THE SIGN IN THE SKY
Ten days before our wedding, my husband-to-be boarded an airplane in Honolulu to Salt Lake City, Utah. I had already spent a week in his family's home preparing for the big day and now, with only two days left, I was excited to end our time apart.
As his plane began to lift off, he noticed that his heart began to pound. He was thinking about the wedding...no, he was thinking about the marriage. In a last minute effort to find some definite sign that he was not making a mistake, he said a prayer: Lord please let this plane crash if I'm making a mistake.
After a few hours, his plane finally taxied on the runway at Salt Lake City Airport. He was relieved.
Later after a joyous reunion, we began our drive home. We were so happy.
After a good deal of visiting, he revealed to me what he had prayed for under his breath as his plane took off. I was mortified.
"You prayed for what?"
"I prayed that the plane would crash if I'm making a mistake!"
"So, you want God to take everybody's life just to give you a sign? You actually are willing to die to be proved wrong about this decision?"
He looked startled. That thought never permeated his frightened mind. He was simply focused on his fear and nothing around him mattered. He didn't have a strong enough conviction about what he was about to do to stand on its own. He was focused only on one thing: fear.
Many thoughts filled my mind. But I stopped them from flooding in my head. I stopped them all clean right then and there. Perhaps it was because I was young. Perhaps it was because I just wanted to get married. And then perhaps it was because I was afraid to face the possibility that this man didn't really love me enough to be sure. This last thought was the most frightening one of all with all its implications not just about how he felt about me but about myself. And like a steel safe, I closed that opening in my mind. Very tightly.
As if to alleviate his own guilt about this pathetic slight, he began to act sheepish.
"Well...not really. They... can all survive the crash."
"That's ridiculous!? What about their injuries, their pain, their broken bones? Did you consider that?"
"Geez...I don't know. It was just a prayer."
"Yeah but you can't be asking God that sort of thing!"
"Well...I wasn't really thinking, ok?"
"Do you think God answered your prayer then? Do you think he approves?"
"Yeah...obviously."
This was the extent of our conversation regarding that matter. I didn't know if I should feel good, angry or simply laugh. But I married the man anyway.
As his plane began to lift off, he noticed that his heart began to pound. He was thinking about the wedding...no, he was thinking about the marriage. In a last minute effort to find some definite sign that he was not making a mistake, he said a prayer: Lord please let this plane crash if I'm making a mistake.
After a few hours, his plane finally taxied on the runway at Salt Lake City Airport. He was relieved.
Later after a joyous reunion, we began our drive home. We were so happy.
After a good deal of visiting, he revealed to me what he had prayed for under his breath as his plane took off. I was mortified.
"You prayed for what?"
"I prayed that the plane would crash if I'm making a mistake!"
"So, you want God to take everybody's life just to give you a sign? You actually are willing to die to be proved wrong about this decision?"
He looked startled. That thought never permeated his frightened mind. He was simply focused on his fear and nothing around him mattered. He didn't have a strong enough conviction about what he was about to do to stand on its own. He was focused only on one thing: fear.
Many thoughts filled my mind. But I stopped them from flooding in my head. I stopped them all clean right then and there. Perhaps it was because I was young. Perhaps it was because I just wanted to get married. And then perhaps it was because I was afraid to face the possibility that this man didn't really love me enough to be sure. This last thought was the most frightening one of all with all its implications not just about how he felt about me but about myself. And like a steel safe, I closed that opening in my mind. Very tightly.
As if to alleviate his own guilt about this pathetic slight, he began to act sheepish.
"Well...not really. They... can all survive the crash."
"That's ridiculous!? What about their injuries, their pain, their broken bones? Did you consider that?"
"Geez...I don't know. It was just a prayer."
"Yeah but you can't be asking God that sort of thing!"
"Well...I wasn't really thinking, ok?"
"Do you think God answered your prayer then? Do you think he approves?"
"Yeah...obviously."
This was the extent of our conversation regarding that matter. I didn't know if I should feel good, angry or simply laugh. But I married the man anyway.
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