CONGRATULATIONS TO JORDAN FOR MAKING IT TO THE SEMI-FINALS FOR MOOT COURT COMPETITION!!

Only 4 out of 24 made it. What a huge accomplishment! We are rooting for him and his partner to argue their way to #1!! We are already PROUD. Yay! Jordan! (Jordan will finish his Juris Doctorate in May from George Washington University.

(L-R: Natascha, Jordan and Rose. Foreground: Hannah. Taken at the Bird Sanctuary in Las Vegas.)

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UPDATE:

Jordan and partner made it to the FINALS. So out of the 4, there are now TWO who will argue on January 19!! We hope you take the trophy!!!!

Yay Jordan!!!

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FURTHER UPDATE:

Jordan won BEST OVERALL COMPETITOR and two other awards! Check out his blog here. He will represent George Washington U Law School at the big competition in Boston, MA. AWESOME!!

Baking Frenzy

So now I have some leftover chocolate, cream and butter, I decided to experiment and make some more chocolate baked goods. These are made of chocolate wafer--flourless 'brownies' with just five ingredients: 9 egg yolks, 4 egg whites, sugar, semi-sweet chocolate and butter. The big challenge was getting these puppies out of the cookie sheets in one piece. I experimented with diamond shapes but oh well....that was a waste of good chocolate.

There are 3 layers here. One layer has raspberries and the second later, a liberal mound of Nutella. Hannah and Nate were here for the weekend and Nate preferred to have no raspberries so to distinguish between those, I sprinkled white chocolate chips on top.

I made semi-sweet ganache to pour on top. I just let the chocolate drip and ooze where it wanted to go. Ganache is so easy to make. It's just chocolates, heavy whipping cream and butter. Everything evil.

Here's all my little babies in a row.

Raspberries, chocolates and hazelnuts on left. Just chocolate and hazelnuts on the right. YUM!


Packaged and ready to go!

Bake Day!

I thought I'd bake a nice birthday cake for my friend's daughter's 18th birthday. It's a brownie cake with hazelnut chocolate filling and semi-sweet ganache on top--garnished with white chocolate bits. Indulgent?

HOLIDAY SHOTS

Smart and beautiful: Lucy, my grand-daughter. She thinks nothing about wearing a tutu or a Snow White ball gown everyday and everywhere! That's confidence.

The cutest boy: Jack, my grandson.

Jack the Destroyer! We love Jack so much. He's only 20 months old and he can talk, follow directions and....destroy! He has such a sunny, happy disposition. And he's a quarter Filipino! Heavenly boy!

Important note: BYU WON!!! Yahoooo!! Here's Nate and Hannah at the UNLV stadium. They didn't stay for the whole game--first because BYU was way ahead and second, it was so cooooold and windy!! But they looked warm and cute anyway.

Lucy and Jack LOVED to jump from the couch to the ottoman over and over. They got so many toys for Christmas but the best toy they got was a flashlight. Note to parents everywhere: wind-up flashlights and spinning lollipops. That's all they need!

It was amazing how from the time Jack and Lucy arrived, Jack always looked for his "Papi". He always found his way to his arms for a cuddle or reassurance. HE LOVES HIS PAPI!!

Here's a sweet photo of Jordan and Rose who flew all the way from Washington CD. How I LOVE having them around! They are so sweet together and it makes my heart flutter when I see that. Makes me very, very happy to see them be loving and kind to each other.

Ahhh.....yes! Christmas morning we had homemade waffles that Jordan made. They were DELISH!! My sons arrived on the 26th and 27th so we just moved Christmas morning on the 28th. So we counted down. That morning, Santa came as always and filled everybody's stockings. We opened presents and what a great Christmas morning it was!!!

I can't resist but include this beautiful picture of Hannah and Nate taken at the Salt Lake Temple before they came home for Christmas. They look so good together....and so happy whenever they're together. It just warms my heart to see them love each other. Handsome couple!

Here's Jack opening one of his MANY presents. He did so on his Papi's lap. These are the cutest boots from See Kai Run. He loved them!

This photo was taken on the 25th of December which happened to be my 54th birthday. The kids filled 3 bottles with little snippets of "memories with their mother". This HAS to be the BEST present I've ever received. I just cried and cried and couldn't even open the bottles. I just LOVE my kids! They are the BEST.

Yaaaaay!! I get to use this book to learn to draw!!

Since the boys weren't home yet, we had Christmas dinner at Terranova at the Green Valley Ranch Spa and Resort. Good thing we live in Vegas where you can get a nice meal on Christmas Day!! I had the Osso Bucco. The girls had lamb chops and Kurt had some kind of fish. Yum....AND I didn't have to cook or clean on Christmas Day which was also my birthday.
IT WAS THE BEST.

Here is my beautiful daughter, Natascha. I LOVE being with her. She is like a ray of sunshine. Always so fun, optimistic and fearless. How blessed would be the man who wins her heart!

Of course we encourage child labour! Hahaha!! Here's Lucy helping Jordan make tacos for dinner. Lucy has to be the SMARTEST 3 year old I've ever seen. (Other than my friend Corsee's daughter, Laura Sanders.)

Brothers! Here's Jordan getting attacked by his brother Leland! Some things never change. I just watched and laughed. I just LOVE having my kids and their families!! Can joy be defined any other way?

As always, brothers can be such pills!! Here's Leland doing what he does best....annoy his sisters. But they do love each other so wonderfully well.

Leland and Catherine with their two beautiful children playing some kind of elephant game. It was hilarious to watch them. My house is a MESS and a half. Small price to pay. When they leave, I will be crying and bawling and it will take me a week to have the gumption to pick up knowing that the house won't get messed up because they will have been gone. I shudder the thought for now. I just want them around ALL THE TIME.

Natascha showing off the bowl that she made at Colour Me Mine. The three of us had a fun time painting for over 3 hours at The District in the cold, cold winds. The bowls turned out nice. Hannah made a nice mug for Nate.

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Game Night: December 28, 2009

After a wonderful dinner at Texas de Brazil, we played games at home starting with...extreme Book of Mormon Jeopardy. Video below is the team that won that game. In order to get their prize, they had to do karaoke with each one singing solo at least for one line. They were very game and good sports. Great fun!

Playing Guesstures. Fun stuff. Lots of laugh. Being family.

54 and counting....down!

It's my birthday today....and just now, I took a shot of me on the morning of the first day of my 54th year on earth! Feels good to be alive actually.

Resolutions: be more bold about life.

Now...on to breakfast.

Us and Them and Other Things That Separate

Many times it seems that I think I know of things that are certain and as life passes, I realize how ignorantly discriminating I am about these same truths when they seem to betray me.

I've always known that for my marriage to work, my husband has to be the most important person in the world to me. That is also true for him regarding me. And that is what has made our marriage joyful and whole. Now that I have married children, I see that truth from a different angle.

As mother to two remarkable sons, it was clearly manifested to me that that same truth must apply to my sons and their wives. Their wives must always come first, their allegiance to them has to be without question and yes, their mothers must take a more ancillary role in their lives. These truths have always lived in the back of my head until they had to be applied. And it is when you are ill-prepared and trapped in the narcissistic disposition of being the center and life-giving role of "mother" that these truths begin to seemingly betray you with a fierceness that sometimes cannot be tamed.

My first experience with 'another woman' came all too quickly. Without much warning, my son fell inlove with a beautiful young woman whilst attending BYU. I watched him as he hopelessly fell in love with her and I can still remember that moment when it suddenly occurred to me that his happiness depended on having her in his life. When that happens, love takes over and all I wanted was for him to be happy. With her.

And yet, I was ill-prepared for the overwhelming emotions that surged through me like a sudden flood. I felt discarded, minimalized and yes, even somewhat betrayed. No one prepared me for these feelings to emerge. It was confusing and overwhelming. On top of having these feelings, I also felt great guilt that I even had them. Depression sets in. Confusion arises. And then comes the next tidal wave: an unforeseen need to fight to regain and defend your turf; to rebuild your own importance; to be indispensable. And to be honest, you find yourself wanting to exercise power and control in a situation where you feel like you are powerless and redundant. You know your sons must love their wives with the same devotion that you require from your husband. And yet, that narcissistic quality of being the one who devoted her life to the raising of children sometimes require of their children that same devotion to their mothers. It is that phenomenon that causes our vision varying degrees of myopia.

Finding myself drowning in these unexpected emotions, I made it a matter for pondering and much prayer. That's when I realized the subleties and consequently, how dangerous these feelings are.

The first defense that mothers like me use to feel control is what I term the mindset of 'us and them'. The manifestations of this dangerous model of thought are subtle. An invisible line is drawn between 'our family' and 'their family'; "their side" and "our side". And that mindset becomes even more acute during the holidays. Any holiday. Or long weekends. We battle for our 'right' to be with our children and grandchildren. We play tit for tat with their time and attention. Then it can escalate perhaps to just little 'observations' about our daughters-in-law: how they control our sons and always seem to "make him spend more time with her side than ours" and sometimes even "against his will". We feel suddenly, our sons are bewitched and cannot make their own decisions anymore because their wives control them and are alienating them from our affections. Or their wives make things difficult for them to manifest their love for us by making sure they don't spend as much time with 'us' and more time with 'them'. Soon this scenario spreads to younger siblings and they start repeating our grievances. Years pass and relationships become strained. The insidious part is that we don't even know how that happened. We just cannot see our contribution to that end because that same narcissistic quality blinds us from reality and truth. Ironically, these thoughts betray our children because obviously, it implies that they neither have the strength, integrity nor intelligence to be co-partners with their spouses. Thus, our own venom haplessly demonstrates our own failings as parents!

Furthermore, I am living the end result of this insidious model of thought which began as early as when I was a young married woman. For years I saw and heard the "us and them" phenomenon be born, expanded and finally escalate into bad feelings, strained relationships and finally, estrangements where siblings and families no longer have meaningful relationships with each other. It is the saddest thing I've had to witness.

With these thoughts, I was jarred into a new resolution. There will be no "us and them" in my family. There will be no enslaving of sons or daughters to our own agendas, selfish desires or longings. There must be an adjustment of thoughts. Gratitude must replace a mother's consuming need to be needed and to feel important. I know thoughts have energy and everything starts there. So I begin to formulate a new model of thought.

How about realizing that love can stretch out to unite families and loved ones? How about embracing the idea of gratitude that my daughters-in-law have parents and families who love them and who are perfectly capable of loving my sons and daughters? And grandchildren? When this thought becomes sharp and acute, you can only feel love for them also. You begin to love their children because you want them to love yours. Love has to spread its embrace outwards instead of reeling others into a tight, exclusive strangle. Family has to be redefined and be re-imagined as a network of families all loving your children, their spouses and your grandchildren. We are all knitted together like a warm, secure blanket that you love to keep around you. The "togetherness" that comes from control, demands and expectations is like a dark cloak full of insecurity, stress and fear. There is no togetherness--just obligations.

This Christmas, my sons will not be with us on Christmas day. That is a first. But I neither have sadness nor ill-will about that. In my mind, I see them with their wives and their families being loved and feeling joy. And why does Christmas have to be on the 25th? It's not even Jesus' true birthday! My Christmas will be every single time my family is together.

My heart is so full because both of my beautiful daughters-in-law love my sons so perfectly well. And their families adore my sons. How can I fault them for that? On the 27th, all my children and their families will be with me. And I can't hardly wait.

Love can stretch as far as we are willing to love. Families extend all the way back from the beginning and far out into the future. And if one can see clearly, families also stretch sideways. We are all linked together...heirs to the kingdom of a God who grants us joy if we but align our will to his. In his family, there is no 'us and them'.

This is the model of thought that I want to bequeath my children. I hope I can accomplish it because the wonderful memories that are borne out of it is all that I can take with me. I have the strong conviction that the benefits that spring from this will serve the forthcoming generations well and can enrich and enlarge their lives. That is my desire.

Dressing the House for Christmas

I've been taking a couple of hours a day to dress up our house for Christmas. It's been crazy with my seminary schedule plus trying to get to the gym in between. (I get to the gym with full make-up....that's insane!) There's still a little bit left to do---mostly my Christmas village and this year, I really don't have any place to put them. I'm in a quandary whether I should set them up or just put them away until next year.

Kurt got me a beautiful painting to go behind my piano. It's a 24X36 giclee McNaughton-- signed and numbered and beautifully framed. It's called "Peace Is Coming". Here is where you can read more about it. It's awesome. He's still trying to hang it as I type. I'll take a picture when it's in place. I'm so excited.

In the meantime, enjoy this little video I put together of little Christmas vignettes found around my house.

MOVIE NIGHT!

My brain is fried. I am sitting on my red leather couch and I am watching the above mindless, PG-13 (dubious...) horror-fest. I hope it's at least entertaining. Heard good things about it. Will post what I think later.

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Hmm.... Séð það og mun skrifa um það fljótlega. Það var gott.

So I just finished watching this movie. It wasn't at all what I expected it to be. I thought it would be a gory-fest full of hideous beasts and imagined demons with nary a plot. Not.

Instead it was a very clean, straight-forward movie about a likeable, ordinary pretty girl with a rich, preppy boyfriend and her unexpected tousle with a decrepit, somewhat gross Hungarian old woman who casts a horrible spell on her. It's actually very well-made with some nice comic relief from the witch herself as well as from the clean-cut boyfriend who keeps it all real. I did not feel any lingering, heavy after-taste. It was just quite an enjoyable movie if one has time to sit and just be entertained.

Update: I watched the above mentioned movie for the 2nd time with my daughters. I decided that obviously, this is not a movie that is for multiple watching pleasure. The 2nd time, it was stupid, formulaic and mindless with cheap...no, make that VERY cheap after-effects.

Next in my quest to get updated on the movie culture, I am watching Pixar's "UP". I think I will wait until my daughters come home for Thanksgiving to watch it for the first time.

I also got the Director's cut of Blade Runner so I'm excited to watch that over the holidays. There's a few other ones on my list.

This is really quite distressing that I haven't been up to date with my movies. I haven't even checked out the lastest from my favorite Korean genres. Or other foreign films for that matter. I am up to my nose in seminary paraphernalia.

I must repent.

Just my opinion...

Turkey Most Fowl!

This will have been the 28th Thanksgiving of my life as a married woman living in America. And thus, it will have been the 28th time that I've threatened to find another fowl or source of protein to take the place of turkey. And it will have been the 28th time that my family will pay no measure of attention to my idle threat.

Why does it have to be turkey? It is so tasteless and fowl in so many different dimensions...and yes, forgive the equally tasteless pun. For years now we've tried preparing the bird in various different ways. I've tried massaging it in fresh expensive European and even New Zealand butter and EVO. Even not so extra virgin olive oil. I've used sliced lemons, oranges, apples, tangerines and inserted them artfully under the bird's skin with various leaves of herbs and pine nuts. I've brined it overnight in every mixture known to mankind--- juniper berries, every colour of peppercorns, rock salt, Hawaiian salt, gourmet salt from Turkey, Vietnam and Morocco, and fragrant leaves, Coke, broth and even grass. Well, lemon grass. I've tried the dangerous method of frying it in 2 gallons of Wesson canola oil on a tripod with two dogs barking at the contraption as the oil boiled threateningly. I've slow-baked, moderately baked, oven-baked and turkey-broilered it. I've used frozen birds and hens. The other year I even bit the bullet and bought a fresh, organic free-range turkey from Whole Foods Store. I tried not to puke when I saw the sticker price. I just went into instant denial.

Still, in my opinion, turkey is the most uninteresting, mediocre and savourless meat. Why else would anyone eat it with cranberries? To add zip to turkey meat, you are required to have at least 5 side dishes to complement its unappetizing flavour. Mostly, the side dishes are either sweet or savory. Sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, fruit salad swimming in whipped cream, cranberries in their various permutations, stuffing preferrably with apples, nuts, raisins or dried cranberries, green beans made palatable with heaps of sour cream, cheese and...gulp...crushed, crispy potato chips, corn drowning in butter and salt, or garlic mashed potatoes smashed with sour cream, butter, lots of salt and pepper or cream....hmm....maybe even topped with grated cheese. And the gravy. To make the gravy hearty, you have to boil all the turkey parts that you won't eat: the giblets. What the heck are giblets anyway? Well, giblets are a euphemism for the neck with the drooping skin, the gizzards, the heart, the liver. Yeah. The best parts of the turkey! Go figure.

Why do we insist on turkey when we can have goose or better yet, duck? How about a nice crown roast? I love lamb! Pork roast slow cooked in savory sauce? How about steak for Pete's sake? Squab? Beef tenderloin cooked medium rare to perfection for Thanksgiving? Never. Horrors! Those wonderful meat dishes are suddenly not sexy enough for the dinner table.

And why so? Tradition. We will forego the best meats for the meat we don't buy on purpose on other days.

I sometimes wonder about some traditions that we hold on to just because they're traditions. Do we sometimes hang on to ideas and notions just because we're so used to them? Are we sometimes afraid to accept new ways because they are not familiar and comfortable? Can we see new uses for old things and discover new things that will make our lives better?

There are some things we must hang on to. But indeed, we do need to hone our sights so that they are fresh and willing to see things in many different permutations. Traditions can be started and some can be passed on for many generations. Love, kindness, acceptance, ways of talking to each other that are loving and tender...these traditions should outlive every generation. Some traditions are fast becoming a thing of the past and should be revived. Letter-writing, long courtships, gallantry, lady-likeness, modesty, sweet flirtations. Long family dinners, breakfast together, slow Saturday mornings, good-bye kisses. Fountain pens, afternoon teas with friends, backdoor drop-ins. Evening walks, bicycle rides for two, wearing Easter hats to church, potato sack races. And please don't let this be a tradition: texting when you can call, emails when there's a chance you can write. That's very turkey.

So this Thanksgiving Day I am passing the baton to my daughters who want to take a gander (there I go again....) at cooking the feast. Yes, there will be turkey in the oven. And yes, there will be at least 5 side dishes to add some sexiness to the bland fowl. There will be the traditional rolling to the couch after the meal to nap. And the wishbone will be set aside for later and will be forgotten again this year. There will be more pies than we can eat. And turkey leftovers for a week.

And next year, I will threaten to use another fowl. It's tradition.

Jack LOVES his Mimi. And I LOVE JACK!!!

Trivial Pursuit

We loved playing this game! We laughed a lot. And tricks were happening all over the place. No sore losers this time. But next time, I'll be ready.

Frisbee Time

Our family had a fabulously fun time playing frisbee near Lee's and Catherine's apartment. Nice park in Provo. We had such a lovely, joyful time with everyone. I especially loved how each one loved and cared for one another. I am in heaven.

Jack Jabez Faux's Cool Freestyle Dancin'
Taken November 7, 2009

Watch as Jack moves to the rhythm of the song. He is a natural performer!
CAN YOU KEEP UP WITH HIM?

Jack Jabez Faux: Coolest Dude!

Being Over Fifty And The Inevitable Colonoscopy

I am home right now. Close to the bathroom. Tomorrow, I am going to submit to the unenviable eventuality that comes with reaching past the half century mark: the dreaded colonoscopy. The procedure itself does not daunt me. How hard can it be when everyone I know who has done it have complete amnesia about the procedure? The only part I dread is the inserting of the IV needle. After that it's event horizon.

I've already taken the two pills that's supposed to make me go initially before I begin consuming the 2 liter jug full of eeky solution that will really make it happen. I heard it's pretty gruesome. We shall see.

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Have already drank 2 8oz glasses of the Halflytely solution. 6 more glasses to go. It is nasty but I am thinking positively. I drink each glass standing up. I have to drink a glass every 10 minutes. Holy cow! I have to tell myself that I can DO IT. I suck on a peppermint candy in between glasses. I hope this is the worse part of the prep. After I consume the dastardly concoction, I have to stay close to the bathroom. Then the second ordeal begins. Oh joy.

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It's the morning of the procedure and I've been going pretty much most of the night. It was NOT easy drinking the 4th to the last glasses full of Halflytely. By the time I drank my 2nd glass, the bathroom call began. It took me nearly 3 hours to drink all 2 liters of the cursed concoction. By the 2nd glass, I experienced chills. My hands and feet were so cold not even a blanket helped. By the 4th glass, I was fighting nausea and a feeling of malaise. Every gulp of the solution went down only by sheer mental games---mostly fighting the urge to quit or throw up. I threw up some of the 6th glass. But I managed to tell myself to hold the last one down. It was sheer determination that got me through the last one. I was actually surprised that I had difficulty drinking the solution because it didn't seem that much. The taste wasn't too bad at first but then it started to taste really salty---like lemonade with lots of salt. I don't salt my foods so maybe I'm just not used to that salty taste. Anyway, this morning, I feel fine except for some queasiness in my belly. I don't think I'm done going to the bathroom and I have to be at the surgery center in 2 hours. So I better be getting me ready. I"ll write more about my experience at the surgery center. For now my big question is: should I put make-up on? Lashes? I can't bear to think that I'll be going somewhere 'unmade'. Ahhh....vanity.

More later.

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Leaving for surgery center now. Decided to go all made up...lashes and all. I wouldn't want to go get a colonoscopy looking harried, do I? So here's a shot of me before I walked out the door:

Let me tell you the worst of the whole enterprise of getting a colonoscopy: THE WAITING. So I get to the surgery center half an hour before the scheduled time. I waited an extra half hour just to get past the reception room. There were already people waiting for their turn. I realized they were all patients of Dr. Yeh--my same doctor. I counted 6 names on the roster before my name. I am in a virtual conveyor belt of people on gurneys waiting for Dr. Yeh to look into our colons. That was not a very comforting thought for me at this time.

When they let me in, they weighed me, put me on a gurney and took my vitals. Then she made me sign more papers. I think the nurse did not expect that I would read the fine print. I did. She gave me a disposable hospital gown and told me to take off everything from the waist down. Then she told me to wait. I waited. Then another nurse came, attached me to a heart machine, blood pressure cuffs, finger thermometer and...the dreaded IV needed/port on my right hand. (Since I was going to be made to lie down on my left side for the procedure, right?) Hated that. Then the worst--I waited over 45 minutes in that curtained 'cubby' room with that needle stuck in my hand! I had nothing to do. Not a magazine. I just....waited.

Finally, the nurse wheeled me to one of the colonoscopy rooms. where she placed an oxygen tube around my head. There I waited again. Fifteen minutes later, I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. As I was trying to figure out how to get myself untangled from the tubes and wires, the anesthesiologist came. I told her I needed to go so they helped me out. I felt better. As soon as I returned, she made me lie down on my left side and I watched her take a syringe, plunge it into 2 or 3 bottles, mixing the milky white cocktail by priming the plunger up and down. It was mainly Michael Jackson's choice of sleep agent: propofol. I closed my eyes as she administered it. It was a fun and strange experience. First I could still see the light through my closed lids. Then suddenly, I only saw a black, dark screen....like when you turn off the telly. I remember thinking: Whoa! Everything is black! I guess I will be sleeping soon. Then nothing.

I woke up and Kurt was there. Everything went well. They showed me some shots of the inside of my colon. It tooked nice and red and shiny. Nothing remarkable. They had to give me another drug to wake me up apparently coz I wouldn't wake up. No big deal. I got up a little woozy.

Went to King's Fish House for my macadamia encrusted Halibut with orange sauce. Then looked around the Anne Taylor store. Found a nice blue shirt and a couple of cute head bands. I guess I was still under the influence.

So I'm home now. Still have a buzz. A little diarrhea. I don't like the buzz.

I don't have to have a colonoscopy for 10 years. I couldn't bear the thought of drinking Halflytely. Perhaps in 10 years they will finally just make virtual colonoscopy de rigueur. You know---the one where you swallow a small camera.

So now I feel like I could sleep for a day with that buzz in my head.

MY SHALLOW LIST OF FAVORITE THINGS

While in the bay area last weekend, my friends asked me about my necklaces and funky shoes. But ooh-la-la! I do love my unusual necklaces They make your face bright and complete your look. They add pizzazz to your wardrobe and give you some personality---even if it's just the shallow first-impression-personality-that-may-or-may-not-be-really-you. As for my shoes---they keep me well grounded.

Here now is my latest list of favorite things:

1. Shoes: most of my shoes are from Anthropologie. My latest acquisitions are this and this. I usually wait until there are enough reviews posted before I make my decision but sometimes I just fall inlove with a particular pair and just bite the bullet. I have only been let down once but it's easy to just drive around the corner where happily there is an Anthropologie store and I can return the 'mistake' no questions asked.

2. Necklaces: My husband calls me an Anthropologist because again, this is where I get my fun pieces. I like this and this and this. There are other cool ones but they have sold out and so are no longer found online.

3. Stella and Dot: I first saw their work on my friend Corsee's neck. I just fell inlove with the boldness of their style. It wasn't garish. It wasn't overpowering. So I simply had to have this.

4. Jeans: I didn't want to look ridiculous and wear 'young' jeans. But when I discovered this brand, I was grateful that I could fit into their petite versions without showing half my butt! Petite versions can be found here.

5. Perfume: I LOVE Tokyo Milk and intend to collect the scents that I just cannot pass up. I love "Song in D Minor", Le Petite, French Kiss and Sparrow. There's more-- I just can't remember the names.

6. Bath products: Though I also love Tokyo Milk's soaps, I consider these products my staples: I use this for shampoo and conditioner. I love the way it makes my hair smell and for some reason, my hair behaves when I use this product.

7. Skin care: I am not a believer that topical creams and snake oils can remove or prevent wrinkles. But when I used Patricia Wexler's skin care line, I was very pleased with the results. No, my wrinkles did not disappear. But my adult break-ups suddenly stopped. And my discolorations seemed to even out. So I think using these products religiously for a couple of months made a huge difference. I use all these products plus I have a big jar of this. I use them sparingly so they last at least 3 months or more.

8. Eyelashes: I do wear them EVERY day. I didn't use to. But one day it suddenly occurred to me that many moms my age seemed to look like they've 'given up'. I see them as they let their hair go gray and as they go about doing their errands in sweatpants and tee shirts. (Not very sexy...) So...if I don't have to go to work in an office every day does this mean that I have to run around looking dowdy all day? So putting on eyelashes is my way of rebelling against looking dowdy. It only takes me 2-3 minutes to put them on and I don't have to worry about wiping off the goop that mascara makes. Plus, I don't have any lashes anyway. Here's my favorite brand: I like these lashes and I use this adhesive. The lashes cost about $3.50 and I reuse them until they don't hold their shape...about 2-3 weeks per pair. There's a technique to this. Maybe I'll do a little lesson next time. Anyway, I think that's the cheapest way to instantly look glamorous!

9. Eye shadow: Most people are intrigued by the way I apply my eye shadow. This took years and years of experience. I don't use any other brand but MAC cosmetics. They last all day and the colours are vivid. Except for the black eye shadow. I use this in "Night Breed". It's always hard to find but last Saturday, I found ONE solitary box while browsing at Sephora and I snatched it. Wahooo!

10. My latest indulgence: My wonderful friend Kristi introduced me to this--the cinnamon crunch bagel. Ahhh....heaven! It has to be devoured toasted and with just a smear of soft cream cheese. As if this wasn't enough, she also introduced me to these... Made my day! Now I just have to have my bagel and egg soufflés kick at least once a week. It's also fun to just take some home and use my new funky toaster oven and have one in the patio by the pool while the afternoons here in Las Vegas-Henderson have been perfect.

There you have it. My ten favorite things that make me look good.

To complete the picture, I just have to make sure I am walking with my husband. Wowie. That's the picture of bliss! (OK...this is all too shallow but I feel shallow this morning.)

You Would Think I'd Know... But No.

My "Aha!" Moments For This Week

I am about to make a huge pot of my decadent and sinfully delicious chili. It seems overcast outside but no sign of rain. After all, I live in the desert so the day may feign a threat of rain but its only an illusion. After all, I live near Vegas. Figures.

It's amazing to me that when I was younger, I thought I knew so much and could move forward through the world with so much confidence. As I learn more about life and as I pass through many experiences good and bad, I realize how little I know. Sometimes, a sudden realization seizes me and I am aghast at how ignorant I was...passing through what was or should have been obvious and yet not connecting the dots.

The latest 'Aha!" moment came just a few weeks ago. I had a student who was so disruptive and just sucked the life and spirit out of my classroom with her attention-starved antics. Days would pass and I would get more and more frustrated with her so much so that I started disliking her. I dreaded going back to class because of her. I would spend sleepless nights trying to think of ideas to curtail her disruptive behaviour. One morning, she came to class extremely early and as I saw her, I wanted to just throw everything and go home. But a voice inside my head said: take this opportunity! Get to know her. Find a way to love her! The resistance I had against those inner commands was strong. "No way am I going to pretend I like her because I don't." But I KNEW without a doubt that the only way to achieve any measure of success in changing someone's behaviour was to change mine. And I KNEW that feeling the way I did about her was totally wrong. But I'm only human right? And that gave me the excuse to behave and feel badly. I KNEW it. But I couldn't execute the correct behaviour from myself even if I knew what I had to do. Knowing full well the consequences of not acting upon good insight, I decided to try and execute what I knew was the right thing to do: to turn around and genuinely be interested in her---to get to know her. I only had 10 precious minutes before everyone would start filing in. I had to act. So I decided to 'pretend to like her' and as soon as I made that decision, a wonderful thing happened. In an instance, I felt tender inside. I could see her. I could see her spirit---her wonderful exuberance, her talents, her intelligence....and her need for love. We talked. At first it was awkward but quickly I found commonalities that were exciting to me. I began to see her in a totally different way. Days later, she didn't come to class and I missed her so terribly. Class just wasn't the same without her. And it occurred to me how easy it was to love her. And I do love her. I did not have to resort to clever classroom tactics. I did not have to become a slick, clever teacher. All that was needed was for me to love her. And it has made the difference. There is a peace in my class now. No...she didn't change much. She is still wonderfully exuberant. But my behaviour changed and her exuberance is no longer disruptive but in fact, a fabulous ingredient that makes my class a wonderful place for me to be spending my early morning hours.

What I learned is that though we may know what true principles need to be followed and incorporated into our behaviour, the execution of those principles vary every single time they need to be executed. Sometimes it's easy to execute. ANd then just when you think you have it down pat, you get faced with a challenge. We just cannot be complacent. We just have to keep on plugging along---learning and growing and getting better. I can see how easily pride can creep in and suddenly you are fighting with yourself because you think you can get a pass and get away with not behaving well just because you think you've already learned your lesson and you're all huffy and puffy already 'good'. Then before you know it, you're just trying to figure out how you got to be so miserable and crabby. And old. I think learning to be a better person keeps you young. Perhaps a nice little unexpected benefit.

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I've again started seeing my trainer at the gym. I do enjoy it but it is HARD. I hate sweating and I hate feeling that 'exertion' feeling. But then in the end, it does feel good to have a good sweat. This is one area where I really need help. I just need to learn to love working out. And I can see that I can. I keep on 'failing' but I guess this time, I realized that every time I 'fail' I just need to stop getting stupid and keep on trying. Besides no one ever learns from succeeding all the time. Failure is a better teacher.

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Another 'aha' moment I had this week is realizing that when I am away from my children, the way I think about them is always the way they were when they lived at home---as my 'children'. But every time I go and see them I realize that there is a very, very wide chasm between how I perceive them and what's real. Here's what's real: they are independent, smart, savvy and completely capable of making mature decisions. If I really am honest, they are 10 times more capable than I was at their age. So I can worry, nag and repeat myself but that's not going to help them or elevate them by any stretch of the imagination. Every single time I talk to them or see them I learn something about myself...well, specifically, how I can be better. I am inspired by them. We are now on equal footing. I just have more experience. Nevertheless, true principles can be executed and learned at any age and I can be learning too as they do the same. In some areas, they are my superior. And in others, they can certainly benefit from my experiences. And it's all an equal give and take.

But I can still worry, nag and repeat myself because I am a mother. And that's that

They Thought They Had Time

My Samoan friend was talking about the September tsunami and earthquake that affected Western and American Samoa. She was glad that none of her immediate family was affected. The conversation turned sober though as she told the story of over a hundred lives lost. Some were caught unprepared or simply overtaken and were taken by the waves to their deaths. But many deaths were more tragic. There were many who did not appreciate the danger and unforgiving nature of torrents of ocean water because the sea was always their friend. So many islanders simply chose to run towards the ocean to watch the tsunami. Their miscalculation was sadly too dear: it cost them their lives. Some, after being given a firm warning to immediately flee to higher ground thought they had some time to run to the store and get some provisions. They were sadly wrong. They had NO time. It only took about 30 minutes for the tsunami waves to quickly obliterate roads, bridges, buildings and hundreds of homes. They thought they had time. They thought they had time.

Today, my daughter told me that a girl in their ward is at the ICU with pneumonia and swine flu. She is not expected to live. Hers was a serious case. There are others who suffer within their 'safe' cocoon. Last week, I sounded like a paranoid crazed mother begging them to get the swine flu vaccine. They thought I was annoying. Today, they have plans to get the vaccine asap. I hope the clinic does not run out of vaccines. And I hope they really do go.

For the most part, I think all these events are a good metaphor for the bigger events to come. Just like what happened in L'Aquila, Italy when they had that huge earthquake just last April. They had hundreds of smaller quakes for about four months so when they were warned to prepare for the inevitable, they thought they had time. They didn't. Over 300 people died making this earthquake the deadliest one in Italy since 1980.

Many of the great prophecies found in the scriptures have already come to pass. Some are in progress. But very little is left.

But we still have time.

Right?

PAY ATTENTION

Birth of a New Day: Haleakala Crater, Maui
(Girls' Only Trip: Corsee, Chat and Christie)

It wasn't an easy proposition to wake up at 1am on our second night in Maui. Our days were already filled with plans to do 'nothing' but sit out by the pool, walk by the beach, read books, get pampered at the luxurious spa, eat and eat some more. But we did it so we could catch the 2am chartered tour bus that would take us to the top of Helealaka, 10,000 feet above sea level, to wait for the sun to rise as we shiver in 44 degrees Fahrenheit.

Over 30 years ago, I had the opportunity to drive up to Haleakala to see the sun rise. But I was only 19 years old and an excursion up to the mountain volcano with some cute guys was definitely not conducive to this higher form of contemplative exercise. And I wasn't ready for the spiritual treat that I was about to experience this time around.

It was pitch black when we arrived at the crater. There was a crowd already waiting. It was so cold my hands felt frozen. There was no clear horizon and with the clouds in the sky, we weren't sure what kind of sunrise we were going to be gifted by Mother Nature.

Then a thin orange line emerged on the horizon. And we waited. And waited. Soon the clouds in the sky became a beautiful smoky blue as a large portion dissipated. Stars and a couple of bright planets were still visible. It took what seemed like hours for the sun to finally appear. The skies turned all kinds of colours. I suddenly became aware of how clear the air was. I could see for miles and miles. The light of the emerging sun played with my eyes. It was spectacular.

For a moment, I stood in awe. I tried to hide my tears as I felt myself about to burst with gratitude for what I was about to see. Suddenly, the words came to my head: "...so you can see far off". For a brief moment there, a flow of thoughts came into my head.

The scriptures are full of references to land or promised lands that are 'far off'. On first blush, we take these literally. But I believe there is a deeper meaning to these references.

These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

For they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country.

And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned.

But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city. (Hebrews 11: 13-15)

The scriptures then begin to list great men like Isaac, Moses, Jacob and Joseph--men who saw the promises far off. These were men who were persuaded to obey all that God commanded them to do because they could see far off. Because they could see clearly. We even can conclude that most of them did not even receive the promises. Moses never made it to the promised land. Abraham only had two sons and passed on before he could see the promise made to him fulfilled. And yet, they all did what they were asked to do because they saw the 'land' far off.

Sometimes, as we go through challenges, it is hard to see far off. We begin to doubt and worry about contingencies. We worry about things we cannot control. We suffer because we cannot control these contingencies---nor prevent them from happening. We want to be shown exactly what the future looks like. We want to see the future so we can protect ourselves. Arm ourselves.

Such is what faith is made of. It is made of things that are not seen. It is the substance of things we hope for. It the the evidence of things we cannot see. Faith is moving along, hanging on--happily and hopefully through challenges and uncertainty.

Yet sometimes, if we look hard and seek, we begin to see the invisible. Clouds dissipate. The air is made clear. And we can see far off.

Sometimes we need to climb a mountain where the air may be thinner. Our lungs will have to work harder. Sometimes we have to wait in total darkness...in the cold. And then our patience is rewarded.

Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. (Hebrews 11:3)

There is an invisible portal through which we can see all things that are visible only to the heart and the spirit. High on the mountaintop, in Haleakala, I was reminded of the promises that I can see far off. And my heart took flight.

As we stepped back into our comfortable van, our guide announced that of the many times he had been to watch the sunrise at Haleakala, this morning's event ranked in the top 5% of the best. He was incredulous about how the air was so clear we could see the islands of Moloka'i, Lana'i, Kahoolawe and even clearly see the tops of Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa--far away to the big island of Hawaii. I smiled a secret smile because what I saw far off was brighter and clearer than that.