENE OF THE SUMMER
(From "Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day")

Things I Learned Watching Nate & Hannah

So finally, Nate and Hannah will be going to college together. It's been a loooong, crazy journey and it's been interesting to watch it all unfold. It's been over two years since they've discovered that they like each other. The year before last, Hannah's senior year, was one of the most difficult time for me to watch--- 2 or 3 break-ups and all kinds of crazy, growing up challenges and hitches. I've seen Hannah go through some tough times with him. And I've seen him go through some tough learning experiences. Many times I thought and even preferred that things cool down and each one just move on. But for some reason, they kept on investing, repairing, learning, relearning, forgiving, improving, and loving each other better. I've learned a lot just by watching them and many times am reminded of things that perhaps I've forgotten or overlooked. They are so young and yet what they've managed to accomplish together has been inspiring.

Probably, the biggest lesson I've been reminded of just by observing is that of forgiveness and patience. I very rarely see this in such young people but they are so good at it. And it reminds me to be quick to forgive. But it doesn't stop there--what's inspiring is how they are quick to pick up relationship skills all by themselves. I wish I had that same ability to first, discover and recognize what needs repairing , and then secondly, the gumption and determination to make the necessary reparations and adjustments to cure their missteps. What they learn in a matter of days or even hours took me years to even realize. Another observation that just awes me is their ability to still achieve excellence in all aspects of their lives---be it academic, spiritual or even their musical progress while going through some pretty challenging inter-personal relationship-"growing-up" moments. They just govern themselves wisely.

Again, I don't know where this will go but it sure is fun to watch them grow up together and most of all, learn from each other--clumsy and sometimes hilarious as it may seem. I hope Nate goes on his mission as soon as possible because I know that extra blessings come from being quick to do what is required. Like Hannah said: she is just ready to wait already so that the two years will go quickly. She is SO right.

I hope that with the little time they have together that they will make meaningful and sweet memories that they each can hold on to while apart. I hope that they remain kind and thoughtful to each other---that the stress and fears of being apart will not translate to doubt and insecurities during this short time before Nate leaves. I hope they take a lot of pictures together to sear those memories onto something tangible and viewable that they can use when things get challenging and they can't be together. And lastly, I hope that whatever fear and doubts that may come from the anticipation of being separated will be replaced by hope, integrity in self-governance and faith in each other's devotion. Geez--it will be hard to trump the years of growing experiences that they've woven together. They just need to have faith in each other.

What's also interesting is that they've had so much practice being separated that it seems to me that two years will not be so daunting. I so wish the best for both of them. It seems such a rare thing---what they have--- that one can't help but root for them. Entre deux coeurs qui s'aiment, nul besoin de paroles.