Antidotes: Just another poison?

Alice Faux: Yes, she is a quarter Asian and my 3rd grandchild.

I was at a Filipino restaurant getting some take-out lunch for Kurt when a nice, old man (probably close to my age...) smiled at me and for some reason, made a comment about the quantity of the food on his plate and how bad it was for his diabetes. I responded that perhaps he can eat just a little rice instead of the heap that Asians are wont to consume. He smiled again and said in his mellow Filipino accent that it was alright to binge because he "takes insulin". I nodded and said "that's great!". 

That's great?? I suddenly realized the scope of his statement. Oh go ahead. Take that poison with gusto...then ingest the antidote later. Does that make sense? I chuckled to myself and realized that I would have not caught that because that is exactly how I live my life---taking the poison because there's an antidote.

On another note, Alice, our third grandchild, was given a name and a blessing last Sunday. It was a grand day! Some of Catherine's family came---her dad, brother and sisters. They are such a wonderful family and I enjoyed their company a lot---especially on Sunday afternoon when I wasn't tired and sleepy and more alive than Saturday night.  I made just a simple meal of sloppy Joe's on whole wheat buns, my famous potato/beet salad, my pasta salad, chips and dip....some ice cream and red velvet cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory thanks to Stan Green! Yummy! Below is a photo of the event:

Hannah showing off her ninja skills. She and Tascha flew down from BYU.

Tascha and her winning smile!

I learned a lot during this weekend. I had been reading in D&C 93 about truth and light and the condescension of Christ. Many things were revealed to me about my relationship to the Saviour. So my heart was very tender. 

Towards the last verses of this section, there is a warning to parents on the importance of teaching their children truth. I take that charge very, very seriously even now when my children are grown. It is so very important that I live my life in such a way that inspires, elevates and enriches. The way to do that is to always love them. You would think that loving your children is easy because...well, they are flesh of your flesh. Feeling that you love them is easy but acting upon those feelings is another challenge. Feeling a whole lot of love doesn't necessarily expunge bad habits or bad behaviour. But love is a verb so how we love, behave and exemplify love is a choice that we make. And sometimes those choices can be difficult. But one thing that's reliable is the fact that when we act responsibly, the quality of our lives and relationships improve beyond our expectations. But love and work have to exist on the same breath.

Extending love is necessary to have joy in one's posterity and that includes loving their spouses. In my case that is an easy thing to do because my sons married amazing women who are easy to love. But then again....I can feel that love but I need to also act upon it. I need to follow the Spirit and be sensitive to their needs and feelings. It is not an easy thing to integrate into a new family. It takes work....and that work continues every single day...just like a marriage. If there is any fissure at all in the relationships it is my responsibility to use my mantle as "mother" to take the steps necessary to gather them close to me, love them, reassure them and accept them---all the time making sure that they KNOW it. Sometimes those steps are difficult and seemingly beyond my capability. But it is amazing how all I have to do is desire it, want it and then attempt to take that very first step...and then God does the rest. It is as if the windows of heaven just open and I become that person who can do it even when I didn't think I could. There is great power there. What I cannot understand is how any mother can allow dysfunction to grow especially when she is already cognizant of the cause. Sometimes we latch on to excuses, blaming this and that and finding fault when the real solution is to change ourselves.  And sometimes we let fear or the lack of faith take over and we concentrate on our own hurt and then build a wall around us ---a sort of hardening of our hearts like the uncircumcised heart mentioned in the scriptures. What's worse is when we feel tenderness but harden our hearts anyway because we get too caught up with our own pain not realizing that the release from that pain or hurt is to give in to that Spirit that tugs at your heart with tenderness. In time, we become too calloused to take any steps and then suddenly we realize that we've missed out on so much joy.

I learned this from experience and I don't ever want to have so much pride that I become unwilling or scared to do what is right and to bridge the gap. I can see me being that way and that scares me. I just have to be vigilant like the scriptures beckon us to be in those passages in section 93.

We also had the great occasion to visit my mother, my sister and my aunts in SoCal. Amazing! I just LOVE my aunts. They are so so amazing. And my mother still looks fabulous at 79! My Aunt Edith is 81 and moves and looks decades younger. So does my Aunt Nieva who is still gorgeous, fun and relatable at 75. You can just feel their intelligence in the room and I had such a great time with them. I love it that they don't talk bad about other family members or other people like my experience with my husband's family. So it's always positive and enriching to be with them and I went home happy and excited to plan another time when we can see them as soon as possible.

Mama, Aunti Edith, Auntie Nieva, and me.

I once mentioned that I usually take a xanax whenever we embarked on a visit to my husband's family. And that incident at the restaurant gave me pause about that fact. I guess that there are things that just are and so we need an antidote...just like my diabetes. It will always lurk in my body and I will always have to take some medication to calm the sugar that sticks to my red blood cells and in turn creates a toxic environment in my body. Diabetes destroys vital organs and wreaks havoc in our system. So I am happy that there is an antidote. And I am also grateful that I know how to put diabetes in a place where it can't cause much damage. Sometimes, that's all you can do.