Just Love

So what I am thinking lately is that it kind of sucks to live here in the US sometimes. What I've experienced is that giving love the way I do is really not a good thing. OK. Let me give some context to that.

I am what you might call....one who likes to show a lot of love by doing things for those I decide to love. I like to make things for them, I like to cook for them, I like to give gifts, I like to talk, I like to just give. But culturally, I notice that Americans have a very wide berth around them...as in, their personal space is very limited. When you show a lot of attention or continue to be generous, they start to become very suspicious. And you can feel it. And then you suddenly feel stupid. And then you start to feel like you're trespassing into their territory. And then I feel judged.

I wish that that were not so.

But it is.

And when I spent 2 weeks in Spain with some friends, I realized that I was so much happier because they allowed me to love them so freely....and with so much exuberance.

It made me remember what it was like because at first, I was very, very guarded. And then I remembered what it was like. And then I was happy.

I feel the same way when I am with my Filipino friends who are not LDS.

I also notice that friendships are not as robust and intense among Americans. Friendships tend to last only a short time and have their seasons. I have friends who I feel a close kinship with and who I still love whom I have known since elementary school!! And my high school friends are still close to me. We get together very often and love each other deeply. We feel for each other, happy for each other's successes, and worry about each other when we are going through life's challenges. We are always checking on each other. Americans tend to discard friendships so easily. I guess it's because their culture is heavily attached to self-reliance---that they can do things on their own. My culture tends to believe in being there for each other.

Anyway, I have been back from Spain now for a couple of weeks and already I feel myself holding back. And I am so very sad.