Co-winky-dink?

Einstein has allegedly been quoted to say that coincidence is what God does to remain anonymous...or something like that. Since I just heard a television character say this, I cannot vouch for its veracity. Either he was drunk or joking but I cannot imagine him saying this with any measurable preponderance because it would first preclude that God wants to be anonymous....which in my estimation would negate His desire to even be. I don't mean to be so philosophical in such a pedestrian sort of way. So let's get on with my usual banalities.

I am one of those people who, upon experiencing a cosmic synchronicity, can dig meaning into it and then add it to my growing list of signs and markers that led to events in my life---some great and some small. Yeah. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe they are REAL signs and markers. I agree. It's fatalistic. But they are MY coincidences and the meanings are only significant to me and only me. No one else owns them.

Take for example, my husband's middle name which has been the source of vapid teasing because instead of a name, he has a letter. An initial. No one really knows what it means. His siblings all have proper middle names but only he has a letter. It's the letter C. I can sort of...feel for him but I say that it's a sign. Oh yeah. My name does not begin with the letter "K" as most Kristi's do. But yeah, my name starts with a "C". Now his name is complete because he has me. Is that a coincidence? Could be. But not to me. Now that coincidence has meaning and it's a cosmic synchronicity.

Even our birthdays have meaning as I see it. My husband was born in March, the same month and year as my sister---my ONLY sibling. Is it a coincidence that the only sibling who will journey through life with me as my only link to the same parents would be born the same time as the one who will complete me...who will be my eternal companion? The meaning is huge to me. It's cosmic synchronicity.

My husband and I met while students at BYU-Hawaii. He didn't even know about BYU-Hawaii until after his mission and he happened upon some brochures about it. It intrigued him. It felt good to him. And with nary a tangible reason other than a hunch, he took off from Pleasant Grove, Utah to attend BYU-Hawaii in Laie. He arrived there in the winter of 1979. I had barely left the previous fall of 1978 to serve a full-time mission for the LDS church missing him by a mere 4 months. While he was getting acclimatized to the culture of the islands, I was back in Europe where he had just served. By the time I returned, he was ready for me. Coincidence? Nah. Cosmic synchronicity. No Filipino national had ever been called to serve a mission in Europe. I was the first. Ever.

How about this---when my husband's parents decided to go on a mission, years after we were married, where do you think God would send them? Of course! To the Philippines! I am the only in-law who is NOT American. A foreigner. Culturally SO different. Ethnically different. Racially....I am of the 'well-done' variety who married someone of the "Not-Quite-Cooked" variety. (Laugh track please...) But it isn't a coincidence that the Lord would send them to my homeland. It was an opportunity for them to get to know my culture, my heritage, my language, my music....everything that should bring us closer together and perhaps give meaning and more joy to their posterity through my lineage. It would have been a great opportunity for ALL his family members to do so....to dig in and find the divine in our union--in the union of two countries. I don't know if that happened..in fact, I'm SURE it didn't. There were definitely many missed opportunities there. But it could have. And that's another blog and I digress. But it's NO coincidence. It was the hand of God. A cosmic synchronicity whose magnificent, profound and far-reaching meaning is visible only to me. Sadly.

There's plenty more to list but let me just end with a whopper of all coincidences: The day we got married, the Fauxes borrowed some chairs from the chapel to use for the reception which was going to be held in their backyard. My parents had flown straight from Manila, Philippines for this occasion. As we walked along the beautiful flowery paths, my father stopped short and exclaimed, "Manilla Ward?" Behind the folding chairs were stenciled these words. Oh yeah. My husband practically grew up in a small community in Pleasant Grove, Utah specifically called Manilla...yeah, named after Manila, Philippines. (Spelled incorrectly of course...but what do you expect from PG?) We were both from Manila but from different sides of the world. True story.

Coincidence? Nah. Cosmic. Synchronicity.

There are NO coincidences. All things are in order. All good things are brought together in perfect harmony.

A RELATIVELY GOOD DAY

I did have a good day today. I had a great class with so much participation, I had to call on every hand raised and 'line them up' so they can all get a chance to ask or to comment. I just LOVED it. I love it when my students ask intelligent questions and make great comments. ANY comment. Every one was engaged in the topic. (Acts 10-11) After class four students who had NEVER tried to pass off their scripture mastery did so and passed. Two of them passed off 6 or 7 of them. What a gratifying time! I just love my students.

The topic we discussed was specifically, how after thousands of years of the priesthood being exclusive only to the Levites and then, after the diaspora, to the house of Judah, Peter receives a vision and revelation to preach to the "uncircumcised" or the gentiles. Whoa. Can anyone imagine how the disciples must have felt? I mean, after THOUSANDS of years of exclusivity, they must now pass on the priesthood to the gentiles??? And how for thousands of years, the Jews didn't have any dealings with gentiles...let alone allow them to hold callings in the church? Mind boggling. Anyway, I loved that for every salient point, there was a scripture reference to back up the doctrine or principle. And every time my students 'discovered' them, they were also astonished and awed. And interested. Engaged. I live for days like this in seminary.

In other news, I went to the gym again today. Had another session with my trainer, Vanessa, who truly works me to DEATH. I mean, a good death. I made my friend Stacy come with me. She did fantastic and I love it that she encourages me to do better. I wish she would just join the club and work out with me coz it's so much more fun to work out with a buddy.

Got a nice text from Kristy Camp who just dropped off Nate at the MTC this morning. I feel for her. I remember so well every moment when we dropped off Leland at the MTC. I did not cry because I told myself I wouldn't. But as soon as I got back to the car for the drive home, I was sobbing all the way back. The worse part of the MTC experience was when we were led out one door and then all the missionaries went out another. And that was that. I am so glad that's over and done.

I am feeling the pain of not seeing Lucy and Jack. It's been a month since I've seen them and I am just about fit to be tied. I can't wait until the 21st when I get to see them.

I was navigating around the lds.org site and spotted a link for senior missionaries. Found a pdf file that stipulates what the missionary dress requirements are. The photo above tells it all. YIKES. DOUBLE YIKES. I'll be darned if I look like that. And then it occurred to me that there are actually senior missionaries YOUNGER than me who look that way. $(*%_&*@*)(*!!! Does this mean I no longer want to go on a mission??? (One other rule: no patterned stockings---what? I wear fishnets for Pete's sake!! And to seminary even!) What about my cute boots? My RED suede booties that I wear with black fishnets? My 3 inch Calvin Kleins?? I'll have to think about these things tomorrow because I can't bear to think about them right now. What a heathen!

Oh. And what about my red streaks on my hair? My purple eye shadow? False lashes that I wear EVERY day? Missionaryish?

Anyhoo, I better git.

GLOOMY SAD DAY

I was only too happy to substitute for the most beloved of seminary teachers one day last week. She was sick and I insisted that she stay home and that I will teach her class the next day.

The day came and I went into her classroom with much enthusiasm. After all, she had bragged that her class was a good one this year. It was 7am and the seats began to fill. There was the usual discomfort that comes when a class is presented with a strange teacher. I tried hard to bridge that by being upbeat. I asked a lot of questions to spark some thinking and involvement. In the end, I thought the class was a good one. I thought we all had a fabulous time.

The next day, Wednesday, was uneventful and that class got their teacher back. She had needed that free day to rest and everything went as usual. Or so I thought.

Thursday came and after my 6am class, I was confronted by this teacher who had a very concerned and troubled look on her face. She told me that her class told her that I had 'trashed' her and made some unflattering remarks about her to her class. She said that several of her students made the same observation. They told her that I had said things like: "Now I'll show give you a real lesson unlike what you get from your teacher" or something to that effect. I was mortified. Since she said that several students made that allegation, I was dumbfounded and began to search frantically in my brain to figure out what I could have said that could even remotely be spun to this dastardly level of arrogance on my part. I felt sick to my stomach. I began to doubt even what I thought happened. Perhaps I said those things. Perhaps I had some kind of black-out and said those things. I was insanely confused.

I reasoned with her that I could NOT have even remotely said those things because those thoughts never even occurred to me. I respected her far too much. She was the one I went to when I came upon challenges with teaching seminary. She was my adviser and friend. I was so confused.

She said she'd get to the bottom of it.

The next day, she called me to tell me that it was just ONE student who made those assertions in class when she came back. And the rest of the class played along with his lies. She became confused and stewed in those words of intrigue and hate to the point that she doubted me. That boy who started it had problems and his intention was to hurt her by using me. And some of the students, who still inhabit the world where everything revolved around them, colluded with him just because it was funny. After all, adults don't have feelings. They had managed to play a nice game where they hurt not just their teacher but also the substitute---me.

For some reason, this whole event really affected me. Still does. I don't really need this drama in my life right now and I hope that something is done and consequences are allowed to follow this dastardly, cowardly act. I know this boy comes from a very troubled and disfunctional family but he needs to apologize. Tomorrow, I am going to insist that he does.

This is not the reason that I want to quit seminary but it could well be the straw that will break the camel's back.

***********

Follow up to this story:

A couple of students talked to her and said none of those things happened and I never said those things. But then a couple of other students said that I implied those things. The boy in question insists that I had said outright things that 'trashed' the teacher and said he will not apologize. I am so confused.

But my focus is to teach and prepare my students to become missionaries, scripture savvy mothers and well-prepared teachers of the gospel. My goals for being a seminary teacher are:

1. To help students become familiar and comfortable with the 'language of the scriptures'. This means that I do make them get their scriptures, open them, read them and ask questions.

2. To help them acquire the skills needed to pick out doctrines and principles from the scriptures and make these relevant to their times.

3. To aid in helping them discover these truths for themselves by providing activities that will enable them to dig.

4. To bear testimony of Christ.

I just figured that if I do my job well and serve my students this way, I will just naturally develop love and caring for them. This I assume, takes time. And it doesn't happen until the middle of the school year or so before I really feel this way. But I KNOW it does happen. How can it not when you are serving? So I just trust that it will happen. And it does.

I've been contemplating quitting seminary for a while. LIke I said, all I need is an event like this to be the straw that will break the proverbial camel's back.

More update:

I don't really care anymore. I'll just do my job. There will always be students like this...but rarely. There are plenty more young people who are wonderful. I'll just focus on that.

The Miracles We Don't See

Nate was supposed to take Hannah to the airport last Monday so she can catch a very early flight back to Utah. He wanted to do it. It would be the last time he would see her before he leaves for his mission. He would have to get here at 5:30am so Hannah can make it to her flight.

5:35 came and no sign of Nate. We texted him. We rang his cell phone to no avail. So at 5:50, 110 minutes before her flight, we got in our car to take her. As Hannah broke down and cried in the back seat, I was trying so hard not to get disappointed at Nate. I had asked him 3 times if he was sure he could make it and every time, he reassured me he would make it. He slept through his alarm clock. And all those phone calls. I knew he would feel TERRIBLE when he wakes and realizes what just happened.

Hannah, thinking that she would have one more short moment with Nate before she leaves was crushed. And Nate, after he awoke, was beside himself. He was so flustered that he got his text messages mixed up. Oh how he must have felt.

Frustrated, disappointed and a sick feeling welling in my stomach, I was groping for words to say or something to hold on to before I called Nate and assisted in helping him feel worse about himself. Suddenly these words came to my head independent of everything that I was feeling: you will never know the miracles that were wrought upon your loved ones today. I began to calm down. Words came to me...in fact, they were not really words anymore but concepts that were flowing into my head. I do not believe in coincidences. All moments have meaning. The sweetest miracles are those that we don't see--miracles that are composed of things that didn't happen. There are miracles that are invisible because they are the direct results of things that didn't happen.

I pondered the thought and while I did so, an overwhelming feeling came upon me. It was the love of a Heavenly Father who knows us all by name and who takes control over all things--especially the things we don't see.

This realization made me tender and want to love others more. God's miracles often times are just very soft and tender whisperings that he loves us. And because he does, calm is restored and trust, love, reassurance and an overwhelming feeling of completeness takes over.

Indeed, many miracles may have been wrought this cold, blustery morning. The days when Nate and Hannah were together were beautiful days---perfect temperatures, beautiful days and nights. On this morning, as their paths separated, the day seemed to commiserate as if Nature herself knew the sadness that they felt about being separated for a time. And yet, as I drove home from the airport, a sense of peace came upon me and a growing sense of gratitude filled my longing heart. We will never know the miracles that happened this morning because the miracles were simply composed of things that did not happen. And the biggest miracle of all is that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the things that did not happen were wrought by a loving Heavenly Father whose tender mercies held us all in one whisper soft embrace.

And all I wanted to do was bow my head and with all that I have give thanks to God for allowing Nate to sleep through his alarm clock and remain where he is safe; having that perfect assurance that the beautiful young woman he loves will continue to love and support him---and allowing Hannah to safely return to BYU with many wonderful memories of her special time with the young man she loves--memories that will fill her waiting heart.

Wendy Anae, coach of BYU Women's Basketball and sister to Robert Anae, defensive coach of BYU Football, Hina Hunkin, my favorite French-Tahitian and moi.

*********************

I have been besieged lately by crazy comments and questions about looking younger than my age which is so annoying because I'm discovering more and more little wrinkles and sagging than I care to even mention. This is so comical to me because well, first of all, I'm Asian. You should see my friend Nori. She is about to kiss 50 but she looks like a 20 year old! Anyway, to Caucasians, we seem to age very, very slowly. But we Asians on the other hand, can see very well how we age because we see ourselves differently. It's a paradox.

But in thinking about it, I began to consider WHO were making these comments and in considering that, I've come up with pretty clever observations.

First, most of the women who ask what I'm doing have themselves 'given up'. I mean, just because we are in our 50s doesn't mean that we have to dress or look dowdy. What I've noticed is that most of them don't use make-up to even out their complexion. As Caucasians age, their skin seems to get ruddy and the colours uneven. That ages them. It would be easy to just take time and find the right type of foundation--cream, liquid, powder or mineral--whatever works for their skin type. That doesn't require much and they SHOULD take the time. Secondly, I think they need to learn how to apply or better yet, blend concealers under their eyes and under their brows. This takes some experimentation and practice because the skin around our eyes can be very thin and so applying highlighters/concealers can actually make it look worse if not mastered correctly. This is not hard to do. All you need is a good mirror and realistic eyes. I think when we age, we lose our playfulness and the joy of experimentation and it shows in the way we dress and present ourselves. That's when we begin to look shabby. So experiment, practice and search for the right foundation and concealers.

Next, I think that as we age, our lips lose their definition. What's the problem with wearing lipstick? I mean, if moms in their 40s and 50s go to church with red lipstick, does that mean that they're 'looking'? Sheeezzz, sometimes I think Mormons have such dirty minds. Yeah---red lipstick can do wonders! There's also a way to use lipstick so that the pigment doesn't run through the vertical wrinkles around the lips. Again, this takes experimentation.

Speaking of lips, here's another biggee: your teeth. It's easy to purchase one of those whitening strips for your teeth but it takes effort to actually do it. Well---do it. Yellow teeth simply add 10 years to one's face. And if you're in your 50s, yellow, uncared for teeth make you look ancient and decrepit---so add 20 years! Invest in your smile. It's the easiest way to remove years from your face!

So then, how about getting a good haircut? I think its a worthy investment. Hair is your crown and yeah-- get a good haircut! And for Pete's sake---do they have to wear their gray like a badge of honor? Crap. There's nothing good about gray hair unless you get a professional colourist to do it for you WITH a good haircut. Dull hair is a crime. I've invested in some wonderful wigs that I wear when I have a bad hair day or when I just feel like it. I look at it like....wearing a nice hat. Wigs are now made so unbelievably well at affordable prices. Again, experiment. Everytime I go to my favorite wig store I try on at least a dozen before I find one that makes me look good!

How about your shoes? Do they have to be eeekily banal? ANd is eekily a word? Nevermind. Shoes! I love shoes! Wearing high heels is an ability one has to acquire. If you give up that ability, you will forever be cast into the dowdy shoe outer darkness. Comfort is NOT an excuse. Work into it again! I used to be able to run wearing 3 inch stiletto heels. Not anymore. First of all, I have more weight to pack. Secondly, I gave up the ability. Now I am working up to it. I can be comfortable with 2.5 inch kitten heels. I'm working my way up. Just because I'm 53 doesn't mean I can't wear those sexy high heels! Oh my gosh---look at Tina Turner.

And lastly, check out the latest magazines for good fashion sense. True, there are certain styles I'd never consider that women in their 20s or even 30s can get away with. But why would I want to wear a tunic with lace leggings? But consider this: women in their 50s don't have to limit their palette to black or neutral colours. And we don't have to wear suits to look believable. We can wear sexy jeans. We can wear yellow. We can punch that dark suit with a red scarf or...hey even wear purple tights with those boots! And fishnet stockings. Yeah. I wear those. Why the hell not?

While I haven't had botox in over two years, I would have no compunction whatsoever about doing it. I've just been lazy because my doctor moved west side and I'm too lazy to find another to do the deed. But I'll do it as soon as I can. Oh and a couple of syringes of Restylane to smooth out my furrows and the naso-labial creases. Yeah. Painful. Oh so painful but after the deed, I will look like I went on a long vacation to Paris and came back totally renewed and serene. I'd do that again too. It's been three years since that first experience but I'd totally do it again.

Oh, and let's not forget that I've started going to the gym again. I haven't lost an ounce yet but I can see the difference already just in that extra spring in my step. And giving up sugar and white flour really does change your countenance...though I do cheat on more than one occasion. After all, I'm 53 and I can do whatever the hell I want.

And here's a postscript: I don't let being overweight paralyze me into thinking that I can only wear black to make me look smaller. Who would I be kidding? Matter occupies space and the space my matter occupies cannot be camouflaged. So that's that.

Seeing Lola Again

Top (l-r) Pedro and Dolores de Rama
Bottom: L-R My great-grandparents Francisca and Felix de Rama with my father,
Enrique on Felix's lap

**************

I fell asleep on the nice red leather couch yesterday after teaching 6am seminary and had a dream. It was one of those dreams where you were aware of and can hold on to what's real but strangely accept the inconsistencies and the bizarre that you see in a dream.

I was in a strangely familiar house full of mismatched old furniture. It was my paternal grandmother's though it existed only in the dream. I seem to recognize some of the furniture and believed that they once belonged to various members of the family. I called my grandmother "Lola' which is the Tagalog endearment for grandmother. Lola had covered most of the couches and chairs with old fabric of many muted colours dulled with age and it felt to me like they were dusty and musty though I knew in my dream that that was only my impression and so may or may not be true. I sat on a green and white striped cushion while I watched Lola mill about in the rooms.

The room I was in was long and there was a doorway that opened into what seemed like a parlour in the middle of the room. I proceeded to enter and saw Lola busy in front of an old sewing machine working on another project. I suddenly felt tender inside and wanted my Lola to feel my love. Somehow I also knew that my Lolo (Grandpa) was not with her. And strangely, I was aware that in a previous dream that I had of her, she was living in a smaller, darker and dank house. This was now an upgrade.

I tried to form a question in my mind that I wanted to ask her and as I attempted to ask that question, I suddenly woke up. The question was: What is the most important lesson that you learned in your life? I was still in between sleep and wakefulness and I screamed in my head: Go back! Go back! But it was futile. I was now wide awake.

I miss my Lola. And I was glad to see her.

THINGS I DREAM ABOUT THAT WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE

1. An unexpected afternoon visit from a friend who just wants to talk.

2. An unexpected package of treats that comes via snail mail.

3. An unexpected bouquet of flowers just to cheer me on.

4. An unexpected door bell from a friend who just wants to give me a hug to thank me for something I did

5. An unexpected text message in the morning that says: Good morning! Just thinkin'about you!

6. An unexpected beam of smile from someone I don't know.

7. An unexpected touch on my back that tells me that I mean a lot to someone.

8. An unexpected breakfast made warm and toasty just for me.

9. An unexpected day of pure indulgence arranged so I can just curl up and read a book.

10. An unexpected handwritten letter that tells me I am appreciated.

Opening New Doors

Opening New Doors

My son Jordan, is on his way back to Washington DC to finish up another year of law school at George Washington U. They are in Denver right now to spend the night and will catch their connecting flight in the morning. It will be cold there.

My son Leland is back in Provo and in law school at BYU. My two little sweet grandchildren will be safe and warm in the comfortable condo that we are fortunate to have for their use - both under the sweet, loving care of their mother who is so many times more patient and loving than I ever was.

My beautiful Natascha will spread her sunshine back in very cold BYU. I am sorely missing her and her bright countenance. I noticed how much more beautiful she is suddenly and how it seems that she is just now blossoming. I think she will be ready for fresh, new adventures and I'm excited for her. I hope that the door she will kick open will lead her to sweet and deeper relationships and that the winds will give her the propulsion she needs to grab many new and amazing experiences.

I took the above photo of Hannah and Nate last night. I took a bunch of them with his brand new camera. They all turned out nice but this one captures the joy and exuberance that they both have when they are together. It's all very sweet. Tonight is their last night together before Hannah goes back to college and Nate will remain here to prepare to embark on his mission to Scotland Edinburgh. He has 6 short weeks to do that. I am going to fly Hannah back for his farewell on January 25 and after that, they won't see each other for 24 months. For some reason, 24 months seems shorter than two years.

I was thinking last night about what Nate and Hannah are about to face head-on and suddenly, it occurred to me that what they are going through seems like a metaphor for a larger scenario. It reminded me of the song "Till He Comes Again". Both of them are going to have to keep their memories of their times together so that they will have something to draw from when they feel drained or insecure. This is why taking those pictures made so much sense.

I do think that they have a very good chance of making it through their time apart. I am reminded of a single event when Hannah was still in junior high. She announced to me that she was going to be valedictorian when she graduates from high school. I tried to explain to her that it's not important that she does that but it would certainly be nice. I remember how determined and focused she was. Six years later or so, she graduates valedictorian. There are many other events when she did this same thing. When she was just a wee little toddler, she came to me and announced (and I do mean ANNOUNCED...) that she was now going to stop sucking her thumb. I never once pressured her to stop doing so, so I was surprised at her resolve. She never again sucked her thumb. Another instance, she again announced that she was no longer sleeping in my bed. (All our children slept on our bed when they were little---or would start off sleeping on our bed and then Kurt would carry them to their beds...) I enjoyed feeling their little bodies close to mine so I was really rattled when, at about 2 years old, Hannah again made the firm, indisputable announcement that she was now going to sleep in her own bed. I will never forget that night because that was the end of my happy cuddlings with my babies. Or how about that time when she also announced that she will no longer wear diapers? Yes, that happened too. And she did it. So now she made another nodal decision: she is going to wait for Nate. So, I know that she will. I only hope Nate doesn't come home from his mission all squirrelly and weird. I don't know him well enough but I do know Hannah and I know she will not make the determination if he weren't worth it. I hope my hunch is right that he is a young man who will serve an honorable mission and will return the same wonderful young man but better. He is opening a new door that opens to new adventures. And so will my Hannah. It will be tough at first but she will sail with the north wind.

Anyway, I can't seem to stop crying right now. I noticed that I still have a Christmas tree and all my decorations. They don't mean anything. No matter how much I add tinsel here or another glass ornament there, nothing seems to carry the same sweetness or even brightness. My children are not here and everything seems empty. Though I look forward to being with my dear, sweet Kurt and can have him all to myself, I do miss the noise and commotion that comes with having a full house. Everybody tells me that I'll get used to it eventually. But I don't think I want to get used to it. I have so many thoughts. But one thing I do know is that this new year will bring me many new and exciting adventures. I hope to invest more time with my little cadre of PSHS friends.

And do I dare speak about the pounds I need to lose?

Nah!

 

Nate Plays Pictionary And...

...we had a hilarious, gut guffawing night playing "Win Lose Or Draw" and Pictionary. Actually we played a few times as a family and every time, we just laughed like crazy!

Here's the updated video of the Faux Ice Skating Night.
(A larger version can be seen at this YouTube site.)

If you listen carefully, you'll hear Jack say "hello?" It's SO funny because he used the voice-changer for a telephone. Jack is all of 9 months old. And pure smart. HE'S A GENIUS!!!

The White Stuff On The Ground

Yes, it's now day 4 since it snowed here in Henderson, Nevada and there's STILL snow on my front yard. This never happened before. While in the past it did snow, the snow on the ground melted by the end of the day. So this is a first by my 21 years of living here in the dessert. Note that our driveway still has snow. That's because no one in the neighborhood owns a snow shovel. Everybody else's snow has melted but not ours because we don't get much sun from this side. We are enjoying it immensely. But now we want our normal nice desert winter--sunny and pleasant.

HELL FROZE OVER!!

I've lived in Henderson, Nevada for 21 years now. I've seen it snow here a couple of times. I even posted a video clip on YouTube about it that got over 56,000 views. (What? "Lost" wasn't on the telly?) But nothing compares to what happened today. It snowed for well over an hour and there's STILL a carpet of snow all over my little enclave. Watch it below. Why didn't this happen when my kids were still around and could have played in the snow? Made snowmen? Throw snowballs at each other? Anyway, it is SO cold today. For a while, I thought I was still in Utah. I was going to have an instant migraine as I entertained that thought for a brief nanosecond. I shooed it away because I was in a good mood. Weather like this is so....biblical. So watch and enjoy the music!

And while you're at it, please go ahead and click HERE for some laughter therapy. I GUARANTEE you loads and loads of belly laughs that will release all those healing hormones that will help you feel like you can conquer all the stress of Christmas and all the work that goes into making that happen. You can thank me later.

HILARIOUS!!

Lovin' and Likin'

Is it possible for two people to fall desperately in love with each other and completely not 'get' or like each other? All the time. But it doesn't have to happen because in reality, that situation is the product of many choices.

Now that I am old, I am starting to REALLY see how things work and appreciate the delicate tickings of the machinery of close interpersonal relationships. The scriptures have given me the best insights about male-female relationships. There are so many intricate workings but here are the big, broad strokes--keeping in mind that I am focusing only on male and female relationships that stem from a mutual understanding and realization that each have very deep feelings for one another and are now embarking on a relationship with each other whether it be that they are now dating exclusively or are already married:

1. Male and female NEED a partner to complete each other. There's no exception. A man simply needs a woman and vice-versa. Choosing a life partner is the single most important decision a person will make in this earthly life. It will mean the difference between grace and darkness.

2. Physical attraction is the initial chemistry needed to attract the two 'species'. After that initial response which may be instant, the rest is simply made up of nothing but CHOICES.

3. The more we make good choices, the better we get at making them. This includes how we respond to the consequences of poor choices that we make when we do not have all the necessary tools and devices to help us or to those challenges that come packaged with life itself These choices create 'experiences' from which we may gain wisdom line upon line and precept upon precept.

4. The more effort and time we dedicate to invest in the relationships we have chosen, the more wisdom and light we accumulate. Because we cannot control other people's choices, we are behooved to concentrate only on our own choices. BUT our choices can affect and influence the choices that others make. This principle is where you can separate the goats from the sheep.

5. After we make the choice to love someone, we need to concentrate on HOW we love them....not how they love us. When we choose to concentrate on the other's lacks, we become oblivious and blind to their way of SHOWING their affection because every person shows their affections in many different ways--even ways that we are blind to. The more we show our love, the more the other person WANTS to show his/her feelings in ways that we can better understand and feel. Most of the time, we feel under-appreciated because we are concentrating too much on measuring the other's lack and thus we become miserable. The rule of the game is 'to give love' not 'take' because there is no need to 'take'....love is always freely given. "Taking" in this manner is merely subtle abuse. If EACH one concentrates on giving, all will fall into place because loving others is Heaven's rule. Demanding that love be shown to us ONLY in the context of our expectations breaks this rule. Each must adhere to this rule. Once this rule is broken, many unfavorable consequences follow that slowly result in discontent...even cruelty for one another. Guilt, malcontent, immature behaviour and a general feeling of dissatisfaction ensue and are entertained until those feelings rise to the surface: first slowly, then frequently....and then later only those feelings remain and couples 'suddenly' find themselves caught with these feelings with no real and concrete event to attach them to. Should you find yourself in this unpleasant and disturbing situation here's my advise: QUICK! Get over it and start working on showing more love. Results will follow slowly and then BAM! you get HIT with huge splashes of tender love.

What are the signs that we are NOT showing love? When relationships become 'tit for tat'. That is, we start to measure what we give against what we receive. When we are in this condition, we fail to see our own lack and become blind to the other person's efforts because we only want to see what we expect and become blind to the language of the other's affections and efforts. We begin to withhold affection. Grudges begin to form. Questions begin to pop where there wasn't any just moments before. And then we unjustly minimize our partner's love---even when in reality, his/her love never faltered. We want to punish. And oh at times, even retribution. This is a sign that we are immature----when giving becomes a 'sacrifice' or an effort rather than a privilege. This is nail #1 on the coffin of relationships. Showing someone you love her/him should be a happy event devoid of expectations because those expectations live in faith and security because our eyes can SEE the other person's efforts too.

When both concentrate on loving the other, both can see each other's beautiful spirits. We all have spirits that can recognize the image of our Creator in each other. That kind of love is a gift of the Spirit. We can ask for it. When we love another person, that is what we ask for---pray for. Then all will fall into place. Can two people fall in love with each other and not 'like' each other? Ya. It's possible. But only if each one chooses it. It is a choice. It is easy to like another person when you remember what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Then the wet clay falls from your eyes and you can see again. Crystal. Each MUST cultivate a culture of demonstrating love and affection for one another because we all know that love is an action word.

6. Choose your imperfections wisely. That is, when you love someone, you must decide if his/her imperfections are 'perfect' for you. This is a choice. This is a choice.

7. Blame is a useless burden. Remove that from your baggage. Solve the problem instead. Imperfections are attached to each human being. Problems that arise between two people who love each other are merely situational and can be solved together. Discuss the problem as if it were a third person that is between you---like someone who is standing in front of the television and you can't see the show--ya, that way. Then find a solution to rid your relationship of this intruder. Together, you can choose to make those changes that will shoo that intruder away and then you can stand closer to each other and see one another better.

8. Be fearless. Love without a safety net. Sometimes, thinking too much is the intruder.

9. Be creative in showing affection. And shower the other with such.

10. Pray that the Spirit will gift you with clarity to see things through your partner's eyes. Give the other the benefit of the doubt. Envelope yourself with the faith and assurance of his/her love for you. And if you have the great blessing of time invested in each other, nurture the other with an avalanche of conviction and faith in his/her love. There is nothing that buoys your partner more than this display of faith in the other. If you complain or lament about his/her lack or fault, it is like a hot knife through a soft heart. It stings. It hurts.

Liking each other is easy after you've already established that there is a physical connection. Did I say it is a choice after that initial realization? Oh ya. I would venture to say that that initial 'recognition' and that continued longing for the other is a spiritual connection too---sort of a 'remembrance' or a recognition of something intangible and sometimes, undefinable notion of belonging. That unique connection is electricity. And now the choice is how to harness that magic into a real and powerful force that will complete male and female into one complete whole. And that choice is one that you will make every day.

I am SO thankful that I have a husband who lives this principle. I came into our relationship with a truckload of heavy baggage. I was an immature wounded NEEDY young woman who demanded much. I cannot even fathom what my fate would have been had my wonderful husband not loved me so completely and so utterly patiently. Even when it seemed so one-sided, he still showed me love despite my severe lack of perspective and maturity---or rather, despite my constant demands for more evidence of his love. It was always there constantly. I just didn't recognize them because I was too busy measuring. But he saw something in me that even I still can't see and it didn't stop there. He was TRUE to what he saw and still he loves me. He even forgives so quickly my inability to SEE his demonstrations while I was busy looking for my expectations. He is my example and all I ask is that God will give us more time so I can be better at loving him. Remember that rule---heaven's rule---to show love, to give love first and all will fall into place. Choose to live this way. Choose to love this way.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY I DON'T WANT TO QUIT TEACHING SEMINARY

1. It's the Book of Mormon year.
2. Hmmm..... Book of Mormon
3. Well.....
4.

I guess, I'll teach seminary again next year.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Want To Quit Teaching Seminary

1. Harp Lessons
2. More piano lessons
3. Write and arrange more music that I hear in my head ALL the time
4. Write more.
5. Need more time to remodel our bedroom from scratch
6. More quickie trips
7. More time to read and study.
8. Tackle my digital projects for my posterity
9. More time to take care of myself and only me for once.
10. Need time to invest in my friendships

Dead Tired

I was SO exhausted on Thanksgiving week. Everyday. The day before, I could barely muster enough energy to make breakfast let alone prepare the meal for the next day.

Thanksgiving Day: I was on my feet most of the day cooking and cleaning.

Sunday: I could barely walk. I think I managed to develop plantar faciitis. My right heel was so painful I couldn't walk. I need to rest it. When I went through security at SLC airport, I automatically gave the man my ATM card. He looked at it and asked if I had a picture ID. I looked at him confused. He showed me my card and said, "...unless you want to buy me dinner..." Then I realized what I had done and sheepishly gave him my driver's license. (It just dawned on me that this must stem from the now unnumbered times I had to satisfy the demands of my ATM card use during the past two weeks... so every time someone puts a hand in front of me, I just automatically give up my ATM card...) He asks me if I am alright. I tell him I am just exhausted. He tells me to 'take care'. That was nice. I hobble to my gate.

Monday: Today, I applied ice and heat to my heel. Took the maximum allowable dosage of Advil. It feels much better but I am worried about tomorrow. I really need to get some sleep. I don't think I am going to last Christmas break if I don't get at least 7 hours of sleep a night. The weeks before Thanksgiving, I averaged 3 hours of sleep a night. I am really feeling it. I am beginning to not like seminary. I have yet to put my tree up. Not to mention decorations. I feel like I am 80 years old. I need sleep. It's nearly 7pm and I have yet to read my seminary lesson. Did I say I am exhausted?

Talking American

Talking American

Perhaps I'm just feeling a bit mortified by all the hoopla going on in California about Proposition 8 and all the angry people who are now protesting outside LDS Temples and chapels---people taunting, yelling, threatening and belittling LDS and some Catholic organizations. I usually don't verbalize my feelings about politics or religion but since I'm feeling this way, I thought I'd just vent.

Nearly 200 years ago, an angry mob killed Joseph and Hyrum Smith in Missouri and everywhere the LDS congregations went, mobs terrorized, tortured and murdered innocent followers of the LDS church which precipitated the mass exodus of the "Mormons" from Nauvoo to a stale and harsh desert which, after years of hard labour, they made to bloom like a rose. Throughout the history of the LDS church, there have been no recorded conduct of masses of LDS people protesting with such vile hatred against any group of people. Now we are being threatened with our lives and livelihood simply because of our beliefs. Once again, it is happening. And as the scriptures prophesy, many more events like this will occur before the great and terrible day of the Lord.

All Christians believe that this day will come--when Christ will come again--this time, in all His glory and all will know that Jesus, who walked the earth over 2,000 years ago, is the Messiah. But not before evil overcomes the earth and not before the earth itself groans and responds--which in our blindness we cannot even recognize.

No matter what is said, the basis and foundation of the American constitution and way of life has always been the belief that there is a God, that there is right and wrong. The framers of the Constitution, imperfect and flawed as they may be, had a moral compass. Laws are based on morality whether we care to admit it or not. And right or wrong simply cannot exist without a divine mandate: a higher power that imbues each person with a sense of right or wrong. It is choice and accountability that are divine gifts and when we choose to numb ourselves from doing what's morally correct, that part of our nature becomes callous and hard and thus, it becomes easier to walk far from the Divine.

In the coming days, when angry mobs decry and persecute those whose beliefs differ from theirs, I hope and pray that calmness and clarity will again return and we will all see that there are more things that unite us than divide us. "Mormons" as a whole, do not hate homosexuals. Our belief is that God loves ALL men and that our responsibility is to love all people. But we also have a responsibility to protect what we deem are important to us just as others have that right and duty. And while I have strong opinions about the laws and choosing the leaders who will uphold our beliefs, so do the others who differ. But rancor, threats, the movements to destroy the safety and well being of others simply because through the exercise of democracy, our desires have prevailed, are simply NOT products of civility.

I did not vote for Barack Obama. But now that he is president-elect, I respect him and am filled with hope that our nation will rise above such divisiveness. I see his strengths and am excited that he has the zeal to make changes and I pray that they will work. I have always been impressed by his comportment and his closeness to his family, his awesome accomplishments against all odds, his eloquence though there are many issues in his platform that concern me.

So off we go on another adventure and if the American people will just make wise choices individually---live within their means, raise responsible children, remain vigilant and most of all, pay more attention to their civic DUTIES than focusing so much on their 'rights', we may just witness a new light in the horizon.

It is so pathetic that most of us will not speak up for fear that we will offend or hurt others. That is what ills us. I mean, must we turn the other cheek all the time? Does being meek and humble involve only being quiet and letting others have their thunder while we wait and quietly let the world persecute those who believe in God? Is there a point where letting others have a go on our every 'cheek' becomes simply laziness and stupid ignorance?

It is so sad that Christians on the whole are not "cool"or hip. Why is the same 'code of conduct' not applicable to believers? While we quietly wait for them to hit the other cheek, why can others be militant and aggressive? Why can they be hate mongers and be "hip"? And if another pundit brings up the Inquisition, I am going to scream.

The fundamental obligations of government and the laws are to protect public health, provide safely and advance general welfare--pre-eminently to protect a person's fundamental rights and liberties. It must not usurp family or individual authority. What the constitution must protect are those things which are "self-evident"; the powers of humanness: our ability to reason, our basic freedoms, intelligent inquiry, aesthetic appreciation...etc. With what is going on outside our temples and chapels, we must adhere to the fundamental belief that civic order is based on the moral compass that is divinely given to each individual by a higher power. And if we negate this, we again go down the path of those who scoff at the 'stupidity' of those who believe in a right and a wrong, those who believe in good and evil. And my friends, there IS evil. And it really does exist. Those who believe in God also believe in Satan. Both are real though we all know who has the greater power.

LDS people cannot drink from the cooler that contains the kool-aid of moral relativism all the time. We must honor the truth and not underestimate people. Truth is luminous and powerful. We must have faith in that. As Christians, we do not make the argument OFTEN enough....or even worse, we do not make our arguments WELL enough. We are often stumped by statements that sound so absolute but are deceptively untrue. "Love makes a family" for example, sounds so good but is deceptively untrue. "We all have rights!" is a cry that is deceptively untrue---dropping the second part which states that with every right we have, we also have duties. Our rights are only valid if we also honor our duties. Such absolute statements that leave out part of the truth is, well, untrue.

Ok, I think I've vented enough. I believe in God. I believe in good and evil. I believe that Christ will come again. I want to be part of that great army that will, in the end, proclaim him Lord and King. And disciples of Christ cannot be complacent. I believe we can make our arguments be known without vileness or anger but with kindness and civility and hopefully, with firmness, vim and vigor. I hope that those angry mobs outside our Holy Temples will not deface what we believe is the House of the Lord. I hope they will not try to arm themselves with hatred and vileness against those who peacefully live their lives. I hope that they will embrace civility as they make their arguments...as so it should be.