I AM SICK
The picture above best describes how I feel today. I am exhausted. Spent. I have bacterial infection of the inner ear AND a viral infection (gastro-enteritis) plus...well, exhaustion. Not to mention a fever of 102.
It feels as though some unseen power just took all my energy and left me with very little. I've been sick since Tuesday morning. It's Thurs and I'm feeling well enough to...obviously, blog. Today is the first day that I woke up without a fever. Or at least, I don't feel like I have one.
It's so miserable to be sick alone at home. But then yesterday, Kurt brought Kay and Cathy over to have lunch with me. But I didn't have the energy to even talk to anyone. So I didn't leave my bedroom. Though I longed for company, having company...or even the mere thought of having company, made me exhausted to just think about the motions. So that made me even more miserable.
I don't even have the energy to talk on the phone because I don't have the energy to keep a conversation going. I feel like I have to make people who call me feel better and that involves expending energy which I don't have right now.
I have to pace myself and think about how I am logistically going to walk to the bathroom because I don't even have the energy to turn over. It sucks.
So I am going to end here coz I am exhausted thinking.
Off to bed. Again. Sigh.
Misery.
******
Update: What I had was severe depression. After weeks of hypomanic activities--no sleep, racing thoughts, several ambitious projects started and physical activities, I finally reached the breaking point. So I fell into depression that affected me physically. I was literally paralyzed with exhaustion and desperation. Suicidal thoughts. Overwhelming feelings of uselessness. To date, the projects I started will be added to more unfinished projects. The list grows. Falling into these funks really take toll. However, I can't wait until the next hypomanic event. I need one right now.
It feels as though some unseen power just took all my energy and left me with very little. I've been sick since Tuesday morning. It's Thurs and I'm feeling well enough to...obviously, blog. Today is the first day that I woke up without a fever. Or at least, I don't feel like I have one.
It's so miserable to be sick alone at home. But then yesterday, Kurt brought Kay and Cathy over to have lunch with me. But I didn't have the energy to even talk to anyone. So I didn't leave my bedroom. Though I longed for company, having company...or even the mere thought of having company, made me exhausted to just think about the motions. So that made me even more miserable.
I don't even have the energy to talk on the phone because I don't have the energy to keep a conversation going. I feel like I have to make people who call me feel better and that involves expending energy which I don't have right now.
I have to pace myself and think about how I am logistically going to walk to the bathroom because I don't even have the energy to turn over. It sucks.
So I am going to end here coz I am exhausted thinking.
Off to bed. Again. Sigh.
Misery.
******
Update: What I had was severe depression. After weeks of hypomanic activities--no sleep, racing thoughts, several ambitious projects started and physical activities, I finally reached the breaking point. So I fell into depression that affected me physically. I was literally paralyzed with exhaustion and desperation. Suicidal thoughts. Overwhelming feelings of uselessness. To date, the projects I started will be added to more unfinished projects. The list grows. Falling into these funks really take toll. However, I can't wait until the next hypomanic event. I need one right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment