Normal Conversations

Here's a typical happening in the life of my friend. It's a compilation of conversations that have been going on for years. It may sound funny and exaggerated but all are true. In real life, it's not funny. The names have been changed to preserve identities and small details altered....

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Dad, after a phone call from the police department: That was the police. They've arrested Sam and his friend for drug possession. They found a pipe and some pot. I better get them out of there.

Step-mom: Again? What? This is the fourth or fifth time, right?

Dad: I can't let the police hold them. They've got my car.

Step-mom: How did they get your car? Did you let him drive it again? Didn't you ban him from using your car after the last arrest?

Dad: Poor Sam.

Step-mom: How do you think he's paying for gas and pot? He's 19 and hasn't been able to hold a job. He doesn't have a job.

Dad: I don't know.

Step-mom: You know, we're missing the flat panel TV that you bought, the Xbox, my laptop, a CD player, some cash and my jewelry. Have you been giving him money too?

Dad: Well....I let him use my credit card just to get some dinner. Besides, we can't prove that Sam or his friends took those things.

Step-mom: What? Didn't we just pay $800 last time for using your card to call those nasty 900 numbers? You let him get away with that again.

Dad: It doesn't matter. The card only has a $2500 limit.

Step-mom: But...

Dad: Well, I didn't complain when you racked up $500 to go shopping for your daughters.

Step-mom: Oh I forgot. Okay then. It's your card. Your money.

Dad: I'll go bail them out again. By the way, I'm letting him drive my car to the cabin tomorrow.

Step-mom: Oh. Are we letting him go snowboarding tomorrow after being arrested again?

Dad: Well, it is New Years' weekend. I have to leave a day early. You'll have to take the jeep to meet me at the cabin and stay here alone for one night with Sam. He'll follow later in my car.

Step-mom: But I'm concerned that he'll bring his friends over again. You know, I think they deal. And they're always high on something. I'm concerned for my safety. You just never know what kids can do under the influence.

Dad: What can his friends possibly do to you? They're nice kids. Sam would never hurt you! I'm offended that you would think that way of Sam! He's a good boy. He can be a sweet boy.

Step-mom: You mean other than dealing, doing drugs, stealing, sex with minors and illegal road racing, they're good kids?

Dad: Yeah. Now, don't be taking on that attitude. You know, if you just show a little bit more love and be more of a mother to Sam, he'll change and become a good person.

Step-mom: So it's contingent upon me for Sam to behave well?

Dad: Well, he just never knew love from his mother. And people have judged him so harshly. You need to be more loving and forgiving. I am very disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in other people who should be friendlier with him. Parents should teach their children to be more loving to people like Sam who have many challenges.

Step-mom: It's kind of hard not to judge him harshly when he's got a potty mouth, smokes weed, doesn't have a job and steals. Nice kids don't want to hang with potheads.

Dad: He's just misunderstood. People just need to be more friendly with him. I'm just so disappointed in those nice kids. And I'm especially disappointed in their parents. How can they be nice kids if they can't be friendly and forgiving with Sam? I hold them responsible for Sam's misery too.

Step-mom: Okay, well, do as you wish. (She's had conversations like this for nearly a decade and tries very hard to disconnect.) I'll just go upstairs and pop some more pills to ease my nervous stomach. You just do what you usually do and bail him out.

Dad: Okay, I'll see you later. I'll be at the police station. Now remember that I love you.

Step-mom: It's kinda hard to forget that dear. Of course, I know you love me. I just can't be first in your life ever because your kids come first and I understand that.

Dad: I appreciate that. But I'd love you more if you just acted more like a good mother to Sam---you know, make him oatmeal once in a while or just don't get so upset whenever he steals or doesn't come home. You let your kids get away with murder too. Just make sure your bedroom door is locked so we can help Sam not steal. I had the alarm system installed for your protection.

Step-mom: But how is Sam going to get in if I fall asleep and he comes in at 3 in the morning?

Dad: Oh, I gave him the code.

Step-mom: (exhausted) Alright dear, I'll try harder next time to be a better mom according to your expectations and demands.

Dad leaves. Step-mom disconnects. And Sam gets bailed out again, no real nor meaningful consequences happen. And this madness has been going on for years now. But really, it's just normal conversation in their household. No one has an inkling that it just isn't normal. It is THEIR normal. Sam will get high tonight, hang with his pothead friends, and cruise the already crowded streets of Las Vegas, full of New Year's weekend revelers. His step-mother will turn on the alarm system, lock herself in her bedroom and take a sleeping pill. And I pray that she'll be safe.....again.