Warning: Unretouched/Un-Photoshopped photoThis is what I looked like this morning with no make-up. So what? I'm in a bad mood. And yeah, that's a huge zit on my chin.
Bad Morning
The phone rang before 9am this morning. It was rainy, dark and cold. I was still in my night clothes. It was the gate phone. I hesitated answering because I was not expecting anyone to show up at my house. But I picked up anyway. It was someone who wanted to 'leave something' at my door. He said he had spoken to me before about doing some work on my roof a few months ago. I told him I was not interested. Then he said "don't you remember me? I spoke to you outside your door and at church!" Well, I did remember that he knocked on my door months ago soliciting work and I was very nice probably because he caught me in a good mood. But I know I had never talked to him at church because we were in different wards. So I knew he was trying to use the fact that we were both 'mormons' to try and get me to open the gate. I got mad. So I told him I didn't need any work done at this time and that I can't open the gate for him. What---just because he's 'mormon' I should be obligated to open the gate?
Just minutes later, the door bell rang. I knew he had gotten into the gate somehow-- usually when perchance someone who has gate access drives through and he can just follow the car in.
I can see him through the glass panes on my door from the loft. He waited a while. I got the creeps. I called my husband. I could see him writing a note and pushing it through between the double doors. And then he walked back to his truck.
Thoughts came into my mind. I hate it when other "mormons' use our commonality to try and get me to do business with them willy-nilly. It's as if just because we belong to the same church and believe the same things give them an exaggerated sense of entitlement to my trust and generosity. What's up with that? I have been a victim of this many times over.
My backyard is proof positive of this dastardly phenomenon. We hired a "mormon" in our ward to pour concrete, add curbing and other big changes in our landscape. It was the worst job I've ever seen. And he got upset that I was not happy! Months later, after the concrete had already been poured and he had suddenly disappeared, we find out he had cracked the pipes to the pool's solar heating. Now we are faced with thousands of dollars worth of fixing up his shoddy work. This is just one example. Of course, I blame us for being so stupid. We could have sued him but we knew he had no money. And anyway, what goes around...blah blah blah.
But I am in a bad, foul mood.
Last week, I found out that an associate of mine was gossiping about me. And I caught her in it. Yeah, I confronted her. But she's good. And I was frankly very entertained by her emotional response. I was surprised at how easy it was for me to see what she was doing and how she can deflect from the main thesis of the confrontation. So I decided that I'm just going to find something good in her, let her off the hook and keep my distance. But it's still disconcerting. And I don't believe her claims of innocence because of details of the circumstances which I don't need to get into. Funny but I found it so easy to let it go because in the end, I found myself not caring at all. Though I find it easy to be cordial and even pleasant, I cannot be her friend. And though she thinks that this silly event has in her words, "brought us closer", that really surprised me because I don't feel the same way. I felt like I was in a totally different world but at the same time, I do 'see' her very clearly. So I didn't respond when she made that strange statement. I also surprised myself because I did not find it important to me to tell her that I don't feel the same way. It just....didn't matter to me. I really don't dislike her at all and in a very strange way, I cannot say that I 'like' her either though I really want to. Let's just say that I feel strangely disconnected. That's what it is. Disconnected. Trust is a huge issue for me, I guess.
Tomorrow, I am going to the spa again. I hope to feel better even if my methodology of feeling 'good' is superficial. After all, these events that I described are really just fried froth.
Just minutes later, the door bell rang. I knew he had gotten into the gate somehow-- usually when perchance someone who has gate access drives through and he can just follow the car in.
I can see him through the glass panes on my door from the loft. He waited a while. I got the creeps. I called my husband. I could see him writing a note and pushing it through between the double doors. And then he walked back to his truck.
Thoughts came into my mind. I hate it when other "mormons' use our commonality to try and get me to do business with them willy-nilly. It's as if just because we belong to the same church and believe the same things give them an exaggerated sense of entitlement to my trust and generosity. What's up with that? I have been a victim of this many times over.
My backyard is proof positive of this dastardly phenomenon. We hired a "mormon" in our ward to pour concrete, add curbing and other big changes in our landscape. It was the worst job I've ever seen. And he got upset that I was not happy! Months later, after the concrete had already been poured and he had suddenly disappeared, we find out he had cracked the pipes to the pool's solar heating. Now we are faced with thousands of dollars worth of fixing up his shoddy work. This is just one example. Of course, I blame us for being so stupid. We could have sued him but we knew he had no money. And anyway, what goes around...blah blah blah.
But I am in a bad, foul mood.
Last week, I found out that an associate of mine was gossiping about me. And I caught her in it. Yeah, I confronted her. But she's good. And I was frankly very entertained by her emotional response. I was surprised at how easy it was for me to see what she was doing and how she can deflect from the main thesis of the confrontation. So I decided that I'm just going to find something good in her, let her off the hook and keep my distance. But it's still disconcerting. And I don't believe her claims of innocence because of details of the circumstances which I don't need to get into. Funny but I found it so easy to let it go because in the end, I found myself not caring at all. Though I find it easy to be cordial and even pleasant, I cannot be her friend. And though she thinks that this silly event has in her words, "brought us closer", that really surprised me because I don't feel the same way. I felt like I was in a totally different world but at the same time, I do 'see' her very clearly. So I didn't respond when she made that strange statement. I also surprised myself because I did not find it important to me to tell her that I don't feel the same way. It just....didn't matter to me. I really don't dislike her at all and in a very strange way, I cannot say that I 'like' her either though I really want to. Let's just say that I feel strangely disconnected. That's what it is. Disconnected. Trust is a huge issue for me, I guess.
Tomorrow, I am going to the spa again. I hope to feel better even if my methodology of feeling 'good' is superficial. After all, these events that I described are really just fried froth.
1 comment:
I have trust issues too. Disconnecting used to be a common Rose strategy that I'm not super great at anymore. I think you look great sans makeup.
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