Amor Sin Fronteras

 You've Got To Be Carefully Taught

My childhood was filled with strife and challenges that I survived seemingly without much serious damage. Or perhaps a combination of time and a wonderful husband has blunted much of its pain and repercussions. Nevertheless, one thing I learned early on is that the emotions one feels as a child at any age are real and as deep as any time in one's life. Therefore these emotions need validation. That is a crucial need. 

A child can be afraid of the dark and as adults, we sometimes tend to belittle them by pooh-pooh-ing this fear. That's when they learn that the world around them can be scary. Worse, they can also begin to feel doubt about the people who are supposed to care for and protect them. 

I think that feelings can be schooled as we mature but the sum total of our childhood experiences can affect us -- especially when the emotions are strong. But as we age, the source of these emotions can be forgotten leaving us with strong feelings but without experiences to attach them to. Some of us have anger with no reason. Some of us feel bitterness. Or feel insignificant. Or scared. Or hating some people who remind us of someone we don't remember.

******************

You've got to be taught to hate and fear

You've got to be taught from year to year

It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made

And people whose skin is a different shade

You've got to be carefully taught

You've got to be taught before it's too late

Before you are 6 or 7 or 8  

To hate all the people your relatives hate

You've got to be carefully taught

(From the musical, "South Pacific")

********************** 

I was chatting with someone from my daughter's boyfriend's family who told me that it is hard for them to see how she is important to him because of their "collective uncertainty about the future of their relationship..." I was suddenly jarred by the realization of how different we are in the way we see things. 

One of my sons had a girlfriend in high school. He was but 17 or so at the time but I was so aware that feelings are real no matter how old you are. These feelings must be validated and appreciated. His girlfriend was a wonderful person and I went for it full throttle. I just loved her. And though I knew the odds of them making it was slim, I loved her as though she were mine just in case they make it.  And though they didn't and I was a little disappointed when they broke up, the love I felt for her was stronger than the momentary disappointment. She married one of my son's best friends and now together with my son's wife, are all close friends. Their children play together and there is a wonderful rapport between all of them. And I still love her. There's just so much love to go around and it feels so good to have all these wonderful people that I love! Everything just multiplied!

My daughter and her boyfriend have been dating since high school...and long after. They have gone through so many challenges and unexpected twists and turns. Unlike my son and his HS sweetheart, I think they have a very good chance of making it. But it doesn't matter if the odds are slim. I went for it full throttle. I love him a lot. And always will just like I still love Heidi.

It is sometimes frustrating that we have such cultural limitations that prevent us from acknowledging feelings that are real. The 'what if' and the 'but' or the 'you're not supposed to feel that' are merely born out of fear -- mostly, fear of being hurt or disappointed. But those feelings go hand in hand with loving someone. We just cannot have those fears limit us from experiencing and seeing things as they wondrously are. 

Christ loved us even when He knew full well that we would disappoint him...or even turn away from him. And His love is so perfect that it transcends all hurt and all pain. That is how He, being perfect, could descend below all things. It is that perfect love that carried him through---that He is able to bear all things.

I used to think that hate is the opposite of love. Or apathy. But really, it is fear.

*********************

While attending a function, I suddenly saw my reflection on the glass window. It jarred me because instantly, I saw how different I looked from all the other people in the room that I was seeing. I was the only Asian. 

For the most part, in the 22 years that I've lived here in Henderson, Nevada, I've only associated with non-Asian people. It is not by choice. It just worked out that way. 

It's amazing to me that in a big way, I can 'forget' that I'm different. Not that I am trying to be 'white' though of course, I wanted to culturally assimilate. It's just  common sense to do that.  And I was just trying to survive my days! But in my dealings, it is rare that I'm reminded that I am racially different. The only time I become painfully aware of my ethnicity is when I am treated poorly---mostly by service people. But then again, there are plenty of ignoramuses that roam the malls and spas. 

I love being different. And I also love being the same as others. My children are a mix of Filipino, Chinese, Spanish, English and Swedish. Mixed ancestry provides so much advantage---better health, longer life, more vim and vigor and exotic looks! I do not fear being different. But then again, others have a fear of those who are different from them....as do I. But we must learn to bridge those differences because they are born out of fear...

...and being 'carefully taught'.

Thoughts of a Well Accessorized Interloper

THOUGHTS OF AN ANTHROPOLOGIED INTERLOPER

I am rifling through my special 'travel' drawer  to extract a bottle of Xanax. Yep. It's time to go to Pleasant Grove, Utah. Every time I cross into that territory, the heaviness in my chest causes me to hyperventilate and my head begins to feel light. Then the sensation of nausea sets in and I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. Panic. And a little xanax placed under my tongue for a few seconds before I follow it up with water to swallow it is the only way to mitigate this sad reaction. 

How ever did I get from a joyful pilgrim to an anxiety-ridden interloper? 

********************

I really appreciate my mother who never demands much. She is overjoyed whenever we go for a visit and frankly, those visits are so few and far in between.  There is never any criticism about that either. She just takes what is given without reproach for the lacks. Everything is simple. She just wants to love without demands or requirements or expectations. I appreciate that she doesn't talk badly about anyone in our family or my husband's family. Those things just don't even occur to her.

I really appreciate my only sister. She accepts me for what I am even when I aggravate her. And even when we have our moments...sometimes even ugly ones, I can always rely on the fact that in time, she will be her usual jovial, generous self with me and everything bad will just be another insignificant event that somehow doesn't really affect how we love each other. I appreciate how she doesn't harbour any ill-feelings or stew in any venom. I appreciate how she treats all my children as real people even when they were little. She never talks down to them or treats them like appendages who should do as she bids or as babysitting units. She never orders them around. She shows genuine interest in their opinions and thoughts even when they were young. My children feel like she is their equal and so they grew up thinking that she cared for them, valued their opinions and truly loved them. In other words, being an 'aunt' was never a position of superiority of any degree or kind. She was, more importantly, a caring friend who happened to be an aunt.

I appreciate my aunts quirky as they may be because I know that they care about me and because 'family' really means something. It's blood where we come from. Not religion.

Since I did not grow up in the LDS culture, we don't have any pre-conceived notions of what everyone should be. We are just accepted and treated kindly. Or when there is conflict, we pull all the stops and have a good go at it. Then....in time, we revert back to base. There is no back-biting because small as we are, there is just no spare time for that type of empty and classless activity that requires bitterness, misery, envy and a serious lack of intelligence.

I just LOVE it when we arrive at my family's homes and there is a riotous welcome. Everybody comes to the door and expressions of excitement fly all over the place. Then the kitchen becomes the place to be! There is loudness and laughter. And then everybody just chills. There is a relaxed atmosphere. It feels like home. My family is small but it feels so big when we are together.

*******************

Right now, I feel like I am being summoned to fill a part in a paint by numbers portrait. Please pass the xanax.

 ON CHOOSING THE BETTER PART

When we desire to be righteous, there will be times in our lives  when we are faced with decisions that are neither wrong nor right -- forcing us to try and choose the better part even when the margin of differences seem so small and insignificant. Ironically, the margin of differences SEEM so small precisely because of our lack of experience and the very act of choosing one or the other is the only way to figure out these differences. By then it may become apparent that the losses may be too great to risk. This is when the tender mercies of God become crucial. These are the very moments when we can experience the manifestations of his hand and in so doing, engender our refinement.

Once decisions have been made, and the wheels have begun to turn, we may find ourselves caught in the mechanism of our own doing. We cannot turn back. But our righteous desires, immature they may be, may also buy our way out. Though we cannot see how that can happen because our circumstances may be dire, there is a voice inside us that tells us that He is in control and that we will be alright-- nothing bad can happen because God is in the details. All we have to do is remit each day with patience, courage and the discipline to be serene. Once we can calm ourselves and feel that security, humility hones our senses to listen to his commands. And once we hear his instructions, refinement can only occur when we execute his will. It will require much courage to do so and the execution may be difficult. But the instructions will be clear and there will be clarity of thought and purpose such that though the load may be heavy, this sharpness and clarity  will amazingly make the load light. Now we can begin our way back to choose that better part in the first place-- held in reserve for us by the Lord's tender mercies.

This is the trial of our faith--to finally accept his will. This is that glorious opportunity to show how strong our faith is and how stout our hearts are. Remember that the genesis of this comes from choosing between righteous choices---a situation that arises more often as we strive to be righteous and obedient followers of Christ.

TOO MANY THINGS GOING ON

There's a lot of things going on right now and I can't really post anything about those events because I don't know how they are going to unfold. 

But.

I decided to take a break and do something for myself. Last night, I took an Ambien so I can finally sleep for 8 hours. That was my hope. I slept 6 hours. I can't complain. But I woke up with the worst hang over. I then remembered why I flushed a full bottle of Ambien down the toilet. I guess tonight I'll stick to Ibuprofen...and little sleep.

Oh. And I went and got my hair done. Above is the finished product. A bit too radical, I'd say.

Also, I picked up the plates we painted at "Colour Me Mine" and here I am with the finished product. I wasn't too happy because I should have painted 3 more coats on the whites. Ugh.

Above is the plate that Hannah created. It looks like Hannah's creation. I really like it. It's sweet and subtle. Just like her. And very intricate with lots of fine details. Just like her.

Above is Natascha's plate. I tease her that it's a giant octopus with a yellow eye but it turned out so nice! Very clever. Just like her. I do have to post the bottom of her plate because it is very funny. Just like her.

Hmmmm....since I was already at The District, I did go to Anthropologie just to have a look-see. I ended up with 2 cute shirts. Oh well.

God's Gentle Hands

Manifestations of the Hand of God Guiding 
All Things

Last Friday was the last day of seminary and Lori Day did not show up to spend the last day of the school year with her class who all came to celebrate and express their appreciation to her. She was in the hospital getting prepped for surgery. They found an aneurysm in her brain.

The day before, she had what she described as "the worst headache" of her life. Henceforth, there were many coincidences that made one indubitably aware that God's hand was guiding all things. 

A brain aneurysm, and in her case, a leak from an aneurysm is a very serious matter. 40% do die from a ruptured aneurysm. Of the other 60% who survive, there are complications that require a long, sometimes complicated recovery and in the end, if death does not ensue, there will be deficits that may impact one's quality of life.

Lori defies all odds. The night after her surgery, she woke up, coherent, communicating and annoyed that she will have to stay in the hospital for a while. Today, which is the day after her surgery, we went to see her. She was sitting up and about to have dinner. She had staples on her head and her right thigh was elevated from the angiogram but there she was. It looked like she just had some kind of day surgery. Amazing.

There were many details and coincidences that led to her spectacular outcome---all manifestations of God's love and caring.

Last year in April, Hannah's boyfriend was seriously ill. And throughout the months of his recovery, coincidences and details so spectacular abound even to this very day. It was again, a magnificent show of God's hand. 

It seems to me that ever since I began teaching seminary, I've been privy to these remarkable events in the lives of righteous individuals. But I am sure that every event that fills my cup such that it runneth over is merely a preview of more spectacular events that testify to me of God's abiding love. 

Tonight, a husband will finally sleep well knowing that when he awakes in the morning, his wife will be waiting for his visit while still annoyed that she has to stay in the hospital a little longer. And tonight, Hannah will most likely lovingly hold the hand of the young man who loves her yet another time. And tonight, I will hold my sweet companion next to me grateful that I can hear him breathing. I will smell his sweet scent and fall asleep.

GREAT EVENT IN WASHINGTON DC!!

Jordan Faux, Esq.
 

Jordan is my first-born son. When he was born, Kurt was finishing up his undergraduate degree in English at Brigham Young University- Hawaii Campus. We were barely married 9 months when he was born. Wait a minute. Stop counting. Jordan was born 5 weeks early. His brother, Leland was born 10 months later. Stop counting again. He was born 7 weeks early. 

Anyway.

Jordan was a wonderful baby. He was rumbly-tumbly and spoke early. He said "Cah bye-bye" as he pointed to my papa's car when he was barely 10 months old. Now he can say all sorts of things.

Jordan graduated with a degree in Biology from BYU in Provo, Utah. He loves insects. I don't think he got any encouragement from me regarding that matter. In fact, I KNOW I did not encourage any love for insects under any circumstances. But I do know that we all love to talk, analyze and ponder out loud many, many diverse subjects---from the Vietnam War to vegetables we'd like to experiment cooking with, from the mathematical meaning of the word "outcome" to the merits of knowing who the seven dwarfs are or even from our thoughts regarding the nature of Deity to how our obsession with pop culture can lead to the end of civilization. 

Jordan was born exactly 250 years after the birth of George Washington. Of course that means that they share the same integrity of character. Is that a coincidence? Nope. Also it is not a coincidence that on May 16, Jordan graduated from George Washington University with a Juris Doctorate in Law. We are so proud of him. But more than his academic accomplishments, we are so proud of the kind of man he is. He is kind, well-mannered (except when he is with us and then resorts to joining in with our boorishness...), sensitive to others and puts his family on the top of his list. He is a wonderful son and brother...and now, husband. 

Enjoy some of our pictures taken last weekend in Washington DC as we celebrated Jordan's fabulous weekend.

Jordan and da parents. Doesn't he look so officially dashing?

This is a photo of the cover of the official commencement event program/booklet.

This is the vantage point from where we were sitting. Awesome. We could watch Jordan and also see what the speakers do behind their backs. The speaker for this afternoon's event was Mary Schapiro, Obama's pick to head the Securities and Exchange Commission and fellow George Washington Law School alumni. She is on the cover of Time Magazine. The morning event speaker was Michelle Obama. We decided to skip that and take the sacrament instead. We were happy we did because the Sunday meeting in Jordan's ward was outstanding.

Rose and Jordan standing in front of George Washington. There was a line just to take a pose with him and there was a lady who wanted to take command of that line. Needless to say, I pretended she wasn't there.

I took a photo of Jordan's diploma which I had on my lap. I thought that was clever of me since I took the picture blindly.

I would say that it was raining pleasantly on this day when we went to the Washington DC LDS Temple. It was SPECTACULAR. I cannot even begin to describe how the beautiful white Italian marble glistened against the humid air and how the gold leafed spires seemed to reflected the cleanest, purest light. It was a Monday morning so the temple was closed and no one was around so we got to take a lot of pictures. I think this is the most beautiful temple I've ever seen and I wouldn't mind it if my daughters decide to get married here. (!)

Of course, Kurt had to insist on visiting Arlington Cemetery. I have to agree that it was beautiful there. The head stones all faced east and were arranged perfectly in rows. Here I am with Jordan and Rose who were so game about driving around with us. They were such good and fun company.

In front of President John F. Kennedy's and Jacqueline Kennedy-Onassis' graves. Behind me is the proverbial eternal flame. Their still-born son, Patrick Bouvier Kennedy and another baby who they lost in a miscarriage are buried by their sides.

Kurt and Christie in the rain. Awesome.

Faux & Faux Law

Two of our sons follow in their father's footsteps. And I have to say, all three are of the same ilk in disposition and core values. What a privilege to have sons like them! I thought the world would be so much more awesome if there were more people as kind, generous and unselfish as these three men.

Clicking on the photo above will allow one to see it in a larger format. In fact, click one more time and it gets even bigger. That's me and Kurt in front of George Washington's beautiful house overlooking the Potomac River in Mount Vernon, Virginia. In walking along the paths and also the interior of his house, one can feel a most reverent spirit. I have a feeling that Washington was one of the greatest men that ever walked the earth. I need to learn more about him.

It rained all day on our last day together. I was wearing my favorite pair of shoes. They were SO comfortable--soft leather, just the right heel height, perfect colour (avocado) and ever so cute. Well, after traipsing on puddles of water and mud, the interior dye began to run. So I had orange feet. I thought it was hilarious. They are all dried and good as new now. Thank goodness. I am referring to the shoes, not my feet. Though my feet are also now dry, clean and good as new.

Empty Nester Myths

Empty Nester Myths

Before my last child left our home for college, I often would hear other mothers wail about their children and how they can't wait until such son or such daughter turns 18 and leaves their house so they can finally "do the things they often wished they could do but couldn't because they had children". 

This will be the third year since my last child left and I am still trying to figure out what it is that I can 'finally do' now that all my children are gone. Not that I had any aspirations prior to being left alone by my eager college-bound children. That day came suddenly like a thief in the night. Or more like an anticipated hurricane of a magnitude never before anticipated. It has turned my life upside-down.

I asked another mother much older than me about being an empty-nester and she ruefully confided that most of what she feels is longing for the time to roll back so she can enjoy her children more, appreciate them more and undo some of the things she did because she was too uptight. Frankly, I have no such feelings and honestly feel that I did all I could do within the limitations of my experiences and circumstances. More so, I really did enjoy each of my children with a passion bordering on obsession. 

When I was a young woman....long before I got married, my aspirations were ever so different. I wanted a career. I did not want children. Children scared the crap out of me....and they still do...unless they are mine or my grandchildren. I never baby-sat, never took care of an infant. My world was small and I dedicated myself to....me. I fancied myself as smart and intellectual so I had no desire to learn any domestic skills other than cooking gourmet food which I considered an art rather than a domestic necessity.

Music was once a huge passion of mine. Then I took painting classes and that became another lovely vocation that I wanted to pursue full-time---well, anything that had to do with art---photography, watercolour, oil painting, mixed media. I also had a notion that I had to write a book. And compile my musical arrangements of Primary songs. I also loved to teach. And travel.

These are the things I can finally pursue now that I am an....empty-nester. But my passion for these things have waned when I discovered to my dismay that my role as a 'mother' has now drastically changed. Suddenly nothing trumps being a mother---the kind of mother that I used to be when my children were young and...home.

It is a myth that being an empty-nester can give you more time to indulge in your passions. I am still having a difficult time adjusting.

Intellectually, I know that of course, when I've finally 'adjusted'...whatever the hell that means, I can pursue those interests that I used to have. I also know that now that I am alone with the man of my dreams---who still is the object of my affection---we can finally indulge in all those things we used to dream of doing together. Perhaps more travels, more time to indulge in the arts and as soon as we can set ourselves up, a mission for the church. I feel that there is not enough redemptive value attached to these. But I know that I should focus on these things. It is a battle between what I know and what I feel. Nobody warned me about this phenomenon.

Anyway, I put one foot in front of the other and go through the motions of every day life with nary a direction, purpose nor destination.

And for now, I feel lost. And suddenly old.

***************

On a side note: I have not slept well in weeks and the effects are showing. I do try to nap after returning from seminary but can't. Every time I put my head down, I immediately wake-up or if I do get lucky and catch a few winks, I wake up more tired and disoriented.

Today, we had three guys from our ward finish installing two sets of French doors and some stucco work. It was very noisy. Just like when the kids used to bang around the house with their instruments. I immediately felt sleepy and for the first time in weeks, I slept for 45 minutes like a baby. It was restful. The noise lulled me to sleep and relaxation. That's odd. But that's what happened.

A Functioning Insomniac

My Kindness Will Not Depart From Thee
Isaiah 54 and 3 Nephi 22

Am overwhelmed by the verses found in the following references:

3 Nephi 22: 7-8,10

For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee.

In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.
For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but
my kindness shall not depart from thee...

compare with

Isaiah 54:7-8, 10

And then:

D&C 122:7-8

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

and lastly,

Doctrine & Covenants 121: 7-8,

My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.



Here is video that shows the perfect marriage of scripture and music:

'tis My Pleasure To Speak:
Reviewing Our Four Broadway Events

With only 3 nights available, we managed to find excellent seats to an assortment of plays and musicals playing on Broadway or thereabouts.

A Behanding in Spokane

I have to admit that the big draw to this play was Christopher Walken. We have admired his work for so long and we just needed to see him in his element live. He did NOT disappoint.

The story is about a man called Carmichael looking for his severed hand. Hence, the title. He has been searching for over 25 years. Martin McDonaugh, who wrote the play, also wrote another play that we enjoyed years ago entitled, The Beauty Queen of Leenane. Spiced with profanity and seriously, but seriously politically incorrect epithets, I hardly even winced. Walken's dry delivery was pitch perfect and Sam Rockwell (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind--he played the role of Chuck Barrie...) was the perfect 'foil' for his character--he plays a hotel clerk with a very, very nonchalant death wish...and a strange interest in Carmichael's predicament. Zoe Kazan (who plays Meryl Streep's daughter in the movie "It's Complicated" and Anthony Mackie (Hurt Locker) play a couple who stupidly and unsuccessfully try to convince Carmichael that they have his hand in their possession--which is where the farce begins.

The play works in so many different layers. There is a very solid chemistry between the four actors and the audience begins to connect with each character almost immediately. Kazan plays 'a lady in distress', a wily manipulator, a liar, an ingenue with so much panache that one can sense a great deal of intelligence in her seeming helplessness. Each actor held his own but when Walken is not in the scene the 'electricity' dissipates. We certainly felt his quirky, inexplicable and charming eccentricity so just being in his presence gave us a sense of being in a unique and historical company.

I give this play 5 out of 5 snaps.

Lend Me A Tenor

We had first row seats to this play and so we got spit upon a lot especially by Tony Shalhoub who spits a lot! What a sublime pleasure! This zany comedic farce with the slamming doors had I thought, casting perfection. Making his Broadway debut, Justin Bartha, (National Treasure) whose character is the link pin to all the characters and all the action, was the beneficiary of generous actors whose performances enabled his character to bloom and shine without taking away from their own terrific performances. Shalhoub was wonderful. Period. Anthony LaPaglia, was engaging as the Italian tenor who arrives in town the evening of his first performance of Othello with a bad case of intestinal distress after indulging in greasy food and libations. He looked so ill that I thought maybe he may not be able to finish the play-- well, that's when it dawned on me that 'this is just pretend'. That's how good he was. Jan Maxwell who plays the tenor's wife was hilarious and gorgeous. I have to also mention that the set was fabulously built. We laughed throughout---and I mean, belly-laughed. It was pure therapy.

Mr & Mrs. Fitch

I really wanted to like this play because I adore John Lithgow. But I finally just gave in to the realization that the play itself was....well, annoying. I think LIthgow knew it. I could tell. He delivered his lines with the greatest of elan but the script itself fabulously falls flat. Yes, I do fault Douglas Carter Beane's utterly shrill and pretentious script. He is all over the place obviously trying far too hard to bombard his audience with name-dropping and references to the intelligentsia of literary greats. The script will, in one verbose sentence reference Waugh to Voltaire and then annoyingly worship Sylvia Plath, who in my opinion is so highly over-rated anyway. I mean, come on people---she wrote ONE book and then killed herself. But that's beside the point.

John Lithgow and British actress, Jennifer Ehle, play husband and wife gossip columnists who run out of gossip fare and proceed to invent a celebrity and blah blah blah. It's all too predictable. But that's not the problem. The problem is, Beane couldn't make up his mind about this play. It's not quite a comedy. And it's not quite a tragedy. Or a drama either. I was confused. The worst part is that I just couldn't feel anything but ambivalence or worse, not really care about any of the characters. I wish I could like them, but they are so annoyingly pretentious. I wish I could hate them but they weren't that despicable either. It's like some sort of horror date night with someone who's hot but won't go all the way. Why couldn't Beane just go commando and make the characters deliciously despicable that the audience could actually have a meaningful reaction? Or decide to make it a darker, edgier dramedy so the characters can have their comeuppance? So I just wanted the play to end and take poor Lithgow out of his misery. He is all that saves the play. I wish he just played the piano and sang the old standards...which he does so but only for a very short snip.

On a positive note, I found Ehle's wardrobe very chic and the set oh so very Manhattan. She is a beautiful woman. But it bothered me a bit that she tripped over her lines several times. Well, one can hardly be too hard on her---she is a Brit speaking American. I found myself wondering how in the world these characters could afford a nice flat with such rich details on a gossip columnist salary. But I digress. Well, that's all I did for most of the play. On another plus...John LIthgow-- in person-- live. And we sat on the 5th row dead center.

Promises, Promises

I was excited to see this musical because I am a Burt Baccharach-Hal David fan. Plus this musical is based on the movie "The Apartment" which starred one of my favorite actors of my childhood, Jack Lemmon. (And a young Shirley McLane) And also because I love Kristin Chenoweth.

But Kristin Chenoweth did not deliver the goods. Her performance was...to use a cliche, oh so very wooden. And it's oh so true. Sean Hayes did not disappoint. He has an almost Matthew Broderick'ish quality. But I'll tell you what was the stand-out performance of the night: Katie Finneran, who had a small scene but a gigantic, amazing performance. She brought light and sunshine to a whimpering production. I think she saves the night.

I would say that the star of the show is really the music. In the end, I enjoyed it and I was rooting for Sean Hayes whose performance was very likeable and in some instances, touching.

And that was Broadway for me last week.

Tony Goldwin and Katie Finneran

Goldwin (Ghost) was boring in his role. But Katie Finneran...wow! We were lucky enough to have seen her spectacular performance on "Noises Off" (we were with Tascha and Hannah). She won several awards for that play including the Tony.

Glittering Generalizations

"Marriage Is Hard" and Other Glittering Generalizations and Statements That Sound True But Can Be Dangerous Models of Thought

Here are my top twelve: (Okay---it's a baker's dozen now)

1. Marriage is hard or "Marriage is hard enough as it is."

2. I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.

3. You have to serve a mission in order to be happy (and other stupid mission myths).

4. When you die, you get to be with Heavenly Father.

5. If you ignore it, it will fix itself.

6. If you ask for strength, God will give you trials instead so you can be strong.

7. "I asked God if it was right and I didn't get a response so it must be wrong" or "I asked God if it was wrong and I didn't get a response."

8. If the prophet said it, it's a commandment.
9. It's my choice and my consequence. And you don't have to bear any of it.
10. "When I was on my mission...." spoken 10 years or more after the fact or "those were the best two years of my life."
11. Quality time is what's more important.

12. There are only two choices: right or wrong.

13. God wants you to obey--not be happy.

I don't have time to elaborate since I am on my way to Salt Lake International Airport. But I will soon. In the meantime, discuss.

Oh. And I no longer own the pretty hair clip shown above. My daughters absconded with that and another Anthro necklace that I had with me---but happily done so.

ALL ABOUT JACK

Celebrating Jack's Birthday. He is now 2 years old--a wonderful rumbly-tumbly little boy full of energy, confidence and JOY! He is always happy (except when he wants to go to sleep) and is like sunshine---so bright and warm. He is so amazingly sharp and smart. We just adore him!

NOTES FROM PROVO, UTAH

Our visit to Provo, Utah was all too quick. We had a very good excuse to fly up: Leland's paper was selected as one of only 3 law school papers that would be presented in a Symposium held at BYU. Lee was ecstatic! And he didn't disappoint. His presentation was AMAZING. It's strange because as a mother, I always enjoy whatever my children did. But it's a great experience to actually realize how good they really are in real life. He was so confident, articulate and knowledgeable. His Powerpoint presentation was also incredible---not your usual bullet-driven bore. I learned a lot from just his allotted 15 minutes. During the Q&A period, he was at ease and answered questions interestingly. I was just so bowled over. He is going to be one fantastic attorney. Below is a photo of the door that led to the room where Leland presented his paper.

Of course, I couldn't resist making Nate and Hannah pose outside the door before we opened it and found Leland and Catherine. They were game and supportive to wake up early to listen to Leland who was scheduled to speak at 8am on a Saturday.

Later, we hung around with Jack and Lucy. Here he is with his Papi. Jack is the funniest 2 year old around! He has the most amazing blue eyes ever. And boy did he love to show off!

Below is beautiful Lucy Faux. She will be four in August which is mind-boggling for me. She is just so adorable and beautiful. Most of all, both of them are happy and contented little kids. This is a testament to Catherine's mothering skills.

Jack liked to play only with his Dad, his Papi and Nate. He didn't really pay much attention to us girls. Here is Nate trying to show Jack his cellphone.

That night, we watched BYU's Synthesis in concert. That's BYU's premiere jazz band. It was awesome because they had a special guest saxophonist: Don Mensa. He was unbelievable. I tried not to weep while he was playing his second piece. It was such an enjoyable night. Thanks to Nate and Hannah for purchasing our tickets and providing us with good company. We had a late dinner at IHOP after that 3 hour concert where Natascha finally got to join us. She was in Wendover watching Boyz 2 Men. We had so much fun! Below is a fun photo of Hannah and Nate. I will post the videos later.

Warning: Unretouched/Un-Photoshopped photo
This is what I looked like this morning with no make-up. So what? I'm in a bad mood. And yeah, that's a huge zit on my chin.

Bad Morning

The phone rang before 9am this morning. It was rainy, dark and cold. I was still in my night clothes. It was the gate phone. I hesitated answering because I was not expecting anyone to show up at my house. But I picked up anyway. It was someone who wanted to 'leave something' at my door. He said he had spoken to me before about doing some work on my roof a few months ago. I told him I was not interested. Then he said "don't you remember me? I spoke to you outside your door and at church!" Well, I did remember that he knocked on my door months ago soliciting work and I was very nice probably because he caught me in a good mood. But I know I had never talked to him at church because we were in different wards. So I knew he was trying to use the fact that we were both 'mormons' to try and get me to open the gate. I got mad. So I told him I didn't need any work done at this time and that I can't open the gate for him. What---just because he's 'mormon' I should be obligated to open the gate?

Just minutes later, the door bell rang. I knew he had gotten into the gate somehow-- usually when perchance someone who has gate access drives through and he can just follow the car in.

I can see him through the glass panes on my door from the loft. He waited a while. I got the creeps. I called my husband. I could see him writing a note and pushing it through between the double doors. And then he walked back to his truck.

Thoughts came into my mind. I hate it when other "mormons' use our commonality to try and get me to do business with them willy-nilly. It's as if just because we belong to the same church and believe the same things give them an exaggerated sense of entitlement to my trust and generosity. What's up with that? I have been a victim of this many times over.

My backyard is proof positive of this dastardly phenomenon. We hired a "mormon" in our ward to pour concrete, add curbing and other big changes in our landscape. It was the worst job I've ever seen. And he got upset that I was not happy! Months later, after the concrete had already been poured and he had suddenly disappeared, we find out he had cracked the pipes to the pool's solar heating. Now we are faced with thousands of dollars worth of fixing up his shoddy work. This is just one example. Of course, I blame us for being so stupid. We could have sued him but we knew he had no money. And anyway, what goes around...blah blah blah.

But I am in a bad, foul mood.

Last week, I found out that an associate of mine was gossiping about me. And I caught her in it. Yeah, I confronted her. But she's good. And I was frankly very entertained by her emotional response. I was surprised at how easy it was for me to see what she was doing and how she can deflect from the main thesis of the confrontation. So I decided that I'm just going to find something good in her, let her off the hook and keep my distance. But it's still disconcerting. And I don't believe her claims of innocence because of details of the circumstances which I don't need to get into. Funny but I found it so easy to let it go because in the end, I found myself not caring at all. Though I find it easy to be cordial and even pleasant, I cannot be her friend. And though she thinks that this silly event has in her words, "brought us closer", that really surprised me because I don't feel the same way. I felt like I was in a totally different world but at the same time, I do 'see' her very clearly. So I didn't respond when she made that strange statement. I also surprised myself because I did not find it important to me to tell her that I don't feel the same way. It just....didn't matter to me. I really don't dislike her at all and in a very strange way, I cannot say that I 'like' her either though I really want to. Let's just say that I feel strangely disconnected. That's what it is. Disconnected. Trust is a huge issue for me, I guess.

Tomorrow, I am going to the spa again. I hope to feel better even if my methodology of feeling 'good' is superficial. After all, these events that I described are really just fried froth.

Here's what I did ALL Saturday and the better part of this morning.
It's a video for our Relief Society meeting today.

MY SISTERS' HANDS

Valentine's Weekend Happenings

Not writing anything profound today. I just thought I'd memorialize some of the fun events this weekend.

Last night, I took some jewelry tools and repaired/restyled some old jewelry. Granted they were not anything expensive but nonetheless, they are bold and graphic pieces. Here's the funny thing though. When I wear my bold, personality necklaces like these: (All pieces are from Anthropologie except the middle one on the 2nd column which is from Stella and Dot.)

This is what I hear others gush to me: " That is a pretty necklace. I wish I could wear something like that!" Or, "I wish I could pull off wearing that bold of a necklace!"

My first impulse is of course, to say thank-you. Then in a flash I'd realize...well...that I may have been unwittingly slammed. If they can't wear it, what does that say about me? Thoughts flood my head immediately and I catch myself formulating quick retorts next time I get like comments. But then, I stop myself because it's oh so sophomoric and completely unnecessary, unwarranted and incongruent.

Still, I like wearing bold pieces to compensate for the cute things I can't wear because I'm fat. Enough of this nonsense.

Today, Kurt and I finally bit the bullet and watched Avatar. Holy smoke! We watched it at the nearest IMAX in 3D. Kurt even got teary-eyed in the end. (Ha!) And I just loved everything in the movie. I kept on thinking about the genius behind the imagined alien world. And I thought myself to death pondering how in the world they transferred one's imaginings into film with such great detail. Boggled my mind and I found myself lost in thoughts like this....just tooling over the fine details of the imagination and technical aspects of the making of this movie. Geezzz. Spectacular technology.

We had a very late lunch/dinner at a restaurant called Brio, an Italian bistro at the Towne Square Center. Delish. Had the lamb chops....medium rare of course. The dessert was fab. A trio of brulees---vanilla, chocolate and caramel. LOVED the caramel. Chocolate next. The vanilla had an annoying consistency---not as smooth as it should be. The egg yolks probably were cooked too fast or too hot.

Kurt surprised me with this BEAUTIFUL necklace* from Anthropologie that I had been ogling but didn't have the nerve to buy because well....it was way above what I was willing to fork out. But here it is and I love it. Can't wait to try it on.

Throughout the day we also got picture messages on my phone from Hannah and Nate. Hannah is spending the weekend with Nate's family in their cabin. They looked so happy together and so in love...so I am posting some of these photos. They both had a very unbelievably challenging summer and have rose above these challenges with grace and trust in God's hand and have emerged loving each other even better. We are excited to see what happens next. :-)

Yes, can they be cuter???

Yesterday, we had a fun lunch with our friend Tema who flew in from Provo, Utah. It was great to see her and just talk over a nice salad at Claim Jumper.

The photo below of Hannah and big boy Jack has nothing to do with the weekend but I just spied it whilst 'bluetoothing' photos from my cell to my Mac and thought I'd post it because she looks so pretty with Lucy's plastic crown.

Next week, Lucy and Jack will be over. I can hardly breathe with excitement. And yes, they will bring their parents Leland and Catherine. It will be a spectacular week. Finally, the cherry on top will be the arrival of Natascha on Friday. Yahoooo!!!! We are going to spa and frolic! I can't wait to have her. She is so much fun and such a breath of fresh air and a bolt of sunshine.

The day is not over yet and I have to finally read and get my Relief Society lesson organized. I don't even know what the topic is. Geeshhh... I better crack the whip and get moving.

* I just found out that this necklace, designed by Pieter Erasmus, an artist based in England, is inspired by the art, culture and colours of Africa. It was made popular when Michelle Obama wore it. (Ugh!) It retails for around 275 Euros which translates to over two times what it retails in Anthropologie. (Insanity!) See www.st-eramus.com for more of his works and details. I do love his work and this piece had been on my wishlist since December!