Cracks Me Up Everytime!

Closing Escrow

 

Yesterday, December 3 was a wonderful exciting day for Leland and Catherine. We signed documents and closed escrow on their first house. They are SO excited. Kurt signed for them as their attorney in fact since they were both still at BYU finishing up with  law school finals.Leland will be working for the Faux Law Group. YAY! The best part is that Lucy, Jack and Alice will live just 10 minutes away from their Papi and Mimi and we can see them anytime. We are excited!  Their house is a modest three bedroom home but located on a quiet cul-de-sac with tall trees and close to everything good. Above is a snap of us at the escrow office signing the last documents. It took us an hour and a half to sign the large stack of docs.

In other news, Christmas is around the corner and so I took four days to decorate our revolving tree now laden with ornaments of all shapes and kinds. The young man who cleans the office put up our Christmas lights yesterday while we were at the escrow office and when we arrived home, we were greeted by MANY MANY lights strung all around the house, trees, shrubs and lawn. Holy cow! We now have the most ridiculously, Christmas lit house in the neighbourhood. Geeezz.... I am almost embarrassed. But oh well.

I am not done decorating and it will take me another couple of days to finish up. But I am getting seriously stressed out bec there are not enough days until Christmas arrives.

So dash I must now.

Thanksgiving 2010

I thought I would post some pictures from Thanksgiving Day. Hannah and Tascha were fantastic in the kitchen and made it so easy. Hannah made the turkey a la Martha Stewart with Ginger and Riesling wine. She also made the best pumpkin pies from scratch. YUMMY. She also helped make flan. Tascha made the dressing from corn bread with dried cranberries. It was hands down the best stuffing we all had EVER had.

Jordan and Rose were great company and helped us polish off the rest of the meal. My mother and step-father also came all the way from San Diego. We missed Leland and Catherine and most especially the little wee ones but we will see them very soon as they prepare to close escrow on their new home. We are SO excited for them.

Below are some photos.

Ginger and Riesling Roast Turkey--and the people who made it possible...

Rose and Jordan enjoying the meal.

Natascha checks out her new Droid phone.

Hannah relaxes after two days of cooking!

Dishing and Gossip

 

I went to get my hair done the week before Thanksgiving. No, the above picture is not the result of that event. I actually took this picture 2 days before when my hair was all greasy and eeky. So I wore a wig. That is me in my wig. And I do look like I have dimples... wait, no, those are creases...old age creeping in. Bah Humbug! But I do want to dish on the gossip that ensued at the hairdresser's salon. Because I can.

Anyway, today I am feeling rather silly.  My hair colourist shares her lovely space with another hairdresser who specializes in hair weaving. She is probably the most important hair weaver in Las Vegas. Her clients range from mommies to strippers. But she does a lot of celebrities too and gets called upon especially during photo shoots. On the wall are pictures of glossy Las Vegas magazines with her work on display on celebrities' heads---Christina Ricci, Gwynneth Paltrow, Lindsay Lohan... I asked who the nicest celebrity was. Her response: Girl the question you should ask is who is the nastiest! So, I get to dish.

Nastiest celebrity: Jennifer Lopez. Everything is arranged via one of her personal assistants. She was given very specific instructions before she was allowed to touch J-Lo's hair. Most important rule: You are not allowed to address Ms. Lopez. Rule #2: You are not allowed to look at Ms. Lopez. Rule #3: If you must comment or ask a question, you must address the assistant who will be in her company and the assistant will ask Ms. Lopez for a response who will only address the response to the assistant who will then communicate the response to hairweaver. 

Next nasty celebrity: Demi Moore. Her 'husband' Ashton Kutcher is the smelliest person she has ever encountered. Hahaha!! I thought that was funny. She also said that Arnold Schwartzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver and their three children are the nicest people. Oh and about Paris Hilton-- she called to arrange for hair extensions. She knew the product/colour numbers and other details that was needed to arrange the session. When said hairdresser began to discuss her costs, Paris said "Oh, I was just thinking that you would just do it and I'll tell my friends that you did it." So she wanted the hairdresser to foot the bill for the extensions and do the job for free. Of course, Paris did not get her way and was told to find another sucker who will do the deed for free.

That's about all I can remember. Or care to.

So while in my husband's family, it's normal for some family members to gossip about other members of the family, I can kinda understand the thrill in dishing and finding dirt in other people. It can be exhilarating to make another person look bad. It's addictive behaviour and like all addictions, it's DESTRUCTIVE especially within a family because it's personal. And malicious. In our own family, it is forbidden to complain or talk about another family member behind their back. If there is a problem, we encourage affected parties to deal with the issues by themselves...without involving others...and to do it immediately or as it happens so festering does not initiate.

Anyway, I thought all this was interesting in a most superficial way. And since I'm feeling shallow today, I decided to record my experience at the hair salon. I guess dishing about celebrities is just idle sport with no redeeming qualities other than being silly.

I just need a spa day now. Ciao! 

Male Freak-out Syndrome

I married my best friend. And I am convinced it is the only way to go because we have a wonderful family and home life. And it is wonderful to spend days and eternity with your best friend. It was an easy decision for me because I knew marrying my best friend came with a long list of advantages. But for men, there are more steps involved.

Here now, young men, are the steps that my husband took to complete the task of marrying the girl of his dreams-- (I am assuming that you already have a girl who is your best friend.)

1. Spend a lot of time together because it's just fun.
2. Hold hands, cuddle, kiss.
3. Spend a lot of time together.
4. Freak out because you realize you're not ready for a relationship and it's going too fast.
5. Ask why things can't just remain the same and propose that you still hang out without actually 'dating'.
6. Tell your friends that you are not really dating but just hanging out.
7. Decide that you will pull back and find other friends.
8. Realize that you are really missing her.
9. Spend more time together because it's just fun.
10. Freak out again. This time, lie and tell her that you can't get too serious because there's a girl in your hometown you want to check out first.
11. Punch yourself in the head because you don't know why you did #10.
12. See if she'll be willing to spend more time with you but not really date.
14. Spend more time together because it's just fun.
15. Freak out again because it's going too fast and now she really wants a commitment. Lie and tell her you need to find a job first and save enough money to get married.
16. Ask if you can just hang out but not date.
17. Spend more time together because it's just fun.
18. Freak out again because she is talking about marriage.
19. Find a get away car...i.e., tell her that you want to check out other colleges or go on a study abroad program.
20. If you're really dumb, you'd stop here and lose her. Then someone else gets to marry the girl of your dreams and your best friend.
21. If you skipped #20, then you beg her to take you back.
22. You take stock and leap that leap of faith because now you know you can't stand the thought of losing her.
23. Propose marriage and find a ring.
24. Freak out again and pretend that you forgot your parent's phone number and tell her you need time to break the news to your parents.
25. She dials the number for you and you break the news.
26. You finally have to set a wedding date.
27. Spend more time together because it's fun.
28. You freak out the night before your wedding and that freak-out moment manifests itself by your forgetting the ring half-way to the temple.
29. You finally get married and you are the happiest man in the world.
30. Spend more time together because it's just fun.

And for the rest of your life every day becomes a decision to love her more. You learn to communicate your fears now and freak-out times become few and far in between. You've married your best friend and you couldn't be happier.

Freak out events are really just those times when fear takes the place of faith. Every relationship has to progress and progress requires some measure of irritant or 'catalyst' to move forward. Otherwise, the relationship becomes stale. Those freak-out events are really doors that open in front of you and you don't know what's inside but you know you have to go in and find out. And that's scary. It will take faith to take that leap. 

Mathematical problems always have givens. Take stock of those givens--those things you already know because it will be those givens that will give you the courage to overcome fear.

Freak-out events are essential to the growth of your relationship because it provides opportunities to exercise the skills of crucial communicating. This is the skill you will need throughout your life together...when forces within and outside bring some trepidation and thus require problem-solving skills-- skills that need a best friend's hand.

Now back to my homework.

Submitting Gracefully

 

On my fifth night, my doctor came to discharge me from the hospital. Prior to my hospital stay, I went to the ER about severe flank pains. They told me my blood sugar level was in the 400s, my blood pressure was 232/128 and then the doctor ordered the nurse to administer Dilaudid intravenously. Immediately, I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I could not breathe. I could not see straight. Instantly, I felt terrible. I could hear the two nurses discussing how I may have been given too much. I began to throw up. I tried to tell them I could not breathe. They gave me a shot of insulin. Shortly thereafter, they told me I could leave. I began to feel worse and worse and by the third day, I was back to the ER. I waited 5 1/2 hours in horrible pain, vertigo and nausea. I called my doctor who called another doctor who then arranged for me to be transferred to another hospital since there were no beds where I was. Paramedics came, put in an IV and drove me to that hospital where I was now sitting up in bed listening to my doctor's discharge instructions.

All I could hear was "insulin shots". I was stunned. Half an hour later, a nurse comes in to teach me how to give myself 20 units of Lantus, a basal insulin. I had no time to be terrified or compose myself. I just had to learn it in 10 minutes. Thus began my new life as a diabetic.

Within 10 days, my doctor took me off my insulin. I now take 500mg of metformin twice a day. My numbers are good. She even had to adjust my blood pressure medications to a lower dose. I've began to change my eating habits.

I have to admit that when the doctor gave me the news, a part of me felt terror, anger and guilt all at the same time. And I willingly succumbed to those feelings. I could hear voices in my head. This particular voice told me that these feelings are normal and that I should give in to them. So I did. I cried on the way home.

But here's something I also felt that I didn't tell anyone until weeks later: I also felt an inexplicable joy that didn't seem to be congruent to what was happening to me. Words of scripture passed through my head--words that I've taught my seminary students to memorize just last year. "...for the natural man is an enemy to God...until...(he) putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him even as a child doth submit to his father..." I felt the love of my Heavenly Father so deeply. I knew that this 'challenge' was a manifestation of his love for me. For weeks I pondered these thoughts as I learned to manage my disorder.

We all know that diabetes is a chronic disorder of the physical body and we all know that it is a type of auto-immune disease. We also know that what happens inside the body when diabetes is present is 'abnormal'. I started thinking---everybody assumes that normal is the absence of diabetes. What if diabetes is a 'normal'? What if it is actually a state of normalcy that allows one to experience things that others can't? I mean, what if those experiences are so unique that it allows one to see the world in a way that is more beautiful, more meaningful and more profound? What if this 'anomaly' has secret advantages that no one has ever considered before? And am I smart enough to use these filters so I can 'see' and submit to a paradigm shift?

I look at food in a different way now. Sure I have a habit of blessing my food before I eat it. But now I look at food and I really ask God to convert it into chemicals that will not harm my body-- to turn it into salve and nutrients that will enhance my well-being. 

Diabetes is saving my life. It is an opportunity to refine my habits and gives me clear directions on how to manage my vital signs. What I do now is really what everybody should be doing...except I get to have a 'manual' with clear and manageable cause and effects. Others are not so lucky. The freedoms they enjoy can also enable their wanton and carefree stance and magnify their arrogance about life itself.

I once told my daughter's special young man who came home sick and laden with a serious physical disorder that he was blessed by God to have this disease. At that time he told me that he couldn't see how it could be an advantage. I told him that as time unfolds he will be able to see and do things that others can't if he just shifts paradigms and opens his new eyes. I told him to be vigilant so he can see how God unfolds his plans for him because his perceived weakness is going to be his strength.  He is doing exactly that.

Little did I know that months later, I would experience for myself what those words really meant.

And I am so grateful.

Finally 'growed' up and about to leave the coup.

Hours before my first airplane ride. A few days after I turned 19. Leaving for the US.

I Am Not Sure Anymore

There was a specific reason that I sought to teach seminary three years ago. This time, it feels like I've reached my expiry date---which is strange because I still want to teach seminary. Could it be possible that it really is time to quit even if I don't want to? I am in a quandary. It just feels different.

BYU-Hawaii actually took the amazing task of searching me out to encourage me to finish my degree. Whilst on holiday in Hawaii, a friend contacted me and told me that someone from BYU-H had asked about me to see if I would be willing to talk about finishing my degree. COINCIDENTALLY, I just happened to be right on campus when that chit-chat took place. Coincidence? No. It's divine synchronicity! After meeting with the appropriate people, I ended up with a class schedule and a plan. But I will have to speed it up if I want to finish quickly. So...do I have the time and energy to take these classes AND teach seminary? My plan is to try and do it all. But it's scary because I don't want to risk being a crappy teacher or a crappy student. And I don't know what I am capable of doing. It's been decades since I was a student and so many things have changed. I mean, the periodic table of the elements doesn't even look the same as the last time I cracked a chemistry book! And to make matters worse, I can't even remember names of people! I mean, I can give you a list of miscellaneous facts about the person but I wouldn't be able to tell you the name! Is that a confidence booster....or loser? Is that scary or what?

Anyway, I am so overwhelmed.

Three Generations of Fauxes in Hawaii

Faux, Party of Ten

Lucy, Tascha, Catherine, Leland, Jack, Hannah, Kurt, Christie, Jordan & Rose FAUX

Our 8 day adventure in the island of Oahu has just ended and I woke up this morning a bit disoriented and perplexed that I am not smelling the ocean breeze outside the lanai that overlooks a beautiful panorama of mountains and ocean. I am back in the desert. Drat! But tonight, the temperature is tolerable (about 92°F) and the girls are in the pool with David Scow who just returned from the Philippines San Pablo LDS mission. His Tagalog is awesome and we are enjoying his visit. Needless to say Tascha and Hannah are absolutely GORGEOUS with their golden tanned glowy skin. 

Leland and his family are going back to BYU tomorrow. And Hannah will take the early flight out as well. I am trying not to think about it and remain stoic. But my heart is definitely being squashed into a pulp. 


I am so grateful that we can provide these opportunities for our children to enjoy the beauty of Hawaii and to see how marvelous the Polynesian culture is. We attended the Halealoa Ward near Ko'Olina where we stayed. Sacrament meeting was just phenomenal. We were greeted by wonderful people and we felt so welcome and wanted. The speakers were so spiritual and their messages so well-organized in thought and presentation. I was touched by one young man who apparently was leaving the ward and his expressions of appreciation and gratitude for his leaders and the support he feels from the ward. He was very tender. We were so happy we attended all the meetings. Sunday School was taught by a retired teacher and she was awesome. Her lesson was straight from the scriptures and she commanded attention. There was good participation from the class. Relief Society was even better. Five little girls came to sing and Lucy was one of them. It was so jarring to see Lucy--so very haole, among the beautiful little mixed Polynesian girls. With them, you can see how Lucy blends perfectly with their features even if she has light skin and green eyes. It was quite a revelation to me. She can pass for a little island girl quite easily.


The lesson given by the RS teacher was fabulous and the love I felt in the room was palpable. The only thought that came to me was--I need to move here as soon as possible. Last time we were here, we attended the Makakilo Ward and the feeling was the same. 


I love that there is such a wonderful feeling of aloha in the islands. They don't require much to love. They just do it so freely. The thing that scares me is that every time I go back, I am hit with the realization that I'm so 'haole-fied' or westernized because I feel it. I feel the difference. I don't know how to explain it but I recognize this aloha spirit and how it was a part of me and now, over 20 years later, I can see that it has left me. I just want it back. 

This is why every time I return to Nevada, I feel so sad. I mean, I can carry that feeling with me but it's so hard when the people that surround me do not have it. There are too many limitations and requirements to be loved. And there's too many fears and risks to consider---ie, "you can't love that person bec he's going to leave anyway..." or "I can't love my son's girlfriend because what if they don't make it?"....or "I can't love them too much because I'm leaving in a few weeks..... " Or...."I can't love him like a son because I already have a son....or "...like a mother because I already have a mother".... as if one mother is the limit. Or you can only treat someone as family if they are blood. Or whatevah. In the islands, there is no limit to the number of women who can love you as your mother would. Nor is there a limit to the number of children a mother can love. There are 'aunties' and 'uncles' and 'mamas' and 'papas' and 'cousins'. No limit. In the islands, they just love and it's most likely because you never know how much time you have. That's the point. Not the excuse. I love that my friends' children call me 'auntie'. 


I am also beset by an overwhelming feeling of gratitude that the Lord has provided us with the means to have all this possible. I am so so paranoid about being ungrateful. I hope I will always remember that everything we have and enjoy is a gift.


In time, the house will be empty again and everything will be in place. My kitchen will sparkle and my floors will not be sticky. And I will be sitting on my couch longing for the laughter and squealings of my little keikis. And I will be longing for conversation with my super intelligent children.


But for now, I am going to the family room to watch a Korean movie with them. Perhaps even have a laugh or two.

JUMPING FOR JOY BECAUSE WE ARE FAMILY!

AT THE POOLS AT KO'OLINA BEACH VILLAS

Hannah, Leland and Tascha jump!

AT THE BEACH IN KO'OLINA

LAIE POINT

(Where I believed submarine races took place...)

Rose, Jordan, Kurt, Natascha, Hannah

Hannah shows 'em how.

KAHUKU MEDICAL CENTER
(Where Jordan was born. Attending doctor: Dr. Benjamin Branch, North Shore hippy)

Jordan's Running Man Mid-Air Pose

BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY-HAWAII CAMPUS

Jordan, Rose, Tascha, Kurt & Hannah

AT THE POLYNESIAN CULTURAL CENTER IN LAIE, HAWAII

 In front of the Marae in Aotearoa (New Zealand) village.

After the Luau...and on stage!

AT THE WAIKIKI INTERNATIONAL MARKET PLACE

Natascha and Hannah demonstrate achieving success in shopping.

AT THE DOLE PINEAPPLE CENTER

Best Quote of the Day:

"Mom, do they dig the pineapple from the earth?"

LUCY

Natascha, Lucy and Hannah

AT THE PALI LOOK-OUT 

(With Winds Blowing 20 mph)

JOY!!! Interpreted by Hannah.

Graceful jump by Natascha

Whoa Leland!! Cool split! See Jack run.

Kurt's Cool First Jump

Jumping Melee!

Natascha

Natascha and Hannah

Rose, Jordan and Leland

Hannah

Leland.....and Jack

Kurt

PEARL HARBOUR

FABULOUS SUNSET: FABULOUS DAY IN PARADISE

Amor Sin Fronteras

 You've Got To Be Carefully Taught

My childhood was filled with strife and challenges that I survived seemingly without much serious damage. Or perhaps a combination of time and a wonderful husband has blunted much of its pain and repercussions. Nevertheless, one thing I learned early on is that the emotions one feels as a child at any age are real and as deep as any time in one's life. Therefore these emotions need validation. That is a crucial need. 

A child can be afraid of the dark and as adults, we sometimes tend to belittle them by pooh-pooh-ing this fear. That's when they learn that the world around them can be scary. Worse, they can also begin to feel doubt about the people who are supposed to care for and protect them. 

I think that feelings can be schooled as we mature but the sum total of our childhood experiences can affect us -- especially when the emotions are strong. But as we age, the source of these emotions can be forgotten leaving us with strong feelings but without experiences to attach them to. Some of us have anger with no reason. Some of us feel bitterness. Or feel insignificant. Or scared. Or hating some people who remind us of someone we don't remember.

******************

You've got to be taught to hate and fear

You've got to be taught from year to year

It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made

And people whose skin is a different shade

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught before it's too late

Before you are 6 or 7 or 8  

To hate all the people your relatives hate

You've got to be carefully taught

(From the musical, "South Pacific")

********************** 

I was chatting with someone from my daughter's boyfriend's family who told me that it is hard for them to see how she is important to him because of their "collective uncertainty about the future of their relationship..." I was suddenly jarred by the realization of how different we are in the way we see things. 

One of my sons had a girlfriend in high school. He was but 17 or so at the time but I was so aware that feelings are real no matter how old you are. These feelings must be validated and appreciated. His girlfriend was a wonderful person and I went for it full throttle. I just loved her. And though I knew the odds of them making it was slim, I loved her as though she were mine just in case they make it.  And though they didn't and I was a little disappointed when they broke up, the love I felt for her was stronger than the momentary disappointment. She married one of my son's best friends and now together with my son's wife, are all close friends. Their children play together and there is a wonderful rapport between all of them. And I still love her. There's just so much love to go around and it feels so good to have all these wonderful people that I love! Everything just multiplied!

My daughter and her boyfriend have been dating since high school...and long after. They have gone through so many challenges and unexpected twists and turns. Unlike my son and his HS sweetheart, I think they have a very good chance of making it. But it doesn't matter if the odds are slim. I went for it full throttle. I love him a lot. And always will just like I still love Heidi.

It is sometimes frustrating that we have such cultural limitations that prevent us from acknowledging feelings that are real. The 'what if' and the 'but' or the 'you're not supposed to feel that' are merely born out of fear -- mostly, fear of being hurt or disappointed. But those feelings go hand in hand with loving someone. We just cannot have those fears limit us from experiencing and seeing things as they wondrously are. 

Christ loved us even when He knew full well that we would disappoint him...or even turn away from him. And His love is so perfect that it transcends all hurt and all pain. That is how He, being perfect, could descend below all things. It is that perfect love that carried him through---that He is able to bear all things.

I used to think that hate is the opposite of love. Or apathy. But really, it is fear.

*********************

While attending a function, I suddenly saw my reflection on the glass window. It jarred me because instantly, I saw how different I looked from all the other people in the room that I was seeing. I was the only Asian. 

For the most part, in the 22 years that I've lived here in Henderson, Nevada, I've only associated with non-Asian people. It is not by choice. It just worked out that way. 

It's amazing to me that in a big way, I can 'forget' that I'm different. Not that I am trying to be 'white' though of course, I wanted to culturally assimilate. It's just  common sense to do that.  And I was just trying to survive my days! But in my dealings, it is rare that I'm reminded that I am racially different. The only time I become painfully aware of my ethnicity is when I am treated poorly---mostly by service people. But then again, there are plenty of ignoramuses that roam the malls and spas. 

I love being different. And I also love being the same as others. My children are a mix of Filipino, Chinese, Spanish, English and Swedish. Mixed ancestry provides so much advantage---better health, longer life, more vim and vigor and exotic looks! I do not fear being different. But then again, others have a fear of those who are different from them....as do I. But we must learn to bridge those differences because they are born out of fear...

...and being 'carefully taught'.

Thoughts of a Well Accessorized Interloper

THOUGHTS OF AN ANTHROPOLOGIED INTERLOPER

I am rifling through my special 'travel' drawer  to extract a bottle of Xanax. Yep. It's time to go to Pleasant Grove, Utah. Every time I cross into that territory, the heaviness in my chest causes me to hyperventilate and my head begins to feel light. Then the sensation of nausea sets in and I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. Panic. And a little xanax placed under my tongue for a few seconds before I follow it up with water to swallow it is the only way to mitigate this sad reaction. 

How ever did I get from a joyful pilgrim to an anxiety-ridden interloper? 

********************

I really appreciate my mother who never demands much. She is overjoyed whenever we go for a visit and frankly, those visits are so few and far in between.  There is never any criticism about that either. She just takes what is given without reproach for the lacks. Everything is simple. She just wants to love without demands or requirements or expectations. I appreciate that she doesn't talk badly about anyone in our family or my husband's family. Those things just don't even occur to her.

I really appreciate my only sister. She accepts me for what I am even when I aggravate her. And even when we have our moments...sometimes even ugly ones, I can always rely on the fact that in time, she will be her usual jovial, generous self with me and everything bad will just be another insignificant event that somehow doesn't really affect how we love each other. I appreciate how she doesn't harbour any ill-feelings or stew in any venom. I appreciate how she treats all my children as real people even when they were little. She never talks down to them or treats them like appendages who should do as she bids or as babysitting units. She never orders them around. She shows genuine interest in their opinions and thoughts even when they were young. My children feel like she is their equal and so they grew up thinking that she cared for them, valued their opinions and truly loved them. In other words, being an 'aunt' was never a position of superiority of any degree or kind. She was, more importantly, a caring friend who happened to be an aunt.

I appreciate my aunts quirky as they may be because I know that they care about me and because 'family' really means something. It's blood where we come from. Not religion.

Since I did not grow up in the LDS culture, we don't have any pre-conceived notions of what everyone should be. We are just accepted and treated kindly. Or when there is conflict, we pull all the stops and have a good go at it. Then....in time, we revert back to base. There is no back-biting because small as we are, there is just no spare time for that type of empty and classless activity that requires bitterness, misery, envy and a serious lack of intelligence.

I just LOVE it when we arrive at my family's homes and there is a riotous welcome. Everybody comes to the door and expressions of excitement fly all over the place. Then the kitchen becomes the place to be! There is loudness and laughter. And then everybody just chills. There is a relaxed atmosphere. It feels like home. My family is small but it feels so big when we are together.

*******************

Right now, I feel like I am being summoned to fill a part in a paint by numbers portrait. Please pass the xanax.

 ON CHOOSING THE BETTER PART

When we desire to be righteous, there will be times in our lives  when we are faced with decisions that are neither wrong nor right -- forcing us to try and choose the better part even when the margin of differences seem so small and insignificant. Ironically, the margin of differences SEEM so small precisely because of our lack of experience and the very act of choosing one or the other is the only way to figure out these differences. By then it may become apparent that the losses may be too great to risk. This is when the tender mercies of God become crucial. These are the very moments when we can experience the manifestations of his hand and in so doing, engender our refinement.

Once decisions have been made, and the wheels have begun to turn, we may find ourselves caught in the mechanism of our own doing. We cannot turn back. But our righteous desires, immature they may be, may also buy our way out. Though we cannot see how that can happen because our circumstances may be dire, there is a voice inside us that tells us that He is in control and that we will be alright-- nothing bad can happen because God is in the details. All we have to do is remit each day with patience, courage and the discipline to be serene. Once we can calm ourselves and feel that security, humility hones our senses to listen to his commands. And once we hear his instructions, refinement can only occur when we execute his will. It will require much courage to do so and the execution may be difficult. But the instructions will be clear and there will be clarity of thought and purpose such that though the load may be heavy, this sharpness and clarity  will amazingly make the load light. Now we can begin our way back to choose that better part in the first place-- held in reserve for us by the Lord's tender mercies.

This is the trial of our faith--to finally accept his will. This is that glorious opportunity to show how strong our faith is and how stout our hearts are. Remember that the genesis of this comes from choosing between righteous choices---a situation that arises more often as we strive to be righteous and obedient followers of Christ.

TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON

There's a lot of things going on right now and I can't really post anything about those events because I don't know how they are going to unfold. 

But.

I decided to take a break and do something for myself. Last night, I took an Ambien so I can finally sleep for 8 hours. That was my hope. I slept 6 hours. I can't complain. But I woke up with the worst hang over. I then remembered why I flushed a full bottle of Ambien down the toilet. I guess tonight I'll stick to Ibuprofen...and little sleep.

Oh. And I went and got my hair done. Above is the finished product. A bit too radical, I'd say.

Also, I picked up the plates we painted at "Colour Me Mine" and here I am with the finished product. I wasn't too happy because I should have painted 3 more coats on the whites. Ugh.

Above is the plate that Hannah created. It looks like Hannah's creation. I really like it. It's sweet and subtle. Just like her. And very intricate with lots of fine details. Just like her.

Above is Natascha's plate. I tease her that it's a giant octopus with a yellow eye but it turned out so nice! Very clever. Just like her. I do have to post the bottom of her plate because it is very funny. Just like her.

Hmmmm....since I was already at The District, I did go to Anthropologie just to have a look-see. I ended up with 2 cute shirts. Oh well.

God's Gentle Hands

Manifestations of the Hand of God Guiding 
All Things

Last Friday was the last day of seminary and Lori Day did not show up to spend the last day of the school year with her class who all came to celebrate and express their appreciation to her. She was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. They found an aneurysm in her brain.

The day before, she had what she described as "the worst headache" of her life. Henceforth, there were many coincidences that made one indubitably aware that God's hand was guiding all things. 

A brain aneurysm, and in her case, a leak from an aneurysm is a very serious matter. 40% do die from a ruptured aneurysm. Of the other 60% who survive, there are complications that require a long, sometimes complicated recovery and in the end, if death does not ensue, there will be deficits that may impact one's quality of life.

Lori defies all odds. The night after her surgery, she woke up, coherent, communicating and annoyed that she will have to stay in the hospital for a while. Today, which is the day after her surgery, we went to see her. She was sitting up and about to have dinner. She had staples on her head and her right thigh was elevated from the angiogram but there she was. It looked like she just had some kind of day surgery. Amazing.

There were many details and coincidences that led to her spectacular outcome---all manifestations of God's love and caring.

Last year in April, Hannah's boyfriend was seriously ill. And throughout the months of his recovery, coincidences and details so spectacular abound even to this very day. It was again, a magnificent show of God's hand. 

It seems to me that ever since I began teaching seminary, I've been privy to these remarkable events in the lives of righteous individuals. But I am sure that every event that fills my cup such that it runneth over is merely a preview of more spectacular events that testify to me of God's abiding love. 

Tonight, a husband will finally sleep well knowing that when he awakes in the morning, his wife will be waiting for his visit while still annoyed that she has to stay in the hospital a little longer. And tonight, Hannah will most likely lovingly hold the hand of the young man who loves her yet another time. And tonight, I will hold my sweet companion next to me grateful that I can hear him breathing. I will smell his sweet scent and fall asleep.

Secrets

Things I Keep To Myself

There was a specific reason why I asked to be considered as seminary teacher. But I will reserve that reason to myself until the time to reveal this reason ever comes. But I can write about the obvious one: because my last child left for college and I anticipated that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I did not have a reason to wake up, fix myself up and be with young people who can substitute for my need to have some semblance of mothering. But I cannot reveal the first reason because it is still looking for the other pieces of the puzzle.

After weeks of anxiety over decisions and changes that are about to happen, I suddenly woke up one morning feeling joyful. The anxiety was gone. I had prayed ever so fervently for a glimpse of what is to come and I believe my prayer was answered. But I cannot reveal what I saw and felt. It simply refuses to be divulged. I think it is because it is far too important and still needs to find the other pieces of the puzzle. When all things snap together, my heart will quietly burst.


I've seen so many things that are spectacularly amazing for the past year or so.  But some of these things I cannot divulge because articulation by words just seems so inadequate. And I believe that most of what I see is to be enjoyed only by me. This is a first because I usually cannot keep a secret. I start aching to tell someone. So it is very singular that I have all these things that I keep to myself.