Courage is measured by vulnerability

I once had a dream about my sister. It was so clear and vivid that after nearly 40 years, I can still see the dream in my head. I pay attention to those dreams because many times, that part of our brain that remains dormant when we are thinking too much about our stresses and worries are unsealed only when we are finally asleep....and dreaming. And when I wake up, I ponder the feelings and events of my dream. I classify these dreams as part of my experiences...awake or otherwise.

As we journey through life, we hopefully gain wisdom through our experiences. But often, as I pass through these challenges, though I do my utmost best to do so with courage, motivated by a strong desire to do what's right, I find that I can STILL be blind to many of my weaknesses. In fact, at times, in my zeal to do what's right, I actually do things POORLY partly due to what I lack in perspective, or due to that same zeal, I become blind to the variables that help me MEASURE how I am doing...that is, until someone wise helps me out. Sometimes the losses I incur for doing what's right poorly is much too high to pay. That's when angels come to my rescue. That's when someone finally turns on the light in that unused portion of my brain.

Doing what's right poorly is part of our purification and aspiration to be great and extraordinary. It's part of that spirit that is in us. Doing what's right poorly is what we do when we err not because we are filled with evil but because we are filled with the desire to do what's right. It's flying without a net. It's vulnerability at its best definition. And we need not fear it. In fact, we need to embrace it.

The joy that we feel or lack is directly related to our ability to be vulnerable. Such has been the topic of many scholarly research into how greatness is achieved.

I come from a mindset that does not fear emotional risk-taking. I love freely and fiercely; often with dire and painful consequences. But though this trait is a weakness, it can be my best strength. Often, I get intensely hurt and that's when things go bad. In order to NOT feel pain, many of us find ways to numb ourselves. Some do it by taking drugs. Some get drunk. Some simply close their hearts. And then some welcome hopelessness like a slow-burning consuming fire as a sort of preemptive strike to destroy all that they desire and love the most....ironically because they FEAR losing them. It's such a tragedy when this happens. The loss is incomprehensible partly because through time, we've already accepted the loss even if there is NO loss...nor a surety that that loss will happen.

How do we prevent this from happening? Sometimes we can't. But when we are blessed with the realization that we are doing this, NOT acting upon this will make matters worse...and the opposite of NOT acting upon this is simply making ourselves more numb. A lack of vulnerability.

The ironic thing about this is that the less vulnerable we are, the less brave we become. Because if we numb ourselves, we feel less fear which is precisely why we numb ourselves. When we fear less, there is no reason to be brave. And we do stupid things. And if we don't catch ourselves, we begin a long pattern that can be unbreakable throughout our lives.

Doing what's right poorly is what we do as humans. But its an impossibility to always do the right thing correctly ALL the time because if it were so, we wouldn't be human. And thinking that we can is arrogance at its finest....a negation of the atonement of Jesus Christ. We have to do what's right poorly before we can do things well. And it gets better and better. There is no other way to become extraordinary. That's the idea. Line upon line. But we HAVE to catch ourselves first. So self-awareness is key to recognition.

Hope is a gift of the Spirit and necessary for faith to grow.

And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning hope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope? (Moroni 7:40)

Hope is a clear vision of what we desire...so clear that you can see it, hear it, touch it, smell it.  Hope is all these things coupled with the belief that you CAN achieve it. Giving in to fear that this vision cannot be achieved is a loss of hope and all good things that come with it. Fearing that we cannot achieve what we hope is a lack of faith...when fear replaces faith. Once we recognize that we fear, we must take measures to increase our faith. And that's a real challenge...and why we must believe and understand how the empathic powers of the atonement can help us. 

Without courage, we cannot exercise faith. And without fear, we cannot measure our courage. Therefore, how vulnerable we are certainly measures how much courage we need. The ability to be vulnerable therefore opens the door to greatness...to becoming sensitive to the subtle changes that only the Spirit can bring. In building a protective wall around us to help us numb ourselves from the anticipation of pain or pain itself, we also numb ourselves to all things that are good. Without the ability to feel heat, we get burned easily. Such is the consequence of closing ourselves off and building walls of defense around us. We must not be afraid. And though I am constantly afraid, I realize that without being afraid, I wouldn't need God's help. There is always an opposition to all things and that sacred tension...that ability to find that perfect point of balance that changes in dynamic and constant ways, is what will allow us to be great, line upon line. The amount of fear we have to overcome allows us the courage we need to apply our faith which in turn allows us to find joy in our journey. It is important because we only get ONE chance...one life.