TAKING A BREAK
I am SO looking forward to a change in scenery next week. I intend to spend the day in the San Francisco area with a friend just to be together, talk, shop, maybe get a pedicure. The world seems to be getting smaller and smaller here and I need some perspective. San Francisco would be a good place to start. We are going to London in just six weeks for 5 days and then another four days in Berlin just to have a look-see. I am excited about that too. I don't know what to do in July. I toyed with the idea of going to Manila but July's weather patterns are just too iffy with typhoons and the torrid heat...I may not survive that. I am thinking of flying to Quebec perhaps...or taking an Alaskan cruise. I'll have to check. All I know is I want to have a fun summer seeing new places to remind me that there's a bigger world outside of Henderson, Nevada. Being here is starting to strangle my spirit. I just need to see different people and different cultures...a new perspective.
I am also getting a bit annoyed that I can't find a way to express myself in a new way. I think I am going to try painting again---perhaps take a painting class at the local art studio. That would be fun. I just need a new project. This empty nest thing is really killing me. I wish it would just pass.
I am also stressed about going to my husband's family reunion. It's never a good experience for me. His family is not very open and have a very fixed idea of how things should be aside from the inside gossip and innuendo thing that has been going on for decades. So it's never pleasant because it seems that everybody wants to compete or out-do each other in all kinds of ways. I hate it. Why can't they all just be happy and get on with loving each other? And why can't they talk to each other? I am perplexed by it all. Of course, I am always the pariah since I never seem to behave the way they want me to behave and I can't do anything right. So I feel like I am always being watched and then criticized...but always in very subtle ways such that you don't really know you've been slammed until later when the bruise starts to form. Now I know why in many family reunions, there will always be someone who will show up slushed. I mean, I want to show up drunk or stoned myself if I could. But I do have some xanax in case I start to panic and I definitely am looking forward to seeing my grandchild and children.
There's a whole list of things I'm worried about but I think it's just an off-shoot of Hannah leaving for college...different corollaries just pop up because of that and my mind begins to wander.
I am also getting a bit annoyed that I can't find a way to express myself in a new way. I think I am going to try painting again---perhaps take a painting class at the local art studio. That would be fun. I just need a new project. This empty nest thing is really killing me. I wish it would just pass.
I am also stressed about going to my husband's family reunion. It's never a good experience for me. His family is not very open and have a very fixed idea of how things should be aside from the inside gossip and innuendo thing that has been going on for decades. So it's never pleasant because it seems that everybody wants to compete or out-do each other in all kinds of ways. I hate it. Why can't they all just be happy and get on with loving each other? And why can't they talk to each other? I am perplexed by it all. Of course, I am always the pariah since I never seem to behave the way they want me to behave and I can't do anything right. So I feel like I am always being watched and then criticized...but always in very subtle ways such that you don't really know you've been slammed until later when the bruise starts to form. Now I know why in many family reunions, there will always be someone who will show up slushed. I mean, I want to show up drunk or stoned myself if I could. But I do have some xanax in case I start to panic and I definitely am looking forward to seeing my grandchild and children.
There's a whole list of things I'm worried about but I think it's just an off-shoot of Hannah leaving for college...different corollaries just pop up because of that and my mind begins to wander.
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