BEST ROMANTIC SCENE OF THE SUMMER
(From "Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day")
(From "Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day")
Random thoughts. Brooding ruminations. Contemplative notions fired up by my muse. Reactive purgings. Serendipitously brilliant ideas. And sometimes, even tender moments carefully articulated.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
DOING NOTHING IN HAWAIIWe arrived EARLY yesterday morning after a 5 hour 40 minute flight via FIRST CLASS accommodations on Hawaiian Airlines. WOW. It was fantastic-- to say the least though after being spoiled flying business class on Northwest Airlines with ample space and comfortable seats that could handle horizontal positions, we thought HA first class accommodations were spartan with space but not with food and entertainment.
Most of the day was spent doing NOTHING. Kurt didn't even get to the beach or the pools. He just slept on the lanai for the most part. He needed it. Today they are out snorkeling and I am left here at my request to read and blog. I have not even read the curriculum for seminary and I start in less than 2 weeks. Yikes. So I better get working....albeit on the lanai overlooking the beautiful ocean and smelling the salt air and breeze. It's paradise here.
We did stock up on food--going to Costco for local fare and Longs for beach accoutrements and frou frou. I love going to Costco in Hawaii (Waipahu) because they sell stuff that you can't buy on the mainland like fried saimin, taro bread, Ted's pies and cakes, shrimp chips, lup chong, char siu pork...etc. Not to mention every permutation of macadamia nuts one can think of. We are eating well!
Tomorrow, the plan is to go to the Polynesian Cultural Center for tours, dinner and evening show. Of course we will get great seats because of our great connections and I requested to have a cute, single male tour guide so my daughters can have fun. (HA!) I am looking forward to a great day. Of course, we will make a quick turn to have some Matsumoto Shave Ice as usual. Yahoooo!!
I really needed this quick get away and I think the week will go REALLY fast.
Most of the day was spent doing NOTHING. Kurt didn't even get to the beach or the pools. He just slept on the lanai for the most part. He needed it. Today they are out snorkeling and I am left here at my request to read and blog. I have not even read the curriculum for seminary and I start in less than 2 weeks. Yikes. So I better get working....albeit on the lanai overlooking the beautiful ocean and smelling the salt air and breeze. It's paradise here.
We did stock up on food--going to Costco for local fare and Longs for beach accoutrements and frou frou. I love going to Costco in Hawaii (Waipahu) because they sell stuff that you can't buy on the mainland like fried saimin, taro bread, Ted's pies and cakes, shrimp chips, lup chong, char siu pork...etc. Not to mention every permutation of macadamia nuts one can think of. We are eating well!
Tomorrow, the plan is to go to the Polynesian Cultural Center for tours, dinner and evening show. Of course we will get great seats because of our great connections and I requested to have a cute, single male tour guide so my daughters can have fun. (HA!) I am looking forward to a great day. Of course, we will make a quick turn to have some Matsumoto Shave Ice as usual. Yahoooo!!
I really needed this quick get away and I think the week will go REALLY fast.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Jordan Gets Married!
My oldest son, Jordan, married Rose Card in the LDS Provo Temple on August 9, 2008. The ceremony was short and sweet. Their reception was held the day before the wedding at Rose's parents' home in Orem, Utah. We had a luncheon for about 86 people at the Northampton House in American Fork and it was very nice. Hannah and Nate added much needed class and ambience to the occasion when they played jazz piano and saxophone whilst guests arrived at the reception hall. They played beautifully.
It was a very interesting day for me. I felt almost uncannily calm---almost abnormal for me. I think it was because I did not really want to be in Utah and I felt that I did not have any relatives on my side to give me the needed support I needed. I was so grateful my sister and brother-in-law came all the way from Mission Viejo, California. That was SO needed.
I had another interesting, unexpected experience. While sitting in the waiting room in the temple, Nate's mom, Kristi, walked into the room alone to attend the sealing. She had driven Nate all the way from Henderson, Nevada so he could play the sax at the luncheon and I invited her to come to the sealing. I did not expect that she would come but come she did. What was unexpected was my reaction---upon seeing her, I felt a wave of relief to see a familiar face from home. It was so out of context because she did not belong to my family nor to Kurt's family but precisely because it was out of context and because she was part of my 'home', it just felt so good to see her. She will never know the impact she had just being there. It was so comforting.
Anyway, the luncheon was nice and I made sure I took care of small details that made it all special.
It was also so sweet that Jordan's cadre of close friends came from far away places---from Washington D.C., Arizona, etc... just to be with him and support him. That was very touching.
Jordan and Rose are now on their way to Washington DC where Jordan will complete two more years of law school at George Washington University. It will be very exciting for both of them to have this new adventure. I am SO happy that he has Rose and that he is so happy with her.
It was a very interesting day for me. I felt almost uncannily calm---almost abnormal for me. I think it was because I did not really want to be in Utah and I felt that I did not have any relatives on my side to give me the needed support I needed. I was so grateful my sister and brother-in-law came all the way from Mission Viejo, California. That was SO needed.
I had another interesting, unexpected experience. While sitting in the waiting room in the temple, Nate's mom, Kristi, walked into the room alone to attend the sealing. She had driven Nate all the way from Henderson, Nevada so he could play the sax at the luncheon and I invited her to come to the sealing. I did not expect that she would come but come she did. What was unexpected was my reaction---upon seeing her, I felt a wave of relief to see a familiar face from home. It was so out of context because she did not belong to my family nor to Kurt's family but precisely because it was out of context and because she was part of my 'home', it just felt so good to see her. She will never know the impact she had just being there. It was so comforting.
Anyway, the luncheon was nice and I made sure I took care of small details that made it all special.
It was also so sweet that Jordan's cadre of close friends came from far away places---from Washington D.C., Arizona, etc... just to be with him and support him. That was very touching.
Jordan and Rose are now on their way to Washington DC where Jordan will complete two more years of law school at George Washington University. It will be very exciting for both of them to have this new adventure. I am SO happy that he has Rose and that he is so happy with her.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
IT'S SUMMER OF 2008!
I can't believe I finished teaching one year of seminary. That's the whole reason why I hadn't had the chance nor inclination to blog. My days consisted mostly of studying the Old Testament and other scriptures, researching ancient Jewish history and later, just general ancient world history. It was almost painful to close the year of studying the OT but now I have to prepare to teach the New Testament. I am SO excited to learn more...but really, not so much about teaching seminary. There are things I discovered about myself during this past school year of teaching daily for the first time: I have a hard time relating to mediocre people, I am a poor administrator, I am a disorganized and poor record keeper, I have no classroom protocol and logistics that are worth beans and I can be a pushover/doormat if I don't watch myself.
The new "teaching emphasis" protocol of teaching seminary is challenging because it forces you to actually employ techniques that require creativity of thought and careful study of the material. Traditionally, seminary teachers LECTURED. That's no longer de rigeur nor was it ever effective...unless you are an entertainer and have a need to be fawned over. The idea is to help the students DISCOVER the lessons by themselves. A seminary teacher is not a lecturer. I am a facilitator. And while I do enjoy employing activities to make the lessons interesting and interactive, the hardest part of this emphasis is ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS that will spark discovery and meaningful "Ah ha!" moments in class. I am intrigued by these challenges and next year, I intend to get better.
The real challenge though is simply relating to my students.
American teenagers are a totally different animal than the ones I am used to. Yeah. They do not have any sense of respect or decorum towards their elders like Asians do. They are rude. They are spoiled rotten and in my small experience, do not have any motivation to learn. Their study habits range from virtually none to mediocre. My 7am class was a huge challenge. The whole year, there was absolutely zero feedback. And then towards the end, they wanted credit for doing NOTHING. And they get upset if I don't give them them make-up work or credit as if they are entitled to everything when they didn't put in any effort at all. In the end, I thought that it really doesn't matter if I give them an A or pass them because seminary didn't really matter to them for the most part.
The afternoon classes that I taught as a substitute teacher was, on the other hand, amazing. They were motivated. Still sometimes rude but I would rather say they were more exuberant. They knew their material. They participated. They looked interested and I got a lot of feedback. I relished those days when I could teach them because I needed their feedback so that I didn't feel like I am the worst seminary teacher in the world. I could prepare for hours and hours the same lesson and it would be totally different taught in the afternoon as compared to my morning class. Lessons taught in the afternoon classes were more robust, meaningful and interesting. And I felt inspired by the students' participation and enthusiasm. Morning classes made me feel inadequate and my lessons meaningless. I fought these feelings for the whole year and hid them as much as I could. By the 3rd quarter, I just decided to teach and pretend that my students were interested. It knocked the winds out of me nearly every morning.
I sometimes wonder if the reason is because the afternoon classes were mostly kids who were honor students, orchestra, choir and band kids or all of the above---motivated students who kept the bar high. With the exception of possibly 2 students in my morning class, most of my students merely wanted to get by.
I really can't relate well with most of my morning students because I didn't grow up with kids like them. I went to an elite high school where every student was handpicked via rigorous screening exams so every single one was brilliant. And growing up, for the most part, my circle of friends were hungry for knowledge and experience as they were the early converts to the LDS church in Manila. We didn't even have seminary but we were so excited to attend and participate in any class or meeting.
Anyway, next year, I asked to teach the 6am class. Yeah. Crazy. But I am thinking that most of the students who go to 6am actually choose to be in that class. And most of them are band, choir, orchestra, sports or honors students. I did have the opportunity to sub for this class for a week. They are NOT like the afternoon class but still a huge improvement from my 7am class. So I am looking forward to this new experience---if I get to do it again.
The new "teaching emphasis" protocol of teaching seminary is challenging because it forces you to actually employ techniques that require creativity of thought and careful study of the material. Traditionally, seminary teachers LECTURED. That's no longer de rigeur nor was it ever effective...unless you are an entertainer and have a need to be fawned over. The idea is to help the students DISCOVER the lessons by themselves. A seminary teacher is not a lecturer. I am a facilitator. And while I do enjoy employing activities to make the lessons interesting and interactive, the hardest part of this emphasis is ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS that will spark discovery and meaningful "Ah ha!" moments in class. I am intrigued by these challenges and next year, I intend to get better.
The real challenge though is simply relating to my students.
American teenagers are a totally different animal than the ones I am used to. Yeah. They do not have any sense of respect or decorum towards their elders like Asians do. They are rude. They are spoiled rotten and in my small experience, do not have any motivation to learn. Their study habits range from virtually none to mediocre. My 7am class was a huge challenge. The whole year, there was absolutely zero feedback. And then towards the end, they wanted credit for doing NOTHING. And they get upset if I don't give them them make-up work or credit as if they are entitled to everything when they didn't put in any effort at all. In the end, I thought that it really doesn't matter if I give them an A or pass them because seminary didn't really matter to them for the most part.
The afternoon classes that I taught as a substitute teacher was, on the other hand, amazing. They were motivated. Still sometimes rude but I would rather say they were more exuberant. They knew their material. They participated. They looked interested and I got a lot of feedback. I relished those days when I could teach them because I needed their feedback so that I didn't feel like I am the worst seminary teacher in the world. I could prepare for hours and hours the same lesson and it would be totally different taught in the afternoon as compared to my morning class. Lessons taught in the afternoon classes were more robust, meaningful and interesting. And I felt inspired by the students' participation and enthusiasm. Morning classes made me feel inadequate and my lessons meaningless. I fought these feelings for the whole year and hid them as much as I could. By the 3rd quarter, I just decided to teach and pretend that my students were interested. It knocked the winds out of me nearly every morning.
I sometimes wonder if the reason is because the afternoon classes were mostly kids who were honor students, orchestra, choir and band kids or all of the above---motivated students who kept the bar high. With the exception of possibly 2 students in my morning class, most of my students merely wanted to get by.
I really can't relate well with most of my morning students because I didn't grow up with kids like them. I went to an elite high school where every student was handpicked via rigorous screening exams so every single one was brilliant. And growing up, for the most part, my circle of friends were hungry for knowledge and experience as they were the early converts to the LDS church in Manila. We didn't even have seminary but we were so excited to attend and participate in any class or meeting.
Anyway, next year, I asked to teach the 6am class. Yeah. Crazy. But I am thinking that most of the students who go to 6am actually choose to be in that class. And most of them are band, choir, orchestra, sports or honors students. I did have the opportunity to sub for this class for a week. They are NOT like the afternoon class but still a huge improvement from my 7am class. So I am looking forward to this new experience---if I get to do it again.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
FINALLY, HERE IT IS!
The music video of ONE MIND ONE HEART
The video file had to be compressed into a smaller format to conform to the required size for this blog host-- which compromised the audio integrity so I lost my saxophone part---it's barely audible. That sucks. But the music is still, hopefully, enjoyable. For a better audio version, click on "Original Music" on left side of this page. You will be directed to the link that plays the mp3 version which is crystal clear.
The music video of ONE MIND ONE HEART
The video file had to be compressed into a smaller format to conform to the required size for this blog host-- which compromised the audio integrity so I lost my saxophone part---it's barely audible. That sucks. But the music is still, hopefully, enjoyable. For a better audio version, click on "Original Music" on left side of this page. You will be directed to the link that plays the mp3 version which is crystal clear.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
My Christmas Time
(I thought I'd post a poem that I composed a few years back that reflects my feelings about the Saviour)
I’ve heard of Jesus who was born in a stable
Of wisemen, bright stars and other great fables
Of ivy and mistletoe and endless traditions
And interesting Christmas tales in various editions
But I find myself pondering on various occasions
A private concern above all life’s equations
Will I know Him when He comes in all His glory?
Will I recognize the truth, will I know the true story?
Will his voice be too soft for my ears to hear?
Or will my heart embrace His words strong and clear?
Will I recognize His tender face on sight?
Or will He just be another star in the night?
Will I hesitate to run to Him and rather just hide?
Or will my feet simply know the way to His side?
I better get to know Him now, this very minute then
For soon He comes and no one knows the hows or wheres or when
I Know His hands fashioned Moses’ laws on heavy mountain blocks
And these same fingers touched 16 stones to glow as fiery rocks
His hands bid the tempest calm and thunderous winds to cease
These same hands can at moment’s call give indescribable peace
He called the little children and blessed them ‘round his knee
He showed the way for Lehi to go across the sea
And then upon a boy who prayed in faith implicitly
He gifted truth in fullness clear and quiet simplicity
Many sing and carols ring of a baby born in a manger
And yet to them this babe is like another faceless stranger
To me He is my Prince, my King, my brother and my friend
Because I know He lived on earth and still He lives again
Sometimes late at long days end, I kneel in private prayer
I hear the rustling of his robes, of his presence I’m full aware
I can almost feel His hand upon, my heavy shoulder’s rest
For deep in prayer after scripture time is when I feel Him best
Once a year the world takes pause for gifts and a Christmas tree
I’ll close my eyes and imagine Him right here just close to me
And everyday I’ll do just that as I learn life’s lessons sweet
For my Christmas time is that one great day when I fall upon His feet.
Written by: E.Christie deRama-Faux
©2001 All Rights Reserved
©2001 All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
ONE MIND ONE HEART
On the side of my page is a link to the song entitled: One Mind One Heart.
Music and lyrics by Christie Faux.
The wonderful singer is Gail Ellen Bennett, an actor who right now is in the cast of the Las Vegas production of "The Producers" and recently completed filming the role of Queen Esther for CES. Hannah Faux on piano and Jordan Faux on bass and electric guitar. The wonderful saxophone solo was executed by Nate Camp, the seminary president. The song was inspired by our seminary theme for this year, One Mind, One Heart which in turn was inspired by Moses 7:18.
Enjoy!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Monday, November 05, 2007
SEMINARY GEEKNESSI am now a certifiable seminary geek. I am supposed to be in Hawaii tomorrow to attend the installation/inauguration of BYU-Hawaii's new president, Steve Wheelwright. We had a fabulous lunch at a friend's house and sat on the same table with him and his lovely wife as well as the Camps, who are a wonderful couple we have known for over 15 years. Margaret Wheelwright graciously encouraged us to attend tomorrow's festivities and as members of the President's Leadership Council, we are supposed to join all the campus events this week...and look all important. But I just couldn't leave my seminary class. My friends are all aghast and agog. So am I.
My seminary class is your average teenaged class. I mean, as a group, they are so challenging---nearly nil participation, blank looks, much talking in the back, habitually late, do not bring nor read their scriptures and are basically, just...there. Individually, however, they are the sweetest bunch of young people and I happen to just LOVE each one and sorely miss them when they don't show up. What I have noticed is that they suffer from a lack of vision. I mean, they have no inkling at all nor vision of what they can accomplish. It's like, no one told them they can. Get it? They can. They are just spectacular when they decide to deliver! I wish they would be more consistent and really "see" how fantastic they are.
All of them come from great families. Good parents. Sometimes though, when I least expect it, my class transforms and suddenly, everything gels and I see their spirits soaring and I see flickers of light dancing in their eyes. That's when I know they "get" what I am trying to make them "see" through the scriptures. Those days are so precious, few and far in between. And this is why I have a photo of me on my mission. The people above comprise the ENTIRE branch of Logrono, Spain in 1979. Yeah, small congregation. But they are the best.
My mission was very challenging because for the most part, no, make that ALL of its parts, we knocked doors. I mean, we knocked doors every single day from morning, noon and night. If we weren't knocking doors, we were walking the streets looking for more doors to knock. Sixteen months. That's all we did. And what would compel me to knock doors? The almost obsessive need for me to teach. Yeah, teach. I just wanted to find someone to teach. And I wasn't going to teach if I don't knock doors. Every door knocked is a potential teaching experience. So that's what I did. And that's exactly what seminary is like. You just never know what each day is going to bring. So you take each day like you treat each door--you just never know if this is the day that the kids will let you in. You prepare like each day is the most important teaching day. And you keep on showing up with hope and the expectation that today is the day that will mean more than they ever expected. Then, when you least expect it, the joy suddenly happens and you have a brilliant day! And when that happens, it's just sheer joy. I just have to expect that each day will be just that. And if it doesn't, you look forward and do it all over again with the same expectations and hopes. As the months roll by, the spaces between lackluster days and joyful days become shorter and shorter.
Yesterday was a miracle. I had only one absence. And 3 students who never arrived early, actually arrived early. Wow. And I was supposed to be in Hawaii.
And today was a particularly spiritual and effective session.
I am missing two trips that I usually do not miss over seminary. I don't know if I can do this next year. But for now, I am certifiably, a seminary geek.
My seminary class is your average teenaged class. I mean, as a group, they are so challenging---nearly nil participation, blank looks, much talking in the back, habitually late, do not bring nor read their scriptures and are basically, just...there. Individually, however, they are the sweetest bunch of young people and I happen to just LOVE each one and sorely miss them when they don't show up. What I have noticed is that they suffer from a lack of vision. I mean, they have no inkling at all nor vision of what they can accomplish. It's like, no one told them they can. Get it? They can. They are just spectacular when they decide to deliver! I wish they would be more consistent and really "see" how fantastic they are.
All of them come from great families. Good parents. Sometimes though, when I least expect it, my class transforms and suddenly, everything gels and I see their spirits soaring and I see flickers of light dancing in their eyes. That's when I know they "get" what I am trying to make them "see" through the scriptures. Those days are so precious, few and far in between. And this is why I have a photo of me on my mission. The people above comprise the ENTIRE branch of Logrono, Spain in 1979. Yeah, small congregation. But they are the best.
My mission was very challenging because for the most part, no, make that ALL of its parts, we knocked doors. I mean, we knocked doors every single day from morning, noon and night. If we weren't knocking doors, we were walking the streets looking for more doors to knock. Sixteen months. That's all we did. And what would compel me to knock doors? The almost obsessive need for me to teach. Yeah, teach. I just wanted to find someone to teach. And I wasn't going to teach if I don't knock doors. Every door knocked is a potential teaching experience. So that's what I did. And that's exactly what seminary is like. You just never know what each day is going to bring. So you take each day like you treat each door--you just never know if this is the day that the kids will let you in. You prepare like each day is the most important teaching day. And you keep on showing up with hope and the expectation that today is the day that will mean more than they ever expected. Then, when you least expect it, the joy suddenly happens and you have a brilliant day! And when that happens, it's just sheer joy. I just have to expect that each day will be just that. And if it doesn't, you look forward and do it all over again with the same expectations and hopes. As the months roll by, the spaces between lackluster days and joyful days become shorter and shorter.
Yesterday was a miracle. I had only one absence. And 3 students who never arrived early, actually arrived early. Wow. And I was supposed to be in Hawaii.
And today was a particularly spiritual and effective session.
I am missing two trips that I usually do not miss over seminary. I don't know if I can do this next year. But for now, I am certifiably, a seminary geek.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
The Hannah Poem
OUR BEAUTIFUL HANNAHIt’s always curious that great events occur when Spring appears
So Hannah’s birth was carefully crafted by Heaven’s best engineers
It’s not surprising that she was born when the world begins anew
And all is fresh and clear and bright and all our hopes accrue
Hannah loves to learn and see the world from every view
Be it calculus, history, chem or anatomy, she’s got more than just a clue
She loves to read all kinds of books, and ponders life’s lessons sweet
And challenges never seem to faze her, though she’s small and quite petite
The family piano gets routinely tickled as her fingers caress its keys
Though she can read the notes so well that’s not just her expertise
In jazz band she’s the piano girl who improvs and plays the blues
Her musical talents and skills are sharp, and as varied as her shoes
Though she’ll graduate with valedictorian cords and even give a speech
She never throws a haughty glance, her ready arms have quite a reach
For friendship or for a listening ear, she’s anxious to do her part
And that is where her true beauty lies, she owns a loving heart
It’s evident how wise she is and how clearly she perceives
How the gospel works and shapes her life, how strongly she believes
That Heavenly Father loves her more than rubies, pearls or things
And joy and peace are definitely gifts that humble obedience brings
Her countenance fills our home with light, we happily must confess
That she inspires us all to rise and reach for all the best
No ugly words dare leave her mouth and tenderly she speaks
Her kind and gentle nature are the best of her techniques
She chooses to see the beautiful parts of everything she sees
She works so hard to learn and grow, at times on bended knees
Yet through all success and good results, she still maintains her cool
Because she lives and wisely keeps our Saviour’s golden rule
And now that Hannah’s all grown up with a scholarship to BYU
Her mother twirls her nervous thumbs not knowing what to do
We desperately hang more tighter still to each day and her rising star
And though we know how to text and call and she’s really not that far
This little girl we used to bounce prepares to leave the nest
Watch out world our Hannah girl, she’ll plain just keep you blessed
For now she’s grown and wise beyond all our years combined
Oh golly gee, it’s just too bad, we cannot push rewind.
All rights reserved. Copyrighted. FauxPerspective, Inc. 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
INTELLECTUALIZING DEPRESSIONIt's been such a struggle to write lately. I have a lot of things in my mind but can't quite articulate them because I am not sure this is the forum to do so. I find myself helplessly evaluating my life. My last child has left to go to college and suddenly, I find that I feel so much desperation over the acute notion that I can't seem to find a reason for my existence. I have been a full-time mother for 25 years. Full time. I poured everthing I have to raising my children. And now, without them, I can't seem to figure out what my role is. Intellectually, I understand why I feel the way I do and more so, I KNOW what I should do: projects, writing, finishing projects on hold, school, travel, more time with my husband to reconnect, enjoying my friends, finding a job, learning another language, piano lessons, harp lessons, guitar lessons....a reinvention of my life's calling. I can fill my days with endless busy work. Since the day my daughter left, which is a mere two months ago, I've spent a week in Paris, France, a few days in San Francisco, a couple of trips to Provo, piano lessons and Seminary. I am getting ready for another trip to San Francisco this weekend. And I still feel a gnawing darkness inside me. I must be going through a difficult depression.
I think the biggest need that I desperately long for is a way to creatively express myself. The best way to describe this feeling figuratively is this: I want to have a huge, blank canvas to paint but don't have any paints and brushes.
Transitions are such a stressful enterprise. And perhaps time is my best ally. Through all this, I have felt the loving arms of a God who loves me and sends me angels along the way to ease my burdens. They come in various different forms and faces. We have been so blessed with ample resources to help me open doors. For these blessings, I am so truly grateful.
I think the biggest need that I desperately long for is a way to creatively express myself. The best way to describe this feeling figuratively is this: I want to have a huge, blank canvas to paint but don't have any paints and brushes.
Transitions are such a stressful enterprise. And perhaps time is my best ally. Through all this, I have felt the loving arms of a God who loves me and sends me angels along the way to ease my burdens. They come in various different forms and faces. We have been so blessed with ample resources to help me open doors. For these blessings, I am so truly grateful.
Monday, September 17, 2007
"Je pense que la robe est trop petite pour vous"I saw them queuing up to board my same flight to New York City at the CDG airport in Paris. The taller one had black hair that obviously came from a bottle and was cut just past her nape in a blunt angle with thick bangs that framed a face too mature for such a bold hair cut and color. She had a rather large nose but her lips were red courtesy of Chanel. This was apparent as she pulled the familiar black cylinder from one of her Chanel bags and as she twists the gold Chanel-marked band that pulls the bright red waxy bomb-shaped lipcolor from out of its case so she can gingerly rub more red on her lips. She flaunts a large "quilted" Chanel leather bag AND a smaller Chanel purse. She is dressed in black and white---a dress which may or may not be Chanel but curiously, she is also wearing a pair of black "skinny" pants underneath her dress. She is also wearing what appears to be a pair of Chanel shoes. There is a gold link chain around her neck and on her right wrist, she is wearing a very large bracelet which appears to be made of some kind of gold lame roping that wrapped around her wrist in some kind of curious knot. Resting on top of her head was a pair of Chanel reading glasses while and in concert with that, she wore a pair of very large Chanel sunglasses. In short, the woman was sheathed in Chanel from head to toe.
Her friend in contrast, was short and skinny. She had a mop of disheveled golden--almost yellow--blonde hair which obviously did not match the color of the rest of her body hair. I mean, her eyebrows were thick and dark. Her skin was pock-marked and greasy. But she had on a layer of coral orange shiny lipstick and very large, dark sunglasses. She was dressed completely in black. Over her black turtleneck, she wore a short and loosely flared black button-down jacket with a belt cinched around her waist. She also wore a pair of black, 'skinny' pants and black low-heeled slip-on shoes that I had just seen the day before at a store called Zara's on the Rue de Rivoli, close to the Louvre Musee. Ooh la la. They were obviously trying way too hard to appear 'Paris chic'.
Both women were posturing.
Later, as I was boarding, I spied both of them sitting separately... in coach. They were seated not far from me. In fact, the taller of the two was in the same row I was. It was strange to watch her as she opened a bag and pulled out a sandwich. She craned her neck and appeared to be smiling and gesturing at a 'friend' but when I looked to the direction of her line of sight, I did not see anyone. It occurred to me that she was merely uncomfortable and way too self-conscious and was therefore inventing a 'friend' so she could feel secure. Other passengers were looking at them askance at the way they comported themselves. I thought: this is why the French think Americans are stupid. And I could see some passengers surreptitiously acknowledging each other's bemusement upon seeing these two posturing women.
I felt sorry for them though.
And then I quickly turned on my ipod and began to watch my videos.
Her friend in contrast, was short and skinny. She had a mop of disheveled golden--almost yellow--blonde hair which obviously did not match the color of the rest of her body hair. I mean, her eyebrows were thick and dark. Her skin was pock-marked and greasy. But she had on a layer of coral orange shiny lipstick and very large, dark sunglasses. She was dressed completely in black. Over her black turtleneck, she wore a short and loosely flared black button-down jacket with a belt cinched around her waist. She also wore a pair of black, 'skinny' pants and black low-heeled slip-on shoes that I had just seen the day before at a store called Zara's on the Rue de Rivoli, close to the Louvre Musee. Ooh la la. They were obviously trying way too hard to appear 'Paris chic'.
Both women were posturing.
Later, as I was boarding, I spied both of them sitting separately... in coach. They were seated not far from me. In fact, the taller of the two was in the same row I was. It was strange to watch her as she opened a bag and pulled out a sandwich. She craned her neck and appeared to be smiling and gesturing at a 'friend' but when I looked to the direction of her line of sight, I did not see anyone. It occurred to me that she was merely uncomfortable and way too self-conscious and was therefore inventing a 'friend' so she could feel secure. Other passengers were looking at them askance at the way they comported themselves. I thought: this is why the French think Americans are stupid. And I could see some passengers surreptitiously acknowledging each other's bemusement upon seeing these two posturing women.
I felt sorry for them though.
And then I quickly turned on my ipod and began to watch my videos.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Le réalité et toi, vous ne vous entendez pas, n'est-ce pas?It's been very difficult since the girls left for college and the house is empty. There hasn't been a day yet when I didn't have a bad crying spell. I've been praying for some kind of assistance so I can see the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel" ...so I can feel normal again. But alas, my coping skills so far have been woefully limited.
I woke up early today, being Saturday and dragged my body out of bed so I can wash my hair, get made up and then sit down in the quiet of morning to study my material for my third week of teaching LDS seminary. I've LOVED teaching and so far, if it weren't for the fact that I have to get up to get ready to teach, I'd be curled up in a ball in bed not knowing what to do with myself and feeling like everything is pointless.
Checked my email. As it turned out, my friend Chat had been trying to get a hold of me since last week before they left for Paris, France. Her father and step-mom backed out on the last minute and now they have an extra room with bath sitting empty. They will be in France until the 15th and it's already the 8th. Would I hop on the next plane?
Ridiculous. I have to teach seminary next week and I have a mountain of laundry to do. I don't even have enough clean underwear for a whole week. Plus, people don't make that kind of rash decision on the last minute. Plus, I've never been to Paris. And where would I find a sub to teach my class at this late hour? The earliest I can leave would perhaps be Wednesday and I'd get there in time to take the next plane back in 2 days. Crazy idea. I'd have to leave TOMORROW if I want to get there on Monday.
It would take me three hours to find a sub. But I found one who would happily do it. I can do two loads of laundry in an hour and a half. Pack for 6 days in perhaps 2 hours. Passport? Check. Euros? I still have about 200 pounds from our trip to London and Berlin last June. Flight? Hmmm......
My wonderful husband tells me he would BUY my ticket if I don't get online to make the transaction.
Found a flight to Paris from Las Vegas via NYC on American AIrlines. Don't have 24 hours to verify a credit card transaction. I make some calls. My flight is confirmed within 1.5 hours.
Off to Paris I go. Leaving in 15 hours.
What a crazy messed up life I live!
Now all I have to do is learn to say: est-ce que l'avion partira à l'heure?
Alors!
I woke up early today, being Saturday and dragged my body out of bed so I can wash my hair, get made up and then sit down in the quiet of morning to study my material for my third week of teaching LDS seminary. I've LOVED teaching and so far, if it weren't for the fact that I have to get up to get ready to teach, I'd be curled up in a ball in bed not knowing what to do with myself and feeling like everything is pointless.
Checked my email. As it turned out, my friend Chat had been trying to get a hold of me since last week before they left for Paris, France. Her father and step-mom backed out on the last minute and now they have an extra room with bath sitting empty. They will be in France until the 15th and it's already the 8th. Would I hop on the next plane?
Ridiculous. I have to teach seminary next week and I have a mountain of laundry to do. I don't even have enough clean underwear for a whole week. Plus, people don't make that kind of rash decision on the last minute. Plus, I've never been to Paris. And where would I find a sub to teach my class at this late hour? The earliest I can leave would perhaps be Wednesday and I'd get there in time to take the next plane back in 2 days. Crazy idea. I'd have to leave TOMORROW if I want to get there on Monday.
**************
It would take me three hours to find a sub. But I found one who would happily do it. I can do two loads of laundry in an hour and a half. Pack for 6 days in perhaps 2 hours. Passport? Check. Euros? I still have about 200 pounds from our trip to London and Berlin last June. Flight? Hmmm......
My wonderful husband tells me he would BUY my ticket if I don't get online to make the transaction.
Found a flight to Paris from Las Vegas via NYC on American AIrlines. Don't have 24 hours to verify a credit card transaction. I make some calls. My flight is confirmed within 1.5 hours.
Off to Paris I go. Leaving in 15 hours.
What a crazy messed up life I live!
Now all I have to do is learn to say: est-ce que l'avion partira à l'heure?
Alors!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Last Morning
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Ever so lovingly, she folds her daughter's grape-purple sweater that still held her familiar scent. She noticed a speck of lint that clung stubbornly near the hem. She paused with a quizzical look on her tired, sleep-deprived face as she pondered for a second. She wished that she were that clinging speck of lint on her daughter's sweater. She sucked in some air as her cheek fell on the perfectly folded wooly top. Her quiet sobs are desperate now. In just a few hours, her youngest child, her beautiful daughter, will be leaving home to attend college. She will never again watch the clock in the afternoons to make sure she's home when her daughter arrives from school. There will be no more afternoon chats when she hears her voice prattle about her day's experiences, her classes, her friends, her concerns. There will be no more late night chats about her first love who drives a red truck, her heartaches, her joys, her ups and downs, her plans, her anticipations. She will no longer hear the piano played with such determination and exuberance that affirms her love for jazz. There will be no jazz concerts, orchestra concerts or honor nights. She will not sit in her home office in the afternoons waiting to hear the garage door open as the jeep sputters into its stall and then shortly, the joy of hearing her daughter's voice as she yells "hello?" to herald her homecoming. She shudders at the prospect of having to drive by the high school every day only to realize that she has no more children housed in its classrooms and hallways. Tears begin to flow down her cheeks. Another door about to close. Another child will fly the coup. But this time, there will be no more children left behind. She quietly walks down the hallway. All is quiet this morning. The kitchen is still full of dirty dishes and remnants of yesterday's busy bustlings. Everyone is still asleep. She sits on the over-stuffed chair and vaguely stares out the window. She wonders if she has taught her well. She wonders if she will miss her. She wonders if she will always remember that her love for her is deep, strong and abiding. Tears well in her eyes again. Tomorrow, everything will be different. The nest is empty now.
Mother. What a wonderful title. And I bear that privilege with the deepest gratitude. And when my children call me "mom", all that the world deems important---wealth, power, royal titles or office or professions, be it doctor, lawyer, engineer or bishop, or any other alphabet affixed after one's name, becomes so woefully insignificant. I have been blessed four times with children. And I am...a mother. Forever.
After some moments of melancholy, I stand up and with just enough determination to move forward, I saunter to the kitchen and soak in the wonderful, glorious mess. In just a few minutes, all will be well. I will look forward and talk about all the wonderful things that she is about to experience in college. And I will talk about all the exciting plans I have, all the things I will finally have the time to accomplish and all the trips I've always wanted to take that I will finally get to experience. There will be jokes, laughter and happy anticipations of great experiences that lie ahead. Such is a mother's day when her life is about to shatter into a million pieces and on the morrow, she will never be the same.
Mother. What a wonderful title. And I bear that privilege with the deepest gratitude. And when my children call me "mom", all that the world deems important---wealth, power, royal titles or office or professions, be it doctor, lawyer, engineer or bishop, or any other alphabet affixed after one's name, becomes so woefully insignificant. I have been blessed four times with children. And I am...a mother. Forever.
After some moments of melancholy, I stand up and with just enough determination to move forward, I saunter to the kitchen and soak in the wonderful, glorious mess. In just a few minutes, all will be well. I will look forward and talk about all the wonderful things that she is about to experience in college. And I will talk about all the exciting plans I have, all the things I will finally have the time to accomplish and all the trips I've always wanted to take that I will finally get to experience. There will be jokes, laughter and happy anticipations of great experiences that lie ahead. Such is a mother's day when her life is about to shatter into a million pieces and on the morrow, she will never be the same.
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| 4 years later... We are in Paris at the Palais Versailles |
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