Secrets

Things I Keep To Myself

There was a specific reason why I asked to be considered as seminary teacher. But I will reserve that reason to myself until the time to reveal this reason ever comes. But I can write about the obvious one: because my last child left for college and I anticipated that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I did not have a reason to wake up, fix myself up and be with young people who can substitute for my need to have some semblance of mothering. But I cannot reveal the first reason because it is still looking for the other pieces of the puzzle.

After weeks of anxiety over decisions and changes that are about to happen, I suddenly woke up one morning feeling joyful. The anxiety was gone. I had prayed ever so fervently for a glimpse of what is to come and I believe my prayer was answered. But I cannot reveal what I saw and felt. It simply refuses to be divulged. I think it is because it is far too important and still needs to find the other pieces of the puzzle. When all things snap together, my heart will quietly burst.


I've seen so many things that are spectacularly amazing for the past year or so.  But some of these things I cannot divulge because articulation by words just seems so inadequate. And I believe that most of what I see is to be enjoyed only by me. This is a first because I usually cannot keep a secret. I start aching to tell someone. So it is very singular that I have all these things that I keep to myself.