MY SECOND YEAR OF SEMINARY HAS ENDED
I popped into seminary graduation just a few minutes before the graduating class of 2009 were called one by one to receive their certificates of course completion. This would be my second graduation since I started teaching seminary last year. Much has changed. As we, the teachers lined up by the exit door to shake hands with every student as they marched out of the chapel, I felt a bit out of my element as teachers hugged students as they passed. I did not particularly feel the need to do so. I just shook their hands as they passed, convinced that I just wanted to get this over with and go home. I did not want any 'drama' anyway.
But then, towards the end, my students and former students began to show up and as the my first student appeared, I suddenly felt all lumpy and crumbly inside as they began to hug me. A couple of whispered 'thank you' to me or 'thanks for helping me through this'... as they hugged me. All I could do was whisper "I love you!" and "congratulations!." I got plenty emotional and teary-eyed as a couple of them passed and hugged me. They were the ones whose spirits touched me--the ones who I knew needed a little extra something throughout the course of the year. It was easy to love them all.
Last year was such a struggle as I did not know what to expect. I mostly groped in the dark throughout that first year. I was too busy learning the mechanics of teaching as prescribed by the Church Educational System called 'Teaching Emphasis'. And I was overwhelmed by all the administrative responsibilities---attendance, rules, schedules, rules and more rules. The most confusing part was the fact that there was no uniformity of execution. Some teachers had their own interpretations of the 'rules' and yet again, after having received instructions from the principal, someone would invariably tell me to ignore them. It was very confusing and frustrating for me. I had to find my own comfort zone. I just wanted to do the right thing and the right thing was simply unclear. Because I was in the zone of trying to find how and where I fit in, I didn't really have enough attention nor emotional freedom to really 'see' and 'hear' my students.
This year, I feel like I've transcended that hurdle. Next year I expect better things...when I can pay more attention to the invisible, be led by the Spirit and teach so that I can learn.
But then, towards the end, my students and former students began to show up and as the my first student appeared, I suddenly felt all lumpy and crumbly inside as they began to hug me. A couple of whispered 'thank you' to me or 'thanks for helping me through this'... as they hugged me. All I could do was whisper "I love you!" and "congratulations!." I got plenty emotional and teary-eyed as a couple of them passed and hugged me. They were the ones whose spirits touched me--the ones who I knew needed a little extra something throughout the course of the year. It was easy to love them all.
Last year was such a struggle as I did not know what to expect. I mostly groped in the dark throughout that first year. I was too busy learning the mechanics of teaching as prescribed by the Church Educational System called 'Teaching Emphasis'. And I was overwhelmed by all the administrative responsibilities---attendance, rules, schedules, rules and more rules. The most confusing part was the fact that there was no uniformity of execution. Some teachers had their own interpretations of the 'rules' and yet again, after having received instructions from the principal, someone would invariably tell me to ignore them. It was very confusing and frustrating for me. I had to find my own comfort zone. I just wanted to do the right thing and the right thing was simply unclear. Because I was in the zone of trying to find how and where I fit in, I didn't really have enough attention nor emotional freedom to really 'see' and 'hear' my students.
This year, I feel like I've transcended that hurdle. Next year I expect better things...when I can pay more attention to the invisible, be led by the Spirit and teach so that I can learn.
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