Just Do The Right Thing

Decades ago, when I was seriously dating a non-Mormon who belonged to a charismatic evangelist church, my father, who was visiting us in Hawaii was furious about it. I will not write about how he humiliated me in front of my roommates with my sister being there because that's not important. In the end, his last words to me during that visit were, "you are dead to me." That was the day before he left. My heart was gutted. And I cried all night. The next day, Tom saw my swollen eyes and found out that my father was on his way to the airport. As a testament to the kind of person he was, he wiped my tears, told me he was driving me to the airport so I can say goodbye to my father who had disowned me. I tried to protest but all he could say repeatedly was "it's the right thing to do." 

It was a long hour drive from the North Shore to Honolulu. When my father saw me, he flashed a big smile, gave me a hug and shook Tom's hand. We took a picture of that event ...me in my blue PCC uniform and Papa with his big smile. I will never forget what Tom taught me that day. "It's the right thing to do." That's what you have to do when things get hard. Just do the right thing. 

The right thing always involves risk. And a whole lot of courage. Because showing love is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. Sometimes it’s hard to honour your father or mother. But it’s the right thing to do as all children are commanded to do so. It’s the right thing to do. And so I choose to do so amidst all the bitterness and pain. I have been an orphan now since last October. And sometimes, I still wish I could talk to my Papa when he was his happy and fun self. I miss him. And my Mama. And yes, I did the right thing though it was difficult. And because I chose to love, respect and honour my parents, the bitterness, pain and hurt became irrelevant. They are just floating elements of my life that sometimes land on my shoulder like insects. Sometimes I let them hover about because they are a part of my past. But when they do land on me, I shoo them away like flies. Mere annoyances. The best reward of doing the right thing is the power it imbues on me. Bitterness, pain or resentment have no power over me. They are mere flies I can choose to swat.

I did not marry Tom from Dubuque, Iowa. It just wasn’t the right time for such a decision. So I just did the right thing. I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the Spain Barcelona mission. Then I waited for the right time, and the right man. And it takes a whole lotta faith when you can't see the future and it's all just a little twinkle of hope in the darkness of uncertainty. I waited another year after serving a mission to marry the right man. The right thing to do is always the right thing to do. You just have to have faith...and courage. And do it. Just do it.

                                                         Me and Tom: Wahiawa, Oahu 1977

Me and my Papa at the Honolulu International Airport 1977
Photo taken by Tom Sigwarth