"Billy, put down that phylactery, we're Episcopalians!"

I had the supreme pleasure a few years ago, of watching a wonderful Broadway play by Yasmin Reza called "Art" which starred Alan Alda and Victor Garber. I enjoyed the dialogue so much that I remember thinking...whoa--it would be great to hear dialogue like that in real life! I love beautifully spoken sentences. And I love beautifully constructed sentences! I used to collect sentences when I was in high school. 

The English language is so beautiful and I tend to be a purist. I like using "dove" instead of "dived". And I love it when the word "lie" is used properly to mean "lie down" as in "to lie down and sleep" instead of the common error that most Americans say, "I'm going to lay down here". And lately, I've been hearing people say "shined" instead of "shone". I am afraid that that might evolve into acceptable language and I'm already aghast thinking of that possibility.

I am mortified when I see the words "should of been" in written English. What exactly does that mean? Should of been? South of been? North of should? Should of New York City? I mean, come on! I should HAVE been more tolerant. But "should of been" does not make any lick of sense and anyone who understands grammar would know that "should have been" is the correct phrase. After all, it's part of the past passive modal tense--specifically the past passive form which is composed of the modal + have been + participle, i.e. "You should have been taught this rule in third grade--what's wrong with your teacher?"

These days I also hear a lot of people using 'a' and 'an' improperly. "I want a apple." I hear this and it's like someone scratching on the blackboard with their nails. I mean, honestly.

How about this: the violent murder of the phrase "in lieu of", from the French "in place of" which means, "instead of." I've heard people say: In lieu of the time, we will dispense with the closing hymn. And I cringe. I cringe like a miserable, constipated old cow. This is tantamount to saying "Instead of the time, we will do this..." And what exactly does that mean? Just picture me with a face like this:   :0

English elegantly spoken is just beautiful. I wish I could be more articulate and eloquent. But I least I don't say, "I should of known that" or "I wish she shined more light on me."

I know there are still many, who like me, appreciate the English language. Oh I do enjoy speaking the dialect of the region. I love speaking Pidgin English in Hawaii. And I like to pretend to use phrases like "fixin' to do that" or "mo bettah we live in Las Vegas". But elegantly written English is a wonder to behold. And English elegantly spoken is like music to my ears. And it just tells me that the person I heard speaking beautiful language has to be, in all certainly and most indubitably be educated and intelligent. And I can thus listen and be inspired. Or listen and be enriched.